A/N: Happy New Year, everyone! I hope you had fun ringing it in however you chose! Here, we see our favourite couple navigating Jenny's lingering fear, depression and self-hatred and Ducky tries valiantly to help. Hope you enjoy!

The scream ripped from her throat as she jerked awake, her eyes wide in the darkness, and Jenny tried desperately to catch her breath. She blinked furiously, trying to remember where she was, and as her surroundings became clearer to her, she closed her eyes in exhaustion. As she fumbled for her phone, it dimly occurred to her that it was late, but she didn't care. As she listened to the ringing in her ear, she tried to keep herself from crying.

"Hello?"

"Ducky, it's Jenny. I know it's late, and I'm sorry, but do you have anything that I could use to get some sleep?"

"I don't generally like to prescribe sleep aids without an examination, Jennifer, but—"

"Please, Ducky," she hated this, hated being reduced to begging, "I haven't gotten any decent sleep in a week. I'm desperate. Please."

He sighed, and she knew he was weighing the options in his mind.

"I suppose...just be careful, my dear. I'll be right over."

"Thank you," she whispered, no longer trying to stop her tears.

She wrapped herself more securely in her blankets, hating herself for wishing that she were instead in the arms of a certain former marine.

Ducky had barely removed his hand from Jenny's door before it flew open, revealing a very pale, very thin, very unstable Jenny. The doctor's eyes took in her disheveled appearance, her tangled hair, dark-rimmed eyes, and the way her clothing hung loosely on her body. She hugged him, uncharacteristic in its own right, and as he followed her inside, he was suddenly very concerned.

"Jennifer...if you don't mind my asking, why are you not staying with Jethro?"

She shrugged.

"He needs sleep, probably more than I do, and I can't take that away from him."

Ducky raised his eyebrow at her, not believing her for an instant, and she sighed.

"I don't want him to see me like this," she admitted.

He nodded and he gestured for her to sit. She did so, sinking down onto the couch and as he handed her the bottle of pills, his eyes were serious.

"I need to know that I can trust you, Jennifer. These pills can be dangerous, and I don't want anything to happen to you."

She nodded.

"I understand. I'm not going to...it won't be like last time."

Ducky looked at her, as if he were deciding whether or not to believe her, and finally he nodded.

"Don't make me regret this, Jennifer."

Jenny nodded, reading the instructions on the label and as she placed a pill in her mouth, she grimaced at the bitter taste.

"Thank you so much, Ducky."

"I trust that you'll want this kept between us?"

The redhead nodded.

"For now. I don't want Jethro to worry."

She stood, walking him to the door, and as he hugged her again, he kissed her cheek lightly.

"Get some sleep, Jennifer. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Thank you."

Closing the door, Jenny sighed and made her way slowly up the stairs. She could already feel herself getting drowsy and as she crawled into her bed and pulled her blankets up, she silently thanked whatever deity existed for modern medicine.

Tony glanced up as he heard the raised voices of Director Shepard and Agent Gibbs from the catwalk and tried to pretend that he wasn't listening.

"You can't just barge in without a search warrant, Gibbs! Are you trying to cost us this case?"

"Excuse me for trying to solve your case, Director."

"You still have to follow procedure! This is unacceptable."

McGee sighed, glancing at Tony and Ziva as they continued to argue.

"How many fights does this make?"

"I lost count," Tony admitted.

"Nine this week."

"Of course you didn't," the Senior Field Agent grumbled.

Ziva shrugged and kept typing her report, keeping her ears open for anything important.

"Agent Gibbs, my office. Now!"

Tony smirked.

"Guess the boss will be sleeping on the couch tonight."

As soon as the door of Jenny's office had shut, Gibbs gave her a smile. She didn't return it, and he suddenly knew that she was deadly serious.

"I messed up with procedure, but we caught the guy. Give me a break, Jen."

"I can't ignore this, Jethro. If I'm seen giving you any kind of leniency, it could be seen as favouritism."

"No one would do that."

Jenny glared at him and he backed away. He hadn't seen her this angry at him in awhile, and he wondered if he had gone too far.

"I'm giving you a written warning."

"Come on, Jenny!"

"I don't have a choice," she said, her voice betraying her exhaustion.

He nodded, knowing she was right, but annoyed regardless.

"I'll talk to Agent Lee in legal. See if I can fix this."

She smiled in appreciation and he walked around to stand behind her chair. He brought his hands to her shoulders, massaging gently, and she leaned back slightly.

"I still have to yell at you when you leave."

"Yeah. Make it good."

She nodded, standing up and his hands fell from her shoulders. He gave her a smirk as he walked to the door, and as it opened, she tried not to smile.

"You can't pick and choose what rules you follow, Agent Gibbs! Fix this, or I'll find someone who can!"

His expression was angry, but Jenny could see the laughter in his eyes. He walked down the steps and deliberately ignored all the stares of the employees in the bullpen.

"How'd it go, boss?"

The smack that Gibbs delivered to the back of DiNozzo's head was loud enough that Jenny heard it from where she stood.

Gibbs tossed back the last of his bourbon and briefly wondered what Jenny was doing. She'd insisted on staying at her own house for the past few nights and he was curious as to whether he'd done something wrong. He knew he'd screwed up at work today, but none of his work antics explained her avoidance of him. Still, he knew that if something was bothering her, Jenny likely needed to work it out on her own. Forcing his company on her wouldn't fix anything. He only hoped that she still trusted him enough to confide in him if she wanted to.

As she shook out a pill into her hand, Jenny glanced around her living room nervously. She wasn't sure why, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was doing something wrong. True, she'd been taking the pills more frequently in the weeks since she'd gotten them from Ducky, but that was to be expected. Her nightmares had increased over the past week and she'd been desperate for sleep.

She'd been so busy at work that she hadn't seem much of Gibbs lately, and while she felt guilty about it, she knew it couldn't be helped. He had managed to fix his earlier mistake regarding his search warrant (how, she didn't want to know) and had been so busy himself that he likely hadn't minded. Or, at least, she hoped he hadn't minded.

Curling up on her couch, Jenny pulled her blanket around her and as she drifted off, she was dimly aware of footsteps on her front porch. Believing it to be a result of her over-tired mind, she simply shrugged, letting the warmth of her blanket lull her to sleep.

Glaring at her alarm as she opened her eyes, Jenny sighed as she swung her legs onto the floor. She hadn't planned on spending the entire night on her couch, but as long as she'd slept, she really didn't care where it happened. She walked up to her bedroom, trying to wake up, and set about getting dressed for her day.

She selected her outfit carefully, wanting to catch Gibbs' attention as she passed his desk in the morning, and smiled to herself. He had always loved her in green, so the deep emerald silk blouse would go well with the silver pinstriped slacks she'd selected. Fastening the necklace he'd given her, she began applying her makeup, wanting it to be both subtle yet noticeable.

Her heels were last, black suede and six inches high, and as she made her way to her front door, she found herself feeling more confident than she had in months. When she closed her door behind her, her eyes widened as she saw the red spray paint that covered the heavy oak. Embarrassment flooded her, and as she walked to her car, she was immensely thankful that her driver had enough sense not to comment.

When he walked into Jenny's office that morning, coffee in hand, Gibbs couldn't keep the smile from his face. They'd solved their latest case quickly, and he was feeling rather good about it. One look at the redhead changed his entire demeanour and he frowned as he noticed the pain in her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head and he walked closer, stopping just in front of her desk.

"Talk to me."

She sighed, not looking at him and when she finally raised emerald eyes to his, he was saddened to see the tears shining in them.

"Someone spray painted the word "whore" on my front door, Jethro," she said quietly.

"What?"

He was angry now, and she shook her head.

"I saw it this morning when I left."

Any confidence she had felt earlier in the day had long since vanished and Gibbs walked around the desk to look at her seriously.

"That's vandalism."

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

Her words were harsh, but her voice lacked the conviction to make it sting. It suddenly struck him how pale she was and he frowned.

"Stay with me tonight."

"I'll be fine, Jethro."

He shook his head, eyes hard.

"Wasn't a suggestion."

She glanced up at him, and nodded. He pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her hair.

"You look beautiful, Jenny."

"Wore it just to impress you," she quipped.

"I appreciate it. But it would look even better on the floor."

Jenny pulled back, glaring at him playfully, and he smiled. If it would make her smile, he would make inappropriate jokes all day long.

Though she knew Ducky had told her that the pills he'd given her could be dangerous, Jenny shook two into her hand as she watched Gibbs work on his boat. One pill had long since stopped working for her, and as she tossed back a bit of bourbon, she shuddered. Gibbs was watching her from his peripheral vision and he frowned as he watched her knock back the pills.

"Jen?"

"Hm?"

"What are those?"

She frowned, not sure what he meant.

"What are you talking about?"

He pointed with the sander in his hand.

"Those pills. What are they? Are you sick?"

Jenny's head shook and she gave him a reassuring smile.

"No. I'm not sick, Jethro. Ducky gave them to me."

Her evasiveness was beginning to make him angry and he tossed his sander to the ground.

"That doesn't explain what they are."

She laughed, tossing her hair over her shoulder, and stood. She placed her hand on his arm, smiling as she walked past.

"Jethro, it's nothing. I'm fine."

She made her way to the couch in the corner of his basement and as she fell asleep, Gibbs pulled out his phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Duck. Got a question."

"Of course, Jethro. What is it?"

"You gave Jen pills? What are they for?"

The doctor sighed. He should have known that Gibbs would find out.

"They're sleeping pills. Jethro. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but Jennifer was very insistent. She didn't want to worry you."

"How many a night?"

"One."

Gibbs swore, looking over at the sleeping redhead.

"What's wrong?"

"She took two tonight."

Ducky frowned, thinking quickly.

"Well, two won't be enough to cause any permanent damage, but perhaps you should take the bottle just to be safe. Her body is likely building up an immunity to them and as a result, a higher dosage is needed to get the desired effect. I did warn her that they were dangerous."

Gibbs nodded, and walked over to where Jenny was sleeping. He sat down on the couch, running his hand over her hair and he sighed. He hoped she was getting some much needed sleep, but he was concerned by her methods.

"When did you give them to her?"

"About two weeks ago."

"Okay. Thanks, Ducky. I'll keep an eye on her."

"Good night, Jethro."

"Night."

Gibbs watched her sleep for a few moments after he had hung up and finally, he swept her into his arms. He carried her up the stairs and as he climbed into the bed next to her, he sighed. He only hoped it wasn't too late to help her.

The next night, as Jenny sipped her bourbon, she watched Gibbs work on his boat and admired the way his muscles moved as he sanded. He could feel her watching him and he raised his eyes to hers, offering her a smile.

"You okay?"

She nodded.

"Just thinking."

He frowned.

"In the morning, I'm going to fix your door."

"You don't have to do that."

He shrugged, looking at her over his shoulder.

"I know."

She was silent and as he sanded, a horrible thought occurred to him.

"Jen...you don't believe it, do you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your door."

She didn't answer, her eyes downcast, and he brushed off the sawdust as he approached her.

"You're not a whore, Jen," he told her seriously.

Though she knew he was telling her the truth, she couldn't bring herself to let it go. Her emotions had been in a turmoil over the past few weeks, and she'd be lying if she'd said she hadn't noticed. If she was being honest, she wanted to feel the pain. She would never tell Gibbs, but she felt as though she deserved it. She nodded at his words, and when she stood, he frowned.

"I'm going to try to sleep."

He nodded and she pulled her purse closer, looking for the bottle of pills. She frowned as she searched for it and when she couldn't find them, she looked over at the silver-haired agent.

"Where are they?"

Gibbs stayed silent and she glared at him, slamming her purse down on the table.

"Jethro, where are they?"

"You don't need them, Jen."

She shook her head angrily.

"You don't get to decide what I do or do not need."

"Try it for one night. Please. I don't want you to get hooked on them."

Jenny glared at him, pushing past as she walked toward the steps.

"Jenny—"

"I hate you," she spat as she disappeared up the stairs.

Gibbs frowned as he entered his bedroom. Jenny was curled onto her side, as far away from his side of the bed as she could manage and the sheets were pulled tightly around her. He sat down next to her, and when he reached out to touch her shoulder, she jerked away.

"Don't touch me."

He should have known she'd still be awake. He nodded and laid down, wanting to hold her, but knowing she would never allow it. As he lingered in between wakefulness and sleep, he could have sworn he heard her crying.

Gibbs was woken from his sleep hours later as Jenny shot up from her position next to him. Her breathing was ragged and he reached out to touch her cautiously.

"Jenny?"

She blinked, looking at him with tear-filled eyes, and she rested her head on her knees. Miraculously, she didn't move when he touched her, and as he cradled her against his chest, he placed feather-light kisses to her hair.

"Shh...it was just a dream. You're safe. I promise."

Jenny's tears soaked into his shirt and her grip on the fabric was so tight that her fingers hurt.

"I'm sorry, Jethro."

He shook his head.

"No, Jen. I'm sorry. This is my fault."

She raised up to look at him and he gently brushed away the tears as they fell from her eyes.

"Is this why you haven't been staying with me?"

She nodded.

"I didn't want you to see me this way," she said, her voice breaking. "It's over. He's in jail, why am I still such a mess?"

Gibbs held her as tightly as he dared, placing light kisses over her skin as she sobbed, and he brushed her hair back from her face.

"There's no time frame for this. You can take as long as you need to heal. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not going to judge you if you need to break down."

"I feel so fucking weak, Jethro. I can't stand it."

Jenny moved out of his embrace and angrily pushed her hair out of her face. She stood, grabbing her clothes as she moved, and Gibbs frowned.

"Jen, what are you doing?"

She shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Jethro. I can't do this. I love you."

Kissing him once, she held onto him as though her life depended on it, and when she ran from the room, Gibbs was so stunned he couldn't move. There had been a finality to her kiss that he hadn't liked and it wasn't until he heard his front door close that it truly hit him that she was gone.

Gibbs frowned as he dialed Jenny's number for the fifth time that night, and when it went to voicemail again, he swore. He'd already driven to her house, only to find her car gone and as he paced in his basement, he had another idea.

"Hello?"

"Ducky, Gibbs. Have you heard from Jenny tonight?"

"No, I haven't. It's after three in the morning, Jethro. Is something wrong?"

"She had a nightmare after she fell asleep. When she woke up, she was really upset and she ran. It's been an hour. I've called, went by her house...I can't find her. Thought maybe she would come to you."

"I'm sorry, Jethro. If I hear from her, I'll let you know."

Thanking him, Gibbs hung up and sighed. He had to be at work in three hours and he knew there was no way he would ever get back to sleep, so he decided to pick up his sander. He hoped, wherever she was, Jenny was safe. Nothing else mattered.

Jenny furiously wiped the tears from her eyes as she drove, not even sure where she was going. When she finally stopped, she was surprised to discover that she had unconsciously driven to the cemetery. She got out of the car, stumbling to the one person she thought could help her, and as she collapsed on the ground, her breathing became more ragged.

The cold marble of her father's headstone gleamed in the moonlight, and she reached out to touch it gently.

"Hi, Daddy," she whispered, "it's Jenny. I know I haven't been by in awhile, but I really needed to talk to you."

Pausing, she traced her fingers gently over the letters of her father's name, wishing she could see him one last time.

"This has been such a difficult three months. I—I was raped...and I'm still not dealing with it very well. I told you years ago about Jethro, Daddy. Remember? I wish you could have met him. You would have liked him. He's been amazing, helping me through everything. But...I'm still a mess. I'm so scared all the time...I really need you, Daddy."

She leaned forward, kissing the stone gently and stood, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"I love you so much, Dad."

As soon as he walked into work the next morning, Gibbs made his way up to Jenny's office. He passed Cynthia, ignoring her protests and as his eyes scanned the room, he frowned. He walked back out to Cynthia's desk, his eyes narrowing at her.

"Where is she?"

"I tried to tell you, sir. The Director didn't come in to work today."

His frown intensified as he looked at the younger girl.

"Did she say why?"

"No. She just asked me to cancel her meetings for the day."

Nodding, he pulled out his phone as he walked away, dialing furiously.

"Jen, where the hell are you?"

As he stepped into the elevator, he pressed the button for autopsy, and as it stopped between floors, the doctor in question joined him. Flipping the emergency switch, Gibbs looked at him and Ducky frowned.

"Any luck?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"She's not here."

"That's very unlike Jennifer."

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"She's a damn pro at walking away from me, Duck."

Ducky looked at him in shock and sighed.

"Jethro, she's not walking away from you. She's scared and she's exhausted. She's running because she doesn't know what to do. This has been a terrifying ordeal for her."

Gibbs frowned and nodded, considering the doctor's words. He flipped the switch, and they began moving again. He pulled out his phone again, listening as Jenny's phone rang, praying she would answer. He sighed as her voicemail picked up once more.

"Jen, I just want to know you're safe. Call me. Love you."

Ducky gave him an encouraging smile as he stepped off the elevator and Gibbs frowned as he made his way back to his desk. This was going to be a long day.

Flipping the switch to turn on his light in the basement, Gibbs sighed. He'd been expecting to see his redheaded lover lounging gracefully on the work stool as he'd walked down the steps, but it appeared he had no such luck. She must have eventually turned off her phone because his calls had started immediately going to her voicemail. Either that, or it had died, but it wasn't like Jenny to allow her phone battery to die. Then again, this entire situation was so unlike Jenny that he didn't know what to expect anymore.

He blew into a mason jar quickly and poured a large measure of bourbon into it, drinking deeply. Jenny being so unexpectedly gone again had really thrown him, and he sighed as he downed the bourbon in the jar. His phone rang and he rolled his eyes, not in the mood to talk to anyone. He decided to let it ring and when his voicemail icon blinked, he groaned.

He picked it up, and poured more bourbon into the jar. He listened to the voicemail, nearly dropping his phone as Jenny's voice filled his ear.

"Jethro, I know you probably don't want to talk to me, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I know how you feel about apologies, but you deserve one. I love you."

He immediately called her back, and when her soft voice floated down the line, he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Jen. Where are you? Are you safe?"

"I'm okay, Jethro. I know you're probably really angry with me, but I—"

"Come home, Jen."

There was a pause and when she spoke, he could hear the smile in her voice.

"I'll be right there."

Her heels clicked on the floor above his head and Gibbs deliberately didn't turn around. As she walked down the steps, he kept sanding his boat and she stopped behind him.

"Jethro?"

"Jenny."

He waited, selfishly wanting to make her nervous, and when he didn't turn around, she sighed.

"I shouldn't have run."

"You did."

"I know. It was stupid of me. I couldn't stand the thought of you seeing me break down. I don't like being this weak. I don't want you to be burdened by me."

He finally looked at her, and frowned as he took in her appearance. To put it bluntly, she looked like hell.

"Jesus, Jen."

He walked over to her and raised his hand, smacking the back of her head. She smiled nervously and he smirked at her.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"I don't hate you."

He nodded and leaned down to brush his lips over hers gently. She wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, and when the need for air became too great, they finally broke apart.

"I love you," she whispered breathlessly.

"I love you too. And if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I'll chain you to DiNozzo for a month."

She nodded, kissing him again. He could smell the combination of rain and perfume as he held her, and when he brushed her hair back, he frowned.

"Where the hell were you, Jen?"

She looked away, her eyes trained on the floor, and finally she sighed.

"I went to see my dad."

He was properly confused for a moment, and suddenly it clicked.

"Would you like me to go with you next time?"

She nodded.

"I think he would've liked you."

Gibbs held out his hand and when she took it, he pulled her towards the steps.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

Jenny frowned as he brought his truck to a stop and when he helped her down onto the soft grass, her confused only grew. She'd just left the cemetery a few hours ago, and she couldn't understand why he would have brought her back. As he took a different path, she suddenly understood and knew without a doubt where he was leading her.

They stopped in front of two marble stones and Jenny felt her eyes fill with tears as she read the names on the markers.

"Hey, Shannon. Hi, Kelly."

His voice was soft, the low tone that was universally reserved for cemeteries, and he knelt down, his fingers brushing the stones lightly.

"I brought someone to meet you."

Jenny knelt next to him, placing one hand on his shoulder, the other on the headstone of his wife.

"This is Jenny. Don't let her prettiness fool you, she's a force to be reckoned with. You would have loved her, Shannon. Sometimes, she reminds me of you."

Jenny was crying freely now, and she suspected Gibbs was holding back tears of his own.

"Kelly, I wish you could meet her. You'd have a lot in common. She loves to play the piano, too. I bet she could have taught you so many things."

Placing her hand over her mouth, Jenny tried to keep from sobbing. Hearing him talk to his wife and daughter was so heartbreakingly beautiful, and it was almost more than she could handle. He looked up at her, and nodded toward the stone. She understood and moved closer, her words soft in the night.

"Hi, Shannon. I really wish I could have met you. Jethro doesn't talk much about his past, but I know he loved you so much. Kelly...you were so beautiful, and your daddy loved you more than anything else in the world. He misses you both so much."

"I love you guys. I miss you."

Gibbs placed light kisses on their headstones, much as Jenny had done earlier with her father, and as he walked away, Jenny smiled.

"I'll do my best to take care of him, Shannon."

He was waiting for her a few steps away and she took his hand, leading him in the opposite direction. He'd given her a tremendous gift by bringing her here, and as she approached her father's grave for the second time that day, she smiled at him.

"Daddy, it's Jenny. This is Jethro. I told you that you would have liked him. His wife Shannon and daughter Kelly are pretty close to you. I don't know where you are, I don't know if I even believe in an afterlife, but wherever you are, if you see them, tell them I said hello. And tell them that Jethro loves them and thinks of them every day."

Gibbs gave a salute to the Colonel's headstone and Jenny laid her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I never had the chance to meet you sir, but I love your daughter very much and I'm going to be there for her as long as she'll let me. You and I both know how stubborn Jenny can be. Thank you for all you did."

As they turned and left the cemetery, Jenny looked up at Gibbs with a slightly amused expression on her face.

"You know, we probably looked pretty stupid to anyone who saw us. Talking to stones like lunatics."

He laughed.

"We are lunatics, Jen. Only two people as crazy as us would be here at midnight without coats."

Glancing down at herself, Jenny realised he was right. It was a testament to her emotional state that she hadn't even felt the cold winter air biting at her skin. She knew Gibbs was nearly always warm, but even he was shivering as he started his truck again.

"We're quite the pair, aren't we, Jethro?"

"Wouldn't have it any other way, Jen."

He kissed her as he put the truck in gear and as he drove them back to his house, Jenny wondered if they had just wasted their time, or if there was some chance that Shannon, Kelly, and her father had heard them. Maybe, if there was an afterlife, they would find out someday. For now, she was content to go home and spend the night in the arms of the man she had come to love more than life itself.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you liked, what you didn't, etc. I'm always trying to improve my writing, and your reviews keep me going!