A/N: It's everyone's favourite couple, in the continuing saga of pain and tragedy! Hope you enjoy!
She didn't remember the exact moment that she realised she loved it when he called her "Jen", but it really didn't matter. Running her hand through his hair as he slept, Jenny found her thoughts wandering back to the early days of their relationship and it amazed her just how far they'd come. She'd never imagined that she would become so close to her boss and now, here they were, eight years later, planning their wedding. Their work roles had reversed, chain of command vastly different, but the connection they had was still the same.
She'd give anything to hear him call her by that nickname now, and she sighed as she felt Ducky's eyes on her from the opposite side of the bed.
"It's going to be okay," he said quietly, "The sedative should be wearing off soon."
"What if he doesn't remember me?"
Though she had told Tony she wasn't worried, the thought had been haunting her for hours. It had already happened once. She didn't think she could handle it a second time.
"He will."
Jenny nodded, thinking back to the first time she had ever touched him in a way that wasn't strictly professional. It had been in the elevator, after he'd cornered her to ask about the bleeding cut she'd inflicted on herself, and she smiled as she realised that nothing had changed. She still felt the same rush of electricity every time her skin touched his, and she knew, no matter what happened, she would always love the feeling of her skin being set on fire.
Gibbs shifted slightly, turning his head to the right, and Jenny immediately sat up, letting his hand fall back onto the bed, not wanting to startle him. As his eyes slowly opened, she unconsciously held her breath, and when he looked up at Ducky, he frowned slightly.
"Duck? Where am I?"
Ducky smiled, patting his hand gently.
"Portsmouth. Do you remember what happened?"
Jenny stayed silent, waiting to see how much he knew. Thinking, Gibbs frowned and finally he nodded slowly, his eyes pained.
"Door was rigged to explode. McGee. How's McGee?"
"He's fine. A few rooms down from you. He'll be very pleased to know you're awake."
Gibbs nodded again. His eyes widened as a thought occurred to him and Ducky frowned.
"What is it?"
"Jen. Where is she? Does she know?"
Smiling, Ducky glanced across the bed, and Gibbs turned his head, slightly embarrassed that he hadn't noticed her sitting there before now. She rolled her eyes as she smiled at him and he frowned.
"Why didn't you say something?"
She shrugged.
"Wanted to make sure you knew who I was this time. Did you really think I wouldn't be here?"
"Wasn't sure anyone had told you."
"I'm the Director, you idiot. Everyone tells me everything, whether I want them to or not."
He smirked, and she leaned over, kissing his cheek gently.
"I'll go tell the doctor that you're awake."
Her hand connected with the back of his head softly and he glared at her.
"What the hell, Jen?"
She shrugged.
"From Heather," was all she said as she walked out of the room.
Gibbs frowned, looking at the doctor sitting next to him.
"Heather was here?"
Ducky nodded.
"She drove Jennifer here."
"Jen's too good to drive herself now? Typical Director mentality," Gibbs muttered sarcastically.
Ducky laughed.
"Unfortunately, you're wrong. She did drive herself to Heather's house. Agent Fredericks drove her here the first time, and after I sent her home, she went to her sister. Heather didn't want to risk Jennifer killing herself or anyone else by driving drunk again, so she gave her a ride back up here."
The former marine nodded, and then as what Ducky had said finally clicked, he raised shocked eyes to the doctor.
"Wait. She drove to Heather's house...drunk? Jen's not that stupid. There's no way."
Ducky sighed, looking at him sadly.
"You don't understand how upset she was. She was bordering on hysterical when she first arrived. That's why I sent her home. If I had known that she was going to drink, I would have never let her leave."
"Jenny doesn't get hysterical, Duck. She's a pro at keeping her emotions in check."
Ducky shook his head.
"Jethro, don't you understand how much that young woman loves you? The only time I've ever known her to show any fear or sadness, with the exception of the aftermath of her rape, has been when something has happened to you. The only thing that has the power to get through her facade, to make her admit that she is, in fact, human..is you."
Gibbs was considering his words quietly when the redhead returned, giving him a tired smile. She sat down next to him and when he refused to meet her eyes, she frowned.
"What's wrong?"
He looked at her then, and she was surprised to see the anger flaring in his eyes.
"You drove to your sister's house drunk?"
She sighed.
"It was a mistake—"
"It was stupid, Jen! Do you know how dangerous that is? I can't believe you would do something so—"
"Don't," she whispered, "please."
"You can't get out of this by ignoring it! You made a dangerous decision, and I can't understand how—"
"I know I fucked up, Jethro!" she said, tears threatening to fall, "Don't you think I've done nothing but beat myself up for this? I don't need you doing it, too."
She stood up, wiping her hand under her eyes and as she left the room, Gibbs sighed in frustration. Ducky glared at him and he sat up slowly.
"You're being much too hard on her, Jethro. She's already been through enough."
"She was reckless and could have killed someone. Could have killed herself."
"Jennifer knows that. She's been distraught ever since she received Anthony's phone call. You still don't understand. Do you remember what it felt like when Shawn Harrison sliced into Jennifer's throat and she was laying in this very hospital on the brink of dying? Or have you forgotten?"
"Of course I remember, Ducky," Gibbs snapped, glaring at the older man, "How could I forget?"
Ducky stared at him sadly.
"That's how she feels right now, Jethro. She's terrified of losing you."
Gibbs was silent as the attending physician entered the room, and Ducky sighed, wondering if his friend would ever truly understand the depth of the redhead's love for him. Somehow, he doubted it.
When Jenny walked into McGee's room, she nearly laughed at the shocked expression on his face.
"Director Shepard. What are you doing here?"
She shrugged, smiling at him.
"Thought you'd want to know that Gibbs is awake."
"That's good. Is his memory—"
"He's fine."
She moved closer, looking at him carefully. He was pale, but aside from a few cuts and bruises, he didn't look too bad.
"How are you, McGee?" she asked quietly, "Honestly."
"A little sore. Mostly just pissed at myself. I should have noticed that the door was rigged. It was a stupid mistake."
Thinking about her own actions, Jenny shook her head.
"No. You're not the one who made the mistake."
Pacing back and forth in the parking lot of the hospital, Jenny pulled out her phone, scrolling through her contacts tiredly, pausing when she came to one she hadn't used in years. She hit the call button, holding it to her ear, rifling through her purse as it rang.
"Burley."
"Hey, Stan. It's Jenny."
"Hey, Red! How are you? How's Gibbs?"
She smiled as she pulled out her knife, turning it over in her hands.
"He's fine. Listen, I know that we haven't talked in awhile, but can I talk to you about something?"
"Sure, Shepard. What's up?"
She sighed, still pacing, and ran her hand through her hair.
"Do you...do you remember, back when we worked for Gibbs, and you found out that I..." she stopped, trying to think of a way to word it tactfully, "do you remember when you saw that cut on my arm?"
"Yeah," he answered slowly, "Jenny, what's going on? Are you okay?"
"I screwed up, Burley. Gibbs was in an explosion and we had a fight after he woke up. I'm trying not to handle it badly, but it's not going well."
"Woah, back up, Red. Start at the beginning."
Jenny nodded, leaning against the wall of the hospital, wishing desperately for a drink. As she recounted the events of the last few days, she tried to control the shaking of her hands. When she finished, Stan whistled and she rolled her eyes.
"Damn. Sounds like you're not having much luck lately. Where are you now? I can hear the wind blowing."
"Hospital lot. I needed to calm down before I go back in."
Burley was silent for a moment and Jenny slid down the wall, balancing on her heels.
"Jenny?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you have a knife right now?"
She laughed quietly.
"Rule nine, Burley."
"Where is it?"
"In my hand."
"Put it down."
Staring at the knife held between her fingers, Jenny sighed. She turned it over, admiring the glint of the light on the silver, and she jumped when she heard Burley's voice in her ear.
"Shepard. Put it down."
Jenny dropped the knife into her purse, and sighed as she closed her eyes.
"It's in my purse. Happy?"
"Jenny...go talk to Gibbs. You'll work it out. You've gotten through worse situations before. Call me and let me know how it goes."
"Okay. Thanks, Stan."
"Anytime, Red."
As she placed her phone in her back pocket, Jenny stood up, brushing her hands absentmindedly on her jeans. She was suddenly craving a cigarette in the worst way, and she'd never needed a drink so badly in her life.
Gibbs sighed as he watched the nurse leave the room, wondering where Jenny had gone. He knew that he'd been too hard on her, but he couldn't help the feeling of anger within his chest. She'd made a mistake, a dangerous one, and he wasn't sure how he felt about it. Ducky had been right when he'd said that Jenny rarely showed fear, and when Gibbs stopped to think about it, he had been directly involved every time, with the one obvious exception.
Shit. He was beginning to understand why she'd turned to drinking in order to deal with her stress. In a way, he supposed it was even preferable, considering her past history. He'd never stopped to consider how upset she would be if something had happened to him. He had just assumed that she would find a way to cope and move on, given enough time. Now he felt like a bastard. Not that he agreed with her driving while under the influence, but he could definitely understand the drinking itself.
"Jethro?"
He glanced up, his eyes brightening as they landed on her, and she took a hesitant step into the room.
"The doctor's said that you're free to leave whenever you want. McGee's in the waiting area if you want to see him."
He nodded, looking at her seriously.
"Jen..."
She shook her head, stopping his words instantly. Her eyes were sad and he wondered if perhaps this time he had gone too far.
"Not here, okay? We'll talk later."
He swung his feet over the edge of the bed, reaching for the bag of clothing Ducky had brought from his house. She turned away and when she spoke again, she wouldn't look at him.
"I'll call Agent Fredericks to drive us."
Her voice was dull, lifeless, and he frowned as she walked into the waiting area. Damn. This wasn't good at all.
Jenny was silent during the entire drive to his house, and while he was used to not speaking, her silence unnerved him. She stared out of the window, her eyes unfocused, and she didn't even realise that the car had stopped until Gibbs opened the door.
"You coming?" he asked.
She blinked, nodding, and quietly thanked Fredericks as she stepped out of the car. Gibbs watched her as he slowly made his way inside, frowning when she headed for the stairs leading to the bedroom.
"Jen?"
She turned, her hollow eyes landing on his, and he closed the front door carefully.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine," she murmured, "I'm just going to go lie down."
She disappeared up the steps and it only took him a fraction of a second to decide to follow her, ignoring the pain in his knee as he walked. She was curled on her side, still wearing her clothes, and he sat down next to her, debating on whether he should touch her or not.
"Talk to me, Jen. What's bothering you?"
"Nothing."
She sighed and he frowned.
"I'm sorry. I was out of line, and I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you. I was just worried, and it came out wrong."
"You judged me for a decision I made that you didn't agree with. A bad one, yes, but you put me on trial for it. Again. You keep doing it. I don't appreciate it."
He knew she was making a valid point, but it still stung.
"I know. I just...I want to keep you safe, and it scares me when I can't do that. I don't react well to being scared."
Jenny sighed, turning on her back and raising up so that she could look at him properly.
"I'm not a child. I'm not your little Probie anymore. I'm an adult, and you have to trust me. Yeah, I might fuck it up every now and then, but you have to allow me to do that. You're not responsible for my safety. I am. If you can't accept that, if you're going to keep judging every choice I make and condemning me when you don't agree with it...then this isn't going to work. I can't make every decision of my life based on what I think you would approve of."
He was silent for a moment, and finally he nodded, looking in her eyes intently.
"I know. You didn't deserve that, and I'm sorry. You're a smart woman, the smartest I know, and I know that you almost always make rational decisions."
She smiled sadly.
"Except when it comes to you. You make me crazier."
He leaned forward, kissing her gently, and when he moved back, he frowned at the tears in her eyes.
"What is it?"
"I thought I'd lost you," she whispered, "I was so scared that you wouldn't remember me."
"Even when I lost my memory, I still remembered you," he reminded her, "I could never forget you."
She nodded, and he looked at her closely. He could sense that something else was wrong, and he brushed her hair behind her ear.
"What else is wrong?"
"I almost cut myself this afternoon," she said, so quietly that he almost missed it.
"You didn't, though. I'm proud of you."
"Stan talked me out of it."
He frowned.
"Burley?"
Jenny nodded, trying not to blink.
"I called him. I couldn't talk to Ducky. He doesn't know. And I didn't want to scare Heather. Burley was my only option."
"Remind me to thank him."
She smiled and he pulled her into his arms. Turning so that they were both laying down, Gibbs buried his face in her hair, inhaling deeply. Her perfume gave him a sense of calm that he didn't realise he'd needed, and as she laid in his embrace, she could feel herself growing more tired. She hadn't slept since the night before the explosion, and she closed her eyes, focusing on his steady heartbeat.
"I love you, Jethro," she whispered, "So much more than you know."
"I love you too, Jen."
Jenny groaned as her phone rang and she slowly opened her eyes, glaring at the offending device as she answered it.
"Shepard."
"Jenny, how's Jethro?"
She smiled.
"He's fine, Heather. Released from the hospital a few hours ago."
"Are you okay? You sound kind of funny."
Jenny yawned, looking at the man lying next to her. She knew he wasn't asleep, but he seemed to be attempting it.
"I was sleeping."
"Oh, god. I'm sorry, I can let you go."
Laughing quietly, Jenny stretched slowly, curling her body closer to Gibbs and resting her head on his chest.
"No, it's okay. How are you? How's Tori?"
"Good. We're all good. I have something that I wanted to tell you, though. It's kind of important."
"Oh, and here I thought you were just a concerned sister inquiring after my husband's health," Jenny said sarcastically.
"I am! But, this is really important."
Jenny laughed again, and smiled when she felt Gibbs begin running his fingers through her hair gently.
"What is it?"
"I'm pregnant, Jenny! David and I are going to have another baby."
Bolting up from her relaxed position, Jenny's hand flew to her mouth, and she gasped excitedly.
"Really? Heather, that's great! When did you find out?"
"This morning. I'm about eight weeks along. I'm so excited. I just couldn't wait to tell you! I mean, you missed it when I was pregnant with Tori, so you have to be here for this one."
Jenny smiled as she sat beside Gibbs, his hand winding in her hair again.
"Of course. Anything you need, let me know."
"Thanks, Jenny. I'll let you go. Love you!"
"Love you, too."
Jenny hung up the phone and turned to Gibbs, giving him a smile as she met his eyes.
"Heather's pregnant."
"I gathered as much. That's great."
Settling back into his arms again, Jenny began lazily tracing patterns on his chest with her nails. He glanced down at her, kissing her hair gently.
"I heard that slip, by the way."
She frowned.
"What?"
"On the phone. You called me your husband."
Jenny shook her head.
"No, I didn't."
He arched his eyebrow at her.
"Hate to break it to you, Shepard, but you definitely did."
She shrugged, raising up to kiss him gently.
"It's near enough to the truth. Only a few months away."
He nodded, kissing her again.
"Go back to sleep, Jen."
Jenny shook her head, her eyes locking on his seriously.
"I'd rather keep kissing you."
"That has the potential to end badly for us. Not sure I'm up to it."
"Oh, come on. Haven't you ever had a good old-fashioned make-out session, Jethro?"
He smirked.
"Not since high school."
Jenny moved so that she was sitting up next to him and as her lips met his, she smiled.
"Live a little, old man."
He pulled her closer, crashing his mouth onto hers, his tongue fighting hers for dominance as he kissed her.
"Careful who you call old, Jen. I can still take you down."
She laughed, kissing him again.
"Not likely. I'd make you my bitch."
As he kissed her again, tangling his hands in her long red hair, Gibbs found himself thinking that perhaps there was something to be said for make-out sessions after all. Kissing Jenny was quite possibly his favourite pastime, and he never wanted it to end.
Hugging Heather as she stepped into the room, Jenny gave her a warm smile, and kissed her cheek.
"Have you picked out any names yet?"
"Only a million. I wanted to ask you. Will you and Jethro be god parents for this baby?"
Jenny nodded, not even needing to think.
"Of course. We're already Tori's."
As if on cue, Tori came flying into the room, crashing into Jenny's legs.
"Aunt Jenny! Did you know Mommy's having another baby? I'm going to be a big sister!"
Jenny nodded.
"I did. You'll be like me, then."
Tori frowned.
"You're a big sister?"
"Yeah. I'm a few years older than your mommy."
"How old are you, Aunt Jenny?"
"Thirty-seven. My birthday was a few months ago."
"Wow..." Tori's eyes were wide, "That's so much older than me."
"Victoria Elise! That was extremely rude. Apologise to your Aunt Jenny right now."
Laughing, Jenny shook her head and looked at Heather, whose furious expression made her laugh even harder.
"It's okay, Heather. She didn't mean it the way it sounded."
Heather mumbled something and Jenny frowned.
"What?"
"I said, sometimes she acts just like you."
Jenny shrugged.
"Makes sense. She's got my middle name."
Tori looked at the older redhead seriously, her eyes confused.
"We have the same middle name?"
Jenny nodded, leaning down to be more level with the child.
"Yep. You're like me in more than one way."
"I tried to be," Tori answered seriously.
Now, Jenny frowned, glancing up at her sister.
"What do you mean?"
"When Daddy was sick and I stayed with you, Jethro told me that when I get scared, I should think "Be like Aunt Jenny", because you were braver and more stronger than Princess Leia."
"Did he?"
Making a mental note to ask Gibbs about it later, Jenny tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and straightened up. She'd never been around pregnant women for long periods of time, and had never experienced it herself, so she wasn't quite sure how to act around Heather. She knew her sister's senses would be heightened, her hormone levels would be higher, and that she was likely to be a bit more irrational, so she wanted to tread carefully.
"Heather, I just wanted to stop by and make sure everything was going good. And I wanted to give you this."
Reaching into her purse, Jenny pulled out a small scrapbook and when she handed it to her sister, Heather frowned.
"What's this?"
"It's a scrapbook from when Mom was pregnant with you. I went back to my house after you told me you were pregnant and looked for it. It was in the study. Dad kept it. I thought you might like to have it."
Tears sprang to Heather's eyes and she threw her arms around Jenny, hugging her fiercely.
"This is...this is beautiful, Jenny. Thank you."
Jenny returned the hug warmly, and when she knelt down to hug Tori goodbye, she looked at the little girl seriously.
"You're going to be a great big sister, Tori. And if you ever do get scared, you still have Jack, right?"
Tori nodded, smiling as she remember the stuffed rabbit Gibbs had given her.
"Yeah."
"Well, just remember everything Jethro told you. I'll see you soon, okay?"
Tori kissed her cheek, and Jenny smiled up at Heather. She'd never been so happy that Gibbs had convinced her to reach out to her sister. It was wonderful to have her family together again.
Jenny distractedly wound her hair around her finger as she sat on the couch in Gibbs' living room, flipping through a book idly. She wasn't really reading it, but she'd needed something to occupy her hands as she'd navigated her thoughts. She couldn't get what Tori had told her out of her mind, and she frowned as she turned another page. Why had he told Tori to think of her when she was scared?
Though she was proud of her accomplishments in her job, Jenny had never considered her skills to be anything special. Yes, she was able to keep a cool head in tense situations, but she would have been lying if she'd said she never felt fear. She had been nearly paralyzed with fear when she'd been kidnapped by Jonathan Harrison, to say nothing of when his brother had nearly killed her, and her actions in the direct aftermath were nothing to be admired.
She sighed when she realised that she was crying, and dropped her head in her hands. She had no idea why she was reacting to this news in a negative way, surely it was something to be proud of, and her fingers longed for a drink, a blade, or a cigarette. Damn it, why did all of her coping mechanisms have to be so self destructive?
Because she thought she deserved the pain. She'd never honestly felt like she was good enough, despite all of her outward confidence, and it was frankly exhausting to pretend otherwise. There was no way she could tell Gibbs about this, though. They'd already had one fight because of her drinking, she wasn't going to risk another one just because her mind decided to make her feel inadequate. She pulled out her phone, and as she dialed, she was suddenly very thankful that Gibbs was in the shower.
"Burley."
"Shepard."
"What's up, Red? Did you work things out with that silver-haired bastard?"
She laughed.
"Yeah. We're fine. Are you busy?"
"Not really. Having a beer. Why?"
"Want company?"
"Sure. Meet me in ten at Point After Lounge?"
"I'll be there."
Scrawling a note for Gibbs, Jenny grabbed her keys and purse, wondering how she was going to explain to Burley that she couldn't drink. That was going to be fun.
Burley waved Jenny over as she entered the bar, shaking her head when he offered to buy her a beer. He frowned, raising his eyebrows at her and she sighed.
"I don't drink anymore."
"Fair enough. So, what's going on with you, Shepard? You seem kind of upset."
Jenny was silent for a long moment, and when the waiter came to take her drink order, she jumped.
"Water is fine, thank you."
"Damn, Red. You're really serious about not drinking, aren't you?"
She nodded.
"Maybe someday I'll be able to again. Right now, it's not possible."
Burley looked at her seriously, and when he spoke next, his voice was gentle in a way she hadn't expected.
"Jenny...you haven't done anything, have you?"
She didn't even need to ask what he was referring to.
"No," she shook her head, "but I want to. So much. It's pathetic. I'm a grown woman. I should be able to deal with my life by now. I shouldn't be having a fucking mental breakdown every few weeks."
His eyes were sad as he looked at her and he frowned.
"You've been through hell in these past few months, Shepard. Anyone would be a bit shaky right now. You're handling it a hell of a lot better than I would be, that's for damn sure. I can't even imagine how scared you must have been when that bastard raped you. And it happens to women all the time. It's fucking horrible."
She nodded, smiling at the waiter as he set her glass down.
"Thank you," she said to him quietly.
Looking at Burley, she realised just how fortunate she was to have a friend like him. She'd always been closer to him than Decker, and now she knew why. They had a similar sense of humour, and they simply clicked better.
"It is horrible," she agreed, "and it's terrifying to go anywhere alone, especially at night. But it still makes me feel weak and pathetic when I can't make it through the day without breaking down. Gibbs has been a great help, but I don't want him to see this. It's embarrassing."
Burley frowned.
"It's embarrassing to be human, Red? Look, I've known Gibbs for a long time. And I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. That man loves you more than anything in the world. He'd do anything for you. Hell, he's even killed for you. He's never killed anyone for me."
"That's because you don't put out," Jenny deadpanned.
"Not on the first date," he said seriously, "Excuse me, madam, but I am no whore."
Jenny laughed as he took a drink of his beer, and he winked at her.
"Seriously, Jenny...I know you think that you're doing the right thing by trying to deal with all of this on your own, and hell, that's admirable in and of itself, but you don't have to. You've got me, Ducky, Gibbs, even DiNozzo would probably be willing to help you through it if you asked. Keeping all of this inside isn't healthy. I don't want you to do something drastic because you feel like that's your only option."
She smiled sadly.
"But...what if it changes the way he sees me?"
"Not gonna happen. He loves you."
"He told my niece that when she gets scared, she should try to be like me. I know he didn't mean to, but it honestly made me feel worse. I don't deserve that kind of praise."
Burley stared at her as though she'd lost her mind.
"Gibbs doesn't believe in fake compliments. You know that. If he said that, he meant it. You're a badass, Red. Whether you can see that or not."
Jenny smiled, and when she stood, she hugged him gently.
"Thanks, Stan. You have no idea how much you helped me today. I've got to head out, but I'll talk to you soon. Are you okay to get home?"
He smirked.
"Sure. I might be able to convince one of these lovely ladies to give me a ride home once you're not ruining my game."
She laughed, then frowned.
"Why am I ruining it? We're not together. Not like that."
"No, but when women see a man with an attractive woman, they don't make a move."
"I'm not that attractive."
Burley rolled his eyes.
"Shepard, if I hadn't thought Gibbs would've castrated me, I would have asked you out every day when we first met."
"You did, Stan," she reminded him.
"Yeah, but once I knew Gibbs wanted you, I knew it would be best to back off. You don't seem to realise how pretty you really are, Jenny. You're gorgeous. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise."
She smiled, hugging him again.
"I love you, Burley."
"Don't let Gibbs hear you say that."
"You're like my brother, you idiot."
He smirked, kissing her cheek.
"I know. Love you too, Red. Say hi to your husband for me."
Though she knew he hadn't noticed his mistake, Jenny didn't bother to correct him. She was trying to get used to the idea of referring to Gibbs as her husband, and she needed t become accustomed to hearing it as well.
"I will. Be safe."
He nodded.
"Always am. Call me if you need anything."
Jenny smiled, waving as she left the dark of the bar, and found herself feeling considerably less anxious than she'd been an hour ago. She only hoped the feeling would last long enough to talk to Gibbs.
Gibbs smiled as he heard the click of her heels on the basement steps, and he nodded at her as she slid onto the stool.
"Have a nice time with Burley?"
She nodded.
"Yeah. He helped me figure a few things out."
He frowned.
"Everything okay?"
Jenny ran her hand through her hair, looking at the ground before answering. He set his sander down and crossed the room, stopping just in front of her.
"Jen?"
"You told Tori to be like me when she gets scared."
He knew she wasn't expecting an answer, so he waited, knowing she would continue soon.
"I know you meant it as a compliment, but it made me feel worse."
"Why?"
"I feel like I don't deserve that. I mean, I shut everyone out, I nearly drank myself to death, I cut into my own skin when I couldn't handle my pain...I'm nothing to be admired, Jethro. I'm just a scared little girl who happens to be a good enough actress that people believe me when I say I'm handling it well."
He took her hand in his, running his thumb over her skin lightly.
"You've faced down arms dealers without flinching. You took two rounds to the thigh and didn't scream. You were raped, tortured, nearly murdered by the same man who raped you, and you survived all of it. You might have been scared...hell, I'm sure you were terrified, but you never let it show. So you had a few moments where the emotions got away from you. Jenny, I've seen people fall apart for a hell of a lot less than the things you've gone through. You are, without a doubt, the strongest person I know, and if that isn't something to be admired, then I don't know what is."
She still refused to look at him and he tilted her chin up, forcing her eyes to his.
"You're allowed to cry. You're allowed to be scared or feel pain. It doesn't make you weak. Your ways of dealing with your emotions and stress might need a little work, but you are so amazing. I wish you could see yourself the way I do. The way everyone does."
Jenny smiled sadly, and he kissed her slowly, his eyes locking on hers as he pulled away.
"I love you."
"You're not mad because I talked to Burley instead of you?"
"Nah. You still told me in the end, anyway. Even if you hadn't, I wouldn't care. If he can help you, I'm fine with it."
She frowned, suddenly remembering something she had been meaning to discuss with him. Her hand slapped the back of his head and he frowned.
"What the hell?"
"I told you to be safe, you idiot! You damn near got yourself killed! You've got to stop putting yourself in situations like that."
"I feel like we've had this conversation before. But the other way around."
"We have. Don't try to change the subject. I'm glad you saved McGee's life, but I can't lose you. Will you at least try to be more careful?"
He nodded.
"For the record, I was terrified when that door blew. I didn't even think. I just grabbed McGee and yanked him back. But I came to a few times in the ambulance, and all I could think about was you. What I would do if I never saw you again. I thought for sure that I was going to die."
Jenny shook her head.
"You're too stubborn to die. Besides, you're not getting out of this wedding that easily. I'll marry you even if you're dead."
Gibbs frowned, looking at her seriously.
"You can do that?"
"Yep. It's been done before."
"You love me that much?"
Suddenly, he was beginning to understand what Ducky had been trying to tell him in the hospital. Jenny nodded, kissing him deeply, her fingers running through his hair.
"I love you more than my own life."
She kissed him again, and as he held her in his arms, he smiled.
"Just promise me one thing," she whispered.
"Hm?"
"Promise me that you won't let Burley or DiNozzo make any kind of speeches at our wedding."
He laughed, bringing his lips to hers again.
"Not a chance in hell."
A/N: Things I learned while writing this chapter: 1. I really need a friend like Burley, 2. Gibbs is sexy even when he's mad, 3. I have a lot in common with this Jenny.