AN:

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Chapter 4

Mac was standing once again outside Jacks room, watching as his partner slowly woke up. His hand twitched wanting to push open the door and rush to Jacks side. The need to address their problems that threatened to suffocate him. Mac had to be patient, but patience has never been his strong suit. He breathed deeply and focussed on Jacks face. His eyes were open now, glance wandering around the room. Searching for Mac? Or just making sure the blond wasn't there? And then their eyes met.

It was one of the strangest moments of their friendship. Jacks eyes were filled with sadness and doubt, but Mac thought he could also see a glimmer of hope. The blonds blue orbs radiated pain and at the same time determination to save their friendship. There was only a door between them, but it felt like a huge canyon had opened up there.

Jack felt like shit. His whole body ached and throbbed. The memories of the night before came quickly and he searched for Macs presence. Jacks heart sank further, when he noticed he was alone in the room. Then his glance fell on the little window in the door. And there he was. Mac stood there watching Jack intently. Why was he outside his room? Jack wonderd. Couldn't he even stand to be in the same room with him any longer? Why didn't he just leave then? Jack sighed. This was Mac. Of course he wouldn't leave before he was sure the Delta would be ok. The blond was always caring about his team. Maybe he felt guilty that Jack had witnessed their conversation in the hotel suite. Yeah, it would be totally Mac. But he shouldn't feel that way, it wasn't his fault. Jack closed his eyes again, he couldn't stand Macs pained look any longer.

The doctor appeared with Angela in tow. Mac earned a curt nod from him, before he entered the room. Jack opened his eyes, assuming his partner had worked up enough courage to talk to him. Disappointed he saw it was a doctor and a nurse.

The phsysician examined him and asked some questions to assess his neurological status. He informed Jack about his injuries and the surgery. „No, wonder I feel like I got run over by a freight train. When can I get out of here?"

„I spoke to your physician Doctor Ward and we agreed to transfer you to Phoenix Medical this afternoon." The doctor answered curtly.

Jack grumbled. „Can't I just go home instead?"

The doctor explained impatienly. „You had a serious accident yesterday and you almost died during surgery. You can't seriously expect to leave the hospital today!"

Jack didn't like the docs distant attitude, but decided to keep silent. The pysician said. „Nurse Angela will change the dressing and I will have a look at you before you leave." With that he was gone.

„He's as charming as a grizzly bear woken up in the middle of hibernation," Jack mumbled and was surprised by Angelas burst of laughter.

„You only know him for five minutes, but you described him to the point." The nurse smiled as she started to peel away the dressings. She immediately stopped when Jack hissed in pain. „It's stuck, I'm gonna soak it a bit, then it should be easier on you."

„Thanks," Jack breathed and gulped to keep his nausea at bay. His glance wandered again to his partner, who hadn't left his position. Angela said. „He's extremely worried about you."

Jack just nodded. He didn't want to discuss this situation with a nurse he didn't even know. But he had to admit Angela was nice and real careful with him. Jack was glad, he felt so drained and weak he appreciated her gentle care.

„So it's done." She stated and Jack looked down at his belly. He hadn't noticed the nurse had removed the bandage. There was a row of stitches, but at least it didn't look infected. Just another scar to add to his collection. No, that wasn't right. It wasn't just another scar. This particular one would always remind him of the night when his world was crumbling down. Jack closed his eyes, but a lone tear escaped anyway.

A soft thumb brushed it away. „Are you in pain? I can give you something and wait with rebandaging unti it kicks in," she offered.

Jack shook his head. „No, I'm good. You can continue."

„You should talk to Mac." Jacks eyes opened surprised at her statement. „There's no drug to help with the kind of pain you are in, you both are in right now." The nurse stated and continued tending to his wound.

„I know, but I can't deal with it at the moment. I .. I need some time to think things through. " Jack admitted. He had no idea why he was so open about his feelings. Must be the meds. Jack watched Mac who seemed to be frozen in place. The blond was awfully pale and had dark shadows under his eyes. „He looks like shit. Did he eat or drink anything? You have to know, he tends to neglect his body, when he's worried about somebody. Can you do me a favour and get him something to eat and drink?"

Angela smiled. „Yes, of course. I was getting worried about him too." She straightened.

„So, we're done. I'm gonna bring you some breakfast soon." At Jacks disgusted expression she had to laugh. „Don't worry, it won't bite you. Just some toast and juice, ok?"

Jack nodded. „Thank you Angela, for taking care of both of us."

„You're welcome Jack," She gathered her supplies and left the room. Mac turned to her. „How is he Angela?"

„He's hurting, emotionally and physically," the nurse said and added „but he's gonna be ok," when she saw Mac stricken look. Angela laid a hand on Macs arm. „He worries about you and he said he can't deal with his feelings right now. Jack's been through a lot. It's all too much for him at the moment. Give him time."

A short time later Angela was back with a tray she set down on a small table beside the chairs in the hall. Mac looked at her confused. „Jack asked me to make sure you eat something." She explained and walked away to return with another tray that held Jacks breakfast.

Mac stared at the food for a moment and shook his head. It was a typical Jack thing to do. Making sure the blond ate something, while he himself was the one who needed care. Mac hesitantly grabbed the sandwich and took a bite. He stepped to the window and held it up so Jack could see he was eating. Jack nodded with a small smile and began to nibble on his toast, but soon his nausea rose again and he pushed the tray away. Why wouldn't Mac come into his room? It hurt Jack, but why didn't the blond leave then? Thinking made his headache even worse, there was something that didn't add up. After another dose of pain meds Jack slipped back into sleep.

The Delta slept on and off most of the day. He was plagued with heavy bouts of nausea. Throwing up with broken ribs and a fresh abdominal wound was pure hell. Angela supported him through it and washed his face afterwards. Jack was extremely grateful for that. He missed Mac badly, especially when he was feeling so shitty. He dimly registered the nurse coming and checking on him, but he was still so tired he couldn't stay awake for more than a few minutes. Every time Jack woke up his glance wandered immediately to the door and Mac was there. Even if the blond didn't want to sit beside his bed, his sheer presence was reassuring.

It was a day worse than most of the tortures Mac had had to endure in his life. Standing outside that room and watching his best friend suffer almost pushed him over the edge. Jacks usually strong body wacked with heaving, slumping back after another episode of throwing up and not being able to do something to soothe his partner was pure hell on the blond. Mac had to wipe away the tears more than once.

The unfriendly doctor came and cleared Jack for transport. The Delta breathed relieved, although he had to admit he would miss Angela. A pair of EMTs walked in and put him on a gurney. Angela made sure his lines didn't get tangled up.

Jack reached out a hand. „Thank you so much. I wish we had somebody like you at Phoenix Medical. You are an angel."

Angela blushed and took his hand. „You just get better Jack and talk to Mac, promise?"

„I promise." They wheeled him out of the room and Mac was there.

„Ready to head over to Phoenix Medical?" The blond asked and Jack shrugged. „I'd rather go home."

Mac smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. „I bet, but you'll be stuck at Medical for a few more days, I guess." Mac studied him and asked hesitantly. „Do you mind if I ride with you in the ambulance?"

„No, not at all." The Delta answered. He knew he had to say his goodbye to his partner soon, but he would savour every minute he could spend with his brother.

The ride to Phoenix was silent. Jack watched his partner intently. Mac was pale, dark shadows under red rimmed eyes. Worry spiked in Jack. „You look like shit."

Mac looked down. He couldn't handle Jacks worry on top of the crushing guilt he felt. „I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

Jack closed his eyes. He knew Mac didn't like fussing about him, but he had never seemed bothered by Jack being concerned about him. He realized it was time to let got of his kid and it felt like loosing a limb. The Delta felt drained and old. He knew it was partly because of his injuries, but there was a tiredness that ran deeper. A kind of exhaustion he wasn't sure he would overcome ever. Jack felt his constant headache getting worse. Thinking so much didn't really help the matter.

The medic was checking Jacks vitals repeatedly, which annoyed the Delta after the third time. „Will you stop this. I'm fine, you don't have to check on me every two minutes." He pushed the EMTs hands away angrily. Mac had to smile. This was typical Jack. Luckily they arrived at Medical soon.

Jack was brought into a regular room, but he was still stuck with a heart monitor. Doc Ward entered the room and examined him thoroughly. „The surgeons at Good Sam did a good job. You had massive internal bleeding Jack. You're lucky to be alive. It will take your body some time to make up the blood loss. Your knee is still pretty swollen, but it should go down in a few days. Are you still suffering from headaches?"

Jack nodded without offering a response. Maybe it would have been easier on everybody if he hadn't survived. He shook his head. No he wouldn't go down that road. He had to find a new purpose, that's for sure, but he wasn't a quitter. It would break his heart to leave Mac behind, but he had to accept it. Maybe he should sign up for another tour. His skills were still in high demand in Afghanistan and other unstable countries. Maybe he would be lucky and a sniper would put him out of his misery.

The transfer from the hospital had taken a toll on Jack and he had nothing left. His eyes closed and he was asleep in seconds.

Mac stood outside the room waiting for Doc Ward to return. „How is he Doc?"

The physician smiled. „He's still weak, but he has improved since I saw him yesterday. Don't worry Mac, he's gonna be ok. Why don't you go and sit with him?" Doc Ward was well aware of Macs and Jacks strong bond and although he could understand his colleagues decision to ban Mac from Jacks room, he knew they needed each other badly. There was something going on between them and the sooner they solved it the better.

„Are you sure? He got so upset yesterday and passed out, I don't want to get him worse again because of me." Mac wrought his hands, clearly nervous about the situation.

„He's better now. His vitals are stable and I'm sure he handles it better today. If anything comes up, just push the call button." Doc Ward smiled reassuringly and Mac entered the room.

Hesitantly the blond sat down beside Jacks bed. The Delta was still hooked up to an IV, but it was only one line going into his arm now. The lack of equipement typical for a regular room calmed Mac down a bit. If Jack didn't need so many machines around him, that meant he was indeed better. The nasal canula was gone too and Macs glance settled onto Jacks chest. It was rising and falling in a regular rhythm. Tears filled Macs eyes. „I was so scared to lose you big guy," he whispered. The blonds shoulders slumped, exhaustion getting the upper hand and his eyes closed in sleep.

Mac was walking aimlessly. He knew there was a purpose, but he couldn't remember what. At every turn he entered another long road. He was wandering for hours it felt. As he stepped around another corner he spotted a familiar shape in the distance. „Jack," he called out, but the other man didn't react. He just continued walking. Mac sped up his pace, when a car appeared suddenly and aimed directly at Jack. „Jack, watch out!" Mac screamed, but watched powerless when the car hit his partner. His body was thrown into the air and crashed down hard. The car was gone and the blond was running as fast as he could. He fell to his knees beside the Delta and carefully turned him over. „NO!" Macs cry was heartbroken, when he stared into the sightless eyes of Jack. His brother was dead. „No, please no. Wake up Jack. You can't be dead. No, no, no, no," he sobbed over and over again.

Jack woke up, because something was rattling his bed. Confused he tried to locate, what was the cause. Then he heard mumbling. Mac was sitting beside his bed. His body twitching erratically.

„Mac, wake up buddy, you have a nightmare." Jack tried to get the blondes attention. But Mac was too deep in his dream, he didn't react. His voice got louder. „Jack watch out!" And Jack knew right away what Mac was dreaming about. He had to bring him out of it. The Delta gathered all his strength and pushed into a sitting position. Whoa! I'm not gonna pass out, I'm not gonna pass out. Jack had to wait a minute until the room stopped spinning and he was sure he could move without throwing up or fainting.

„No!" Mac shouted. Jack gritted his teeth and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Mac sat just out of reach, but his desperate outburst and the tears running down his face gave Jack the kind of energy he needed to ignore the agony that awoke in his bruised knee.

„No, please no. Wake up Jack. You can't be dead. No, no, no, no," Mac started sobbing and finally Jack had managed to reach out and grab the blonds shoulder. The Delta sqeezed hard.

„Mac! Come on buddy, open your eyes. It's ok. I'm alive, it's just a nightmare. Mac, come on. Angus!" He added louder and Macs eyes snapped open, unfocused for a moment, but then he came back to reality, still breathing hard.

„It's ok hoss. Just a dream. Breath buddy, easy," Jack wiped away Macs tears with his thumbs. Both his hands holding Macs face and searching his eyes. They connected and Mac slumped forward into Jacks embrace. The Delta stroke Macs back until the blond had regained his composure. He sat back embarrassed by his behaviour, but the nightmare had him feeling raw and drained.

„I'm sorry, Iˋm sorry," he mumbled with his eyes downcast.

„T'was a bad one, huh?" Jack gently grabbed his chin and forced it up. „You have nothing to be sorry for. It was about my accident, wasn't it?"

Mac nodded and gulped. „We saw the footage on the traffic cam and we didn't know if you were alive at first. There was a group of juveniles coming up to you and we thought they were going to help you, but they robbed you and kicked you in the face."

„What? I hope Ri can find them. Are you ok now buddy?" All their problems were pushed to the backburner, Mac needed him and Jack would be there, as always.

The blond nodded and then his eyes widened in panic. „You're bleeding Jack!"

Jack looked at his arm and Mac was right, he had ripped his IV out in his haste to get to the blond.

„Didn't notice," he uttered, suddenly feeling all his pains now that Mac was awake. „Think, I'm gonna lay down, lend me a hand?" Jack started to sway and Mac felt guilty, that he was the cause for it.

„Hey none of that!" Jack said in a stern voice and continued at Macs „What?"

„You're doing it again. Stop feeling guilty. It's not your fault I'm lying here, hoss. I can hear your big brain coming up with all kinds of blame, so stop it." Jack said with a smirk.

„Shut up Jack. And it is my fault, my nightmare caused you to jump out of bed and wake me up," Mac disagreed and helped Jack getting settled back into the bed.

„Well since my accident was the cause for your nightmare it's technically my fault." The Delta disagreed.

Mac rolled his eyes and pushed the call button. Soon a nurse walked in and after scolding Jack for his carelessness put the IV back in.

„I wish Angela would be here." Jack sighed and Mac agreed. „She's great. Maybe we can talk her into joining Phoenix Medical."

Jack yawned and Mac decided to let his partner rest, before bringing up their conversation from the day before.

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