(A powerful, colorful explosion blooms up the previously empty space, and to the blare of "Paladin" from Final Fantasy IV our weary crew of Jedi spring back onto the scene)

Stan: Are, are we back?

Rick: Our names not being bold is a pretty good sign.

Cope: Not to mention the triumphant fanfare.

Sally: Yes, we're back in our universe! Woohoo!

Squishy: I missed this familiar, out-dated, crowded feeling. So cozy.

Jo: I dunno. That last place felt a lot more spacious. I mean if Henry could get to yell that loudly over there, who knows what else could've been possible.

Anna: Best not dwell on it. Home is home, and I am sooo done with all that's happened this past week.

(Nearby, a groggy Contractor sits up)

Cont: Ugh, why do I feel like a landfill of dump trucks had been dropped on me?

Sally: Hey, Contractor made it, too!

Will: Welcome to the land of the living!

Anna: How's this for a laugh: we saved your a** for once. And hey, the asterisks are back where they should be.

Borat: Good times. (Thumbs up)

Cont: Bwuh? Wait… oh man, I seriously got possessed by Henry. And by the feel of it you did a real number on both him and me. Gaaaawd so embarrassing, letting that happen.

Stan: But we got you back, so don't feel too bad.

Rick: I would have done more in the final beatdown if I'd known you'd be feeling it afterwards. Heheheh.

Sylvia: You can consider this our way of repaying you for helping us in saving Squishy, Contractor.

Squishy: Oh yeah. That means you can't expect any favors from us now. Good call, honey.

Cont: Uggghhh. My head and most everything hurts. I need a nap.

Jo: Like heck you're gonna be nappin' on us! You still have a universe to fix, ya bald buster.

Squishy: That was the agreement, Contractor.

Anna: As I'm feeling tired myself, I'll save you the extra earful I had planned if you fix everything right now.

Cont: Well with that kind of offer, how can I refuse? (Shakes head and gets up) Not like I was going to welsh on an agreement or let things stay messy, anyway. Just need a quick pick-me-up first.

(He pulls out and downs a can of Barq's root beer, and instantly his eyes flare with renewed energy. He dashes offscreen momentarily, then returns holding hammer, saw, wrench, 2-by-4s, plywood sheets, rulers, and nails in his teeth)

Cont: I'm back in the game, baby! But before I get everything all spic-and-span, there's still the dragon matter to take care of.

(With a lift of a leg he dashes offscreen again, followed shortly by a cacophony of construction noises. Seconds later we turn to Contractor wiping his hands before his newly built creation: A giant device that's practically a rip-off of a Stargate)

Cont: Voila! One interdimensional transporter/problem-fixer to the rescue! (He turns around to face the gargantuan assemblage of galactic civilians and dragons that has suddenly appeared) To explain the details, here's an expert. (Snaps fingers, and Ackbar's reliable tech officer poofs to Contractor's side) Get crackin'.

Tech. Off: Oh yes, alright. Uh-hum. This transdimensional teleporter has been designed with recognition technology that can redirect its pathway matrix based on an individual traveler's point of origin. In other words, this portal will send every single dragon back to their respective universes with zero complication and maximum comfort. (Contractor nudges him) Oh, and considering that the child of Caim and Angelus is technically a native-born citizen of the Republic, they are permitted to remain in this dimension if they so choose.

Cont: Because let's face it: Their universe sucks. But the rest of you dragons gotta go, so every one of you scaly winged beasties line up in an orderly fashion so you can all go home. Chop chop let's get it moving, ándele ándele, mach schnell mach schnell!

(Some minutes later there is a very long winding queue of dragons patiently waiting as they step through the portal one by one. On the sidelines near the portal the Jedi look on as the former scourges of the galaxy quietly make their departures. Gray the Dragon Slayer approaches them)

Gray: Hullo, Jedi!

Jedi: Hey Gray!

Gray: Seems you were able to solve whatever was going on with that giant dragon. Too bad I was too out of it to see you slay it.

Will: Eh, there wasn't much to it.

Squishy: Plus it got super weird super fast. You might not have been able to handle it.

Gray: Ha! I've seen plenty weird things on this trip.

Anna: Nothing on the scale we saw, I guarantee it.

Sally: Are you excited to be heading back home, Gray?

Gray: Oh yeah! This galaxy of yours is amazing and all, but it's a little too big for an old guy like me. I miss the random encounters with good ol' generic dragons back on Belkhyde. That said, it won't be as strange and fun as when I fought with you guys.

Jo: We're gonna miss you too, Gray.

Cope: Prowess like yours is sorely lacking in the Council, plus the extra muscle was nice while it lasted.

Sara: And you were fun to talk with.

Gray: I appreciate the sentiments, but I got a home and a reputation to return to all the same. At least I have a souvenir to remember this adventure. (Pulls out dragon tongue)

Sally: You're still carrying that thing?

Gray: Yep. I know a certain young alchemist who can whip this up into something useful. That's another good thing about my world: just about any seemingly useless item can be remade into something worthwhile. If you have the proper skill, that is.

Anna: Suuure. Good luck with that, then.

Gray: It was great meeting all of you, and you should come by my neck of the multiverse sometime. I can show you the best that Belkhyde has to offer.

Sara: Until that time (if ever), bon voyage!

Jedi: Byeee~!

Gray: Stay tough everyone, especially you, Stan. So long!

(Goes into the portal. Now the scholar Lann comes over, accompanied by the black-scaled dragon Shruikan)

Jo: You again…

Lann: Buck up, Joey. You should be insanely happy about me leaving.

Stan: Leaving?

Sara: You're leaving us, Lann?

Squishy: For real?

Lann: I've decided to go with Shruikan back to his home in the Eragon universe along with Saphira. Shruikan's without a rider, and I thought I'd fit the bill nicely. The dragon population there could also use some help, and the fantasy setting is more appealing to my tastes. Though somewhat painful for me to say, it's high time for this sexy scholar to move on to greener pastures.

Sara: Well, if it's what you want, we understand. If your field is all about understanding dragons, you'd definitely want to jump at this chance.

Sally: You have our full support!

Lann: No surprise there. Anyway, as I had said before, it was an über time being with you all. And were this a whole other genre of fiction, I might have gotten to know some of you more "intimately". (Gets looks from group, though Sally blushes) Guess that's still a no-go.

Jo: Just go already!

Lann: Fine, I'm leaving. However, in my absence, I encourage all of you to eat, drink, party, love and propagate to your fullest. Squishy: stay cool little man. And same for Stan, and the rest of you. And Jo: loosen up a little.

Jo: Whatev.

Anna: Have a safe trip, Lann.

Oh, before we part, I'd like to personally apologize for the way I acted when we first met. I was under extreme duress and incapable of reasonable thought.

Squishy: No worries, Shruikan; Lann gave us the low-down about your situation and we understand.

Lann: See Shruikan? I gotcha covered.

That's a relief. It's nice having people look out for you for a change.

Lann: Ain't it? Now, let's get us home. (Leaps onto Shruikan's back and looks around) Until my own sidestory, adios Jedi!

Jedi: So long!

(Wave him goodbye as he and his new dragon mount ride off)

Sam Jackson: You just know he's gonna be putting the moves on that or some other dragon eventually.

Anna: Yeah, that's fairly—OH MY GEE! (Hops back before ascertaining the celebrity) Wait, it's just you. How the freak did you sneak up on me?

Sam Jackson: Actors of my caliber are usually multi-talented. Being stealthy is one of my lesser publicized skills.

Jo: Nice to see you, Sam. Everything going fine with you?

Sam Jackson: Most certainly: got to have my little sabbatical, and now I'm all freshened up and ready for departure. Just thought I'd swing by and say my farewells first.

Sylvia: So you're going to be leaving too.

Stan: Through the portal?

Sam Jackson: Nope; whatever you guys did has restored my full cameo capabilities. I can pop out of this joint any time I want; no waiting in line for me, heh heh.

Cope: (Mutters) Another one of those inalienable celebrity rights, I suspect.

Squishy: Hey, since you have cameo powers again, will you be able to come back some other time?

Sam Jackson: Not any time soon, little guy. I've had more than my fill of this f***ed-up place to last most anyone a lifetime. Maybe waaaay down the line, but I'm more concerned with getting my a** home first. Yo Tiff! Get your b***h-a** over here, we're leaving!

Tiamat: Yes, Kuroi Aniki! (Tiamat tippies over to him)

Sam Jackson: But don't think I'm gonna forget what you guys did for me. After I'm back in L.A., I'll see what I can do about arranging that soiree. If that doesn't pan out, I'll make up something real special in your honors.

Rick: That's very generous of you, Sam.

Sam Jackson: Ain't nothing to it, Rickster.

Rick: Don't call me that.

Sam Jackson: Okay, okay. In the meantime, you all keep being your crazy f**kin' selves and keep things in check here. I don't want to have to see any space monsters rolling up to my pad unannounced.

Sylvia: You'll have nothing to worry about there.

Will: See ya around, Sammy!

Stan: Rock on, man! Rock on!

Sam Jackson: I will, Stan the Man.

Cope: Safe travels.

Anna: Don't go breaking your manservant too soon.

Sam Jackson: Heh heh. Buh-bye, everyone. (Snaps fingers, and both he and Tiamat disappear in puffs of smoke)

Will: This has been one messed up week, ya know that?

Anna: That's what I've been saying.

Cope: I never thought we'd have allies as weird as those three for most of the time.

Squishy: Awesome allies as well.

Will: Definitely.

Sally: Probably the coolest we'll ever have.

Jo: Bah. They're the only ones we've ever had.

Sylvia: Duff was one for a brief moment, right?

Jo: Yeah, for all of a minute.

Sara: And Guy/Gal.

Will: And that Robot Ninja.

Squishy: Don't forget Geek Squadron. They were a big help in trilogy two.

Jo: Okay so they weren't the only ones, but they sure as heck were the longest lasting.

Jedi: Yeah.

(They look over at the dragon line and spot a slender elf making her way down it)

Stan: There's Sentina!

Sally: And she's totally alright. Just like we told you.

Will: And she's also making her way to the portal.

Stan: But, she's going without saying goodbye?

Cope: Probably got caught up in the shuffle with all the rest. Couldn't have had time to do much else.

Stan: To think she's really leaving…

Rick: Go to her.

Stan: Huh?

Rick: Go say goodbye. If she's unable to, then you do it.

Squishy: Yeah, son. Get over there and say whatever you have to.

Sylvia: A quick chat won't hurt.

Stan: Y-Yeah. I will. Be right back!

(Breaks from the group and runs for the line)

Jo: Don't choke, dude! Eye of the Tiger!

(Floating on down the Contractor plants himself amongst the Jedi with a look of mild regret)

Cont: Sigh. Really would've been nice if she stuck around to add another delicious course of scaly interspecies romance to enjoy.

Anna: So why not make her stay? You're the guy in charge!

Cont: I would if I could, but I have no say in the matter. Sentina is from an entirely different dominion, meaning I have no control over her. Whether she stays or not is entirely her decision to make.

Jo: Well that's a dang shame, having things end abruptly like that before it can even get started.

Sally: Maybe he can convince her to stay.

Cont: Maybe. Welp, I'm gonna return to my lofty heights. Check ya later.

(He floats back up as Squishy and Sylvia give each other a somber look before looking back to their fleeing son, hoping for the best but fearing the likely. Stan reaches Sentina as "Map to Tomorrow" from Persona Q begins playing)

Stan: Sentina! Hold on!

Sentina: Stanley? Oh thank goodness you're alright! (Steps out of line)

Stan: Yeah, I can say the same for you. I've been wondering where you were after everything got sucked up.

Sentina: It was the strangest thing yet: I felt myself get sucked into something and then found myself standing on this small asteroid or planet with no one else around. But I felt all calm and felt like sitting down and doing nothing. I didn't see anybody else until I appeared here with everyone.

Stan: Yeah. Me and the gang had to go and take care of this one nutcase to get everything sorta back to normal.

Sentina: Well I'm happy to hear you succeeded, and again it's great seeing you're alright.

Stan: Yeah yeah. And it looks like you're ready to head back to your universe as well.

Sentina: (Meekly) Yes, that's right. Back to where I belong.

Stan: Are you… sure you wouldn't like to stay here a while longer? There's no more big galactic threats to worry about. I, I mean we, can show you around without it being a big, wild, dangerous adventure.

Sentina: I honestly wouldn't mind going on a wild, crazy (but safe) adventure, but… it just wouldn't feel right. I was plucked from home without warning, so my mother is either beside herself or tearing up half the city to know what happened to me. It wouldn't be fair to her if I stayed here longer than necessary and let her and the house staff worry even more. Wondering what happened, and if I'm even okay.

Stan: Yeah. Yeah, kinda of a dumb thing to presume on my part. You have family waiting for you, and it's not like you have any strong attachments to this place. It'd be totally selfish to expect you to stay longer on my behalf.

Sentina: Are you trying to guilt trip me?

Stan: No, not at all! It's like you said: it wouldn't be right to stick around at this point.

Sentina: I'm just teasing you. (Takes Stan's claws) I truly wanted to spend time with you, Stan. I really wanted to get to know more about you, and your friends and family, see all the neat places this galaxy has to offer. And I'd be more than happy to show you my home and my favorite spots if there was a way for you to come back, because I know you wouldn't want to come along without any preparation, either. Basically, I want you to know that I'll have regrets leaving so soon.

Stan: I know. It's… it sucks, but that's just how it is. And I'd definitely love to see what your world is like.

Sentina: Probably not all of it. Most of the area beyond where I live is rife with crime and gang violence.

Stan: That's about how it is on most city worlds here, and things are a blast.

Sentina: Ohhh. Well then. And who knows: maybe someday some kind of portal or doorway or something can spring up and let us visit each other when it's more convenient.

Stan: Hopefully it won't be so long that you forget me.

Sentina: (Squeezes his claws) I'm not going to forget any of this. You can count on it.

Stan: Heh. Thank you.

(Sentina smiles and lets go of his claws, ready to get back in line. But then)

Stan: Wait, Sentina? (She looks around, only to find that he's raised his right claw up to her left cheek) Something to help you remember me by.

(He tilts his head, closes his eyes, leans in and kisses her tenderly. At first stunned, Sentina eases and returns the kiss, closing her eyes in turn. A few seconds in, Sentina's steel-colored wings pop out and hold erect behind her as the two remain engaged. A great symphonic orchestra goes off during the kiss as the Jedi look on. Jo appears rather surprised and impressed, while Cope makes a small grin but is otherwise stonefaced. Will gives a thumbs up, Sally is gushing, Rick nods, and Stan's parents watch both surprised and proud)

Sean Connery: (Wearing sombrero) You're The Man Now Dog!

(The kiss continues as the music flares)

Anna: Is all that really necessary?

(Looks back, where we see the Contractor conducting the Coruscant Metropolitan Orchestra. He halts the music to respond)

Cont: Hey, what better way to score than with a score? Ha HA!

(Resumes conducting, though for not much longer, as the two smoochers inevitably disengage, looking at each other breathlessly while Sentina's wings retract)

Stan: Not the grandest of gestures, but still pretty special.

Sentina: Wow… Immensely bold of you to steal a lady's first kiss like that.

Stan: Was it? It just so happened to be mine as well.

Sentina: Huh. I can only imagine how it would be after some practice.

(Most of the Jedi have gone slack-jawed at that mention)

Will: That was seriously his first kiss?

Jo: Like a frappin' pro.

Cope: Beginner's luck.

Sally: He pulled that off more smoothly than the last half dozen guys I've been with.

Squishy:!

Sally: Ooops. Forgot I wasn't supposed to mention any of that around dad.

Anna: He'll live.

Sentina: Well… Time for me to go.

Stan: Alright. Look after yourself.

Sentina: Same to you, Casanova.

Stan: Until next time, Sentina. No matter how long it will be.

Sentina: I'll look forward to it. And Stan… (Hugs him) Thank you. For everything.

(They hug a moment before she pulls away and heads for the portal, now being the last dragon left to enter it. Before stepping through, she turns around to take one last look at Stan and the others. To the parting chimes of "Always on My Mind" from Kingdom Hearts, she raises a hand to wave goodbye, then steps through the portal. The machine then shuts down and folds itself into nothingness. Thus, the dragon invasion is brought to a proper close, and the galaxy is at peace once more)

(Sometime later, in an abandoned studio)

Will: This certainly has been one h**l of a trilogy.

Jo: It sure has. So Contractor, how are you gonna end it?

Cont: Ah, (Hiss noise), dern, I actually don't know.

Cope: You don't have an ending?

Cont: There's just been a lot of stuff going on, and this being my biggest trilogy to date I couldn't stay focused the entire way, so I must've forgotten.

Anna: Meaning this is gonna drag on even longer. Swell.

Sally: Can't you just make up one right now?

Rick: How hard can it be after having written so many before?

Cont: Well I've been bogged down with work and lifestyle arrangements—

Jo: Yeah right. You were just wasting time jerking it and playing video games, I betcha.

Sylvia: And listening to music.

Squishy: And eating.

Cont: What do you know? A writer like me needs his inspiration to function, and his tunes… and his yum-yums.

Sara: Sigh. I'm honestly fine with any kind of ending at this point.

Justin Timberlake: Excuse me? Hello? Who's in charge here?

Will: What's it to ya?

Sally: Omigosh is that—?

Sara: It is: Justin Timberlake!

Girls: Aaaah my God! Squeeee!

Justin T: Yes thank you, thank you ladies, I appreciate the adoration. Really I do. Unfortunately, this isn't a leisure call. I'm here on a matter of important business.

Jo: What kind of business?

Justin T: The incredibly-legal-and-unpleasant-but-has-to-be-done kind. Now, in the first episode of this little trilogy of yours, there is mention of a certain music video called "Scaly Back", am I correct? (Licks lips sexily)

Sally: Yeah: that's the name of my latest single.

Justin T: Mmm, interesting. (Raises eyebrows all suave-like) I hate to be the sexy bearer of bad news, but your single is in clear violation of the copyrights surrounding my oh so wondrous and sensual "Sexy Back" song. Specifically, you done went and plagiarized my hard work, sister. (Poses for photo shoot)

Cope: Seriously?

Sally: But my song sounds nothing like yours. How is that plagiarism?

Justin T: The devil's in the details, sweet thang. By that, I mean merely having a title that sounds similar to one of my songs is enough to get me and my lawyers steamed. Oh! (Does a sexy pose)

Will: What a flippin' crock!

Anna: Man these copyright laws have gotten stupid these past few decades.

Justin T: However, rather than settle this in some lengthy, drawn-out, boring, deprive-me-of-precious-mirror-staring-time court case, I've decided to hire me some muscle to solve this intellectual violation the old-fashion way: Theatrically. (Gets water dumped on him) Come on in, boys!

(Busting through some double doors 50 mean-looking gangstas pile in, ready for a fight)

Balla: Yo, I hear youse guys talk a big game bout yo moves, but we says ya talk is cheaper than dirt. Let's see who moves the illest in a free-for-all Stomp-Off Royale between youse and us.

Justin T: With me as head dancer and vocalist for my siiiiide~!

Jedi: Really?!

Balla: Yup.

(Our fuming heroes look toward their smug-faced creator)

Jedi: CONTRACTOR!

Cont: You guys said you were fine with any kind of ending. Fellas?

EBA: Are you ready? 3, 2, 1, GO!

(Blink-182's "First Date" kicks on as the Elite Beat Agents take up the top screen and dance with the credits. On the bottom screen, the Jedi dance off with the gangstas and pull off sweet moves that knock them down one by one. When it's just Justin Timberlake left, he calls upon N'Sync and fuses with them to become a giant Vanilla Ice. Before they fight, a huge Krayt dragon crashes through the EBA and crushes the "rapper", letting out a roar that scares our heroes off. General Chris then slides in and begins dancing with the beast as an X-Ray screen appears over its belly, revealing the chorus line of mutilated soldiers dancing within)

(During the instrumental break we flip through a series of various people dancing: Ackbar and Tech Officer; Duff with subordinates; the news correspondents; and Dennis Miller covered in blood and dancing with bits of John Blubsoe. When the vocals return we see Dr. Phil driving a taxi and yelling at traffic, then we switch over to a verdant meadow where Caim and Angelus are cradling their love child, while the ghosts of Draco and the Wind Drakes look on from above. Then we go over to a cliff overlooking a great lake where Gray the Dragon Slayer stands in meditation. He opens his eyes and looks at the dragon egg in his hand, and producing a smile he leaps off for adventure. Now we turn to an Urgal raiding party chasing civilians through a forest. When the chorus kicks in, Lann leaps from the bushes with a fierce look and starts hacking away. He then pulls back, points a finger and Shruikan appears and unleashes black fire upon the marauders. Lann looks at the camera, winks, smiles and gives a thumbs up)

(We turn to a corridor filled with stray dragons as we go to instrumental again, and we spot Sam Jackson peeking around a corner. He leaps out, bounces along the ground and fires dual pistols, blowing up some barrels at the end of the hall and killing the dragons in a fiery explosion. Now a cast list comes up:

—Jeff Goldblum as Joseph Webbol

—Alan Rickman's Ghost as Alex Copeland

—Brad Pitt as William Handerson

—Angelina Jolie as Sara Maller

—Kathy Bates as Anna Orda

—Jennifer Lopez as Sylvia

—Lindsey Lohan as Sally

—David Spade as Stanley

—Johnny Depp as Richter

—Ron Perlman as Gray

—Chris Farley's Ghost as Lannius Drasec

—And Danny DeVito as Squishy

In:

Samuel L. Jackson's

F**kin' Sweet-A** Dragon Adventure!

-with Samuel Jackson as Himself.

(At the premier, the celebs walk down the red carpet smiling and waving to the cameras. Sam, however, takes a moment to look back and gives a knowing smile and wink)

(For the final part of the song the camera switches between the Jedi, Gray, Lann, Sam, and Sentina as they dance to the words. With every switch more people have joined their respective sides: the Star Wars crew with the Jedi, the Atelier Iris 2 characters with Gray, the Eragon cast with Lann, celebrities with Sam, and all the dragons with Sentina. Eventually the camera pulls back to reveal all five groups are standing apart from each other in some odd circle which the camera revolves around at growing speed. At the very end everyone raises their hands and the camera pulls up and looks down to reveal that the groups are standing in the formation of a five-pointed star, which solidifies before fading away with the music)

And with that, this ludicrously long tale has come to an end. Filled with danger, towering foes, lessons of heart, and self-understanding, it was an excursion never to be forgotten by any of the Jedi. But for now, our heroes shall rest in order to be refreshed for their next grand adventure, which may or may not be as immense as this one—

: Dude! There's brownies in the break room, and even chocolate fondue! Can you say massive delish overload?

Can I? Woo-HOO!

(Exits left)

The End

Finally!

Till next time, readers...