I would like to thank activemars828 and Wildgodess451 for the favorites before I begin.

Chapter 12

"So you mean that I have no where to go?" I asked in disbelief.

"No, you can remain here," Flare answered.

"Well, that's comforting," I said sarcastically. "I had a house for a reason, privacy! I find the lack of privacy here disturbing."

"Beau," Optimus said looking at me closely. "It is in your best interest if you are to remain here."

"My best interest?" I repeated with skepticism. "Then why don't Jack and June stay here too?"

"MECH will not try as hard to get to them as they will try to get to you," Arcee said.

I wrinkled my nose and crossed my arms over my chest. Why was I being so difficult? I was supposed to be able to trust the Autobots, wasn't I? I closed my eyes as I took a deep breath and held it in for a count of ten and slowly released it. I opened my eyes and nodded. "Very well," I conceded. "I take it that all of my stuff has been confiscated by Fowler and his agency?"

"They have been relocated to a room here if that is what you are insinuating," Optimus said.

I bit my lower lip and nodded once. "I need to go for a ride," I said simply.

"Beau," Flare said gently, "your heart hasn't recovered sufficiently for you to exert yourself or for you to go out yet."

I let out a frustrated sigh and limped over to the elevator shaft. I entered the shaft and pressed the up button. I exited the elevator as it dinged at me and the doors opened. I walked forward and sat down next to Cliffjumper's grave. I sat cross-legged and looked over at the horizon as the sun started to set. What would life be like if they weren't dead? I thought. Would I be happier? Less depressed? There has to be a meaning behind me meeting Flare and the Autobots, there just has to be. I snorted at myself and shook my head in self-mocking. I had severed all ties to religion when my grandmother had died and I had only been eight and a half possibly nine at the time too. Is there meaning to life other than to live and then die? If so, what?

"Beau?" a soft voice asked, jolting me out of my thoughts.

I turned my head and saw Arcee, of all Autobots, standing there. I had been expecting my guardian, not the fiery femme. "Arcee," I said in surprise. "What is it?"

"We're all worried about you, you know," Arcee said sitting down next to me.

"I figured that it would have been Flare to come up and see me," I muttered.

"I told her that I would come and talk to you for a change," Arcee said in a gentle tone.

I ran my prosthetic through my hair and looked back towards the setting sun on the horizon, "Do you ever feel yourself filled with self doubt and self loathing, Arcee?" I asked.

"Occasionally, why do you ask?"

"Because, I'm questioning what my purpose behind meeting Flare and the rest of you is. I'm questioning all of the decisions that I have ever made, including asking Lel…Silas to become my legal guardian," I answered. "I'm starting to hate myself for all the lives that I have taken, Arcee, I see them lined up every time that I close my eyes to rest. I cannot get them out of my head. I think about their families, if they had children," I choked feeling a lump in my throat and tears coming into my eyes. I closed my eyes and I felt a tear leak out. I opened my eyes and turned my attention to the blue and pink femme. "I can't help but think of the grief that I caused the families of those men and women," I said haltingly. "What the fuck am I Arcee? I'm a broken mind."

Arcee hugged me and I broke down completely as Arcee rubbed my back gently with a digit of hers. She was making comforting sounds and coos at me as I just cried. My crying turned into sobbing, I sobbed for my lost innocence, family, the lives I had taken, for Leland, the comrades I lost, and for the Autobots. I lost energy and my sobs started to stutter down as I slipped into slumber.

The smell of lead and blood filled the air. I was running through the corridors of MECH's base. I saw a soldier and tackled him. I stabbed him in the neck and watched as his life seeped out of him. I picked up his pistol and shot another soldier in the heart. I was covered in blood. I felt a searing pain in my stomach and heard Leland laughing. I turned and saw my adopted father standing over my fallen comrades. "Welcome home, Beau," he greeted me.

"Ahhh!" I screamed. I fought the blankets that I was enclosed in as I sat up straight. I was covered in sweat and I was breathing heavily. "It was just a dream," I muttered to myself. "It was just a dream. It was just a dream."

"Beau?" Flare's voice said in the darkness of the room. "Beau are you okay?"

I turned towards the sound of my guardian's voice and saw two blue optics looking at me from about ten feet off the ground. "Where am I Flare?" I asked.

"My quarters," Flare answered me. "Are you alright?"

"Just a nightmare," I answered. "Nothing big. I'm sorry that I woke you."

"It's alright Beau," Flare said. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No," I said shaking my head. "Although, what am I doing in your room?"

"This was the only available quarters that we have left," Flare answered. "After you slipped into recharge on the roof, Arcee brought you here."

"Oh," I said looking laying back down. "Did she tell you what happened?"

"Yes, yes she did," Flare answered.

"How do you deal with it, Flare?" I asked desperately.

"I accept that what I am doing is necessary for peace," Flare answered. "I view if my actions were justified, if they were I don't punish myself over them."

"But how?"

"I'm not entirely sure, Beau," Flare said sadly as if she could feel the pain I was in. "I'm not entirely sure. Go back to sleep, you need it."

I shook my head and said, "I can't Flare, I need to go for a ride, by myself. I need to think clearly. I need to be alone."

"We don't have a motorcycle here besides me and Arcee," Flare said.

"I know," I said looking at my guardian and friend. "I either need to go for a ride by myself or find a project for myself to work on."

"I don't know what you want, Beau," Flare said.

"That makes at least two of us," I said with a slight smile.

Flare smiled back and she knelt down and held out her hand. I looked at it briefly and then climbed on. Flare carefully rose and went outside of the room. She walked to the ground bridge and plugged in coordinates. The ground bridge activated and she gently set me on the ground. "This will take you to Hangar E," Flare said. "I'm sure you can find yourself a motorcycle or yourself a project to work on there."

"You're just going to let me go?" I asked looking up at my guardian.

"You said that is what you needed to do, so that is what I feel I must do," Flare answered.

"Thank you," I said.

Flare nodded and motioned for me to go through the ground bridge. I walked through it and came out right at Hangar E. Agent Fowler met me and that surprised me. "Hey, kid," he said.

"How did you know I was coming?" I asked.

"They all come back eventually," Fowler said.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Anyone that went through what you went through, kid, always comes back to base after they get discharged from the hospital quarters," Fowler said.

"I see," I said.

"Anything that I can help you with?"

"I just need something to keep my mind occupied."

"Nightmares?" I didn't answer and looked down at the ground and kept my eyes averted. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Is there anything that I can do?" I asked.

"For?"

"To keep my mind of everything?" I asked.

"I'm not sure, there is a project that we're working on."

"What is it?"

"You're not going to like it."

"What. Is. It?"

"We're taking dead Cons and reverse engineering them, seeing if we can learn anything more about them," Fowler said.

I was floored. The agency was desecrating dead sentient beings! "What!" I exclaimed. "Do the Autobots know of this?"

"Yes, they do," Fowler answered.

I ran my left hand through my hair and shook my head, still in disbelief. "How are we any better than MECH?"

"We aren't dissecting them while they're alive!" Fowler cried.

"Yes, but I guarantee you the higher ups are looking to develop the advanced weaponry from the dead Cybertronians!" I countered.

"There is another project, one that's more secret," Fowler said.

"Do I even want to know what this one is?" I groaned.

"We're trying to develop a way to see if we can make it possible to control the deceased Cybertronians," Fowler whispered.

"Where on earth did they get that idea?"

"MECH," Fowler answered.

"How did we get this information?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest.

"We managed to get a spy within the ranks," Fowler said with a pleased expression.

"Well, let's hope that the spy can remain hidden," I replied.

"Do you want to work on that project?" Fowler asked.

"What one?" I asked wearily.

"The one that I just mentioned!" Fowler said.

"It shouldn't be that hard, find an RC unit and place that into the Cybertronian, wire it in place and get a controller. Learn how to control it and boom, you're set," I said. "Simple."
"It's not that, we want to try to get a man inside of it in order to control it," Fowler said.

"Giant Iron Man suits?" I asked skeptically. "Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds? You do know that those are movies for a reason?"

"Isn't it worth the shot now that we have some type of technology within our grasps?" Fowler asked.

I shook my head. "No," I said, "it isn't. You wanna know why? Because as soon as we do that all MECH has to do is shoot an EMP at that, and take it from us in order to find out how to do it! I understand that you want to help out in the fight against the Decepticon threat better that way, really I do, but that isn't the way to do it. We're soldiers, Fowler, not innovators or scientists!"

Fowler smiled and clapped me on the shoulder, "I was hoping that you would say something along those lines!" he exclaimed happily. "Uncle Sam's beard, boy! You speak like your father!" Fowler immediately clammed up and looked like he said something he shouldn't have.

"You knew my father?" I asked.

"Well…. I…you see…" Fowler stammered.

"Come man! Tell me!" I roared.

"Your father started this agency and he was the first liaison to the Autobots," Fowler said.

"I'm confused, Arcee and the others haven't been on earth for more than three years," I said.

"Optimus, Bumblebee, and Ratchet have been," Fowler said.

"Why were they here?" I asked.

"They came here to stop the Decepticons from seizing something called the AllSpark. The AllSpark ended up being destroyed with the cost of your father's life," Fowler said.

"What about my mother? You told me she was killed in action!" I demanded. I was desperate.

"Your mother is actually alive," Fowler said so softly I thought I missed it.