A/N: In which Jenny nearly makes a horrible decision. Also, Gibbs has pictures that I really wish existed. Enjoy!

Jenny tried to ignore the way her hands were shaking as she stood off to the side of the crowd, waiting for her cue to move. She pulled out her wallet and discreetly lifted the small slip of paper she always kept on her, taking a deep breath as she read the words written in familiar handwriting.

Jen-

I love you. No matter what happens. Don't ever forget that.

-Jethro

She sighed as she placed it carefully back into her wallet and when she glanced up again, Cynthia was gesturing for her to begin walking. Nodding, she took a step forward, hoping no one was paying too close of attention or else they would have noticed how badly she was trembling. Public speaking had never bothered her, but this was an entirely different matter. She'd never spoken about her attack in front of anyone, and now here she was about to launch a federal investigation. She only hoped she sounded stronger than she felt.

"Two months ago, on the night of October 28th, a very serious crime was committed on the premises of this Navy Yard. A woman was brutally raped, beaten, and abandoned. We now have the man who committed this crime in our custody and will be conducting a federal investigation to bring about justice."

Jenny scanned the crowd, seeing a few familiar faces, and as her eyes landed on Tony DiNozzo, she felt a wave of relief wash over her. Though she couldn't see him, she knew Gibbs was in the room somewhere, and it gave her the strength to keep going.

"We are asking that if anyone witnessed anything from that night, that they come forward. Are there any questions?"

"Director Shepard, do you know the identity of the victim?"

Jenny nodded, her eyes distant.

"Yes, but that is not being released to the general public."

"Why is the Navy trying to cover this up? If the crime took place, surely there's no shame involved in releasing the name."

"The victim's name is not relevant at this time. As previously stated, we have the man responsible in custody."

"Director, what if you've arrested the wrong man? Are you willing to risk that kind of mistake?"

Shaking her head, Jenny tried to reign in the anger she could feel building within her.

"We haven't."

"But Director Shepard, surely you must believe in innocent until proven guilty?"

"I'm sorry, but we've run out of time," Jenny replied, her voice shaking with rage.

Her words were met with protests, but the redhead firmly ignored them, walking swiftly from the room. She kept her eyes straight ahead and as she made her way back to the safety of her office, she felt a few tears fall as she blinked.

Tobias Fornell watched Jenny speak from near the back of the room, his eyes narrowing in thought. Though she'd pissed him off on more than one occasion at work, he held no ill feelings toward her, and he currently felt a strange sense of pity for her. Holding a press conference like this one couldn't have been easy, and the bombardment of questions had infuriated even him.

He turned, finding himself staring into a pair of steel blue eyes and smiled.

"Jethro."

"Tobias."

"Hell of a day, huh?"

"You have no idea."

Gibbs beckoned, walking to the elevator and when Fornell had joined him in the small space, he flipped the emergency switch.

"I need your help with this."

"You know I can't get involved."

"Off the record, Fornell. This is serious."

Fornell frowned, and as he looked at his friend, he realised he'd never seen him look more somber.

"This about your investigation?"

"Yeah. I might need you to do some digging on records that your guys have blocked."

Fornell shook his head.

"I can't do that, Gibbs. I could lose my job."

"I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important."

Fornell sighed, his mind running frantically, trying to imagine a scenario where this didn't end badly. After a few moments, he looked over at Gibbs, his expression guarded.

"What's your stake in this, Jethro? Why are you so concerned?"

The former marine was silent, and for a moment, Fornell wasn't sure he would get an answer.

"Strictly off the record. No one can know about this."

Fornell nodded, and Gibbs held out his hand. He took it and once they had shaken, Gibbs sighed.

"The woman who was raped...it was her, Fornell."

At first, Fornell had no idea what he was talking about and then, it suddenly fell into place, hitting him like a ton of bricks.

"Jenny?"

Gibbs nodded, and Fornell let out a low whistle.

"Damn. No wonder she didn't want to answer those questions. Okay, fine. I'll see what I can do. I'll get with McGee and go over what I need to look for."

Gibbs flipped the switch and the elevator hummed to life. Just as the doors were about to open, Gibbs turned to his friend, a serious expression in his bright blue eyes.

"Tobias...thanks."

"I want the bastard too, Jethro."

Gibbs smirked and the doors slid back.

"Jethro?"

He turned, looking back at the agent and raised his eyebrow.

"Watch out for her."

Gibbs nodded and headed for the stairs, knowing there was only one place Jenny would have gone after the conference.

Jenny cursed at herself as she sat behind her desk, head held in her hands, and fought the urge to scream. She wanted to break something, shoot something (or someone), cry, or a combination of all three.

"How could you have been so stupid, Jenny? You should have known better."

"To be fair, you're not a mind reader."

She jumped at the sound of his voice, turning to glare at him, and as he closed her door, she sighed.

"Jethro. You startled me."

He shrugged and walked closer to her. She was pale, and even from where he stood, he could feel the exhaustion radiating from her body. She stood from her chair, walking around to collapse on her couch and when he came to sit next to her, he placed his hand on her knee.

"You did fine, Jen."

Her head shook, long hair falling into her face, and she brushed it back angrily.

"I should have known they would ask about revealing the identity. It was a probie mistake."

Gibbs took her hand in his and she glanced down at their entwined fingers for a long moment.

"No, it wasn't. You had no way of knowing what questions would be asked."

"But to say that if the crime had been committed it wouldn't be an issue? That's ridiculous! Of course the crime was committed!"

"I know," he interrupted gently, "but don't let it upset you. You're doing just fine."

He lightly kissed her hair, and she leaned into his embrace, still keeping her hold on his hand.

"For the record, you're not stupid," he murmured, his lips warm against her hair, "I'm so proud of you."

As he moved the sander back and forth over the wood of his boat, Gibbs found himself thinking about Shannon. He'd loved her and Kelly more than life itself, and losing them had nearly destroyed him. The holidays had always been difficult for him after their deaths, but for once, it had been bearable this year. Enjoyable, even. He'd spent it with great friends, people he considered his family, he had spent the night with the woman he never thought he'd be with again, and it was all thanks to Jenny. She'd been the first woman he'd truly loved since his first wife, and in spite of the trauma and emotional turmoil she was experiencing, she had still managed to make him remember that his life still had meaning, that it was worth living.

He took a drink of the bourbon sitting at his feet and sighed as it burned a path down his throat. He was determined to see the man who had hurt her, who had very nearly destroyed her, rot in a cell for as long as it was deemed possible. At the very least, she deserved that much. He smiled as he thought of her and a laugh escaped him.

"Think you would have liked Jenny, Shannon," he said quietly, "I miss you guys so much. But she makes it easier. I'll never stop loving you, but...I love her, too."

He set his drink down and as his phone rang, he ran a hand through his hair. So much for peace and quiet.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Jethro, are you still working on that damn boat?"

"Tobias?"

"Yeah. Listen, McGee and I pulled up records on your suspect. Turns out he was arrested a few years back for rape as well. Court records were sealed, but I pulled some strings and I got them. I'll get them to you first thing tomorrow."

"Thanks. I owe you."

"Didn't do it for you. Did it for Jenny."

"Even better."

He hung up and smiled, dialing another number, hoping that she was still awake.

"Shepard."

"Hey, Jen. Got some good news."

"Yeah?"

"Yep. McGee and Fornell found out that Harrison was arrested for rape a few years ago and they managed to get the court records unsealed. Bringing them by in the morning."

"That's...that's great. Really."

Something was off about her voice, and Gibbs frowned.

"Jen?"

"Yes?"

"You okay?"

"Fine."

He sighed.

"The truth."

There was a long silence on the other end of the line and when Jenny's voice came back to him, there was no mistaking the pain in her tone.

"I don't think I can do this, Jethro. They're going to rip every part of my life to shreds. They're going to ask me about you, and I can't lie about it, but I don't want either of us to lose our jobs."

"It'll be fine."

"You don't know that. Maybe...maybe it would be better if we stopped seeing each other."

He felt as though he had been punched and he fought to catch his breath.

"No. Jen, don't do that. Don't walk away from us because of that bastard. Don't let him win."

"I'm sorry, Jethro."

The click in his ear told him that she had hung up and he stared at his phone numbly for nearly a full minute. Slamming his hand down on the shell of his boat, he swore as he grabbed his keys and bolted for the door. He'd be damned if he was going to let her leave. Not again.

Jenny could hear the pounding on her front door, but made no move to answer it. She sat on the couch in her living room, staring blankly at the Christmas decorations still adorning her house and took a long desperate drink of her bourbon. The harsh taste made her shudder, gasping as it burned her throat, and she ran a shaking hand through her hair.

"Jen, open the damn door."

Sighing, she stood and made her way toward the sound. She didn't particularly want to see him, but she didn't imagine her neighbours would appreciate the noise he was making. Opening the door, she looked up at him tiredly, not even bothering to speak as she stepped back to allow him in. He pushed past her, glaring at her as she locked the door again, and when she faced him, he finally spoke.

"You can't do this, Jenny."

She shook her head slowly, trying to make him understand.

"Jethro, I—"

"No. I let you walk away once, I'm not doing it again. Jen...I know you're scared. It's completely understandable. But you can't...Jen, I can't lose you."

Closing her eyes, Jenny fought the tears threatening to escape and tried again.

"You don't understand. This could—"

"I understand that us not being together would be a huge mistake. We've tried that. It didn't work."

He walked closer to her, his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes searchingly.

"If you can look me in the eyes and honestly tell me that you want me to leave, then I'll leave."

She didn't answer, and her eyes remained fixed on the floor. He shook her gently, and when her eyes met his, she was shocked by the emotions she saw there.

"Tell me, Jenny. Do you want me to leave?"

Finally, her head shook and he let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.

"No, I don't," she whispered, "I've never loved anyone the way I love you."

"Don't do it, Jen."

"I don't want to," her voice was thick with tears, "but I'm so fucking scared. This could destroy both of our lives. Our jobs, our reputations, everything."

He wrapped her in his arms, kissing the top of her head and she sobbed against his chest, tears dampening his shirt.

"A job can be replaced. What we have can't. I'm not going to lose the best thing in my life because of that bastard."

She looked up at him and he leaned down, kissing her harder than he had since Christmas Eve. She clung to his shirt like a lifeline and when they finally broke apart, she ran her fingertips lightly over his skin.

"I'm so sorry, Jethro. I acted like an idiot."

Gibbs brought his hand to the back of her head and her mouth fell open in shock. A laugh escaped her and he smirked as she glared at him.

"Don't call yourself an idiot, Shepard. You're one of the smartest people I know."

Her lips brushed against his and she smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you too. And hey, Jen...with enough courage, you can do without a reputation."

She frowned at his words, knowing they sounded familiar to her, and when it finally clicked, she smacked his arm lightly.

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs...did you seriously just quote Gone With the Wind to me?"

He shrugged.

"Would that make you Rhett Butler?"

"Only if you're Scarlett O'Hara."

A low laugh fell from her lips and he pulled her closer in his arms. Her hand reached up to touch the side of his face gently and she smiled.

"Jethro?"

A raised eyebrow was her answer.

"Stay the night."

He pretended to think about it and she frowned.

"It wasn't a question."

His lips on hers gave her all the confirmation she needed and as she pulled him to the stairs, she wondered how she could have ever thought leaving him was anything more than utterly insane.

Tossing back the last of her drink, Jenny shuddered and curled her feet under her legs, trying to make herself focus on the paperwork she had in front of her. Her phone rang and she sighed, taking off her glasses and setting them on her lap.

"Shepard."

"Director Shepard, I'm sorry to bother you at home, but you might want to turn on the television. It's kind of important."

"Thank you, Cynthia."

She hung up, absolutely dreading whatever was waiting for her on ZNN, and as the screen flickered to life, her eyes widened in shock.

"The identity of the woman who is pressing rape charges against a local man on federal property has been revealed to be Director Jenny Shepard of NCIS. Sources say that charges have now been officially filed, and a court date is being set for Monday, January 13th. Director Shepard couldn't be reached for comment, and no official statement outside of the press conference has been given."

"Fuck," Jenny whispered.

Turning off the television, Jenny immediately reached for her phone, dialing frantically.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Jethro...they know."

"Who knows what?"

"The press. They know it was me."

"How?"

"I don't know. Someone had to have told them, but none of your team would have said anything. Jethro, what are we going to do?"

He sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"Nothing. We can't do anything about it. It's done."

Deep down, she knew he was right, but she couldn't stop the panic building in her chest. Her breathing was becoming more rapid, and the fingers were suddenly numb. She could hear Gibbs speaking to her faintly, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't force her vocal chords to cooperate.

"Jen? You okay?"

She tried again to speak, but it was useless.

"Jenny, answer me."

"J-Jethro, I c-can't...I—"

"Easy. Take it slow. Close your eyes, and take a deep breath."

A harsh gasp tore from her chest and she struggled to keep her hold on the phone.

"I'll be right there, Jen. Hang on."

The click in her ear was overwhelmingly loud, and yet she wasn't sure she had heard it at all. Every sound in her house was amplified by a hundred: every tick of the grandfather clock sounded like a drum, the hum of her heater kicking on was like thunder, and she covered her ears with her hands, letting her phone clatter to the floor. She whimpered softly, her eyes tightly shut, and still her breathing wouldn't slow.

She had no idea how long she stayed in that position, but when she heard Gibbs enter the room, she couldn't even look at him. His hands were gentle on her wrists as he tried to move her hands, and she shook her head.

"Jenny."

His voice was close, so she knew he had to be kneeling in front of her, but her eyes refused to open. He slowly removed her hands from her ears, and rubbed them between his own trying to warm them.

"Look at me, Jen."

She had never heard his voice so gentle, and it dimly occurred to her that he must have used this tone to calm Kelly down as a child. Slowly, she opened her eyes, and he gave her a reassuring smile.

"Deep breath, okay? Slow. In and out. We'll do it together. Ready?"

She shook her head and he smirked.

"Yeah, you are."

He inhaled slowly, and though she desperately tried, she couldn't match her breathing to his. Short gasps were all she could manage and he lightly stroked his finger over her cheek.

"Hey," he said gently, waiting for her to look at him, "You can do this."

Again, her head shook and he cupped the side of her face with his calloused yet tender hand.

"Come back to me, Jen," he whispered.

He kissed her fingers lightly, and when she felt she was ready, she nodded, her eyes never leaving his. This time, her lungs allowed her to do as he asked, and after several minutes, Jenny had finally calmed enough to try speaking again.

"I'm s-sorry."

He frowned and she let her eyes fall to the floor.

"Why are you sorry?"

"For all of t-this."

He tilted her chin up, forcing her to look at him and he kissed her cheek lightly.

"No. You don't have to apologise for anything. You didn't do anything wrong."

"How did they find out?" she moaned, her head falling forward onto his shoulder.

He wrapped her in his arms and sighed.

"I don't know. But it'll be okay. We can get through this."

She shook her head against his body and he pulled back, looking in her eyes seriously.

"We can," he repeated firmly, "You're so strong, and I'm not going to let this bastard win."

He pulled her back into his embrace, and as she breathed in the comforting scent of sawdust, bourbon, and coffee, Jenny allowed herself a small smile.

"Thank you, Jethro."

"Anytime, Jen."

Cynthia Sumner had worked in many places over the course of her adult life, but none of her bosses had ever treated her as well as Director Shepard. She'd always respected the older woman, and over the years, had even come to like her on a personal level. So when she entered the office and found her sitting behind her desk with her head on her arm, sleeping soundly, she frowned. She knew that the Director had been pulling a lot of all-night shifts, trying to prepare herself for the impending court case, and it saddened her to see the effect on her boss.

As much as she didn't want to, Cynthia slowly approached the desk, reaching out to touch her arm lightly.

"Director Shepard?"

Jenny shifted away from her touch and Cynthia frowned, trying again.

"Director Shepard?"

Opening her eyes slowly, Jenny blinked a few times and when she finally registered that there was someone standing in front of her, she sat up.

"Cynthia. What time is it?"

"It's 10:00AM. I'm sorry to wake you, ma'am, but you have about ten minutes before you have to be in MTAC."

Jenny nodded, running her hand through her hair and sighed.

"How bad do I look, Cynthia?"

"You look fine, ma'am. Really."

Nodding, Jenny made her way into the darkened MTAC room and as she looked up at the image on the screen, she had to force herself to concentrate. Her mind was a million miles away, dreading the upcoming court date, and more than anything, she wished she could just go home and hide until it was all over. Still, she had a job to do. The world didn't simply stop turning because she was having a breakdown.

It wasn't long before she found herself falling asleep again, and with a whispered curse at herself, she jerked awake. She had no idea what was going on with the op she was meant to be overseeing and she sighed, standing up.

"If anything needing immediate attention comes up, call my cell," she said quietly to the technician.

"Is everything okay, ma'am?"

She nodded, giving the young woman a small smile.

"Just can't focus right now."

Jenny left the room quickly and as she closed the door, she found herself face-to-face with the bluest eyes she'd ever seen. Eyes she would know anywhere.

"Jethro."

"Jenny."

"Did you need something?"

He held up a folder and she took it, her eyebrow raising in question.

"And this is?"

"Open it later," he answered mysteriously.

Frowning, she nodded and stepped around him. When he followed her, she fought the urge to roll her eyes and she entered her office as quickly as she possibly could. She grabbed her coat and as she switched off her computer, Gibbs frowned.

"Where are you going?"

"Home," she said simply.

"You okay?"

She gave him a tired smile, not wanting him to worry, and nodded.

"I just need to get some sleep that doesn't involve a desk, a chair, or a boat."

"Want some company?

Her glare made him smile and she laughed lightly.

"No, Jethro. I want to sleep. End of discussion. I'll see you later."

Gibbs watched her walk out the door and he wondered how long it would take before Jenny's curiosity overtook her and she opened the folder he'd given her.

As it turned out, it took longer than he had expected. True to her word, Jenny had gone home and climbed into her bed as soon as she'd changed out of her work attire. She slept deeper than she had in days, and though she knew it was a result of exhaustion, she was grateful for the rest. Glancing at her watch, she was surprised to find that nearly six hours had passed since she'd come home, and she buried herself further under her sheets.

Just as she was about to attempt sleeping again, she remembered the folder Gibbs had given her, and she frowned as she searched for where she had placed it. Her eyes lit up as they landed on her prize and when she opened it, a smile immediately came across her face.

Inside the folder were several pictures, taken the night of their impromptu Christmas "party", and Jenny couldn't stop smiling as she flipped through them. One of Tony and Ziva tossing food at each other made her laugh, as did McGee in the antlers Abby had finally succeeded in making him wear, and she paused as she came to one of her and Ducky. The caring expression on the doctor's face made her love him all the more, and she continued on.

Of course someone had snapped a photo of the kiss she and Gibbs had shared under the mistletoe. She honestly would have been disappointed if they hadn't. A few more candid shots were scattered throughout, but it was the last one that made her stop the longest. Ducky had to have been the one to take it, seeing as he'd been the only one around for the moment.

This one wasn't from the night of the party, but from the morning after. Gibbs and Jenny were standing in his kitchen, her arms around him, his own at her waist, just before he had kissed her. There was something in his eyes that she couldn't place, an emotion that she recognised, but couldn't quite name, and it was that expression that made her pause. Finally, it came to her and when she realised what it was, her eyes filled with tears.

Love. Pure, unapologetic, love was evident in every aspect of his body. From the way he held her, the smile on his face, to the look in his eyes as he stared down at her. Jenny stared at the picture for a few more moments before she set it down and pulled out her phone.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Thank you, Jethro."

"Took you long enough."

She laughed.

"If you must know, I've only just woken up. It was the first thing I did."

"You've been asleep this entire time?"

Jenny shrugged, though he couldn't see her.

"Is that a problem?"

"Yeah, Jen. It is. You're working yourself into the ground. You need to take care of yourself."

Jenny ran a hand through her tangled hair and sighed.

"I'm not a child."

"No, but you still need sleep."

There was a slight pause, but before she could speak, Gibbs had filled the silence again.

"I'm worried about you."

"Don't be. I'm fine, Jethro. Really."

"Might've believed you if you hadn't kept going."

Jenny placed her head in her hands and when she spoke, her voice betrayed her exhaustion.

"Jethro, I know you think there's something to be concerned about, but your famous gut isn't always right. Now, I appreciate it, and thank you for the pictures, but I have to go. I need to shower."

"Night, Jen."

She frowned as she placed her phone on the table. She had fully expected him to argue with her about it, and if she was being honest, she had wanted him to. As much as she said she was okay, and as much as she claimed to hate his questioning, she secretly wanted him to call her out. She really wanted someone other than herself to recognise that she wasn't coping, that she needed help. She just didn't want to be required to spell it out for them. Was that really so much to ask?

A/N: Next chapter will delve into the courtroom. Hope you enjoyed.