The rest of the party pretty much was a blur. A couple of the crew asked me what happened to Jacob and I told them the honest answer: I had no idea. Because I honestly had no clue what on earth had happened to him, to us. No surprise that I also never saw him for the rest of the night. I continued to have fun with everyone, Jade loved her presents and I was pleasantly surprised to see Bree and Embry making out in the corner for 95% of the party. When I got home it was 4am, I went straight to sleep and that was when my dreams were invaded by him. I had woken up quite early then my norm and was pissed off. I pretty much felt awful at this point. I was still ENGAGED. I was not allowed to be having sexually stimulating dreams about other males.

That was 2 weeks ago, and things have just gotten worse. Everytime I see Jacob my heart starts pounding and doesn't stop until he looks at me. Everyone has noticed and constantly asked about it but I just tell them I've drunk a lot of coffee. After a week they've stop asking and stopped believing me. The girls all wanna know what happened when Jacob left the party but I've still remained silent.

"Joc?" Bree said pretty much yelling in my ear. I flinched.

"What?" I said turning to look at her. She was on my bed while I was sitting on the floor. We were studying for a geography test.

"What's with you lately? I keep finding you staring into the abyss." She laughed.

"Sorry, I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel so odd." I replied moving my pencil with my fingers.

"Does this have anything to do with Jacob Black? Ever since the party I always find you guys staring at each other." She smirked. I think it was obvious we both knew she was right but I still couldn't admit it.

"No. Bree, I'm engaged. How many times do I have to tell you this? I love Luke." I don't know If it just sounded fake to my ears. What was happening? I loved Luke...didn't I?

"Just because you're involved with someone else does not mean another person can't affect you." She said getting up and stretching. I envied my best friend. Everything in her life seemed to be perfect, her mother was her best friend, she was dating the nicest guy I have ever met and she was super pretty.

"Leave it alone Bree." I closed the textbook I had in my lap and got up to too. "Wanna go to Emily's now? I can't focus." Just as I said that her phone buzzed with a text from Embry; which was indicated by her squeal.

"Focus doesn't seem to be your problem." She laughed on her way out of my room. I glared. She always said ominous things that drove me crazy, how could I tell her so little but she knew so much? Granted I told her more than my other friends...except maybe Ryan.

"Enough about me, How are you and Embry?" I said and smiled as her face instantly lit up with just the sound of her boyfriends name. It was cute, I remembered when I would feel like that. God that seemed ages ago.

"We're great. I'm meeting his mom next week. He wanted me to meet her as soon as he asked me out, but a girl's gotta get prepared for that." We laughed.

"Very true, I remember when I met Luke's mom I was so terrified, don't know why because I had known her before."

"I think it's because you're meeting them as being an important person in their child's life." She sighed. "I hope Em's mom likes me, his mom is so important to him." I bumped her with my hip.

"Of course she will, you're one of the kindest people I've ever met." She smiled.

"You know Joc, since I've met you life has just gotten better." I smiled and something torpedoed it's way into my heart.

I was again reminded that I was betraying my tribe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(J)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we got to Emily's the entire pack was present which meant the house was crowded. We walked into the house without knocking; Emily and Sam's house felt like home for everyone. It was strange that I was constantly surrounded by couples but I never felt jealous or even sadness that I wasn't with my partner. I simply felt happiness that my friends were so happy. Bree was instantly wrapped in Embry's arms and I continued walking to the living room, that was being renovated due to the growing family.

"Hey Joc, how's Luke?" Ryan said, smirking at me. I had eyed Jacob sitting across from him as soon as I entered the house and picked up exactly what Ryan was trying to do.

"He's okay. He's planning on coming to visit in a few weeks." I replied, scowling. He was coming in a few weeks but it wasn't something I wanted to inform the crew about, especially since there was going to be tension between my past and my present.

" You gunna give him a nice surprise?" Ryan winked and Kelly immediately hit the back of his head.

Before i could even respond Jacob got up and ran out the front door in a huff. What the hell? I was so sick of Jacob and his mood swings, I was sick of him ignoring me and I was tired of the way my heart contracted every time.

"Ryan, why must you taunt him like this?" Quil said exasperated. I was wondering the same thing.

"Are you ever going to get tired of getting underneath everyone's skin?" Embry asked, Bree wrapped in his arms, talking to Kim.

Per Seth's request the gang decided to watch a movie. I didn't mind that I was surrounded by cousins, but I did mind that most of the couples weren't paying attention because they were too busy with each other's tongue in their mouths. After about 45 minutes I got up, my stomach churning, and went to the kitchen to help Emily. Emily was chopping, cucumbers at the island. When I walked in, I was surprised that Jacob was helping her. I had no idea that he had come back, and even more surprised that I couldn't tell because my erratic heart beat was powered on when he had left and had stopped somewhat after.

" - she still won't speak to me-" Jacob said, but paused when he heard me come into the kitchen.

"Jocelyn, are you okay dear?" Emily asked with a warm smile on her face.

"I'm okay, just wondering if I could help you out." I smiled. From the corner of my eye, I saw Jacob's shoulders clench. Tension immediately cursed through the air. What was with him? I had barely spoken to him, granted when I finally did it was with attitude, but in my mind, you shouldn't dish what you can't take.

"Sure, Honey. I could use some help with peeling the potatoes." She left her cucumber on the cutting board and went into the pantry to get a bag of potatoes. She set up a station for me on the opposite side of the island and particularly close to Jacob stirring whatever was in the pot on the stove. I got set up and started peeling potatoes absentmindedly for several minutes; all of us doing our tasks in silence.

"Bella will eventually realize that she's being particularly cruel towards you. I know you love her honey, but I think in the space of her absence you should realize the type of person she is and use this to try to get over her." Emily walked to the fridge to get more vegetables to cut up. As she began cutting the new veggies, I wished it was me cutting Jacobs fingers off. Jacob had responded, but I had no Idea what he was saying.

HOW DARE HE?

He was in love with another girl while I was dreaming about him. He was in love with someone else at the party where he held my eyes and showed me a movie of adoration that I knew was about me. Because I felt it to. For him. I couldn't fathom the fact that my heart was connected to his and his had to be to mine- and he was chasing after a girl that clearly didn't treat him well or with respect. My body started tingling, my thoughts started racing.

"Jocelyn, are you okay?" Jacob immediately ran up to me, his hands touching my face trying to get me to focus at looking at his eyes.

In the reflection I saw my skin start to become lighter. The beginning of my transition. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. I can't believe I let myself get so emotional. I focused on the beautifully damaged boy in front of me and was able to get my body to stop tingling. Once my skin stopped 'glowing' Jacob stopped touching me. He quickly moved away from me and went back to what he was doing. The entire time Emily was silent watching us with a tiny smile on her lips. What was that about? Acting as though nothing happened between us, I decided to put my input on the matter.

"Maybe you should love someone who actually respects you and values you in their life." I said, making sure to keep my emotions out of my sentence. I'm sure he felt it, because I always felt his emotions but I needed to try my hardest to conceal. Jacob was in a position where his emotions blinded him from the truth.

Jacob got in my face again. This time was different though; his eyes were blazing and his body was shaking.

"What, like you?" He growled. If I didn't already, I hated him now. " You don't know anything about what I'm going through so don't act like it. You're stuck up, snooty and condescending. And I know that the distance between your relationship will make it fail. Your relationship won't last because you don't actually know anything about love."

My throat tightened immediately. At this point everyone had gathered in the kitchen and I was being humiliated by the boy that could touch me without being near me. I felt like I was broken once he shouted those words at me, partly because he was right. The distance between Luke and I was destressing our relationship. The biggest part of me was raging. His false perception of me had my blood boiling.

"Doesn't seem like you know what love is about either. You're not in love with that girl. You're obsessed with her. Obsession is not love. Obsession is dangerous, and love is kind. When you get your head out of your ass- no, out of her ass. Maybe you'll realize that!" I got up at this point. " But probably not, you have a lot of growing up to do." At this point I walked out the kitchen door holding my tears until I got to the rocky path that led to the beach.

He has no idea what love is. Maybe I didn't either, what I did know was that we were both in for a wild ride.

And this was going to be a ride that had both of us in its seats.