One Step at a Time

I don't own 'Harry Potter'

Warnings: mentions of depression and possible suicidal thoughts. Please skip this chapter is these topics are triggering to you in any way.

Harry turned round the corner and stopped short at the sight of his fellow student sat in front of the memorial.

Smith had always been a prick in every sense of the word – almost like Malfoy's Hufflepuff counterpart – but Harry felt his stomach drop at the blonde's slumped shoulders and defeated posture. It was a sight that he'd become intimately familiar with himself.

The blonde tensed suddenly and turned around, light blue eyes finding Harry's face before narrowing. "What do you want, Potter?"

"I was coming to pay my respects," Harry said with a nod towards the statue, ignoring the accusatory tone with nary a thought. He was rather accustomed to dealing with grieving people now, he thought morbidly.

Smith's shoulders tensed even more than he thought possible before slumping back into that nauseating set of misery. "Oh."

Yeah. Oh.

He'd never been the best conversationalist around, but the war had well and truly ripped away any of his verbal communication skills when not fighting for his life. How was he supposed to respond to this? Was he supposed to carry on talking? Try and help his classmate, or just turn around and leave the man to mourn in peace? This was why he hated dealing with people. Animals were so much simpler. Or Luna. Luna was sheer peace right now.

"You're welcome to sit down, Potter."

This should be fun. Harry cautiously walked over and lowered himself to the grass, sitting cross-legged a few feet away from Smith. He turned his attention to the carved names, visually tracing each one and trying to breath properly at the sick feeling elicited from reading of so many deaths.

The ones he knew personally were the worst. Fred. Colin. Lavender. Cedric. Remus. Tonks. And so on and so forth. He still thought he would have preferred to have his own name on there in exchange for all of theirs. It was a fair exchange, wasn't it? Then Molly wouldn't be sobbing over the loss of a son, George wouldn't be lost without any direction, Teddy wouldn't have to grow up wondering why he didn't have any parents …

It should have been him.

"I'm sorry."

Harry jumped violently and drew his wand, realising a split-second later it was just Smith and not an enemy. Fucking hell, Potter. Get it together. He put a hand over his heart and tried to control his breathing. Why on earth had he come back for another year?

"Fuck, sorry about that. I didn't mean to –"

"It's fine, Smith. No harm, no foul." He turned to the blonde with an inquisitive look. "Why were you apologising before?"

Smith cringed slightly before dropping his gaze. "For how I acted before, for all of it. I … I never really doubted you about You – Voldemort's resurrection, you know? It wasn't a lack of belief, it was …

"I was scared."

Blue eyes lifted to meet Harry's. "That monster might have been stopped before by an infant, but there was no way we weren't going to end up in a war again. That was what was going through my mind back then. We were going to be trapped in a civil war, and my family …"

Smith broke off to laugh harshly, the sound grating on Harry's ears. He couldn't decide if he wanted to hear the rest or if he wanted Smith to shut his mouth and never open it again.

He didn't say anything.

"The House of Smith have always been Hufflepuffs in the same way that Malfoys are Slytherins or Potters are Gryffindors. Our House has never been looked on favourably by the Slytherin traditionalists, but the Smiths are pure-bloods. That was a protection in and of itself.

"I figured the only way to protect us was to be the stereotypical pure-blood in the Death Eaters' eyes," he carried on quietly, eyes almost dead of all emotion. It made Harry's skin crawl. "If I could protect my family by being a self-entitled prat, then what was the harm?

"Don't get me wrong; I was always a bit of a spoiled brat who thought that my name made me superior, but I've never had anything against anyone who wasn't a pure-blood. I might have been smug about being descended from Helga Hufflepuff, but I never believed status to be determined by blood."

Smith flicked his eyes up to a particular spot on the memorial before settling on the grass again. "All I needed to do was keep my head down, be a proper pure-blood, graduate from Hogwarts, then escape with my family to distant cousins in Canada.

"Of course, life never goes to plan.

"It was awful here last year," Smith murmured quietly, almost as if speaking loudly would make it worse. "I took to hiding whenever the punishments happened, using the time to throw myself into my studies as an excuse to escape the outside world. It worked, until I got discovered by one of the sixth years."

The blonde shifted slightly. "Her name was Louise, and she was a half-blood. Her mother was a muggle, and she'd never been shy about supporting The Order of the Phoenix. As you can imagine, the Carrows didn't like that.

"I fell in love with her, Potter. I fell in love with a crazy girl who seemed to be doing her hardest to get herself killed, and I'd never felt more alive. Or terrified," he added with a rueful smile.

"She came back in for the final battle and saved Susan's life, getting herself killed in the process.

"I fell in love with her, but I never said or did anything to help her because I wanted to protect my family. My loyalty was to my family first."

Harry cleared his throat, hesitant to upset his classmate further. "Were the two of you in a relationship last year?"

"Yes," came the whispered reply.

"And was Louise smart?"

"Yes."

"A good judge of character?"

"Yes."

"Then I don't doubt for a minute that she knew what a good person you truly were."

Smith looked at him abruptly, opening his mouth to protest before Harry cut him off. "No, listen. Everyone that lived in this castle last year suffered for it, physically and mentally. Differently perhaps, but all suffered. I bet that Louise knew at least some of what you were working towards for your family, and there's nothing wrong with that."

He vaguely remembered the desperate devotion of the Malfoy family; a group of people who definitely weren't good people, but were incredibly devoted and loyal to one another. He thought about Sirius' conflicted expression when he spoke of Regulus' days as a Death Eater. He mused on the twisted devotion of one Severus Snape, coming to his rescue because of his warped loyalty each and every time.

There was nothing wrong with putting your family first.

"Being loyal to your family isn't a bad thing, and you have to consider that that's what Louise was doing, too. She wanted to stand up for her own family, that's why she acted as she did. She probably knew that you hated how she put herself in danger, but if anything you were both doing the same exact thing, just in different ways."

Smith's eyes shifted, the dead light morphing into something like consideration. He wasn't healed by any stretch of the imagination, but not looking like he could lay down and never wake up again was a definite improvement. Harry felt more than a little bewildered at the sight, at the idea that he might have had something to do with it. Maybe be wasn't totally ruined for human communication.

"Thanks, Potter."

Harry looked into blue eyes, noticing how Smith smiled ever so slightly, lips pulled up at the corners with polite gratitude. His eyes were crinkling with genuine warmth, and Harry felt it like a punch to the gut.

Fucking Hufflepuffs.

Gin was the only one to truly know about his attraction to men – though he didn't doubt for a moment that Ron and 'Mione had figured something out themselves – and especially how he'd felt about Cedric. There was a reason that he'd completely lost it at the end of the Tournament.

Why did he always have to fall for Hufflepuff pretty boys? It was almost as if he liked setting himself up for failure. Hopefully Gin would let him moan and vent later on. Though more likely she'd punch him in the arm, tell him to get over himself, and then drag him to the Quidditch pitch for more practice. Bloody woman.

Harry shook off the thoughts and smiled back gently. "No problem, Smith. Though you're welcome to call me Harry, if you want."

"Then call me Zach, Harry."

He really is too pretty. Stupid hormones.

He stood up and brushed off the dirt from his trousers before looking down at his companion. "If you're not doing anything right now, did you want to come into Hogsmeade with me? I've got the rest of the day off, so …"

Zach saved him from awkwardly trailing off and answered with another smile, looking just a little more alive. "Sure, I haven't got any more classes today."

"Great."

Harry turned back to the monument briefly, feeling a pang in his chest for all the people named, for all their families, for the fact that hundreds upon hundreds of lives had been ruined all for the insane desires of a self-absorbed psychopath. What would have happened if a young Tom Riddle had decided to be known for his academic genius instead of his vile machinations? If was disturbing to know how much could have changed. He might –

He startled at a body falling into his, arms coming up to automatically catch the lithe form. He looked down to see a blonde head buried in his chest, before Zach snapped his head up to look directly into Harry's eyes. Blue eyes froze and a red blush erupted across the pale face, highlighting a tiny scar just below Zach's right eye. Cute.

Zach mumbled a small apology and hastily pulled back, straightening his uniform while avoiding Harry's gaze. It was stupidly attractive, and Harry once more chastised himself. Why did he always fall for people so quickly?

"Erm, Potter – I mean, Harry, are you ready to go?"

Harry took pity on the other man and ignored what just happened. "Sure. Any idea where you want to go?"

As Zach latched onto the topic with an almost desperate fervour, Harry contented himself with playing the willing ear to his new friend's musing, enjoying the sheer life of the blonde compared to before.

He remembered the bright blush when their eyes met and felt a small smile on his lips.

Maybe things would go better with this Hufflepuff in the future.

A/N: Hello all!

Smith is always portrayed as an arrogant swot, so I thought I'd use this request to change his character up a bit. He's still a bit arrogant and spoiled, but is self-aware of his problems and has his own morals. I quite like this version of him tbh.

Anyway, this is yet another request of Wednesday_addams_potter on AO3, and again, sorry I took procrastination to a whole other level.

See ya!