A/N: I can feel so much hate for Harry in the previous chapters so I figured it's time for us to have a glimpse of his feelings...

As always, your follows, faves, and reviews are highly appreciated.

My Cheating Heart

By: tweety-src-clt9

Chapter Five: His Cheating Heart

Harry Potter laid awake on the large king-sized bed in the master bedroom of his penthouse suite despite the wee hours of the morning. Ever since Hermione left him, the manor house he built for Ginny only reminded him of all that he'd lost. Viola Lily, his beautiful little girl, who looked like a female version of himself, since their baby seemed to have inherited his hair and eye color. And Hermione, the best friend that anyone could ever ask for...

After a month of drowning himself in liquor to numb all his sorrows and guilt, he sold the manor for a really good deal. With the help of the goblins, he found a penthouse property in muggle London that was very much closer to the ministry. He'd lived there all alone ever since. Now here he was lying all alone since he could not sleep. Ever since he passed by a magazine stand in Diagon Alley, and saw Hemione on the front cover, his lonely world shifted. He knew that sooner or later; he would be facing her again - something that he is excited about but dreading at the same time. The interview on the magazine showed him that Hermione may have moved on from what happened in the past, but her addressing him as Lord Potter made it abundantly clear that she has not forgiven him.

Seeing Hermione cry her heart out at their daughter's grave is a sight that will forever be ingrained in his memory. It was the saddest thing he'd ever seen. He now understood that his stupid mistakes in the past not only killed their daughter, but it also killed Hermione's spirit. The little girl he met on the Hogwarts Express who became his fiercest and most loyal friend was gone. The formidable Chief of the ICW's Medical Research Department is just a shadow of the wonderful woman he once knew. The entire wizarding world may be in awe of the sheer brilliance for the Hermione they now see, but his heart would ache every time he sees her the very strong stoic woman he now sees. Hermione Granger is just a shadow of the person she once was. Someone who is used to be filled with so much passion and fire is now just a brilliant healer with no feelings. The Hermione he now sees only acts like a robot. Her life was dedicated to her patients and finding cures. Her entire life is so focused on her work. Her chocolate brown eyes no longer have any spark of joy. He could see no life in those beautiful brown orbs of hers.

I took out the life in her eyes! I killed her spirit…

As he lay awake on the bed with tears in his eyes, his mind brought him back to the past…

"Harry? What are you doing here?", the sultry voice of his beautiful girlfriend called out to him. He was squatting by an oak tree near the Burrow.

"Hi, Gin! I'm just thinking", he shrugged.

"Thinking about what?", she sat beside him as she sensually glided her fingers on his forearm.

"Hermione. I hope she's found her parents by now. I'm worried about her", he stared at the distance.

"Harry, you do love me, right?", Ginny fluttered her eyes at him.

"Of course, I do", he quickly replied.

"Marry me", she whispered.

"Shouldn't I have a ring first or something?", he chuckled nervously.

"I want to get married as soon as possible. We'd live in a big house. I'll give you the family you always wanted. Besides, Hermione and Ron will get together soon. By then, we'd all be one big happy family together", she straddled his lap and kissed him.

"Okay, let's get married", he agreed.

Looking back now that he's more mature, the way Ginny coerced him into marrying her should already trigger as a red flag. The way she described a perfect world wherein Ron and Hermione would get together, and he with Ginny - was just her way of giving him an illusion of normal. Something she knew that he had always wanted. Of course, the way Ginny used to demand things such as jewelry, expensive clothes, the extravagant wedding, and the manor house is very big signs that point out she was just after him for his money. I am the world's biggest idiot!

"Harry, can I talk to you in private?", Luna Lovegood asked him one day when he was lounging around at 12 Grimmauld Place looking at the design plans for the manor.

"Hi, Luna! Sure! I'll just settle the plans down for a sec. Ginny wants the manor to be ready before the wedding", he sighed. Luna waited until he was ready before she started speaking.

"Harry, I hate to break Hermione's confidence by telling you this but she needs your help", Luna said in all seriousness.

"Why? Is something wrong with her?", he was worried.

"You know that Bellatrix tortured Hermione at Malfoy Manor, right? Well, she kept it a secret but now she's been feeling side effects from an obscure dark curse on her body. She told me that she's been researching on a cure so I helped her out. We discovered that the curse can only be lifted using a love-based ritual. It's a blessing that Hermione fits in with the initial requirement, because if she does not, then she would have had to carry this curse until she dies", Luna said in a grave tone.

"What? Tell me all you know Luna! We need to help her!", he panicked.

"Well, the ritual needs for the victim of the curse to be a virgin. Since it's a love-based ritual, then Hermione must make love with a virgin man. Ron slept with Lavender Brown while at Hogwarts so he's out of the picture. All of the Weasley brothers are out as well -", Luna's explanation was interrupted.

"I'll do it! We can't have Hermione suffer!", he was determined to do whatever it takes to help save his best friend, the one person who was always there for him.

"But what about Ginny?", Luna asked.

"She does not have to know. Besides, if she finds out, then she should understand. It's Hermione's life at stake here! We do not know how badly the effect of this dark curse can harm her!", he explained.

"Hermione can find some other man, Harry. You don't have to do this", Luna countered.

"No! I'll do it! Besides, I assume that Hermione would rather, er, do the ritual with me, than to do it with a stranger", he insisted.

"Thank you so much, Harry! I hate to break Hermione's confidence but I know that you will help her", Luna hugged him tightly.

"Luna, when do we need to do the ritual?", he asked awkwardly.

"I'll tell Hermione that you'll do it. We just have to find a venue", Luna said dreamily.

"We can do it here at Grimmauld Place this Sunday evening. I'll think of an excuse to keep Ginny or any of the Weasleys away. We need to do the ritual as soon as possible", he said with conviction and Luna smiled before she stepped into the fireplace to floo away.

Harry closed his eyes as he remembered the only time that he made love with Hermione during the ritual. It started awkwardly; when their lips first touched, he felt guilty about Ron and Ginny, but he strengthened his resolve because he had to do it to save Hermione. When he kissed her again, this time with determination and passion, all thoughts of guilt flew out the window. Something about her lips felt so right. Something about the way her body pressed against his felt like coming home.

He eagerly worshiped her body like a starving man. He made love to her and meant it. The physical connection he felt with her was so different from anything that he ever felt before. Somehow in all the weirdness of the entire situation, it made sense to him to be sharing his body with her. Every touch, every kiss, and every thrust made him feel complete like no other. There are no exact words to describe it, except for the fact that it was a feeling of elation that he never felt before. I should've known! It's not about losing my virginity! But because it was her. She made it feel so right! Because it is right! I should've been with her in the first place! Why was I so blinded by my loyalty to Ron?

To this very day, it remains to be one of his biggest secrets. Everyone thinks that Cho Chang was his first crush at Hogwarts but that was wrong. His first crush at Hogwarts is Hermione Jean Granger. Why else would he have saved her from the troll if he didn't like her in the first place? When he was a young clueless eleven-year-old, Hermione's brilliance always amazed him. Her eyes would sparkle when she reads and he found her bushy hair quite cute. One of the major reasons as to why he was so devastated when she got petrified during their second year, is because he could no longer see her sparkling eyes and her bushy-hair bounce with life. His heart always gave a leap when she smiled at him and hugged him in their first two years at Hogwarts. During their third year, he noticed that Hermione and Ron seemed to have a tension that reminded him of flirting lovers he sees on Aunt Petunia's favorite soap operas. So, he decided to divert his feelings to another smart young lady, Cho Chang. Ever since then, he was able to curb his romantic feelings for Hermione. He was even able to convince himself that he just sees her as a sister. Of course, when I kissed her lips during the ritual and worshiped her body with my own, I only confirmed that it has always been a lie. A lie I convinced myself to believe because of my loyalty to Ron.

He recalled that when Hermione told him she was pregnant with his baby, he felt surprised but he just accepted it. He wanted a family after all and he knew that he was at fault as well because he agreed to do the ritual and he meant everything he did when they made love. The only thing that dampened his acceptance was the reaction from the Weasleys. They got so angry at him and Hemione and he was so sad to have lost the adoptive family he's had for so long. Their hatred pushed him to consume lots of liquor. One night, when he got drunk at the Hog's Head to drown out his sorrows, Ginny Weasley was there and she filled his head with doubts on Hermione's intentions and true character. Ginny filled his mind with thoughts that Hermione was just after him for his money and the prestige of being Lady Potter. To settle his curiosity once for all, he arrived home drunk and immediately asked Hermione as to why they ended up married to each other. Ironic that Ginny called Hermione a gold digger when she is the real gold digger after all! I am the world's biggest idiot for ever believing that devious selfish woman over my best friend.

"Harry! You're drunk", she immediately went to help steady him but he pulled away from her.

"Mione, tell me, why the fuck did we end up married?", he asked in a cold voice as he approached her.

"I'm in love with you Harry. So, I decided to do whatever it takes to steal you away from Ginny", she admitted with tears in her eyes.

How could Hermione betray me like this? I only intended to help her with the dark curse but it was just a ruse all along! She just wanted to trap me in marriage with her! Ginny was right! She is just after the Lady Potter title and my money!

"I hate you, Hermione! You disgust me", he ran to his bedroom and banged the door shut. He punched the wall as his knuckles bled.

"How can the one person I trust most in the world betray me like this? Why?", he said angrily as his magic trashed the room.

"How could you do this to me, Hermione? I trusted you!", he whispered as angry tears fell down his cheeks.

He would always regret the way he treated Hermione after she admitted to tricking him into marriage. It hurt him so much that she betrayed his trust, but the way he had abysmally treated her - bringing random women, the insults, and taking her wand away to force her to manually clean the blasted manor without magic - will always be the biggest mistake of his life. If only he could Avada or crucio himself, then he would. His actions filled her pregnancy with so much pain and stress which affected the baby she was carrying in her womb. His stupidity contributed to the death of his child! A child he even professed to hate in front of her pregnant mother while he was parading his latest conquest! I could clearly remember Hermione's pained expression when I blurted out how much I hated the baby in her womb. That pained face haunts my dreams almost every single night since she left me. I know that was the moment I started to lose her…

He recalled that after he made that rash remark about hating the baby, Hermione never looked at him or cared whatever it was that he was doing anymore. She never even called for him when she gave birth. He didn't even know she already gave birth until he returned home late at night and he could not find her.

"Hermione? Are you here?", he called out upon seeing a wet puddle in the main hall, just a few feet from the fireplace.

"Hermione! Where are you? Clean up this wet puddle, right now!", he yelled. He waited for a few minutes. He was used to her immediately answering his call after all. Although he did notice that she won't even meet his eyes now, ever since he made that comment about hating the baby.

"Hermione?", he called out in a gentler tone but there was still no answer.

"Shit!", he panicked. What if she left? Or what if someone took her? He immediately ran to the library since it was her favorite place. When she was not there, he ran to her bedroom. Upon seeing that she was not there as well, he got scared. Even if he said he hated her, he still did not want anything bad to happen to her. He paused. He then counted the months since the ritual took place before it hit him. She already gave birth to their child!

"St. Mungo's!", he yelled with uneven breaths as he ran from her room to the fireplace.

"Lord Potter, how can we help you?", a female healer batted her eyes at him.

"Is my wife here?", he asked immediately.

"Excuse me, Lord Potter?", another healer addressed him.

"Yes?", he immediately turned to the voice.

"I am Mrs. Potter's healer. I delivered your baby yesterday afternoon", the female healer who looked to be in her sixties informed him.

"Why isn't she home yet?", he asked as he followed the healer who ushered him to an office.

"Lord Potter, I must tell you something important", the healer said as they each took a seat.

"Alright", he said with a nod.

"Mrs. Potter is alright. She'll be up and running tomorrow morning. But your baby, there is something wrong with her", the healer explained gently.

"What's wrong with the baby?", he asked with worry.

"The baby has a very weak pair of lungs. She also has problems with her heart. It would seem that those two organs are not fully developed. She is very sick, Lord Potter", the healer added.

"My baby is a girl?", he was dumbfounded. He was now a father to a baby girl!

"Lord Potter, your daughter can die because she is very sickly!", the healer said bluntly upon realizing that what she said earlier didn't sink into him.

"What?", he screamed in shock.

"Lord Potter, as I said earlier, your daughter has an underdeveloped heart and very weak lungs", the healer stated again.

"But why?", he asked in a defeated tone.

"Has Mrs. Potter been emotionally or physically stressed during the duration of her pregnancy?", the healer asked. The healer's question broke his heart.

"It's my fault the baby is sick! I made Hermione suffer during her entire pregnancy!", he admitted with guilt as tears fell down his cheeks.

"Lord Potter, calm yourself. I already informed Mrs. Potter about the potions that she has to give the baby. Also, whatever or whenever it is, if you feel something is wrong, then take her to St. Mungo's immediately", the healer said in a firm voice. He could only nod as the guilt tore at him.

"Do you want me to show you to Mrs. Potter's room?", the healer asked and he just stood up and quietly followed.

"Here we are, Lord Potter", the healer gestured to Room 314 before she left. He could hear Hermione humming a lullaby to the baby but he can't bring himself to enter the room. He did not deserve to be in Hermione and the baby's presence! His foolishness and pettiness caused Hermione so much pain which ended up affecting their baby! What kind of father is he?

"I can't face them", he whispered to himself. He took out his wand and cast a disillusionment charm on himself. When a healer passed by, he cast a compulsion charm on him so that he would go check on Room 314. As the healer opened the door, he too slipped in Hermione's room.

"Hello, sir! Are you here for Viola's check-up?", Hermione smiled at the healer.

"I am here to check up on you, Mrs. Potter", the male healer said.

"Oh! Of course. I'll just place Viola Lily in her cot", she smiled as she cooed at the baby before gently placing it in the cot beside the hospital bed. He quietly walked to the cot and his heart clenched. Viola Lily Potter looks like a female version of himself except for her nose and lips which she inherited from Hermione. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen and his stupidity could end up killing her!

"Could you please lie down on the bed, Mrs. Potter", the male healer said. Harry looked at Hermione who immediately complied with the healer's orders. The man waved his wand and diagnostics were conducted.

"All your vital signs appear to be normal, Mrs. Potter. How did your first feeding go?", the healer addressed Hermione.

"My first feeding went fine. Although this little one sometimes pinches on my skin when she feeds", she chuckled.

"Did your husband help you out for the first feeding? Some women need to have their nipples bitten and caressed beforehand to ease the feeding."

"I caressed my nipples myself. I'm fine on my own. I don't need my husband", Harry could hear the venom in her voice.

"Very well then. I'd sign your release papers for tomorrow. You and Viola Lily can go home. I suppose your husband will be helping you tomorrow?"

"My daughter and I will be fine on our own, sir. There's no need to worry", Hermione said with determination.

"I'll be going then, Mrs. Potter", the healer walked towards the door.

"Thank you, sir,", Hermione replied. The healer nodded before shutting the door.

"Waaaahhhh!", Viola Lily cried and Harry quietly walked a few feet away. He saw Hermione immediately stand up to cradle Viola from her cot.

"Sshh! Shh! It's alright Vi! Mummy's here! Shh!", she reassured the child as she gently shifted side to side.

"Waaah!"

"Are you hungry?", Hermione moved to the bed and lowered her hospital gown. Viola Lily immediately latched her tiny mouth on her mother's breast.

Harry watched the tender moment between mother and child with shame and regret. It was all his fault that Viola is sick. He knew that Hermione would never forgive him because of this…

"I'm so sorry, Viola Lily. I am so sorry for being so stupid! If only I could turn back time, I would never have hurt you and your mother", he had tears in his eyes as all his mistakes came into mind...

"Viola! Viola! No! Baby, wake up! Please, wake up!", Hermione screamed with agony. Harry immediately got out of bed as he heard Hermione's screams from her bedroom. He ran and opened the door. There she was kneeling by the baby's crib, Viola in her arms. One look at Hermione's distraught face and he understood. Viola Lily Potter is dead!

"Hermione?", he asked in a cracked voice as he went near her.

"Get away from me! I hate you! You're the reason my baby died!", she screamed with venom as she held the lifeless baby on her chest.

"Hermione, we have to take her to St. Mungo's. Maybe they can do something!", he gently told her as he walked closer towards her.

"She's dead! I woke up early to feed her but with one glance I knew something was wrong. She was not crying but she was all pale. I immediately performed the first aid I learned from her healer and poured her drops of the potion but she still died! She died here in my arms!", she wailed.

"Hermione we should still -"

"How dare you! I know she's dead! If she weren't, don't you think I'd be crying here!", she snarled.

"Expecto Patronum!", it was the first time his Patronus was not Prongs. This time it was just a ball of mist, he cannot muster enough happiness at this point.

"Please come to Potter Manor. We have an emergency", he ordered his Patronus to head to a healer in St. Mungo's. After five minutes, he could feel the wards shift and he heard footsteps ran towards Hermione's bedroom. Since healers are always visiting the manor to monitor Viola Lily's condition, they already know where to go.

"Lord Potter! What happened?", a male healer asked.

"Our baby. She's dead", he said as tears fell down his cheeks as he gestured to a crying Hermione who was still cradling their dead daughter.

"Mrs. Potter would you hand us the child please?", a female healer approached Hermione.

"No! Get away from her!", Hermione screamed.

"We're so sorry about this, Lord Potter, Mrs. Potter", the male healer said before he stunned Hermione. The female healer gently took the baby from Hermione and performed diagnostic tests.

"Viola Lily Potter. Time of death 5:09 AM, August 25, 1999. Cause of death, heart failure", the female healer said with sadness.

"Lord Potter, we need you to come with us to St. Mungo's. We need to give Mrs. Potter some calming draughts and you have to file the baby's death records. Also, you must start to arrange for the burial details", the male healer addressed him. Harry looked at Hermione who was now laid on a conjured stretcher. He quietly followed the healer to the fireplace as they flooed to St. Mungo's. His daughter's death will always bear a large hole in his heart. But if Hermione will go crazy due to the grief, he would not know what to do...

He would never forget the hatred in Hermione's eyes as he approached her after he finished organizing Viola Lily's burial details. When she reawakened after being dosed with calming draughts, he went to her room to check on her. He had never seen such hatred and anger from her chocolate brown eyes before. He tried to go near her, but she yelled at him to get out with a venom that he's never heard before. He spent the rest of the night crying outside her hospital room. He knew that their daughter's death will alter her forever...

"Harry Potter! You open this bloody door right now!", an angry voice called out. He did not bother to stand up from his position on the bed. That angry voice did not belong to Hermione anyway. It's been three days since she left him and gave him the divorce papers. All he could do was lie in bed and blame himself for all the mistakes he'd ever done.

"'arry! Open ze door!", another voice called out. He didn't care. Those voices did not belong to Hermione. After all, why would Hermione come for him when he was the reason their daughter died.

"Reducto!", the door of his bedroom shattered into pieces and he didn't flinch. He just continued to stare into space and contemplate his mistakes.

"Harry James Potter! Whatever did you do to Hermione?", an angry Luna Lovegood screamed.

"'arry, how could you do that to 'ermione?", Fleur was just as livid as Luna.

"Do you know where she is?", he asked with a dead voice.

"Hermione left Britain. She wrote to us saying that she filed for divorce. Now answer us! What the hell did you bloody do to her?", Luna stormed in front of him and angrily wrapped a hand on his throat.

"Just kill me, Luna. I deserve it anyway", he replied. Luna slowly let go of his throat but pointed her wand at him.

"Tell us 'arry! What did you do?", Fleur demanded.

"I caused her to be in too much pain and stress when she was pregnant. Viola was born sickly due to the stress. Our baby died. And then Hermione left me too", he admitted as guilty tears started to fall again.

"Why did you hurt 'ermione, 'arry?", Fleur said sadly.

"She broke my trust in her by tricking me into marrying her", he replied. Luna slapped him hard.

"We convinced Hermione to trap you into marriage just to save you from Ginny's plans to steal your wealth!", Luna yelled.

"What? That's not -"

"Do you have a pensieve?", Fleur asked and he nodded. She summoned the pensieve and carefully set it on his bed. He saw Fleur and Luna drop their memories.

"Get your arse in that pensieve right now and tell us what you see!", Luna said with venom. He lowered his face to the runic bowl and he was immersed in the memories. After some time, he pulled out of the pensieve as the memory ended.

"No! No! Please tell me it's not true", he whispered as he sobbed.

"How dare you do that to our friend Harry Potter, when all she's ever done is to unconditionally love you?", Luna spat with venom.

"We thought you would love and respect her 'arry! She was supposed to be your best friend! And you hurt her so much!", Fleur said with sadness.

"I need to talk to her! I need to see her! Please tell me where she is!", he pleaded.

"We know where she is but we will never tell you, Harry Potter! You do not deserve her!", Luna said in a cold voice.

"Please, I'm begging you!", he was on his knees as he cried.

"You do not deserve Hermione Granger, Harry Potter! So just please leave our friend alone!" Luna dragged Fleur to the door.

"She only loved you so much, 'arry! How can you do this to her?", Fleur had tears in her eyes as she and Luna closed the door.

"How could I ever make it up to you, Hermione? What must I do for you to forgive me?", he whispered as he continued to stare at the ceiling. If only I had a time turner…