A/N: This one was really difficult to write. For the Ducky/Jenny scenes, I had to go back and look through old journals of my own experiences, and it was a bit rough. That being said, their interactions are my favourite parts of this. Hope you enjoy.

The soft knock on her office door made Jenny frown, but she kept typing. Her emails weren't going to finish themselves and there were still about twenty reports she needed to sign off on.

"Come in," she called, rubbing her temple slowly.

Ducky opened the door, offering her a smile and she returned it, surprised. It wasn't often that the doctor ventured up to see her, and it was a welcome distraction.

"Ducky. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

He shut her door quietly and approached her desk.

"Good morning, Jennifer. How are you?"

She frowned.

"I'm fine, Ducky. How are you?"

Ducky shook his head, sitting down in the chair across from her desk. He looked at her seriously, his eyes observing even the smallest details, the tiniest sign of distress and she smiled nervously.

"Is something wrong?"

"That depends, my dear."

"On?"

"On how long you're going to keep ignoring what's happened to you. It isn't good to bottle your emotions. Eventually, something is going to break, and I'd rather it not be you."

Jenny frowned, removing her glasses and truly looking at him for the first time since he'd entered. She'd done a remarkably good job of covering the dark circles under her eyes, but it still wasn't enough to fool him. Her skin was paler than he'd seen in awhile, reminding him of the night she'd spent being examined in autopsy, and her smile was, although still dazzling, obviously fake.

"I'm fine," she tried to laugh, but it sounded hollow even to her, "Really, Ducky."

Her right eye twitched slightly and Ducky glared at her. Gibbs had told him of her tell, and knowing that she was being deliberately evasive infuriated him.

"This would go much easier if you would tell me the truth, Jennifer."

The doctor's tone, combined with the use of her full name, made Jenny suddenly feel as though she were six-years-old again. She held his piercing gaze for as long as she could, sighing when she finally looked away.

"What do you want me to say, Ducky?"

"Be honest with me. How are you handling this?"

Jenny cursed herself for the tears she felt in her eyes, and she knew that Ducky could see them. She ran her hand through her hair, pulling it from its ponytail. It fell around her shoulders, making her feel less exposed and she sighed.

"Not well," she admitted, her eyes fixed on her desk, "but I don't know what to do about it. It's over, it happened, but obsessing over it isn't going to change it."

He was silent, waiting for her to continue.

"When I close my eyes, it's all I see. Walking to my car at night terrifies me now. I can't sleep, I can't eat. Drinking helps sometimes, but I can't walk around with an IV of bourbon."

She laughed bitterly, and Ducky offered her a sad smile.

"I want to just forget that it ever happened. Sometimes, I almost manage it, but then...just when I least expect it, I start thinking about it again. I want to move on, live my life, but I just...I get so scared and it makes me freak out."

She looked at him then, tears slipping from her eyes and his gaze was so undeniably kind that she smiled.

"Go on, my dear."

She sniffed and nodded, trying to keep from sobbing.

"I just want to be able to live like a normal person again. Not jumping at shadows, not sleeping with a weapon under my pillow, I want to be able to maybe have a relationship without falling apart. Sometimes, I'm okay, perfectly fine, and then Jethro will touch me and it—"

She stopped, her eyes wide. She hadn't meant to say anything about Gibbs, wasn't even sure how much Ducky knew, and when she glanced up, he nodded.

"What about Jethro, Jennifer?"

"How much do you know?"

He smiled and she sighed.

"He told you."

Ducky shrugged, reaching across the table to pat her hand reassuringly.

"Not everything, my dear Jennifer. I know he's been trying to help you. He's worried about you, not that he'd ever show it."

She smiled and shook her head slowly.

"Jethro has...he's been so wonderful with this. He doesn't force me to talk about anything, if I freak out, he doesn't take it personally, he always has bourbon..."

They both laughed and Jenny truly smiled for the first time that day.

"May I ask you a personal question, my dear?"

She nodded and he looked at her seriously.

"Have you had any kind of sexual relations since your attack?"

Though she knew it would eventually come up, Jenny was unprepared for the question. She frowned and was silent for a long moment, trying to gather her thoughts.

"Not exactly."

"I'm not sure I understand you."

"I mean, I've...certain things have happened, but I couldn't..." she trailed off, unsure of how to explain.

"Have you had any vaginal penetration since that night?"

Jenny shook her head, her face burning with embarrassment, and Ducky smiled.

"Have you attempted to?"

She nodded, and took a deep breath.

"We tried. It almost happened, but right before he was going to..I stopped him. I—the thought of him being...inside me, I just—I couldn't."

"Was it out of fear or shame?"

Thinking for a moment, Jenny bit down on her bottom lip.

"Both, I think. I mean, I know without a doubt that he would never hurt me, but it still scares me. And just knowing that someone else had...even though I didn't want it, it made me feel...I felt dirty somehow. I can't really explain it. I know that it shouldn't matter, I know he wouldn't hurt me...I should be able to do this. What if he gets tired of waiting and leaves? What if he finds someone else who isn't scared of being touched?"

Ducky stood and walked slowly around the desk. He opened his arms and after a moment of debating, Jenny rose from her chair and fell into his comforting embrace. He kissed her cheek lightly, and as he held her, a sad smile crossed his face.

"I am so sorry, Jennifer. I know it's difficult now, but it does get easier. You're a strong young woman and I have no doubt that you'll make it through this and come out even more resilient in the end."

She sniffed and he pulled back, looking in her eyes seriously.

"And don't worry about Jethro. A healthy relationship isn't all about sex. He knows that, and he knows you're trying. It'll take time, and though he may be one of the most impatient men alive, he'll wait for you."

He released her and began walking to the door. Jenny frowned for a moment and when she called his name, he paused.

"Ducky. How did you know I was talking about Jethro?"

Ducky gave her a look that was so reminiscent of Gibbs that she nearly laughed.

"You just told me, my dear."

He turned again and when his hand opened the door, she called his name again.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

He smiled at her and for a moment, she felt better than she had in days.

"You're welcome, Jennifer."

Though there was nothing in the world he wanted to do less, Tony DiNozzo knew he had to speak with his boss. He'd been avoiding it all day, but now, half an hour before they were due to leave, he couldn't wait any longer. The silver-haired agent walked past him, coffee in hand, and as he sat down at his desk, Tony carefully approached him.

"Boss? Ziva and I are finished checking for that tattoo."

"And?"

"We...didn't find anything. No one in the building has any tattoo even remotely resembling it, or even any in the right area. I mean, except Abby, but we all know that it wasn't—"

"Did you come all the way over here just to tell me that you have nothing?"

Tony faltered, the look in the older agent's eyes making him more than a little nervous.

"Yeah...I also talked to the security guard at the gate. At the time of the attack, he was walking the perimeter. He was all the way across the Navy Yard. Camera footage confirms it."

"You're telling me that the highly respected Director of a Federal agency was raped in this very Navy Yard and no one saw or heard a thing?"

His voice was a whisper, but the anger was more than evident. His eyes had hardened to ice and his body had gone eerily still. Tony looked away before answering, and he nodded slowly.

"Sorry, boss."

Tony walked back to his desk and tried to make himself look busy. The loud slamming of a hand on a keyboard made him jump and as Gibbs stormed towards the elevators, Tony ran a hand through his hair. McGee frowned as he exited the elevator and when he approached the senior field agent, his voice was low.

"What happened?"

"Just had to tell Gibbs we didn't find anything."

McGee whistled and sat down at his desk.

"Sucks to be you."

The sliding doors of autopsy opened and as Gibbs walked in, Ducky turned, smiling.

"Good morning, Jethro. I'm afraid I don't have anything more to give you on the evidence front."

"Not why I'm here, Duck."

Ducky frowned, walking to his desk to fix a cup of tea.

"No? Then why are you here?"

"How's Jen?"

Ducky nodded as he poured, searching for the milk he kept in one of his refrigerators and glanced at him.

"Well, Jethro, I don't feel entirely comfortable telling you everything we discussed. But I will tell you this: she's scared."

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"Well, yeah. Who wouldn't be?"

"Not of being attacked, though that did come up. She's scared of losing you."

Gibbs frowned, watching as the doctor stirred his tea.

"Why would she lose me?"

Ducky sighed.

"She's afraid that you're going to get tired of waiting for her to recover and that you're going to leave."

"That's not going to happen."

Ducky smiled.

"She told me that you two haven't been intimate and she's scared that you're going to leave her for someone that can be with you sexually."

Scoffing, Gibbs turned to make his way to the door. Just before he reached it, the doctor's voice stopped his steps.

"Where are you going?"

"Gonna go tell her that she's insane."

Just as Jenny was grabbing her coat to leave, her office door swung open and it bounced off the wall behind it. She sighed, rolling her eyes and fixed Gibbs with a tired glare.

"Would it kill you to knock?"

"It might. You leaving?"

She nodded, grabbing her purse from the drawer in her desk. As she walked around it, he stepped in front of her, blocking her path to the door.

"We need to talk."

"Okay."

She sat down on her couch, looking at him curiously.

"DiNozzo and Ziva haven't found anything on the tattoo. Haven't gotten with Abby yet, but that's first thing on my list tomorrow."

She nodded, still unsure of what made this so urgent.

"That isn't what you wanted to talk to me about, is it?"

"No," he paused, searching her eyes, "Ducky told me that you're scared that I'm gonna leave?"

He left it as a question, waiting for her to elaborate. When she nodded, he took her hand gently in his.

"Jen...I know this isn't easy. I know that you're going to have days where even the slightest thing is gonna send you back. I know that it won't go away overnight. But I don't care. I'm not going anywhere. Not unless you tell me to. I love you, and nothing is going to change that."

"It's not that simple, Jethro. The other night, after that stupid charity ball, when we were...I couldn't even let you...I was too scared."

"Of me?"

She shook her head frantically, her eyes flying to his, begging him to understand.

"No! Of course not. I know you would never hurt me. Just...the thought of having anyone...it scared me. And I felt so embarrassed. I can't even..."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, kissing the top of her head.

"Shh...I know. It's okay. We can take it slow. We've got all the time in the world."

She nodded, wiping away a few stray tears.

"I'm not that good at pacing myself, remember?"

He laughed and smiled down at her.

"You set the pace, Jen. I'm not in any rush."

She raised up to place a light kiss on his lips and when she pulled back, he smiled at her warmly.

"Ready to leave?"

"Definitely."

As much as she'd wanted to, Jenny hadn't taken Gibbs up on his offer to stay at his house. She knew it was just her pride getting the better of her, but she needed to prove to herself that she could manage to stay in her own house without freaking out. She locked the door behind her and as she slipped off her heels, her phone beeped in her hand. Frowning, she glanced down at the text message and when she saw the sender, a smile lit up her face.

Get some sleep. Love you.

It wasn't often that Jethro sent her a text, but she had saved every single one, sometimes for no other reason that to tease him about his disdain for technology. This one, however, she would be saving for an entirely different reason. She quickly replied, knowing he would be concerned if she didn't.

I will. Love you, too.

She hung up her coat and made her way into her study, reaching for the bourbon as she flipped the light switch on. The liquid burned down her throat and she let out her breath slowly, trying and failing to fight the shudder that passed through her body. It was a welcome sensation, and she downed another just as desperately.

She'd lied to Jethro when she said she was planning on sleeping. She knew without a doubt that she'd never be able to sleep, but he didn't need to know that. Picking up the decanter of bourbon, she walked back to her living room, dropping onto the couch and sighing. This was going to be a long night.

Frowning as she scrolled through her contacts, Jenny took another long drink from the crystal tumbler in her hand. Her finger hovered over Jethro's name, but she knew that calling him would be a mistake. Besides, she needed an expert opinion. As she placed a call to the one other person she could trust, she ran a shaking hand through her long hair.

"Hello?"

"Ducky, it's Jenny. Do you have a minute?"

"Oh, Jennifer. How nice to hear from you. It's rather late, is everything alright?"

She frowned. She hadn't even considered the lateness of the hour. Glancing at her watch, her eyes widened as she realised it was after midnight.

"Damn, Ducky...I didn't realise it was so late, I'm sorry. I can call you back at another time."

"No, not at all. Is something troubling you?"

Jenny sighed and nodded, though he couldn't see her.

"I was just wondering...Ducky, how long does it usually take after a sexual trauma for the victim to stop reliving it? Is there some sort of average to go by?"

"Unfortunately, there isn't. It all varies from individual to individual. I wish I could give you the answer you're looking for, but there really isn't one."

Jenny clamped her hand over her mouth to muffle her sob and closed her eyes.

"Just take it slowly, Jennifer. One day at a time. One hour at a time if need be."

"I—Ducky, I don't know how much longer I can do this. I want it to stop."

"You want what to stop?"

"I don't—the pain, the shame, the way people are looking at me, life, everything. I just want it all to stop."

Her voice broke and she held her phone tightly against her ear. Ducky was silent for a long time and when he finally spoke, there was an edge of worry to his gentle tone.

"Jennifer...do you realise what you've just said? Do you really want everything to stop?"

"If that makes it go away."

"Even life, my dear?"

Jenny bit down on her bottom lip, fighting to get the words out.

"I just want the pain to stop, Ducky...I don't want to be scared anymore."

She hung up the phone before he could reply and collapsed on the soft leather of her couch. She buried her head in the pillow she kept there and as she cried, she wondered if it were truly possible to die from crying so much. As it was, she didn't even think she would care.

The ringing of his phone shattered the few hours of sleep Gibbs had managed to get and as he answered it, his voice was a bit rougher than he intended.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Jethro, I know it's late, but I'm afraid we have a situation."

Gibbs frowned. The last voice he'd expected to hear on the other end was one thick with a Scottish accent.

"Ducky?"

"Yes. I'm sorry to wake you, but I'm very concerned about Jennifer."

Gibbs sat up, careful not to hit his head on the shell of his boat. His back screamed in protest and he winced.

"Jenny's fine, Duck. She's probably sleeping."

"That's where you're wrong. On both counts. I just spoke with her. She called me, very upset, and wanted to know if PTSD had a time limit."

"What did you tell her?"

"The truth. I told her that every individual deals with trauma differently and that it would take time. That's not the part of the conversation that worried me."

The doctor was silent for a minute and Gibbs could feel his impatience growing.

"What was?"

"She said she wanted everything to stop. Pain, embarrassment, shame, even life. I asked her if she realised what she'd said and she merely replied that she wanted the pain to stop and that she didn't want to be scared anymore."

"You're worried that she might do something dangerous."

"Quite frankly, yes. I know that you might not believe this, but Jennifer is displaying many symptoms of someone who is suicidal."

"Jenny wouldn't do that."

Ducky sighed, willing him to understand.

"Under normal circumstances, no. I don't believe she would. This isn't a normal situation, Jethro. She's very fragile, very scared, very vulnerable. She needs someone to help her."

Gibbs frowned as anger flared within him.

"I am helping her, Duck."

"Yes, I know. But I think she needs someone to stay with her right now. She shouldn't be alone."

Nodding once, Gibbs stood and grabbed his keys. As if he could see him, Ducky's voice floated to him down the line.

"Where are you going?"

"She needs me, I'm gonna be there. Thanks, Duck."

He hung up, grabbing a jacket as he walked and threw himself into his truck. If Jenny really was as bad as Ducky had claimed, nothing would keep him from her tonight. Not if her very life depended on it.

The loud pounding on her door took about three minutes to register in her inebriated mind. As Jenny slowly staggered to open it, she blinked, trying to focus. Finally, her glazed eyes flickered in recognition and she frowned, confused.

"Jethro?"

"Hey, Jen."

"What are you doing here?"

Her words were slurred and she clung to the door. He gave her a careful smile, reaching for her arm.

"Ducky called me. He's worried about you."

She laughed, her voice unsteady and stepped back to let him in. She miraculously didn't stumble as she walked to the living room, but when she sat down on the couch, she toppled over. Gibbs smiled and sat down next to her. She waited, knowing that he wanted to speak, but not sure if she was prepared to listen.

"What's bothering you, Jen?"

She shrugged, not ready to dive into her emotions yet. He fixed her with a stare that would have never worked had she been sober.

"Jen?"

"I—I can't stand it, Jethro. It just...I can't sleep, I jump at everything now, I can't have sex with you, I can't think...I'm just so fucking scared, Jethro."

He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close to his side. Her head fell into his lap and he raked his fingers through her hair.

"I know, but Jen...you don't really want your life to stop do you?"

Jenny frowned, refusing to look at him and he shook her shoulder gently.

"Answer me, Shepard."

"No...I guess not. I want to stop being in pain. I don't want to feel this way anymore."

He kissed her gently, holding her tighter. She raised up, looking at him with an expression that he couldn't identify. Her hand reached up to run through his hair and when her lips met his, he could taste the salt from her tears.

"I'm always here for you, Jenny. Please don't forget that."

She nodded, kissing him again.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Settling back down in his arms, she closed her eyes as he held her. His fingers in her hair were beginning to make her tired, and he leaned down to kiss her again.

"Don't give up, Jen. I can't lose you. Not again."

Jenny raised up, her hand tracing circles across his chest and she smiled.

"Jethro?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's go to bed."

After a moment of looking at her to determine if she was serious, he nodded. He lifted her into his arms and made his way to her stairs. As he laid her down on the bed, she smiled when he climbed in next to her. He wrapped her body close to his and kissed the shell of her ear lightly.

"Good night, Jen. I love you."

She smiled, turning to look at him.

"Say it again."

"I love you."

"I love you, too. And thank you."

She closed her eyes and as he watched her sleep, he wondered how on earth they would get through this. It was a long road ahead of them, but he was determined to be there. No matter how hard she tried to push him away.

A/N: Okay, how was it? On a side note, while watching the episode "Leap of Faith" yesterday, I realised that Gibbs whistling is incredibly sexy to me. Might write another Jibbs one-shot about it. Should I? Shouldn't I? Decisions, decisions. And, though my husband likes to point out that as far as the show is concerned, Jibbs will never happen again, I refuse to let go of them.