A/N: This will likely be my last update for awhile. As of November 25th, I'll be working 75+ hours a week, so I probably won't have much time to write. I really am sorry, guys. I hope you understand. Enjoy.

The moment she stood up, Jenny knew she'd made a mistake. Her vision swam and she stumbled to her bedroom, trying not to crash into the walls. She fumbled for her phone, calling the one person she knew she could trust and when he didn't answer, she sighed.

"Jethro...rules 64 and 18 apply here."

She hung up, letting the small device fall from her hand. She sank down onto her bed, curling up in an attempt to stop the shaking that had overtaken her entire body. As her mind raced, she tried to stay calm, but it was proving more than a little difficult.

What had she done?

Picking up his phone, Gibbs frowned at the blinking light. No one ever left him a voicemail. Flipping it open, his confusion only intensified when he saw Jenny's name on the screen. As he listened to her message, he grabbed his keys. Rule 64 made sense. Rule 18 didn't. Why would she need to ask for his forgiveness? He grabbed his jacket to protect against the biting cold and as he sped to Jenny's house, he tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut.

He quickly opened the door using her spare key, calling her name as he walked through the house. Finally, he found her in the bedroom and he immediately knew something was wrong. He shook her gently when she didn't respond to his voice, and when she still didn't move, he frowned. He felt for a pulse, breathing a sigh of relief as he found it. Weak and skipping erratically, but it was there.

"Jenny? Jenny, can you hear me?"

He made his way into her bathroom, intent on finding a towel, but when his eyes landed on the empty pill bottle on her sink, he swore. He ran back to her, lifting her into his arms and as he carefully placed her into the bathtub, he stuck his fingers down her throat. He turned the water on as cold as it could go, hoping the shock would rouse her.

"Come on, Jen."

He shoved his fingers further down her throat and finally, her body reacted. She jerked in his arms, lurching forward and as she emptied the contents of her stomach, he kept placing his fingers down her throat.

"Keep going, Jen. Don't stop now."

Finally, when he was convinced that she had gotten enough of the pills out of her system, he stopped. She collapsed against him and he kissed her hair gently.

"Jethro?" she whispered, her voice hoarse, "What happened?"

"You called me. Told me that rules 64 and 18 were in play. I came by and found you passed out on your bed. Found an empty bottle of pills in here. What the hell were you thinking, Jenny?"

She shook her head, trying to piece together what had happened. Her mind was still fuzzy and she frowned.

"I—I don't remember."

He stood up and looked at her sternly.

"Get up."

"What?"

"You heard me. Get up."

He pulled her to her feet and from there he swept her into his arms. As he walked down the staircase, Jenny frowned when he grabbed her jacket.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm taking you to see Ducky. You need to be checked out."

He silenced her protests with a glare and as he drove, Jenny felt an overwhelming sense of shame building within her chest. How could she have been so stupid?

Seeing Jennifer and Jethro in autopsy brought Ducky's mind back to the night a month ago when they had come to him for his discretion. He frowned at the sight before him, because something had definitely changed. Gibbs was still standing near her, but there was a coldness in his demeanor that hadn't been there a month ago.

"What can I do for you both?"

"Need you to run some tests. Make sure that there aren't any major amounts of drugs in her blood."

Ducky frowned.

"Jennifer?"

She didn't look at him, her gaze trained on the ground and he turned his eyes to Gibbs.

"Will one of you tell me what is going on?"

Gibbs jerked his head and Ducky followed him out into the hall by the elevator. Jenny stayed where she was, too embarrassed to put up any kind of fight.

"Well?"

"She tried to kill herself."

The doctor looked at him sharply and he sighed.

"Are you quite sure?"

The answering glare that Gibbs fixed him with made him raise his hands in surrender.

"Very well. What did she use?"

Gibbs shrugged.

"Ask her. I didn't look at it."

Ducky nodded and turned to walk back into the room. Jenny jumped at the doors slid open and when the doctor approached her, she tried to smile.

"Ducky, I'm fine. Really."

He shook his head, pulling out a needle and syringe. The colour drained from her face and Gibbs walked back in, his eyes hard. Seeing the fear in her eyes, he came to stand next to her and he took her hand in his. He might have been angry at the situation, but he wasn't going to desert her now. Ducky took her other arm and gently rolled her sleeve up, looking at her seriously.

"Are you ready?"

She nodded, and turned away as he moved closer. As the needle bit into her skin, she flinched but said nothing. Her grip was painfully tight on his hand, but Gibbs knew enough not to comment on it. Finally, the needle was removed and Jenny visibly relaxed as the doctor walked away to take the vial to Abby's lab. They both knew that the scientist would be discreet and Jenny looked over at Gibbs nervously.

"Jethro?"

He gave no indication that he'd heard her, but she continued anyway.

"I know how you feel about apologies, but I really am sorry."

He looked at her briefly, but she couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"Why?"

Jenny frowned.

"Why?" she repeated.

"You tried to kill yourself, tried to take away the most important thing in my life. I want to know why."

She sighed. She'd known this would come up, but she wasn't sure of how to answer.

"I...I didn't know how to deal with the pain. Everyone on your team looks at me like I'm broken somehow, I get scared over the simplest things...I can't sleep. Every second I'm alone, I feel like he's going to come back again to do something worse. I don't know how to live my life now. I don't know what to do. You're going to get tired of dealing with me, and I couldn't handle it if you left me. I've lost so much of who I am, and I can't lose you, too."

He frowned as she spoke, a clearer understanding of her mental state unfolding before him and he nodded slowly.

"Jen...I understand a lot of what you're going through. I almost made the same mistake fifteen years ago. But if I had done what you nearly did...I would have never met the best person in my life since my wife and daughter."

"Ducky?" she asked jokingly.

"Not funny, Jen."

She gave him a sad smile and he leaned over to kiss her on the top of her head.

"Will you start talking to me? I want to know when you're having a bad day. I can't help you if I don't know there's a problem."

She nodded and as she hopped down from the autopsy table, Gibbs brought his hand up to smack the back of her head. Her eyes widened and she whirled around to glare at him. He smirked in response and when Ducky returned moments later, he stepped away from her.

"How long, Duck?"

"Few hours, probably. Depends on Abigail. She's quite...um...bouncy today."

Jenny laughed and Ducky turned to her, a look of mild shock on his face. He walked over to her, wrapping her in a hug and as he pulled away, his lips were close to her ear.

"It's good to hear you laugh, my dear."

She frowned.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?"

He exchanged a look with Gibbs, who nodded almost imperceptibly.

"Because it's been such a long time since we've heard it, Jennifer."

As she walked past him, Gibbs aimed another slap to the back of her head, lighter this time, and when she turned to face him, he pulled her into his arms.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Ducky smiled at the scene in front of him and as they exited the room, he sighed.

"About time," he muttered softly.

Jenny watched Gibbs carefully as he sat in the interrogation room. He hadn't spoken yet, and it had already begun to make their suspect nervous. She smiled as he sipped his coffee, fully aware of the effect he had on the younger man, and when she felt a slight movement to her right, she turned.

"Excuse me, Director. I have the results of the blood test Gibbs wanted."

She gave Abby a smile and nodded, taking the piece of paper from the young woman.

"I'll take it to him."

"But...he doesn't like to be interrupted when—"

"Abby. I'm the Director. He'll get over it."

Jenny walked past her, opening the door and when she entered the interrogation room, Gibbs glared at her.

"I have results for you."

He nodded once, but said nothing. The young man across from him eyed her curiously and she glanced at him before shutting the door again.

"Who's she?"

"None of your business."

"Wouldn't mind getting to know her."

Gibbs glared, not sure of how to respond. He stood up from the table and as he reached for the handle, he turned back to the man still sitting.

"When you feel like telling me what you know, I'll be back."

He found Jenny in the hall, a smirk on her face and he glared at her.

"Very funny, Director."

She handed him the slip of paper and as he scanned it, he sighed in relief. None of the pills she had taken were enough to cause permanent damage, and he looked at her curiously. She was pale and her eyes seemed slightly unfocused, but there was otherwise no sign that anything was wrong.

"Glad you're okay. But if you ever do anything like that again, I'll handcuff you to DiNozzo for a week."

She smiled and reached up to touch his face gently.

"Duly noted. Now, get back to your case."

He nodded, and leaned down, placing a light kiss on her cheek. Jenny turned away, oblivious to the two agents who had seen the entire exchange as they'd walked up to speak with their team leader.

McGee and DiNozzo watched in shock as Gibbs kissed Jenny on the cheek and walked back into the interrogation room. As soon as she had disappeared down the hall, they exchanged a glance and began walking in the direction of Abby's lab. As usual, the Goth had music blaring and it took a few moments for her to realise that she wasn't alone.

"Abby!"

She turned, and gave McGee a smile.

"Hi. Guys, I told you: I don't have anything yet and—"

"Gibbs kissed the Director."

She froze, her eyes wide and looked to McGee for confirmation. He nodded.

"It's true. Saw it myself."

"This is great! Was it a big deep romantic kiss that swept her off her feet?"

McGee shook his head.

"On the cheek."

"McGee! He kisses me on the cheek," Abby pointed out.

"Yes, but he doesn't look at you the way he was looking at her."

Abby smiled. She'd always known that Gibbs and the Director had feelings for each other. Now, it was looking like Mommy and Daddy were closer than ever to making her dreams of a true family a reality.

"Right. How high was the pool?"

As he drove Jenny back to her house, Gibbs couldn't help but glance over at her every chance he had. She'd been unusually quiet during the drive, and as he pulled up outside of her townhouse, he frowned. She stepped out of his truck and he watched her as she unlocked her front door. It wasn't until he'd seen her safely inside that he drove his truck around the block and parked it to avoid any prying eyes.

When he walked through her door, he was surprised to find that she had already slipped out of her heels and poured them both a glass of wine. He wasn't much for wine normally, but he'd found out long ago that it tasted much sweeter when it had lingered on her lips. As he pulled her into his arms, she smiled, her eyes offering him the apology that she knew he secretly wanted and as he brought his lips to hers, she knew he had forgiven her.

"Jethro..."

"Hmm?"

"Thought you had a case."

He shook his head and kissed her again. She wrapped his arms around him, and he lightly ran his tongue over her bottom lip. She moaned as he tangled his hands in her hair and when he lifted her off her feet, she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist. A few heated kisses later, he set her down again and backed her toward the stairs.

"Jethro, your case."

"It can wait."

He led her up the stairs, and as they tumbled into the bed, he made it his mission to prove to her just how much she meant to him. Just how much he couldn't live without her.

McGee sighed as he tried, for the eighth time, to reach his boss. Their suspect had finally admitted to committing the murder they were investigating and he needed to inform Gibbs. Tony passed him as he groaned in frustration and turned.

"What's wrong, Probie Wan Kenobi?"

"Can't reach Gibbs."

Tony frowned, picking up his phone. When it went to voicemail, Tony sighed as he hung up, his eyes flickering to the younger agent.

"This isn't good."

"What isn't good?"

"Can't reach Gibbs. Any ideas, Ziva?"

The Israeli shook her head and sat down at her desk, trying to finish writing her report.

"Hey...what about the Director?" McGee asked suddenly.

"What about her?"

"We could ask her what to do."

Ziva frowned.

"She is at home. I heard her tell Ducky that she was leaving an hour ago."

Tony looked at McGee, and his eyes widened as he realised what the older agent had in mind. Shaking his head, McGee looked between his other two colleagues.

"No way, Tony. I am not calling the Director at her house."

"Flip you for it."

Knowing he would never win, McGee sighed, picking up his phone. He quickly dialed Jenny's home number, frowning as it kept ringing. He tried her cell next, and as it rang, he glared at the Senior Field Agent, half-hoping she wouldn't answer.

"Shepard."

Damn. No such luck.

"Um..Director Shepard, I'm—I'm sorry to bother you but um..."

"Spit it out, Agent McGee."

"Our suspect confessed and we needed to let Gibbs know, but we can't find him."

"Has he been arrested?"

"No, ma'am. I wanted to let Gibbs know first."

McGee could feel the eyes of Tony and Ziva on him as he spoke to her, but he was determined to keep a calm demeanor.

"Consider it done, Agent McGee. Is there anything else?"

He was just opening his mouth to answer when a low voice came through in the background.

"Jen, everything okay?"

McGee heard her soft reply, and couldn't keep the surprise from his eyes as he realised who had spoken to her.

"Agent McGee, is there anything else?"

"No, ma'am. Again, I'm sorry to bother you."

He hung up and as soon as he released his hold on the phone, Tony tossed a paper clip across the room at him.

"What's with the face, McGoogle?"

"Nothing."

Tony glanced at Ziva.

"You buying that?"

She shook her head and McGee sighed.

"Someone was with the Director when I called."

"Ooh, a male someone? Sad, even the Director has a better sex life than you, McLonely."

"It sounded like Gibbs."

Tony laughed and shook his head.

"Look, I know he kissed her on the cheek, but that doesn't mean they're sleeping together."

Ziva snorted and they both looked over at her.

"Nice try, Tony. We all know that you started that pool."

Tony had the good grace to look embarrassed, but he knew that no one bought it. McGee returned to his computer and tried to ignore the stares of his friends. Sadly, it wasn't working.

Jenny couldn't contain her laughter as she hung up the phone and Gibbs raised his eyebrow in question.

"Care to share?"

She shook her head as she tried to catch her breath and as he pulled her into his arms, she rested her head on his chest.

"McGee knows you're here."

He smirked and kissed her lightly.

"Problem?"

She shrugged, kissing his cheek and she ran her fingers through his hair, loving the light smirk he gave her.

"Depends. Do you want the team finding out about us?"

"As if they don't already have a betting pool, Jen?"

She lightly smacked him on the arm and smiled.

"Shut up, Jethro."

"Yes, ma'am."

As much as he hated to, Gibbs had to leave Jenny to return to the Navy Yard and his case. She kissed him gently as he left and when she locked the door, she smiled to herself. Pouring herself another glass of wine, she sighed as she sipped it, and she found her thoughts returning to the man who had just left her house. She fought the urge to scream at herself as she sat in her study and ran her hand furiously through her hair.

"Get it together, Shepard."

The voice in her head that sounded strangely like her own was telling her that she'd royally messed up and that Jethro would be better off without her. She knew, logically, that she was being ridiculous, but she was still having a difficult time of convincing herself. His whispered words as he'd held her in his arms had made her feel like the only woman in the world, and she'd never felt safer than she did with him.

Pulling out her phone, she sent a quick text, hoping that he wasn't driving.

Jethro-

Don't kill your suspect. Even my powers have limits.

-Jen

Gibbs smirked as he read Jenny's text and when he returned to the bullpen, Tony jumped.

"Boss. Davis confessed to the murder. We thought you would want to be the one to arrest him."
"Why?"

"Well...because you generally like arresting people."

He delivered a slap to the back of the younger man's head and Tony frowned as he walked away.

"One of these days, I'm going to end up with permanent brain damage."

"Or you might learn to stop speaking before you think," McGee said dryly.

"I wonder if he's always done that to his team," Tony muttered, rubbing the back of his head.

"He has as long as I've known him."

Tony whipped around, fumbling in his embarrassment.

"Director Shepard! I-I didn't mean—"

"Relax, Tony. We've all been the victim of a Gibbs head slap at least once," Jenny smiled.

Tony laughed, then as he realised she was serious, his eyes widened.

"Wait—even you?"

She raised her eyebrow as she passed.

"I was his partner, too. For the record, it always hurts like hell," she called over her shoulder.

Tony's shocked expression was enough to keep her smiling all the way to her office.

The door of her office swung open, but Jenny didn't even glance up from her computer.

"Yes, Jethro?"

There was no answer, and she sighed, pulling off her glasses, irritated.

"What, Jethro?"

She looked up, and the glare on her face softened as she saw Ducky standing in front of her, a smirk on his face.

"I'd hate to be Jethro right now," he quipped, "Your wrath is not to be incurred lightly."

She smiled and gestured for him to sit. He did so, watching her carefully, searching for any indication of side effects from the pills she'd taken earlier. Her hands shook slightly as she reached for her coffee, but it was such a common occurrence that he wasn't sure if he should write it off or not.

"What can I do for you, Ducky?"

He paused for a moment, unsure of how to begin. It wasn't often that he was at a loss for words, but this situation was delicate and he wanted to approach it properly.

"Ducky?"

"Jennifer, how long have we known each other?"

She frowned.

"A long time. Why?"

"How long have you known Jethro?"

Now her glare had returned, and it was so reminiscent of Gibbs that he nearly smiled.

"What's your point here?"

"Why did you ever think that you couldn't come to us with the emotions you've been dealing with? Did you think we wouldn't understand or that we didn't care?"

"Ducky, I—"

"Let me finish. I am beyond angry with you presently, but that doesn't change the fact that I will always listen if you need me."

He noticed the pain in her eyes and paused, looking at her a bit harsher than he normally would have.

"Yes?" he asked.

"You're angry with me."

It wasn't a question, but he nodded nonetheless.

"Yes. Jennifer, do you not realise how much pain you put Jethro through with what you did today? If he hadn't acted so quickly, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. He already lost you once, I don't know if he could handle it again. Not this way. He loves you more than he'd ever admit. You didn't see him when he told me what had happened to you that night. You didn't hear the pain in his voice when he asked me how to help you. Please, Jennifer. Talk to him. Or me, if you don't feel like telling him. But we can't lose you. We need you. He needs you."

Jenny frowned, trying to figure out the best way to explain herself. She took a deep breath and tried to ignore the tears in her eyes.

"You don't understand, Ducky. I'm nothing but an inconvenience to everyone. To the team, I'm just their boss, someone that they have to deal with when they can't find Gibbs. To my superiors, I'm someone to blame when things go wrong. To all the politicians I deal with, I'm just something they can look at like a piece of meat. To Jethro...God, I don't even know what I am to Jethro. I'm someone comfortable to him. Someone he comes to when he needs something approved or if he wants a quick fuck that he won't have to commit to. No one here needs me. I'd be doing everyone a favour."

Ducky was silent, frowning at her words, and before he could speak, she had continued.

"Besides, it's pretty selfish to ask someone who is in so much pain to stay alive just to keep you from feeling bad. It's not about you or Jethro, or anyone else. This is about me. How I feel. Now, if you don't mind, I have work to do. As I'm sure you do as well."

Her dismissal was final and as he made his way to her door, he threw her a sad look over his shoulder.

"Jennifer?"

She glanced up and he met her eyes.

"You don't know how wrong you are."

Gibbs had just sat down at his desk when the doctor stopped in front of it, his eyes serious.

"We need to talk. Now."

Nodding, Gibbs stood and as they made their way to the elevator, the silver-haired agent could feel the eyes of his team on him. As soon as the doors shut, Ducky flipped the emergency switch and Gibbs frowned. Ducky never initiated meetings, and he knew this had to be serious.

"What's going on, Duck?"

"Whatever you do tonight, do not leave Jennifer alone."

"Why?"

"She's in a very dark place right now. I'm more than a little concerned for her safety. I've never heard her talk the way she did just now in her office."

Gibbs frowned.

"I'm sure Jen's fine."

Ducky glared at him and he immediately stopped any protest he had been planning.

"Jethro, she doesn't think her life matters to anyone. She thinks that she'd be making life easier for everyone if she weren't around any longer. She sees herself as an inconvenience to everyone."

Gibbs sighed and Ducky looked at him sadly.

"How do I make her see that she's wrong?"

The doctor's head shook and Gibbs could have sworn that he saw tears in the older man's eyes.

"I honestly don't know."

As Gibbs tried to enter her office, Jenny was leaving and as they collided, he frowned. He held out his arm to steady her and when he glanced down at her, he could feel her exhaustion. Slightly smudged makeup gave credit to his theory that she'd been crying and as she met his eyes, she frowned.

"Can I help you?"

"Heading home?"

She nodded silently, and he held out his arm. She hooked hers through it and as he led her towards the stairs, she paused.

"Where's your team?"

He shrugged.

"What if they see us?"

Shrugging again, he steered her closer to the catwalk and as they descended the stairs, she was relieved to find the squad room was deserted.

"Hey, Jen?"

She looked up at him and he leaned down to kiss her gently on the lips. As he pulled away, her eyes darted around the room and when she spoke, her voice was frantic.

"What are you doing, Jethro?!"

"Reminding you how much you mean to me."

They entered the elevator and it wasn't until the doors were sliding shut that he noticed the shocked expression of the open-mouthed Goth from across the room. He smirked at her, and when the doors had closed completely, he was happy to find that Jenny hadn't noticed her.

"Jen, don't you have some charity ball or something coming up soon?"

She frowned, glancing over at him and nodded.

"Yeah. Something like that. I already have my security detail set up, so don't worry about it."

He shook his head.

"I wasn't asking about security. I'm going with you. As a date."

She laughed incredulously and now it was his turn to frown.

"What? You never go to those. You hate them."

He nodded, leaning down to whisper in her ear.

"Yeah, but I love you."

She smiled as he kissed her and pulled her closer against him. The elevator doors opened and they broke apart before anyone could notice them. They climbed into his truck and as he drove back to his house, Jenny found herself wondering if the screaming in her head would ever stop.

Cynthia finished pulling up the zipper on the back of Jenny's dress and when she stepped back, she gave her boss a huge smile.

"You look absolutely beautiful, Director."

Jenny smiled.

"Thank you, Cynthia."

A soft knock on the door caused them both to turn and Jenny gasped in shock as Gibbs stuck his head around the corner.

"You never knock, Jethro."

"Figured you might have been getting dressed."

Cynthia excused herself as she assured Jenny that her car would be ready in ten minutes and Jenny looked at Gibbs appreciatively. She still couldn't believe that he had willingly offered to accompany her to a charity function, but she wasn't going to complain. She had always loved the way he looked in a suit and tie, so she was definitely not going to miss an opportunity to see it. His own eyes roamed over every inch of her body and he smiled.

"You're gorgeous, Jen."

It was true: the long satin gown she wore was a deep emerald green that perfectly complimented her eyes, and the small crystals that adorned it made it impossible to look away from her. Or perhaps, that was just Jenny in general. Her hair loosely curled just below her shoulders and if he'd thought he could get away with it, he would have ran his fingers through it to see if it was a soft as it appeared. Her lips were painted a light pink, just enough to give a hint of shimmer, and they turned upward as she thanked him.

"You look pretty amazing yourself, Jethro."

She threaded her arm through his and when they walked slowly down the stairs, Abby's exclamation made everyone's eyes snap up.

"Wow, Director! You look incredible!"

"Thank you, Abby."

"Gibbs, you look really spiffy. I like it."

He arched an eyebrow at the bubbly Goth.

"Spiffy?" he repeated.

"Yeah."

"You guys look really good. Have fun," Tony added.

Jenny looked away, somewhat embarrassed at the compliments and Gibbs frowned. Sometimes, he didn't remember that Jenny was unaware of just how attractive she really was. He made a mental note to demonstrate her effect on him later that night.

"Have a good night, Jennifer. Jethro, don't kill anyone."

Jenny laughed at Ducky's words and leaned to kiss him on the cheek.

"Thanks, Ducky."

As Gibbs led her to the elevator, one hand on the small of her back, Abby smiled, nodding to the other agents in the room. McGee and Tony exchanged a glance and when their bosses had gone, Abby jumped in her place.

"Told you! They're totally together! Did you see the way he looked at her?"

"Don't gossip, Abigail."

"It's not gossip if it's true," she pouted.

"To be fair, she looked really good."

The punch on his arm made Tony instantly regret his words.

"Not funny, Tony! She's a woman, not a sex doll."

As Ducky listened to the bantering of his colleagues, he found his thoughts wandering to the couple who had just left. Though she had seemed better, Jenny was an accomplished actress. It was one of the reasons she'd been so good undercover. He only hoped that Gibbs would be able to get through to her before it was too late.

A/N: Reviews make me smile!