It took until the team had broken for lunch for Penelope to find a moment to reach out to JJ. It had been so odd to get calls from Erin asking for search results, and she had tried to keep her language a little more polite than the first time she had interacted with the woman over the phone. And the one time that she talked to Blake, she was reminded once more of just how much she missed Emily. Blinking back tears, she shook her head and pulled out her personal phone, pressing JJ's number and putting her on speaker while she got up and went over to her sofa, collapsing on it in exhaustion as jetlag began to crash down on her brain.

"Hey! Are you still in London, or have you made it back home yet?"

It was so good to hear her friend's voice, and Penelope let out little sigh as she tried to come up with the right words to say to her friend. "We got home about five hours ago, and Derek is already out on a case. But he's out there with the newb and Strauss, and you're nowhere to be seen. God, if you had been here this morning, maybe I wouldn't have fucked up that first introduction to Doctor Blake quite as badly as I did."

"What happened?"

She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as she stared up at the ceiling. "I was totally acting like I was jealous of her. And…truthfully? I am. She's brilliant, Jayje, like, Reid levels of brilliant, and that intimidates me. Because if there's someone like her on the team, is there really a need for me?"

JJ let out a soft chuckle, and Penelope could imagine her shaking her head at those words. "I think you know that that is the furthest thing from the truth, Penelope. You just really, really, really hate change. More so than Henry does."

Penelope felt her eyes prickle with tears at the mention of JJ's son. "How is my little guy doing? I hope that you've taken my advice and had playdates with Jack, even though they're a few years apart. I mean, they are members of a rather exclusive club."

"Jessica has been really great at bringing Jack over, yes. And the boys love playing soccer together."

That news was exactly what she wanted to hear, since that was something that she could use in order to convince JJ that she was needed back at the BAU, that she couldn't hide away from the world any longer, even though she might want to never see them in a professional capacity ever again. "Jess has always seemed like a really sweet woman, and she's been a great help to Hotch, as he's gotten used to being a single parent."

"Yeah, that's what she's been telling me. But why do you care about that?"

"Because I want you back! I have to deal with the newb and Strauss, and that's just a bridge too far. I know that it's been hard for you to get used to Will being gone, but we're your family, too, and we need you here. Please, can you work something out with Jessica and take Strauss's place on the team?"

There was a long pause before JJ answered her question. "I tried while you and Derek were in London. But everything felt wrong, and Strauss recognized that in me. She said that I could take as much compassionate leave as I needed, that she would work it out with the Director. After all, having your husband murdered by an international criminal lends a little more leeway to these things."

"I highly doubt that she said it like that, Jayje."

"No, she was very kind and understanding, more so than I thought she might be. But pretty words do not heal a soul left so deeply wounded. If it had just been Will that died that day, I think that it would be so very easy to come back, just like Hotch did. But when you add in Emily's death, so soon on the heels of her return, well, I feel like I failed them both."

Penelope began to openly cry at those words, feeling the pain behind them deep in her heart. "I miss her, too, JJ. Easter was so nice to us while we liaised with Interpol, but I could tell that he was struggling, too. As soon as we saw the bank explode, I knew that nothing good was going to happen to us. We've been so lucky so far, escaping the cruel hand of Death, that we were due for something like that to happen. But I just can't handle losing you, too, even though you're still alive. You're not here, and Strauss is, and everything just feels so wrong."

"I know, Garcia. But I'm asking, please can you just give me a little while longer before I come back? My heart really needs time to heal well so that when I come back, it's not too soon. I remember what happened to Elle, how she pushed herself to rejoin the team, even though she should have waited another month or two before coming back to desk duty. I don't want to take out my grief on unsubs, I don't want to become a vigilante that takes justice into her own hands. Where would that leave Henry? And I know, you and Spence are his godparents, and that you'd raise him well, but he would always know that his mother abandoned him. I can't make my child a virtual orphan."

Penelope sighed before rubbing her hand over her face, wiping away the tears that were still rolling down her cheeks. "Can I say that I understand that viewpoint while at the same time disagreeing heartily? Because that's where I am right now. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. And hey, take this little nugget of information for what it's worth – Spence really likes having Strauss on the team. She reins in a little of the more maverick tendencies that Rossi and Blake can have at times, and that usually leads to some rather heated discussions in the field, which in turn leads to some very interesting stories that I get the privilege of hearing when he comes home."

She frowned as she sat up, hearing her computer ping with the results of one of the searches she was running. "I'm sorry, when did Reid move in with you?" she asked as she went over to the monitors and began to write a text to Derek on her work phone, letting him know what she had found as she waited for JJ to answer her question.

"It's not so much that he's moved in here, it's that he's helped me look after Henry when it gets to be a bit much. And he was close to Emily, too, you know. Not that you and Derek weren't, that's not what I'm trying to imply here, but the two of you fled to England as soon as Easter offered you the assignment with Interpol, which meant that I was naturally the one he would bond with. And while my heart is still shattered from losing Will, there is something so comforting about having a close friend walk beside you through the journey that grief takes you down."

"Yeah. I guess." She paused for a moment. "Do you mind if I come over tonight? I really need to see your face."

"That would be nice, PG. And I suppose that you'll be bringing presents from England?"

"Uh, hell yeah, I will be. There was just too much stuff that I saw that caught my eye for Henry and you. Oh, and the others, too, but mostly Henry." JJ laughed a little and that sound caused her to smile in return. "So, I'll be by around six? I can't stay long, since I really need a nap, like yesterday, but I need to hug you more than I need sleep."

"Six will be fine, and you could even crash in the guest room, if you get overtired. I'll see you in a few hours."

"Definitely, sugar. See you soon." Penelope ended the call and felt her smile falter a little. So much had changed for them in the space of three months, and even though she would be seeing her friend soon, she knew that as long as JJ wasn't in the BAU, things wouldn't feel right.