Day 298

Roxas stared at the ceiling. It would probably be morning soon. He hadn't looked at the clock yet. Axel had deserted him. The only person he had left was Xion. He was going to find her, no matter what. He couldn't remember if he'd slept that night. Everything was a blur of alternating pain and numbness.

~0~

Roxas forced himself to go to headquarters to receive his mission. He saw Axel standing there talking to Saix. Roxas's body froze. He doesn't care about you, Roxas reminded himself. It doesn't matter if he sees you. Just ignore him. Saix waved him over.

"The imposter has been sighted again."

"Imposter?" Roxas asked. Who did they mean?

"He's prowling about Castle Oblivion as we speak," Saix stated.

"Castle Oblivion? I'll go," Roxas decided. He was no longer afraid of the consequences.

"Not by yourself you won't. The target is extremely dangerous," Saix insisted. Axel had been staring at him during this whole conversation, and Roxas had been looking intently at Saix, trying not to catch his eye.

"How about I tag along?" Axel suggested. Roxas looked at him momentarily, begging him not to go through with this plan. He was acting like nothing had happened again.

Axel glanced at Roxas and opened a portal.

Roxas stepped into a white hallway. The place was clean and bright, but surprisingly eerie. He didn't like the feeling it gave him.

"So this is Castle Oblivion…" he mumbled. Axel was standing a safe distance away. Roxas was thankful for this. He assured himself that he was only here to find Xion. He hadn't asked Axel to come along.

Then there was sharp, intense, and horrid pain. His brain felt like it was on fire. He clutched the sides of his head as a million images flashed before his eyes.

They subsided briefly and Roxas remembered the promise he'd made to himself and to Xion – he had to stay, no matter what is cost him, but his body wouldn't listen. He fell to the ground and heard Axel yell his name and scream, "We're leaving. Now!"

"No! Wait… there's something…" Roxas was able to open his eyes, and he saw a boy with gray hair. He remembered the face. This was Sora's friend. Axel was trying to pull him into a portal, but Roxas fought back. He had to reach him. "I can almost…" Then there was a fresh burst of pain and Roxas's world went blank.

~0~

He heard a voice in the whiteness echoing in his mind: "Giving up already? I thought you were stronger than that." He recognized the voice. It was the boy with the gray hair again.

"RIKU!" he yelled, reaching out a hand to him, only to realize it was Axel in front of him.

"Whoa, you okay there?" Axel asked, holding out a hand to help Roxas up. Roxas didn't take it.

"What happened to me?" he asked. He looked around. They were in Twilight Town. He was sitting on the ground. Axel was standing nearby, and he looked concerned.

"You collapsed right outside the castle doors… Don't you remember?"

Why did he look so worried today when only yesterday he had rejected him? "I remember going in." Roxas sighed out of frustration and exhaustion. "That's it."

He tried to stand up, but his body wasn't strong enough to support him. He struggled for a second, desperately wanting to get away from Axel.

"Hey, you should take a breather," Axel was trying to take his arm, but Roxas wouldn't let him.

"I'm fine," he said, pulling away. "We need to go back to Castle Oblivion. We need to find Xion." He felt insane again as though his mind were playing the same old tricks.

"I don't think so," Axel muttered, taking him by the arm again. Roxas found he was too weak to resist.

Then were suddenly distracted by the sight of two cloaked figures behind them.

"Xion?" Roxas thought it was her. Could it really be? He was afraid it was yet another vision. No, Axel saw her too. She had to be real. A portal opened. She was leaving.

"Xion, wait!" he yelled.

Roxas gathered the strength to walk towards her, but the other cloaked figure stopped him. "Get out of my way!" he yelled again. He didn't have time for this. She was all he had.

Xion walked through the portal, but the person who had opened it remained.

"Roxas, wait up," Axel said breathlessly, appearing beside him. Roxas ran and Axel followed. The figure disappeared through a gate.

"Wait!" Roxas yelled, putting out a hand, trying to pull him back.

The figure was too fast. "No!" Roxas screamed. "Xion…" He'd lost her, like he had lost Axel, like he was losing everything.

"No way that was Xion," Axel said, shaking his head. He was almost out of breath.

"But I don't get it," he said, thinking aloud, "Why would she run from me?"

"Come on Roxas," Axel said, "Let's go get ice cream. My treat?" He almost moved to put an arm around Roxas, but he stopped himself, clearly remembering that Roxas didn't want him there. Good, Roxas thought. He finally understands.

~0~

They ended up at the clock tower, but Axel sat far enough away that Roxas found his presence bearable. "Why would she do that?" Roxas would have liked to ask the same question about Axel's behavior yesterday, but he didn't want to have that discussion right now.

"At least we know she's safe. She'll come home when she's ready."

Why was Axel so sure of this? "But won't they turn her into a Dusk?" Roxas shivered.

"Not necessarily," Axel said flatly. He didn't seem concerned at all. It was making Roxas upset.

"Who was that guy she was with? Why is she cooperating with him?"

Axel looked away. He didn't respond.

Roxas started to stand up. If he wasn't going to get answers he wanted to leave.

Axel took his hand. "Do you want to come back to my room? I, um… I don't want you to be alone after you passed out like that."

Roxas couldn't explain why he was doing it, but he found himself nodding his head and following Axel down the stairs.

~0~

They were both sitting on Axel's bed, as far away as possible, silently, awkwardly. Roxas wanted an excuse to leave, badly.

"Um…I need to brush my teeth… I should probably go or something…" he mumbled, walking toward the door.

"You can brush your teeth here," Axel insisted.

"I don't have a toothbrush."

"Oh come on, Roxas. My tongue has been in your mouth. I doubt my toothbrush will be any worse," he rolled his eyes, but smiled slightly. Roxas blushed, and walked into Axel's bathroom, closing the door behind him. He stared at himself in the mirror. What am I doing here? I should go. I should leave right now.

But why had Axel invited him here in the first place? There was no way he could bring Roxas here and want him to stay and not like him. Yesterday must've been a mistake. Maybe Axel just needed some convincing. He clearly still liked Roxas. Why else would he have brought him here?

Roxas was nervous as he opened the bathroom door. Axel was sitting on the side of the bed, looking at him oddly, but at least he was looking.

He walked toward Axel until they were face to face. With Axel sitting on the bed they were the same height for once. Axel's hands moved to Roxas's waist. He seemed to be trying to push him away and pull him closer at the same time.

Roxas was looking at Axel and Axel was finally looking back. Giving him that look that meant they were more than friends, that unbreakable look that meant he wanted this to be happening. That he was cherishing this as much as Roxas.

Roxas leaned in to kiss his neck. Gently. "Roxas," Axel said, and Roxas knew he was being reproachful, and he was trying to push him away, but the name came out sounding sensual, and it just made Roxas more determined.

He kissed Axel's cheek and his forehead and smoothed back his hair. He looked into Axel's eyes. Axel's look was confused and helpless. For once Roxas saw a little of himself in Axel's eyes. He was so vulnerable and unsure. It gave Roxas a strange kind of confidence.

"I've missed doing this," he whispered, tracing a finger down Axel's jaw. Axel was silent.

Roxas moved his face closer. Axel's hands were digging into his waist now. He wanted Axel to kiss him. Their noses were touching, and their lips were so close. Roxas could feel the breath from Axel's mouth, but he didn't want to be the one to make the final move. Axel had to do it. Roxas waited.

Then he felt Axel sigh and release his grip. "I shouldn't do this," he muttered, moving away.

Roxas was more angry than he ever remembered being. This wasn't fair at all. He'd been so close.

He turned away from Axel. He realized that tears were flowing, and he just hoped Axel wouldn't see them and know how much he'd been hurt.

Axel got off the bed and stood in front of him. Roxas didn't know what he meant by this. He held his breath. Axel put his arms around Roxas and held him close.

Roxas felt like weeping. He wanted desperately to forget what had just happened and possibly what had ever happened. He wanted to pretend like Axel was just his friend, like this was okay, but then he remembered that Axel had lied to him and pretended like he didn't exist and had just rejected him in the worst way possible.

He couldn't do it anymore. He removed himself from Axel's arms. His green eyes looked helpless again as Roxas turned away. He was tempted to go back, but he couldn't do it, couldn't stay.

He left the room and realized he had nothing. Except maybe his past, or rather, Sora's past. Maybe he could still save Xion.

Still, he knew he'd have to see Axel again. He would pretend like they were just acquaintances, treat him like anyone else.