Being alone in his Inner World felt awful. With no sense of time he had no way to know how long he had been asleep, and the fact he was unable to wake up was his only indication that he was not healed enough. More than once he left the lake to sit with Hyorinmaru on the plains of ice, unsure what he was supposed to do and feeling increasingly anxious and useless. The war could have started up again and he was stuck here in the endless frozen landscape of his mind. Hyorinmaru didn't have much to say to make him feel better, the dragon just as trapped from the outside world with his master unconscious.
But despite the anxiety, Toshiro refused to give in and steal the souls of others to cure himself. There was a glowing current within the lake that would give him such access, his father's spirit had led him there when his resolve had faltered slightly, but he had quickly turned away and refused to go back. There had to be another way, there just had to be.
His bigger concern now was if everyone would still be alive when he was finally able to wake up. Was saving the existence of a few souls worth losing everything? His gaze turned back to the lake, the wind picking up around them to match the turmoil of his thoughts.
"I think I've gotten too soft, Hyorinmaru." Toshiro finally spoke up with a sigh. The dragon, who's head was resting on the ground next to his partner, picked his head up and looked towards Toshiro. "The simple solution is to just take the souls and stop Dethmaiyn before he storms the realm, but I just… can't."
"It's understandable that you don't want to steal from the cycle of souls like that, but I agree it would be the better option." The dragon rumbled. "And you can always replace them after the war."
"At the cost of myself… not only would it make me ill, but I don't think I could live with myself knowing I kept souls from living a new life just to save myself."
"Could you live with yourself if everyone died protecting you? It was your choice to remain behind, a choice that led you to be tortured."
Toshiro flinched at the reminder. Another reason he couldn't stay long in the lake was the whispering nightmares still haunting him from Kamai's treatment. Whatever dark power that man had, it had rooted itself deep into his mind. Perhaps the Dark Master was right.
"I really am weak." With a heavy sigh, the young king hugged his knees to his chest and buried his head within his arms. "I did the one thing I wasn't supposed to do thinking I was safe because he wouldn't kill me. And now I can't protect anyone like I wanted to. They had to risk their lives to save me, and because of my weakness they're now all in danger of an invasion. I'm sure the seal I made will be broken easily… some king I am; I couldn't protect anyone."
Hyorinmaru said nothing, simply letting off a soothing purr to try and ease his master's worries.
"Perhaps it would be better to just close off the lake." Toshiro picked his head up to look at the waves crossing across the water. It used to be completely frozen over before he awakened his birthright, hidden away along with his more unpleasant memories and feelings. Now that he already had his power, he could lock away just the memories and feelings. If he did that… perhaps Kamai wouldn't be able to stir up his fears as easily. If he could narrow his focus on defeating Kamai, perhaps he could win, and he wouldn't be tempted to steal souls from the cycle just to make himself stronger… or was that the only way to beat such a vicious enemy? Was that the secret Kamai wanted to steal? The ability to use the world around him to make himself stronger? Or perhaps another way to overrule the current Soul King and take his place?
The more he thought about possibilities, his mind wandering different routes of horrible ways things could go, the more violent the winds became. Hyorinmaru glanced around him with some concern but wasn't sure what to say to calm it, just as confused and unsure as his master. Their situation did not have any easy answer, only choices filled with risks that could end the world if done wrong. They had learned all they could… but there was no wisdom to help them make the right choice. The hardest decision now was choosing what to sacrifice.
There was a sudden warmth that started at his chest and spread through him like a blanket being wrapped around him. The change was so startling he actually jumped to his feet, looking around him for the cause but only seeing his confused dragon and ice all around. This place had never really been cold to him; it didn't really feel like anything… so where had the warmth come from?
"I sense the dragons have a hand in this." Hyorinmaru noted, looking to the ground as he noticed trails of red flowing out like a web across the ice, bringing with it a soft warmth. No fire could sprout, but even with the embers dim and weak, Toshiro could tell who it came from.
"Karin?" The name left his lips in curiosity, wondering how she was able to influence his Inner World, even if just a small bit. The dragons had a hand in this? How? The pair could telepathically link to one another with relative ease now… was the ability spreading to their partners who they were also strongly bonded with?
"…I'm here…" The echo was faint, the connection weak, but there was no mistaking her voice. Hyorinmaru listened in patient surprise while Toshiro reached out for the voice, trying to hear her better.
"How are you doing this?"
"The dragons." Karin's answer was simple since she wasn't sure how much she could get through, still figuring out this odd way of communicating with another soul. It was much harder than talking to her own dragon or zanpaktou, basically having to reach out through the bond she had with Dyrilӕn, then through her bond with Myndrӕl, then through his bond with Toshiro. Perhaps in time she wouldn't need to jump through so many hoops. She found being in her own Inner World helped things along, the fiery world spotted with bits of frost as Toshiro reached back through to her.
"How did you know you could do that?" Toshiro asked, curious what kind of skill she'd learned while he was stuck in a coma.
"Funny story, that. Sylfie and her family were paying their respects to Ruala today, and when I went off to do the same some part of her memory hanging around brought someone along who told me all kinds of things. It was weird, seeing the ghost of a ghost."
"Not that weird…" Toshiro muttered to himself, thinking of the physical form of his father's memories waiting below the lake. Satoru could keep his memory manifested longer while within his son's spirit unlike his wife forced to create a real physical image, only able to do so for a few hours. "So that means I missed the funeral?"
"No one would blame you considering what's happened. We just hope we don't have to do one for you." Karin's echoing tone was full of concern. He found himself looking to the ground even though there was no gaze to avoid.
"How long have I been like this?" He asked, wanting to get a better idea of how much time had passed.
"About a week now." Karin answered quietly. He flinched; a week already? If the barrier keeping Kamai banished was truly gone, why was he waiting so long? And how much longer would they still have. "They had Orihime heal you, and Shimmer has used a few of her herbs to help, but Captain Thane said there was more than physical injuries to worry about."
Another flinch as Toshiro glanced over to the lake. The dark whispers were lingering at the surface, waiting for him, leeching off of his anxieties and paranoia. Hyorinmaru snarled and it quieted back down, but it would never go away. Kamai had dug his claws in deep. If what Karin said was true, he didn't need healing from his injuries… so why couldn't he wake up? Was his only choice to take the souls and overcome Kamai's dark power?
"Are you okay?" Karin's worried voice let him look away from the churning waters.
He didn't answer at first, turning towards his inner dragon with a plea for help in his eyes, not sure what all she could hear but wanting a push in the right direction. Did he tell her what he knew or keep it to himself?
"We are reaching a dangerous point in this war, dear Karin." Hyorinmaru answered him by instead speaking aloud to the other side. "And there is a hard choice to make."
"Is that Hyorinmaru?" Karin sounded intrigued before taking in what the dragon had said. "What kind of choice?"
Hyorinmaru turned back to his master with a knowing stare, silently demanding Toshiro be the one to speak now. Understanding, Toshiro took a deep breath before telling Karin all he had learned while trapped in his Inner World, even his dilemma about what to do next.
Karin listened with growing concern in her Inner World, leaning up against her Wyvern spirit and looking to the sky.
"So that's what your mother meant." She muttered aloud, forgetting for a moment that more than just her zanpaktou could hear her.
"My mother?" Toshiro's surprised tone caught her attention. Right, she hadn't told him who Ruala's memory had brought along. "You saw my mother?"
Karin quickly explained what had happened to her on the Kingdom of Magika since he had trusted her with his problem. She decided to leave out the part of his mother asking Karin to be his queen and stay by his side forever… now wasn't really the time for that.
"My own parents refusing to move into the cycle of souls just because I need help." Toshiro sighed heavily. "I've really screwed things up, haven't I?"
"A bit, but that's why you have us." Karin offered in support. "You've got a lot of responsibility on you, Toshiro, no one expects you to do things perfectly."
"I should at least be able to prevent all these deaths."
"It's a war, even a human as young as me knows you can't win one without losing some friends. It hurts… a lot, but at least they died for something great. They wouldn't have fought for you if they didn't think you could win."
"We haven't won yet, and Dethmaiyn could strike at any moment. I have no idea how long I'm going to be stuck like this." Toshiro sounded angry with himself and she couldn't help but frown, worried.
"And you think it's from his magic?" Karin asked.
"Thanks to the healers I'm not really injured anymore, and yet I can't wake up and the world is still storming violently. The only thing I can think of is whatever power he used on me must be keeping me here."
"I guess the only way is to get rid of it." She had a feeling it wasn't as easy as she made it sound, and sure enough he was quick to correct her.
"It's not that easy…you came into contact with it for a bit, didn't you?"
She remembered their unnervingly easy escape from Kamai's world and that brief moment where she was unable to overcome her instinct to cower in fear before the Dark Master. There had been unnoticeable whispers, a chill up her spine, something unseen taking over her movements like a puppet master, her mind switching into a state of panic without her consciously realizing it. It felt like she was SUPPOSED to feel that way, as if she was a fool for daring to oppose someone stronger than her. Maybe she was, but that had never stopped her from fighting as hard as she could, yet this time she just didn't want to.
Getting rid of a natural instinct was much easier said than done. Kamai played on someone's fear with such ease his victims didn't even know he had done anything. It wasn't as forceful and overwhelming as Theda's fear, but that subtlety made it so much harder to fight off.
"Yeah… but I think you're right, you shouldn't have to take any souls to fix that." Karin assured him after shaking off the memory. "You can do this without trying to take a power like that, I know you can."
"…The problem is I'm not sure of that myself."
"Well I am sure of it." Karin lifted her head with a smirk. It softened into a smile when she heard him chuckle at her confidence.
"Hopefully I can absorb some of that hard-headed confidence from you, I'll probably need it if I'm going up against Dethmaiyn straight out of a coma." He teased lightly.
"I'm sure you'll have the whole Kurosaki family spirit right behind you when you do. You won't be in that fight alone."
"I don't want any more of you to get hurt."
"And we don't want you to die, so let us help. Good kings always have their loyal subjects next to them in their hardest times."
Toshiro looked towards the moon, feeling much better than he had before, if still worried. Would he even be there to stand beside if he didn't deal with this power holding him prisoner in his own mind? At least he knew what the real problem was, and that he was right not to accept the option his father's memory gave him. That power would make this fight so much easier, but he would not be able to forgive himself, and that would handicap him in a fight in a completely different way. He had to stay true to himself… Karin reminded him of that.
"Karin…" His tone held a tense feeling in it as he looked to the lake once more. "Be serious with me… are you afraid?"
There was no immediate answer. She wanted to give him snark and move on from the topic, but he had asked her to be honest. She brought her knees up to her chest and sighed.
"Yeah." She admitted. "This enemy we've got… he's really strong."
Toshiro sat back down on the ice at the edge of the water, seeing the wisps of unwelcome fear swirling just in the shallows.
"Very." He agreed aloud to her. "I don't know if I can win… I don't know how much longer he's going to drag this out, how many more friends he might take down with him. I've always tried so hard to be distant, to keep all my relationships as business, but having everyone's loyalty and friendship… that's not something I want to lose, not after everything I've already lost."
Karin gave no response but he knew she was listening, her warm Spirit Energy wrapping around him in comfort.
"And I definitely don't want to lose you." He continued, more emotion in his voice than he was usually willing to allow. "You're everything to me, and the things he threatened to do to you… I know he just does it to piss me off but the thought of losing you hurts the most."
"That's a two-way street, you know." She huffed. "When you sealed yourself inside with those monsters… I haven't felt that scared since Mom died. You better not do it again!"
The hint of a smirk twitched at the corner of his mouth.
"I'm sorry." He replied honestly. "I thought it was the only way."
"You have a bad habit of jumping to worst case scenarios."
"That tends to happen when most of your life is worst case scenario." He rolled his eyes at her huffing. "But I promise not to do it again."
"Good. Because we're here for you. I'm here for you. You know that, right?"
"I know, and I couldn't ask for anything more."
"Just don't be afraid to ask for more, I want to help however I can."
"You've done plenty already. I have to wake myself up, so this will be something I have to do on my own. Knowing you're waiting for me helps a lot though."
"I'll see you soon then?"
A smile crossed his face.
"Soon." He promised.
After a moment, the warmth began to fade, Karin no doubt returning to consciousness. He missed her already. Hyorinmaru slithered his way over and nudged his nose to his master's side.
"Shall we face these fears then?" The dragon purred.
"Yes." Toshiro said confidently, standing. "If Dethmaiyn thinks he can keep me trapped in my memories while he comes after my friends, he's about to be surprised."
Still alive! Classes are kicking me in the butt, but managed some writing. Don't worry, we'll get some Toshiro dealing with psychological stuff in a chapter, but the next one switches back to Karin.