Disclaimer: I do not own anything you may recognize
Just a hilarious idea I got. Hope everyone enjoys. This takes place in an AU where COIE wasn't that devastating and post COIE Barry is not married to anyone, least of all Iris, pffffttt!
Also, something I realized- the Anti-Monitor becomes infinitely less threatening once you realize that Mercury Labs built a magnetar that could destroy all Earths in the Multiverse except Earth-1 by having Barry and Zoom run on it just like that *snaps fingers*
All the heroes were in Oliver's Verdant club, celebrating victory over the Anti-Monitor and Eobard Thawne. Post Crisis, Oliver had made sure he never lost the club. And tonight, the heroes were the exclusive patrons of this club.
There was drinking, hand holding, talking, laughing and a lot of other stuff.
Barry and Kara were talking in a corner when Cisco walked up to them and said. "Hey man! You sure you wanna stay sober?"
"Wait, you can get drunk too?" Kara asked Barry, not having known that.
"So you can get drunk as well?" Barry asked.
"Uhh…..yeah, with a special alien drink", Kara shrugged.
"I helped Caitlin whip up this bad boy for Barry", Cisco said as he held it out and Kara gave it an interesting look.
"Only took it once. Before the Crisis, so it probably didn't happen in this reality", Barry said.
"After everything you've done today, I think you deserve that", Kara told him.
"You really think so?" Barry asked.
"Hell yeah I do!" Kara said.
"All right", Barry shrugged as he took it from Cisco who was chuckling already.
"Get ready to make your debut…again!" Cisco said as Barry sighed.
"But if I steal peanuts from the bar, don't blame me", Barry said.
"It's all right", Kara assured before putting a hand on his shoulder. "You know what? I have one drink. Maybe I can take one to help you out."
"You'd do that for me?" Barry asked.
"Yuh-uh. What are friends for?" She said.
"Well then", Barry said as both took out their drinks and pouring them down, gulped them in one go.
Then they put their drinks down as Cisco looked between them. Suddenly, both burst out laughing hysterically for no reason at all and Cisco immediately regretted his decision.
"How do you feel?" Cisco asked Kara.
"Fffff-lllllllloaty….." she slurred before saying to Barry. "But I'm not floafing."
And then both laughed hysterically and high-fived.
"And how do you feel?" Cisco asked Barry.
"I'M THE FLASH!" Barry yelled, making all look at them.
"Hahahaha! I have to help you around now!" Kara said randomly.
"What's going on?" Oliver asked.
"I think I know what it is", Sara smirked.
"I'm giving it all! I can't take much more of it!"
They all turned to see Nate randomly shaking his head and slurring his speech too.
"Now what's wrong with him?" Alex asked.
"He got hurt in the fight so he took some medication", Ray explained. "Looks like it got him high. Damn it!"
"Yaaaaayyy! Drunk paradise!"
Now all turned to see Caitlin jumping happily.
"Oh God!" Thea buried her head in her hands. "If this place comes down tomorrow, these four are paying for it."
Caitlin staggered to Barry and Kara, who were still laughing hysterically as Barry asked. "Whatcha wrong withcha, Caity…?"
"Oh my God! He called me Caity!" Caitlin said happily as she looked between Barry and the others. "You heard that? CAITTTY? I'm Caity now!"
Alex walked to them and asked. "You guys all right?"
"HEY! You look like my sister!" Kara suddenly said and laughed again.
"It's no use", Alex rolled her eyes as all laughed at the antics of the drunk people.
"Anyone wants something…?" Barry randomly asked as he staggered around. "I love chicken wings!"
"I like broccoli!" Nate said randomly as all turned to him.
"I'd like to get out of here", Oliver muttered, making everyone snicker again.
"AH! I wanna getchout too!" Barry said randomly.
"I want chor-co-latte, stra-blurry ve-nillo", Kara said and this time nobody could stop themselves from laughing.
"Summer lovin' had me a blast!" Caitlin randomly sang, making all cringe due to her voice. "Summer loving' happened so fast!"
"Ah who cares about summer when Barry got struck by lightning?!" Barry asked before randomly singing his own iteration of 'Smooth Criminal'. "Barry, you were struck down! It was your doom! Barry, are you okaaaaaaaaayyy? Sooooooo Barry aree youuuuuu okaaaaaaayyyyyyyy? Are you okay Barryyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"
All were on the floor in hysterics at this point as Barry suddenly said. "I heard you someone wanted ice cream! And I want chicken wings!"
He then sped out with Kara and Caitlin as everyone's laughter reduced a little.
"Well, good luck to this town!" Cisco said.
Later, Barry's apartment
"That was some really good iccccccceee-ccream!" Kara said as Barry let them both go.
"So you two can run, fly and sing?" Caitlin asked. "What can't you do?"
"Stop being a prick!" Kara said.
"Stop fucking the timeline!" Barry said at the same time and all three let out hysterical laughter.
Caitlin suddenly threw her shoe off but fell down in the process.
"What's tha matta, Caity?" Barry asked as he and Kara tried to help her up but their drunkenness made them fall down as well.
"Slipped on icy?" Kara asked.
"Look at ya both! Trying to save meeeeeee again!" Caitlin slurred before randomly singing again. "SOMEBODY SAAAAAVVVVVVEEEEE MEEEEEEE!"
"Coming up to save ya right now!" Barry said before he suddenly kissed Caitlin and she returned it.
Then they heard Kara moaning and parted, with Caitlin saying. "Come join us, little girl!"
"YAAAAAAY!" Kara said happily as she grabbed Barry from behind and kissed him on the back of the neck.
Next morning
Barry, Caitlin and Kara all groaned as they came to. Then they felt that they were naked under the bedsheets. Then they looked at each other and gasped simultaneously.
"What did we do?" Kara asked.
"I don't know", Caitlin shook her head as she looked away, pointing at Kara's stuff which was exposed, making her cover it as Barry closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands.
"How many times we do it?" He wondered.
He then sped off and wore his clothes while Kara did the same as Caitlin made them both turn around and wore hers.
"This never happened!" Caitlin said.
"Nope! I was just a dream!" Kara said and both shot her looks, making her realize how dirty she sounded. "Okay, just a thought!"
They shot her looks and she did the 'zipper' motion.
"Let's never drink together again", Barry said.
"Amen!" Both women said together before Barry opened the door and the two walked out quickly.
Well, this was fun. But very embarrassing at the same time.
Not as funny as I'd hoped but still hope everyone got a laugh.