Water reached only to his ankles, not feeling cold or wet but bringing with it an uncomfortable chill regardless. This was likely due to the dark shadows twisting through the waves, hovering near the surface to try and reach him. He wouldn't have to go far to deal with the nightmares, for they pushed eagerly to greet him.
Toshiro grimaced and fought back the urge to shudder and step back out of the lake. If he ever wanted to wake up he had to destroy the grip these nightmares had on him. As long as they were here he was at Kamai's mercy, leaving everyone on their own in the physical world. For them and his own pride, he would not run away. Behind him, Hyorinmaru let off a calming purr. He had offered to follow his master, but Toshiro had declined, not sure how much help a sword spirit would be when it came to nightmares. He couldn't keep using the dragon as a crutch… this was a battle for his own will.
The shadows twisted in excitement as he took another step into the water.
Little ice king come to die.
The sneer was not audible but it made him scowl all the same. There had been a lot of these whispers since the nightmares infested him, variations of jeers and insults, and unfortunately none of them were new. He'd been called all sorts of things growing up, even heard them behind his back when he became prince. He was no stranger to such words, the shadows were putting up a pitiful first offense.
Incompetent and weak, not fit to rule, about time he accepted defeat.
Hyorinmaru growled but the shadows didn't falter. Neither did Toshiro, stepping further into the water despite the whispers.
"Come up with something original, pests." He muttered under his breath as the water washed over his head. His steps never stopped, leading him deeper and deeper, darkness gleefully twisting around him. They didn't seem put off by his stubbornness, hissing and whispering behind him as he went.
If it didn't bother him, it would not be said.
Fears and doubts are given shape here.
A broken soul never forgets what broke him.
Years of everyone looking down on him will be forever burned into his memory.
He may be used to the words but the anxiety they cause will never go away.
The overlapping hisses deepened his scowl with each sentence. They weren't wrong, he always worried about being good enough, but the more power you had the more people that looked to you negatively. He couldn't afford to dwell on their words, because they were the words of strangers who chose to blame someone else for their own insecurities, and people in power were the easiest scapegoats.
The sneers stopped, the whispers gone, but the shadows still followed closely at his heels.
"I've had far too long to deal with those anxieties to let them stop me now." Toshiro snapped with confidence as he continued walking. There was surely more to come, though, as Kamai's ability would allow the darkness to seep into his absolute worst fears. The fact that the shadows still twisted with such excitement behind him warned him this was far from over. This was a game to the master, a manipulative skill that was as easy as breathing to Kamai. It's why he'd been banished in the first place, a liar through and through.
A different shape approached through the water, not a shadow but a strand of light. A memory?
Memories from others, filtered through the cycle of souls, connected to the king.
Memories from others? That couldn't be possible, right? Sure he could use souls to cure himself and increase his power, but he didn't think he could look into their minds. The Soul King was considered a god in the eyes of most people, but they couldn't possibly be so omnipotent. He was not given more time to consider the possibility before the tendril wrapped around his arm and his vision twisted.
When he was capable of seeing again he found himself somewhere familiar. The Academy. He could recognize some of the students milling about… his classmates. This was a memory that happened during his time at the school.
His gaze turned to his side when he heard a familiar voice, spotting his younger self staring curiously at another young Reaper that was actually bothering to speak to him.
"Kusaka…" It was not hard for Toshiro to recognize the boy. Was he being forced to live through his worst memories now? He didn't need Kamai's power to suffer these nightmares… they haunted him still, every now and then resurfacing to remind him of his crimes.
Despite it being a memory, the boy called turned at the sound of his name, his eyes piercing right into the king's, time frozen around them. The stare made Toshiro stiffen, expecting to just be forced to suffer through memories and not interact with them.
"If I had known you were going to kill me, I never would have made friends with you." Kusaka spat bitterly. Toshiro flinched, wondering if these were Kusaka's true thoughts. "I did it out of pity anyway… that's why, when we both got Hyorinmaru, I was more than happy to take you out if I got to keep my power. You stole my zanpaktou AND my life! Twice!"
"You got Hyorinmaru because of me." Toshiro responded quietly. "I already talked to Nimaiya about it… a Soul Prince just beginning to develop control over his zanpaktou lets out a lot of power. It was the reason I almost froze my grandmother, and it's why your spirit ended up copying my own. I overpowered your developing spirit and imposed Hyorinmaru onto it, simply because you were around me more than the others."
"Then it's still your fault." Kusaka scoffed, unimpressed with the explanation.
"It is… my existence caused your own to be erased, my powers using you as an outlet to protect myself… I may never forgive myself for that."
"Then die!" Wielding an almost exact copy of Hyorinmaru, Kusaka turned towards the younger version of Toshiro and struck him down through the chest. The child looked stunned as time seemed to flow again, students crying out in surprise as blood splattered onto the floor and one of their peers fell lifeless to the floor. The real Toshiro cried out in pain as well as a sharp sensation ran through his chest, the same as his memory. "If you die here, then I get to live!"
This is how it should have happened, the lost prince dead just like he was supposed to be.
He closed his eyes from the pain. When he opened them again, time had moved forward without him. Had he slipped into a different memory, another horrible view from someone else? This was much worse than slander and insults thrown his way… he knew these people, trusted them.
The scene was painfully familiar and his old scar began to sting as he watched his fellow Captains do their absolute best to defeat Aizen. He knew how this ended. His heart beat painfully fast, already looking around frantically for the woman that brought about the signal for their defeat.
Momo was trying to make her way up to the fight, worry on her expression, only for it to turn to horror as her Captains turned on her. This was from her point of view! The whole time they thought they were fighting Aizen, Mom was just doing her best to survive, frantically begging to know why they were attacking her. Her every cry drove a dagger through Toshiro's heart. She was so confused, so hurt. Aizen sat casually in the healing chamber below, ignored and looking smug. Toshiro wanted to go after him, but there was nothing he could do in a memory.
He isn't even the monster here; the true monster is the immature prince too blind to see the truth!
"When I saw you coming, it was like I died twice." Momo's fear suddenly vanished as she turned a scathing glare on the real Toshiro, the memory version readying his blade for the final, painful strike that would cost them everything, Captain Shinji maintaining his illusion on who he thought was Aizen so that there was no escape. "My friend, my brother… a murderer!"
Her scream was silenced as Hyorinmaru cut through her chest.
"It wasn't my fault!" Toshiro turned away from the memory, refusing to watch any further. He'd seen this nightmare enough…
"You had power from a line of kings, yet you couldn't even stop my illusions." Aizen jeered from below as he strode forward, the scene froze once again as the memory spoke to the observer. Toshiro looked at him in fury.
"I didn't have my power yet, I was only as good as the other Captains there." He growled back.
"Then why did you agree to be king with such weakness?" Aizen waved his hand through the air.
Toshiro felt intense pain in his torso where his scar from this very battle still marred his skin, bringing him to his knees. As the pain clouded his thoughts, other visions twisted past him in blurry flashes. Memories from the Royal Guards who came to protect him, looking down on him with irritation at his weakness. His father doubting if his own son was actually capable of taking his place, fearing he had made the wrong choice to fight this war. The warriors who followed him into battle cursing him in their final moments as the foolish tyrant that refused to let the more capable noble take his place. Is that really how the others saw him? A stubborn brat who didn't want to give up his family rights?
A boy that grows up a soldier could never have what it takes to be a king.
A soul so corrupted with hatred could never hope to protect his people.
A monster hides within, one the little king has tried so hard to suppress.
But he doesn't realize what a puppet to it he really is!
He could remember it. During the trials he took to awaken his true power, he had come to the depths of this very lake and found himself facing a mirror. The mirror showed his deepest fear… himself, given in to rage. The same rage that caused him to hurt those he cared about, the same rage that let Aizen and other so easily manipulate him. And now Kamai's nightmares had found it. They were pulling that fear back out from the depths by showing him what others really saw in him… that monster in the mirror.
There is only one path for such a foolish king… destruction!
With the silent hisses echoing in his thoughts the scenes finally faded, the pain dulling with it. The twisting memory turned black, turning out to be just more shadows and not any power to see into memories. They were never anyone's true thoughts… it was all lies! It would seem Kamai's truth-telling curse didn't matter if his power was using someone's own memories and fear against them, made them THINK it was the truth.
"More of your damn tricks." Rage burned within Toshiro as he turned to face the shadows with a glare. "Stay out of my head!"
The darkness shuddered but only grew larger, a gleeful laugh echoing through the waters, sinister and cunning.
An impossible wish, for fears lay within the deepest parts of one's heart and mind!
Fear is an absolute and will grow until it consumes everything!
That is why the Dark Master will win! Let the rage burn!
"That's what you want, isn't it?" He scowled at the shadows. "Turn me against everyone? Put me into a flying rage? I've already made that mistake once; I won't do it again!"
Even if the battle is already lost?
Flame flickered at the edges of his vision, but when he turned to look it moved, staying in his peripheral. The warmth… was familiar… and fading! Had something happened to Karin? Was she trying to reach out to him again?
As soon as the concern broke his concentration the shadows suddenly converged on him. They had always been uncomfortably close until that point, but this was the first time they forcibly came in contact other than the visions, an aggressive move to swallow him in darkness. They had brought his guard down and took their opportunity immediately. A familiar feeling of unwelcome panic and fear overwhelmed his thoughts. This was Kamai's power alright, the same overwhelming force switching all of his instincts to flight, the same horrible sensation of terror gripping every nerve. He had suffered under this power for a week and would never forget its unforgiving grip.
A gentle light cut through the haze and the shadows retreated back, taking with it the feeling of terror. Coming back to his senses with shaky breaths, Toshiro realized there was a hand on his shoulder, looking up to see his father's memory. Had the spirit not left yet?
"Dethmaiyn's power only affects you this strongly because it has so many memories it can twist and corrupt." Satoru spoke softly, not a hint of the disappointment in his eyes that had been in the visions. "But as the saying goes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. These fears are understandably uncomfortable, but they are also important to reaching new heights."
"But I need to get rid of them." Toshiro replied with a frown, calming his breathing enough to stand back up. "My body has been healed but this darkness keeps me trapped here."
"Their power does, yes, but they are not your fears. They simply use your fears as a sword and shield, making it difficult to stop them. The darkness Dethmaiyn uses is weak on its own, but once it gets inside the heart of the victim it can use their own emotions against them. Blinded by their own heart attacking them, most do not recover and submit to the darkness, letting Dethmaiyn manipulate their heart against them with their own fear."
"A parasite…"
Satoru nodded gravely.
"This will not be an easy fight, my son. The fact is you are still having to face your own memories and insecurities, and those will always be painful. But you bear the soul of the Heavenly Guardian, as well as a wealth of experience dealing with the darkest parts of yourself. You can rid yourself of this parasite in time."
"The problem is I don't know how much time I have…" Toshiro glanced to the side but didn't see the fire again, not sure if it was even real anymore. Was Karin in danger? Or was it just another trick to shatter his concentration? He dreaded to think he was already too late.
"Worrying will only make it easier for the fear to win." Satoru's comment snapped him out of his thoughts just in time as the darkness was twisting towards him, looking eagerly for an opportunity to latch on again. "I can only help you so much, the rest is up to you."
Determination set within his teal gaze, Toshiro stood before the darkness, this parasitic fear consuming his memories for its own gain, taking away his power.
"If I beat this… I can beat Dethmaiyn."
"It will certainly be a huge step towards that goal." Satoru stepped back so as not to interfere unless necessary, his image already beginning to fade as he ran out of time to help his son.
"Then I guess I better not lose."
The shadows shuddered, this time with anger, and the assault began again.