The drone was big. Really big, compared to her. Bigger than Jasper, and maybe what would happen if two of her fused together.
Lapis punched at it once, and her water fist - far larger than herself - traced the motion.
THH-rrkk
The drone's head went flying - and taking advantage of the opening that created, she chopped downwards with her other hand, with the other water hand cutting through the drone vertically.
SHHnn
The two halves of the drone stood for a moment, sparks glittering a couple of times in the open space between them, and then gravity pulled them down to the floor. A theatrical explosion might have been appropriate, but by now Lapis would have been surprised to see one.
"Seven," she said quietly. That was the seventh Jasper-Fusion drone she'd destroyed, following…
She'd lost count of how many drones she'd destroyed since they'd started attacking her. Enough to brag about to Steven, when she next saw him.
But not enough to improve her mood.
It didn't have to be combat necessarily, but there were few other opportunities for her to really let loose, to burn off some stress. But if all she wanted was satisfaction and stability to pass the time with, that was what her life would be: no joy, no love, no rest, no peace, nothing but a stress-burn followed by a search for more. It would just be an existence of combat followed by combat followed by combat.
No, that was just no way to live. All the other Gems and Humans on Earth seemed to have a better handle on their health - and besides, her conscience would probably never shut up over it.
Instead, she'd gotten some advice from an unexpected source. Maybe it was because they didn't wear the Crystal Gem Star, or maybe because their rapport reminded her of Steven, but for some reason she didn't automatically distrust Ruby and Sapphire. (Though it made for an awkward situation, where she had to ask Steven or Peridot to ask Garnet to ask Ruby and Sapphire if they could come work with her.) The techniques Ruby and Sapphire had taught her were intended to help her deal with her stress - and they did work, to a point. But the martial way they'd drilled them into her were also the starting point for her own fighting style.
/That might be why./
She didn't need her conscience spelling it out for her. But it was right - this was probably why she felt so... empty. She'd psyched herself up for a day of exploring and fighting alongside one friend, followed by showing off what she could do to another. And that was the other distraction that really allowed her to escape her usual mood: hanging out with friends. One or the other, or possibly both at once.
She mentally kicked herself. The only reason she was alone at the moment, separated from them, was out of pique. Her own fault, partially - and the rest of it?
"...Pearl!"
Always Pearl! Lapis could die like a Human and go to some Human afterlife, and she knew the guardian at those gates (good or bad) would take Pearl's form just to test her, possibly repeatedly.
She could go on one of those spirit quests and all she'd meet would be some slippery amphibian (ugh!) with Pearl's voice and characteristics, guiding her to a path she'd refuse out of hand.
She could become a hermit, spending her days and nights meditating in search of 'Enlightenment' like Ruby had taught her, perhaps. But she was more likely to build up tremendous Aura Power (with which her life force would burn golden, supposedly) than find a greater truth - because that memory of Pearl would block her!
Her prison! Dungeon! Stockade! The knowledge that she could have been another Gem altogether if not for Pearl was what tortured her most, day and night. Jasper she could at least fight against without losing who she was; but Pearl! That Gem, that place, had overridden the core at the center of her sense of self. Worst of all, Lapis knew just how much it had…
...broken her.
/That's not true. You became friends with Steven and Peridot, because it isn't./
Her conscience - no, that conscience circuit again. It wasn't wrong, but it wasn't right either.
/Look at your hands./
She did. Blue and thin, frail by Gem standards like the rest of her, but nonetheless functional.
/Look at your feet./
Same. There was a point to this; it never lied to her.
/Is your mind functional?/
Clearly.
/Then you have what you need./
She sighed. She knew what it meant - if she was still broken in some sense, she had what she needed to fix herself. "My life is my own. I am a free Gem," she quoted.
"And... I can ignore you if I want." Another Jasper-Fusion drone had approached while she had been thinking. "I can fight you if I want."
With some effort, the drone's 'face' looked like Pearl's. All of their faces looked like Pearl's.
So many Pearls.
Lapis's mood was tipping towards anger again. It was a low burn, low enough in intensity that it felt like calm.
/It's a short-term fix./
"...Shut up."
The drones were still falling to single punches, if she aimed her enormous watery fists correctly. They were the world, for now. Nothing else mattered.
So many Pearls...
Author's note: Presumably Ruby or Sapphire told Lapis about that one time Steven came up with a story for Garnet's day out.
As amusing as it is for Lapis to know The Prisoner well enough to quote it, this is the only time I'll have that happen. Might make an interesting crossover, but I have an easier time seeing Amethyst as No. 2 than Pearl somehow. I suppose Rover could fly and keep her earthbound that way - sort of the reverse of her usual 'trap them in water bubbles' trick.
The bit about life force burning golden is a Maskman reference, not Dunbine. Couldn't resist.
And as always, I welcome your thoughts and follows and faves!