Authors note: I wrote this oneshot a while back but never got around to posting it. Major trigger warning for self harm!
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Yaten's hand trembled as she pressed her razor blade against her inner thigh, shutting her eyes as she increased the pressure before quickly swiping it across the skin. First there was intense pain and then the soothing comfort that followed afterwards. She opened her eyes and watched as little speckles of blood began to seep out of the fresh wound.
Dozens of other faded scars covered the tops of her inner thighs, hidden in a place where they wouldn't be visible when in her sailor fuku so nobody would find out about her problem.
She knew it wasn't healthy, she knew it was dangerous, but the pain she felt was unbearable and she needed a way to cope. She couldn't cope with the trauma of watching Galaxia destroy their planet, knowing that millions of people on their planet had died and she wasn't able to save them and having felt every single one of their star seeds die off, knowing she had nothing left to live for except finding her princess who at this point could be dead, knowing that by day she had to disguise herself in a male body and be hounded by screaming teenage girls who wanted to date her despite not even knowing who she really was.
Blood stained her thighs and her fingertips and all she could do was cry as she stared at the bloodied razor in her trembling hand. Even if it numbed the pain for a little bit it wasn't enough to permanently block out everything around her and the trauma she'd been through.
But the worst part of it all? Being able to feel Seiya's pain of being in a one sided love and not being able to do anything to help her. Yaten loved her, she had loved her for years. But then they arrived on earth and she could only sit back and watch as her raven haired leader fell for another girl who didn't even love her back and she could only watch in agony as she watched the girl she loved get rejected over and over again. She wanted to love her, she wanted to ease her pain and make her feel loved but she knew Seiya probably only saw her as just a friend, just her teammate, just good old Yaten who snapped at her for stupid things and was a pain in her side.
Being an empath she could feel all of Seiya's emotions and her pain alone was worse then anything she'd ever felt. She watched as her leader would plaster a smile on her face and pretend like she was alright but in reality whenever she was around her she was flooded with her heartbreak and pain and it was enough to swallow Yaten whole, consuming every ounce of her being with her pain.
She could only lay there on her floor and cry when she heard a muffled sob from the room next to her and was hit with a wave of pain so intense it made her want to throw up. She pressed her razor firmly against her thigh and dragged it across as fast as she could and was met with a soothing sensation that dulled the pain temporarily, droplets of blood oozing down her leg as the sobs from the other room died off until all she could hear was the wind blowing outside her window.