Paulo ran out through the Library exit and found Sue some distance away up the street. There weren't many people out in town that afternoon, it took no time weaving through the narrow sidewalk to catch up but he couldn't find the inner strength to reach out to stop her. He hung back and trailed just a few steps behind, berating himself repeatedly inside his head as he did so. His chest had begun to hurt. He said a few bad things just before. Did he even realise what he said to her? What came over him?

That really wasn't him, was it?

He shook his head. Whatever that was back at the library that argued down Sue wasn't him, he was certain of it. He didn't want to leave things like this, but he felt afraid at the thought of how much worse things could go. Deep down inside himself he really didn't want to lose another friend. He wanted to fix this. Would she even give him the time to try and explain? He wouldn't blame her it if she didn't. He grew such a shitty attitude over the past couple of months. He didn't know why he asked her to help him back in the classroom weeks ago, but he was certain the reason wasn't what she thought it was.

He didn't understand why he couldn't find the means to stop her in the library. He lost a lot of friends for bad reasons, he didn't want to lose another over a movie.

Paulo was so preoccupied with himself he wasn't watching what was happening in front of him and almost ran into the back of Sue, she'd stopped in the middle of the street. It was when he saw her fists shaking at her sides his heart decided it just couldn't take it anymore. His hand found a place on her shoulder, 'I'm sorry Sue, I didn't mean what I said. Please, stop crying.'

Sue twisted around and swat his hand off her in one quick motion, 'Go away! You're a fucking asshole!' She snapped back. She bought her hand back around to wipe a tear before returning to him. 'I try to make up for everything and you still treat me like shit in return. Why do you have to hate me so much?'

Paulo was taken aback for a moment at the outburst, he never heard her swear before, even at him. She'd lose her temper at him a few times, but this was different! 'I—I don't hate you! I don't mean to! Really! It's just…' He struggled. God, making a girl cry was the worst, he never meant to let it get this bad, he sincerely thought that. 'You're always on my case! You're always probing into everything I do, why?'

'Because I care! You're just so fucking hard to ever get a straight answer out of. Why does it always need to be such a challenge to talk to you?!' She lost her temper, she'd had enough of his attitude. As much as she'd try to hide it, she was shaking, she was trying her hardest to be strong. 'You've never been more distant since Mike left and Lucy started hanging around a different crowd. I felt so responsible for Lucy, for so long. I—, I tried to stop her. But then she…, and I had to…I had to—' She sniffled, tears started swelling in her eyes. 'I just wanted you to talk to me like you used to with them. You've got other friends you can rely on, you know?! Even if you aren't willing to admit it!'

She unloaded everything, every word seemingly cut a hole right into him. He had no idea this is how she felt about him.

'Friends I can…but you've grated against me every time we've been together! When we were at your house, when we were at the movies… you've chewed me out at any time you could!'

'I…I don't mean to! I just thought if I tried to act like someone I thought you'd relate better to you might open up to me!' Sue tried to explain.

He didn't understand what that meant, it didn't make sense. 'Why would you think—' A thought popped into his head, it took him back to months ago before their junior year ended. 'Because of Lucy?'

Sue nodded meekly.

He needed a moment to process it. 'No…no…God, Sue, dammit, anyone trying to act like Lucy would've been the last thing I'd want.'

Sue shrugged at him, 'I didn't know what else to do! You wouldn't talk to me any other way! I tried everything else before!' She complained.

It was an unavoidable thought. They never seemed to get along by themselves; Paulo had found Sue to be…unapproachable for the longest time; she had such a holier-than-thou attitude, they clashed horns in the past over differences between each other. He held a firm belief she never would have tried to bother about him if she could help it. He had his own reasons for never having been closer to her either. They were just too different.

But then again, a part inside of him wondered, it didn't stop her from trying to be being friends with others who were different either; she was friends with Abbey after all, and they were both complete opposites. He would have thought for the longest time himself they would have been at each other's throats as much as he had been with Sue. But that wasn't right, was it? Abbey and Sue still played together online, he remembered Mike saying so.

His hands started to tremble. This was all starting to make less sense, he thought he was the last person on earth Sue would give a damn about. He really didn't expect her to turn around in the classroom, he didn't expect himself to leap out at her either, it just…happened! It was hard to accept Sue was acting like Lucy to get him to drop his guard, he already knew Sue had a bit of a temper, but he remembered the cinema, he remembered how that quip made him feel….

…And it was familiar. His heart made him realise it. It couldn't have been. No! He refused to believe it! But his heart refused to take his side, it wanted to trust Sue; it betrayed him! He fought back as desperate as he could, he refused to accept it; his world made more sense that way. 'That's not true! I swear I would've—' He tried to tell her, but she wouldn't let him finish.

'You never have, Paulo! You shouldn't lie, especially to me; You didn't when Mike left, and you…you wouldn't let me with Lucy.'

His heart hurt from the words, there was a familiar sting he hadn't felt since weeks ago in the Math classroom. His heart couldn't take it anymore. He knew too; it was the truth. She was right; she was right there for him the day when Mike left. She would be one of the first to suspect what had happened when he didn't come in the next day. She ran into Haley in the hallways. Sue would find Paulo sobbing underneath the seats near the school's sports pitch, he found Haley sooner. She told him if she needed anything, she was only around the corner.

She wouldn't know he felt her presence on the other side of the wall, she did well not to break down in tears herself, at least, not there. He couldn't bring himself to do it but secretly he wished he'd let her help him.

He felt nauseous, his hand met his head. '…You said you knew about Lucy, didn't you?' He asked.

'I… I tried to find you. But I couldn't—.' She stammered.

He cut her off, 'I wouldn't have listened anyway.' he was pained to admit it; afraid to. He read her face, her reaction meant he was right on the money. He felt a tear roll off his face; it was the truth, he was far too in love with Lucy to let anything come in between that. Even if Sue managed to find a way to get him to stop, there'd not be a chance he'd waver from trying to confess his feelings; he'd call Sue a liar, he'd hurt her feelings, and then Lucy would destroy his.

Sue tried to be there for him back there, Paulo knew this somewhere deep down inside, he just didn't have the guts to lie to himself anymore; his heart refused to bear with the pain, he'd become afraid of it; it always felt awful inside. He felt more fragile than usual when Rachel left; she was gentle with him, but now there wasn't that sense of comfort in his life anymore. It was the other reason he couldn't bring himself to seek Sue as an arm to cry on; she was always direct with him, he couldn't remember a time she was ever gentle, but then again; he never gave her a real chance anyway. Paulo never considered for a moment Sue could be a replacement for Mike and Rachel, instead he put his luck down on someone like Rachel re-entering his life. Surely someone like them would come by eventually, he told himself.

But nobody did. In turn, he'd push everyone else away, he resolved himself to work on this on his own. He'd be all alone over the summer holidays wallowing in his own despair.

He didn't have to be alone. He didn't want to be alone anymore. He'd decided on that in the library minutes ago.

By the end of his junior year, he was an absolute mess inside. He had all these emotions and lingering feelings that he just couldn't get over by himself. There wasn't a single person left in town he felt like he could talk to about them; his best friend disappeared to another country, the person he thought he loved moved on, a person he knew he loved shattered his heart into a million pieces. He thought about talking to Daisy and David about them, but they were just different friends.

And there was Sue, wanting…trying to be that someone for him. His heart melted at the idea. Why was she still trying to be so selfless with him? He remembered her differently, why did nothing seem to match up anymore?

It came from the heart, there was nothing to stop it. The feeling washed over him like a flood. He thought of the words she said back at the library. 'I never blamed you for anything last year.' He said to her, Sue's eyes returned to him at hearing the words, 'I didn't mean…I never meant whatever it looked like I implied at the library. I just…became scared. Everything's gone so wrong and I don't know who to trust anymore. I've been told I'm going to fail this year. Not a single person had a bit of faith in me. I don't want to lose another friend.' He choked.

He begged her for a final time, 'Please…don't abandon me too.'