Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Greg Berlanti and DC do.
A/N 1: So… this has been ghosting in my head and haunting me for far too long and needed to get out as catharsis. It is angsty, so be prepared.
TRIGGER WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH AFTERMATH !
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Dancing in the Sky
"Some black birds soaring in the sky, barely a breath like our one last sight. Tell me that was you, saying goodbye. There are times I feel the shivering cold. It only happens when I'm on my own. That's how you tell me I'm not alone. Could you beam me up, give me a minute? I don't know what I'd say in it. I'd probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face. Beam me up, let me be lighter. I'm tired of being a fighter, I think. A minute's enough - just beam me up."
Diana was sitting in the warm sand near the Themysciran shore, the normally aquamarine waves tinted with rich oranges and yellows by the sunset as they crept toward her and ran away again in a gentle rhythm. Chocolate brown eyes were staring at the horizon in front of her, raven curls softly blowing in the wind as she sat cross-legged at the sandy shores, randomly thinking about how they were a gateway where aquatic and terrestrial worlds collided, just like hers and Lena Luthor's worlds had collided so many years ago.
Tears were blurring her vision, pouring down her cheeks when she closed her eyes, and leaving wet spots on her white dress, Diana desperately trying to force her mother's voice out of her head, her restless fingers brushing the soft white sand beneath them as she heard the blood rushing in her ears.
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Hippolyta's voice was gentle, yet stern, addressing her daughter, "Diana, this really is an unhealthy obsession. She is gone, my child. It is time for you to accept that. Lex Luthor is in prison for having had his sister murdered, so it's time to move on. You have to let her go. I know you loved her, but you can't hold on to her forever."
Grinding her jaw forcefully, Diana felt a familiar wave of anger roll through her whole body, a tempest raging within her chest, making her feel slightly dizzy because with the hate and anger tasting bitter on her tongue came the love and affection she felt for her mother. She knew Hippolyta's words came from a place of worry and concern, but Diana did not want to hear them. As much as she wanted to shoot back, to sting, she forced the angry tremble from her voice to once again try to reason with her mother and get her point across, "I don't know how many times I have to repeat myself to you, mother, but I'm not still hung up on Lena. It's not that."
The older woman raised a challenging eyebrow, "Then please tell me what it is, my daughter. You still talk about her more than is good for you. Every anniversary, every birthday, you come here to light a candle. You talk to her. You wear the earring. You wear her ring, her bracelets, every day of your life and underneath your armor. What is it, if not 'that', Diana? Will you ever not have Lena Luthor up on a golden pedestal as someone nobody could ever live up to?"
The younger woman's nerves were strained and she was sure that if she could get a headache, this would be the moment everything would start throbbing in her head, "I don't have her on a golden pedestal. Are you even listening to me, mother?"
Hippolyta reached out to touch her daughter's shoulder and Diana suppressed the urge to shrug it off, "I am listening to you. And all I hear is pain. I see my daughter tormenting herself and suffering over something that can't be changed. Lena Luthor is dead, my love. When are you going to accept that? Make peace with it? The more you deny that you unhealthily worship a ghost, the less I believe you."
Gravel was splintering when her right fist collided with the limestone next to her, her left hand shaking with anger as Diana screamed, "I KNOW she is dead, mother. I KNOW that, okay? I am done explaining my feelings to you. Feelings you could NEVER understand because you never lost a lover. Do you hear me? You could NEVERunderstand, so stop patronizing me in that condescending tone of yours and leave. Me. Alone!" Her last three words were accentuated with three more blows to the wall that made the ground beneath their feet quake.
Hippolyta stared at her daughter, shocked at her outburst, but unable to voice her thoughts because Diana's heavy breathing calmed, chocolate orbs widening in disbelief at what she had done, "I'm… sorry." Shaking her head clear from the fog, the younger woman connected eyes with her mother's, "I'm sorry."
Diana turned around and pushed herself off the ground, desperate to escape the prison of her thoughts.
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With her eyes still closed and her cheeks wet from crying, Diana leaned her head back, her hair spilling down her back as she took in the gentle breeze that was blowing around her, her voice raspy and accent thicker than usual in her sadness, "Mother doesn't understand. She isn't even trying to. Just like Arthur and Bruce, she was so supportive just after I lost you, but after a while I felt like I was just a burden. How could they ever understand, Lee? I just want to share your memory with them. I'm trying to keep you close. How can that be wrong?"
Startled by a hand on her shoulder, Diana's eyes flew open and she looked at the person next to her, sighing in relief, "Menalippe. By Hera's grace, you scared the life out of me."
Her aunt smiled softly at her outburst, "Really? You didn't hear me coming from a mile away? That's hard to believe. But then again, maybe you need to get your hearing checked. You're not the youngest anymore."
Rolling her eyes at her aunt's teasing, the younger woman shook her head, "I guess I was just lost in thought."
Menalippe stayed silent, knowing that her niece would open up eventually, ready to do whatever it took to be of comfort to Diana, "Hm."
Only the gentle lapping of waves could be heard for a long stretch of time between them until Diana heaved a deep, exasperated sigh, "I'm not still hung up on her."
The older woman just kept her hand on her shoulder, a gentle thumb now moving in circles, "I know, little one. You just want to keep her memory close and be the best person you can for her."
Nodding grimly, Diana turned her head to look at her aunt, "I want her to be proud of me. A part of my heart will always belong to her, yes. But a part of my heart will also always belong to Steve. They both are always going to be with me, right here." She pointed at her heart. "But it's not just that I lost her. There is the anger, the frustration, the fact that I'm still here and she's not. This is not about the fact that Lena is dead, auntie. It's the fact I couldn't save her and I'm still here. The guilt. The rage. The confusion. Feeling lost about who I am. Not because she is not with me anymore, but because of my urge to just burst through those jail gates and squeeze the life out of Lex Luthor. What kind of person have I become? Am I not allowed to sometimes doubt myself? Because I do that a lot. I just want to be the best version of myself for her."
Her aunt's voice was low, soothing in her ears, "Because you know that Steve sacrificed his life for the greater good so you could fight Ares. Lena was murdered and you couldn't save her. They were two different situations. You felt, and still feel at times, helpless and powerless. Guilty because it was just a few seconds that you were too late. What if you had pushed yourself harder? Would you have reached her in time? Would you have been able to catch her? You're traumatized, Diana."
Tears were mercilessly pouring from Diana's eyes, the superhero balling her hands into fists in the sand, "Yes."
Menalippe squeezed the younger woman's shoulder, "I know, darling. I've been asking myself that same thing over a century now. What if I had pushed myself harder? Would I have reached her in time? Would I have been able to shove her out of the way to save her from the bullet? It's the same mantra in my head. Over and over again when the memories hit. But to relive the moments that I shared with Antiope will always be here with me and soothe the pain. It's okay to cry, little one. It's okay to scream into the heavens and to Hera. It's okay to channel that energy to try to be a better person. And you are not putting Lena up on a pedestal. Your mother told me what she said to you and while she couldn't ever understand what you've been going through, I still found it outrageous. It's okay for you to miss Lena and cherish your memories. It's okay to share them, too."
Staring at the endless sea of aquamarine in front of them, Diana croaked, "You know, talking about her doesn't make me sad anymore. It makes me proud and gives me solace, but I feel like a burden to others. I can feel them looking at each other when they think I won't notice. I can feel the eyerolls. Because they don't want to hear it. Because they perceive it as me whining over my lover's death. Me still being hung up on her. It's not that. That's why I stopped talking about her. I put up a front so I don't have to deal with people's judgement. With their annoyance about my grief. With their impatience when I was past the grief and just wanted to share memories. Talking about her makes me happy, but everytime I do, it turns into something it's not. So I don't talk about her anymore at all to make it easier for them while it's still hard for me because I love talking about her."
Menalippe cocked her head to the side and smiled, "I know that."
Diana bit her lip, a feeling of deep gratefulness and comfort encompassing her when she looked at her aunt, "I know you do. And I know you get it. I don't have to explain anything."
The older woman shook her head, "No you don't have to explain."
There was another stretch of silence between the two women that was broken by Diana, "That feeling of helplessness and powerlessness you mentioned? Does it ever go away?"
Menalippe shook her head, "No. You just learn to cope."
Diana snorted, "That's… uplifting."
They both burst out laughing at the younger woman's sarcasm, and Menalippe looked up at her niece, "Have I told you about one of my favorite memories of her?" When Diana shook her head no, the older woman smiled, "Actually, you are a part of this memory, too. Do you remember when Hippolyta and I came riding in when you were training with her? The day Hippolyta found out and was so furious?" The younger woman nodded and Menalippe grinned, "You two looked like children who got caught with their hands in the cookie jar. You threw away your sword so fast, as if you had been burned. It was quite hilarious. When you were on your way back to the palace and your mother started tearing into Antiope, however, she remained fierce, strong. Adamant about her beliefs. Unyielding about what she wanted for you. And the moment you beat her in battle, years later, and everyone else was taken aback by your true strength, when you were apologizing and running toward the cliff, you should have seen the look on her face. I had never seen her so proud of anyone in all that time we were together."
A sinking feeling suddenly encompassed Diana, her heart heavy in her chest, "That was the day she died. She died protecting me."
Before the nagging feeling of guilt could settle in, however, Menalippe poked the other woman's shoulder, "No. She was a warrior, and as long as you remember your training, you will see that she would have done this for each and every one of us. My point is, what I loved, and still love about her is how fiercely she loved and protected. She died fighting for what she believed in. Her home, her family. And that makes me want to be the best person I can be to honor her memory. Even though I am now with someone else, she will always be with me. I want to be brave for her. And good."
Frowning, Diana inquired, "What if this person you are with now questions if they are good enough?"
Menalippe tucked a stray raven curl behind her niece's ear, "My darling, if you went through the pain of losing someone by death, the pain of someone being irreversibly ripped away from you, and find someone that you are willing to reopen your heart to, they are good enough. It's that simple. Always make sure to remember that. You lost someone you loved twice - I couldn't ever imagine what that must feel like for you, but you have reopened your heart both times for someone after that. Well, point taken, the first time around it took you almost a century, but now you found someone who is just as worth it as Lena was." The older woman winked, "Maybe you should remind Mera of that."
Huffing out a laugh, Diana shrugged, "This conversation hasn't come up yet, but it's always like the sword of Damocles is hovering over us, waiting to strike. I'm always waiting for the Lena bomb to drop and it unnerves me."
The older woman bumped their shoulders together, "So she seems to be alright. You have been open with her from the beginning and now you just have to get the anxiety under control and take it one step at a time."
Nodding, Diana leaned her head onto her aunt's shoulder, "You know, before you caught us training that day, Antiope told me that I always doubt myself too much. That I was stronger than I believed and had greater powers than I knew."
Menalippe kissed the top of a raven head, "Your aunt was a very wise woman. You should listen to her. Always remember that she is proud of you. And so is Steve. And so is Lena. Practice that mindfulness. Keep yourself grounded by relishing in those memories. Be strong. Remember that no matter where you are, she is always going to be with you, making you the person you are today. A person who really loves you will see that and not have it any other way."
Tears had sprung to Diana's eyes once again, "Thank you, auntie."
Smiling against the small tufts of hair that were frizzily sticking up from her niece's head, the older woman pressed another series of kisses there, "You're welcome, my child. Come see me in my chambers whenever you feel like talking. We can have some wine and share memories. You are always welcome. If you need to laugh, smile, cry or scream. I will always be here for you."
The younger woman nodded, "I'll take you up on that sometime."
Warm lips were softly pressing against her forehead before Diana was left alone with her thoughts, Menalippe's steps retreating as the sand dusted up behind her. The raven-haired woman let her gaze wander back to the sun that had nearly disappeared in the depths of the ocean, the waters sound trickling into her being like a lullaby to her inner turmoil as she took in its poignant salty breath.
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"Hey, Baby!" Lena's voice was playful, joyous on the other end, the wind blowing into the phone a sign that the CEO had just stepped outside.
Diana grinned dopily, "Hi, my love. How is the fundraiser going?"
Chuckling, Lena let out a gentle sigh, "It's going. Everyone downstairs is enjoying themselves and I escaped to my office balcony to hear your voice. God, I can't wait to see you."
The superhero bit her lip in excitement, "Mmm, I can't wait to see you either. I just arrived, so I will just change into that ridiculously expensive red dress you bought for me. It's beautiful, my darling. Thank you."
With her voice a little lower than usual, Lena purred, "Mmmm, you're welcome. It was a gift to myself as well because I really want to peel it off of you later tonight."
Feeling a light twitch in her nether regions, Diana shuddered, "And I will happily let you, my love."
Without warning, a crashing sound could be heard in the background, startling the superhero, "Baby? Is everything okay?"
"No, stay back," her girlfriend's distant voice came through the phone, "Please, the safe is in the sideboard right there in my office. Don't do this. Please!"
"Lena? Baby?" Diana already stumbled to remove her clothes, her blouse getting stuck at the metal bracelet on her right wrist, when she heard a muffled gunshot and she screamed. Bursting through the balcony door, she pushed herself off, wrenching her blouse from her arm and ripping it to shreds, not caring where it landed.
Racing toward L-Corp as fast as she could, she noticed tears were blurring her vision, her heart constricting painfully in her chest at the thought that something could have happened to Lena. The wind was whipping around her and she shook her head clear, repeating in her head that it had surely all just been a misunderstanding, that she had misinterpreted the sounds coming from the other end of her cell phone, and that Lena was just fine.
The L-Corp building stood tall against the lights of National City and that's when the superhero saw the falling figure. Her stomach dropped and she pushed herself forward with all her might, steering closer to her girlfriend so she could catch her. Getting her arms under Lena, she caught her bridal style, green eyes flickering in relief and a weak smile lighting up a pale face as a clumsy hand came up to touch Diana's cheek. Kissing a fair palm, the superhero whispered, "You're safe now, Baby. I got you."
Her lover's hand fell away from her face, the raven-haired CEO too weak to hold it up and when they crashed to the ground, Diana's armored feet leaving indentations in the asphalt, the superhero kneeled down, propping Lena's upper body up with her thigh, pressing her free hand to the gunshot wound, and kissing her forehead, "God, that was close. I thought I lost you." Diana's voice was breathless against her girlfriend's skin, sheer happiness and relief making her heart feel like it would burst with joy at any moment. Raising her head with a wide smile, Diana expected to see a matching one on Lena's face, but instead she was met by lifeless eyes staring blankly into the sky.
Chocolate eyes widened in horror, "Lena?"
When she did not get an answer, she became frenetic, panic overcoming her as she shook her lover's shoulders frantically, "Lena?"
There was no movement. No reaction. Just emerald eyes, emptier than ever, staring into nothingness. Diana choked and started sobbing, her tears dripping down onto Lena's face, "No. No, no, no. Don't do this to me, Baby. Wake up, please. Don't leave me. I beg you. I need you, Baby. I love you."
No reaction.
"LENA !"
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Diana closed her eyes to force out her gut-wrenching screams that were still haunting her sometimes, ringing in her ears even after all these years. She had not heard anything that had been said to her that night, everything passing by in a blur, the thick fog in her head and the rushing in her ears blocking everything out. There were ambulances and police cars arriving, curious people gathering around, and sensational photographers sneaking by the police tape to snap pictures of Wonder Woman towering over Lena Luthor on a gurney in a body bag. Shivering lightly, the superhero took a deep breath and whispered, "I'm sorry."
There was a gentle nip at her ankle and Diana jumped, looking down at what had startled her. A curious pair of tiny black eyes was staring back at her then, a fluffy head cocked to the side, and the raven-haired woman huffed out a laugh, "Impressive punk crest… you know, for a bird."
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The sun was shining brightly on Themyscira that morning, a light summer breeze blowing around her and ruffling her thick, raven curls as she was staring across the endless blues and turquoises of the sea. The waves were crashing against the rocks off the coast and Diana watched the white crowns of the waves spraying into the winds.
She had relaxed, but quiet company with her that morning, both of them soaking in the warmth of the sun's rays, Diana smiling softly at the thought that her lover was still sleeping soundly, her naked body stretched out on her huge round bed. Her own naked body was also wrapped in sheets as Diana was leisurely sipping her coffee on the generous balcony that belonged to her chambers, neatly tucked into the limestone and bricks of the palace.
Diana smiled when she felt strong arms wrap around her from behind, soft lips against her shoulder, and Lena Luthor's Irish rasp thick in her still drowsy state, "It's really frustrating that I don't get the element of surprise with you. You always hear me approaching from fifty yards away."
Chuckling, the superhero leaned her head back to kiss her lover's temple, "I would probably hear you approaching from a mile away, my darling."
Lena huffed, "Not fair. You know what else is not fair?"
Grinning, Diana decided to join the game, "What?"
Kissing the shell of her left ear where the engraved, white gold earring was resting against her auricular cartilage, Lena nuzzled the piece of jewelry with her nose before playfully brushing her lips against the spot, relishing in the delightful shivers that ran through her girlfriend's body, "It's utterly and ridiculously unfair that you grew up on paradise island. Also, you have coffee and I don't. Two points. What's your defense?"
Diana laughed, "Well, if I hadn't grown up here, you would have never gotten to see it. So isn't it great that you are my girlfriend and I was able to take you to see a secret island, hidden by a magical veil of fog while there is coffee waiting for you in the bedroom?"
Squeezing her lover in her arms, Lena kissed Diana's shoulder once again, "Wow, she has an answer for everything. I'm even wearing my glasses and didn't see or smell the coffee."
Diana spun around and pulled her lover into her in a determined display of control, "If YOU didn't smell the coffee, especially with your glasses on, my love, then even I am out of answers."
The CEO playfully tried to shove her girlfriend away from her, "God, you're such a smartass." Grinning, Lena pushed herself up so she was on the tip of her toes and kissed Diana, "I still love you, though."
The taller woman snorted, "Still? That's WHY you love me."
Pressing another series of tiny kisses to her lover's lips, Lena beamed, "I plead the fifth." With that, she turned to pour herself a coffee inside, shrieking when she saw something sprawled out on the balustrade, "You've been standing next a dead bird all morning without even batting an eye?"
Diana chuckled heartily and brushed a wisp of raven hair behind Lena's ear, "The bird is not dead. It's sunbathing."
Frowning, the CEO cocked her head to the side in curiosity, "It looks dead. Is it really just chilling in the sun without moving and looking like it's as high as a kite?"
Diana walked inside to get a coffee for her girlfriend and a refill for herself, handing Lena the steaming mug when she stepped back outside, "Yes, it is. That's a Hoopoe."
An adorable frown made its way to the CEO's forehead as she mouthed the word 'Hoopoe' to herself and the superhero grinned, kissing the crease gently to chase it away, "They are named after their call. It's 'hoop', but in sets of three. And their flight resembles a butterfly. It's beautiful to watch. And yes, they sunbathe. You can find them in the sand down at the beach sometimes too."
Leaning up, the raven-haired CEO pressed a kiss to the underside of the taller woman's jaw, "For some reason, I find it very attractive that you know these things. You forgot, however, to mention their impressive punk crests… you know… for birds."
Diana crunched her nose up in confusion, "What do punks have to do with mountains and these birds?"
Snorting, Lena brought their lips together, "Not mountain crests. The haircut."
Diana rolled her eyes, "That took me a second."
Taking their mugs and placing them on the balustrade, the CEO gave the sheets wrapped around the taller woman's muscular form a firm tug and purred, "Well, I sure hope that not everything takes only a second with you."
With that, Lena sealed her lover's lips with a deep kiss, Diana's strong hands gripping supple thighs to pick her girlfriend up and let her wrap her legs around her waist, "Who's the smartass now?"
Biting her lip seductively, Lena leaned in, hot puffs of air hitting Diana's lips as the CEO breathed, "Less talking, Miss Prince. I need you inside me."
The taller woman moaned, crashing their lips together in a frantic kiss while she carried Lena inside and to the bed.
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The bird puffed out its hazel feathers, tilting its head again, while staring at Diana expectantly. Leaning forward slowly, so as not to startle her newly found companion, the raven-haired woman leveled her face with the animal's beak, "You know, I was just thinking about you."
Blinking, the Hoopoe came closer, gently nibbling its way across her cheek and finally settling for her earring that Lena once gave to her, tenderly giving it a few picks before reconnecting their eyes. A warmth filled Diana's whole body, tears of joy springing to her eyes as the two gazed at each other.
The raven-haired woman laughed when the bird sang its "hoop, hoop, hoop", its head bobbing up and down for its song, and finally took off into the sky, leaving Diana to stare up.
Taking a deep breath, the superhero got up from the sand and pushed herself off, the stiff sea breeze whipping around her as she took in her surroundings. The sun had almost vanished on the horizon, making room for the starry, black night sky that would surely envelop the island in its veil in just a few moments. One little star already peaked out where the oranges and yellows of the sky had been replaced and she whispered, "You always shone the brightest when you were still here, too."
Her raven locks were blowing into her face, the Hoopoe circling her as she rose up into the sky before it took off, the bird's silhouette becoming smaller and smaller before finally vanishing somewhere behind the palace. The raven-haired woman closed her eyes, taking in the breeze of her home around her, listening to the familiar sounds of the island. The birds. The plants and trees blowing in the wind. The gentle flapping of butterflies. The distant sound of Amazons training.
Diana smiled.
She was going to be okay.
"So when I need you can I send you a sign? I'll burn a candle and turn off the lights. I'll pick a star and watch you shine. Could you beam me up, give me a minute? I don't know what I'd say in it. I'd probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face. Beam me up, let me be lighter. I'm tired of being a fighter, I think. A minute's enough - beam me up."
Fin.
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A/N 2: Thank you for reading.
This story hits close to home, so be kind and gentle with the mistakes. They are my own.
Also, just a little favor that I'm asking you… please don't attack me for the subject matter if you didn't read the warnings, tags, and the author's note. Because it was all in there. Thank you. 3 And yes, I know the ending was cheesy. :D
The quotes in the beginning and in the end are taken from the song Beam Me Up by P!NK.
Drop me a kudos or a review - they rock my world. :)
Until next time, my lovelies.