It was Friday again in the second week of her Senior year, Sue sat at the desk next to Paulo in Math. He wouldn't notice her; his attention didn't fray from his Math book. Sue believed this was fair given their circumstances, she wasn't sure if she really wanted him to notice her either; this right now wasn't her finest moment. She wondered deep down whether it was what it seemed; was he really focused in his book, or was he doing his best not to acknowledge her? It hurt when she thought of the second possibility, she felt she would not blame him if he did.

Math was the last class before the weekend. Sue had forced herself to drop down into the level under her usual class this year on that day. She thought she was doing quite well keeping her head above water with her studies, but with the Fellowship (she would never DARE say such a thing in public) no more, it was more difficult for her to keep on excelling in those classes. She was already up to her ears in difficult work, now she had to spend it sitting next to a person she felt blamed her for everything that went wrong with last year. The indignity of it all, she couldn't have found her kryptonite at such a worse time; who would have thought the girl who held such a reputation for appearing smart was anything but? The act was convincing for a while, but she just couldn't be an appealing role model. Being here next to Paulo weighed heavily on what remained of her pride.

Failing wasn't always supposed to feel as bad as this, she felt she was smart enough to accept it as a way of life. She tried to come out of it optimistically as she could; nothing was lost so long as she there was something to learn from, she would reassure herself. But she wouldn't count on losing a group of friends she wanted so desperately to be a part of since middle school. In their time of need, she just couldn't be that role model of them, for Paulo especially; she found herself helpless trying to lift his spirits. She was too fearful. She felt responsible for the mood he was in. If only she managed to get through to Lucy to abandon her plan, maybe then Lucy wouldn't have broken Paulo as badly as she did.

At that thought, she glanced over again towards Paulo, his attention didn't fray from the textbook. She wondered if Paulo felt the same way about Mike, did he ever get a chance to talk to him out of flying overseas? She remembered the rumour; No, of course Paulo couldn't, he wouldn't get the chance. That made her feel worse about it, she was given a chance!

She pulled out her notebooks to try and take her mind off it. The idea of hopping down a class was a painful consideration, but she suspected that people wouldn't really care in the long run, they had their own worries after all. She'd find herself right. She might have dropped down earlier, but she just didn't need the teasing from a certain someone.

It didn't matter, Paulo didn't acknowledge her presence anyway…

…and deep down inside she felt she couldn't take that; it killed her inside. She wanted to nudge him, let him know she was still there regardless she'd be made fun of. Would he even acknowledge her? She just didn't know.

God, she wanted to cry.

Her attention found itself drawn to the front of the class. The teacher finally arrived. She would find a way to force the tears down. She would use this to distract herself to the best of her ability. Let's try and make the best of this. She reassured herself. She picked up her pen, opened her workbook, and got to work.

By the end of the class Sue had found it was what she had expected; just different work. She still struggled in places, she just couldn't escape it; she was just not as naturally bestowed as Mike and Daisy were at school. She could only feel split between admiration and jealousy of their talent even now. With a light sigh, she understood she would need to spend some time over the weekend to catch up. As she began to put everything back into her bag, she started thinking about what else she would do over the weekend, she looked forward to it; she made plans to work on the next line of quests for the video game she played with Amaya and Stacy. It was lonelier without Abbey or Mike, but they made do without them. They would all move on, friends would come and go as they got over the game.

When she thought of her friends, she remembered, and looked over again to Paulo. Her heart sank in her chest, he wasn't quite working as well as she'd suspected; he lay there, flat against the table, his work sheet under his arm. He must have fallen asleep at some point.

Sue didn't know what to do. She didn't know how she could help him. She was out of ideas. She would try to get closer to him as a friend a few years ago. But he always seemed to push her away. Even now with the way he was around everyone else at school, she felt powerless to try and lend him a hand. She wished there was something, it rubbed against her to think she couldn't do a single thing to help. She desperately wanted to try. But there was a feeling that lingered within her; like her inability to keep the group together, maybe there are just some things you just can't fix in life.

She stood up from her desk and threw her bag over her shoulder and made her way to the front of the classroom. Amaya waited for her, she smiled to Sue in greeting before looking behind her to Paulo. Sue turned around as well, before looking back to Amaya. She looked at Sue expectedly, but Sue could only shrug as if to say what can I do? They both continued to watch as Paulo looked forward from the desk to his paper now on the floor, before his head met the table again.

Sue's heart couldn't take it, she thought to try.

She took off her bag and passed it to Amaya before turning back Paulo's direction. As she walked closer her legs started turning into jelly. God, she only just realised then; she was terrified of him, it became worse the closer she got. She wasn't sure how he would react to her presence. She had an idea in her thoughts, she didn't feel it could be anything less than hurtful.

She gave out a sigh when she came across his homework on the floor, and to the footprint strewn across it. She retrieved it, but had a second thought and took it back to Amaya, replacing the one she put in her bag with the one with the footprint. She took her homework back to him, but she still didn't know what to do. Should she at least just say Hi? Should she put her hand up on his shoulder to let him know he wasn't alone? She wanted to do that. That felt like the better thing to do, she went to do it.

…But her nerves gave in, her heart dropped in her chest when Sue's fist did the talking for her; she jammed it between his arm and his face.

She cursed, that wasn't supposed to happen! She needed to leave, now! Her legs were like concrete, they didn't respond as quick at the idea of leaving in a hurry. She heard her name from behind her. She didn't hear it too clearly, but it sounded angry. She couldn't take it, she needed to leave, she needed to leave now! Feeling returned to her legs! But something grabbed her hand, and then she found herself falling backwards until the celling was in plain sight. She braced to hand on something hard, but the fall was different; softer.

The sound of the crash could be heard further up the hall. Amaya did her best to usher people on.

Sue got up from the ground as fast as she could. For a split-second she could have sworn Paulo threw himself between her and the desk as soon as he realised she could have been hurt. But she didn't think about it too much; being in a compromising situation with Paulo was likely to send the wrong idea to people who stared in, and it would upset Paulo. She rushed towards the door, only to stop as he wailed behind him. Her only thoughts were that she wanted to leave.

Her legs turned back into concrete when she heard words unheard of escape Paulo's lips. She turned around to him. It couldn't have been possible; Paulo asking her for help? Her heart jumped. Yes, yes! Of course, she would! This was her chance, she could set things right! But a cold 'no' left her lips instead. A different side of her took over and threw Sue somewhere to the back of her own mind, a different personality altogether. She fought back, her legs planted themselves firmly where they stood, and she begged her other side to give it a chance. She watched him cry as she did so. She didn't want to see him cry, not again. The memories flooded back of the end of their junior year. She tried to put it behind her over the summer holidays, she'd dream about it. She just wanted to fix everything.

Her other side begrudgingly accepted. By the time she realised it, she turned back in front of Amaya. Amaya smiled at her, Sue smiled back, awkwardly. It could have gone better she supposed, but Paulo had returned to life. That was enough for the moment, Sue thought.

As they walked through the hallway to the exit Sue couldn't explain where it came from, but she felt a skip in her walk as they made their way out. Today went better than expected.

The next day, Sue sat at the dining table staring at the clock worriedly; he was late. She took the time to vacuum the whole house earlier. Everything was spotless. She even did her bedroom regardless that was going to be out of bounds.

Shoot! Did she even give him her address? When was the last time she…No, she remembered; there never was a time she invited him over, they just weren't close enough friends.

She started to panic, it was nearly half an hour when they were supposed to meet up. Her phone rang, was that Paulo? No, it was Amaya, Sue blushed upon realising it, Amaya told her not to worry about it. It would seem Paulo had forgotten about the study session, he didn't even know where she lived. This would be tough after all… Sue realised.

Paulo would arrive 20 minutes later, she waited from the front of her place, when she saw him running up she went to the door herself. She was going to berate him, there was only a couple of hours they could spend on studying before he needed to leave. But he didn't stop when she opened the door.

She felt dizzy, she found herself underneath him the next second. She didn't know what happened but he must have tripped on the step up onto the porch. His face was too close, too close! She bought her foot up and kicked him off. When he regained consciousness too she asked him if anything hurt, his eye hurt a bit; Sue accidentally clocked him when he ran through the door. She wasn't expecting him to trip in, she rose her hands in defence and caught him in his eye. She apologised as she left the, and came back with a cooling pack from the freezer. She placed it on his eye, her hand touched a bit of his face. He blushed as his hand felt hers before moving to the ice pack. She helped him to his feet, it was going to be a long day.

Sue stared back at herself in the bathroom. She reprimanded herself. Not even two hours into their study session and Sue had already traded blows with Paulo. She couldn't exactly fault Paulo for all of it, he only reacted. She instigated it by drilling the state of things this year into him, of course he knew he was in hot water, she didn't need to bring it up. She'd resolve to be more patient with him. She still shook from the confrontation, she'd be better, she needed to be.

Sue walked out of the bathroom and made her way back down the stairs. She watched him as he scrolled through the logs she kept of the game session they had at the end of May. She sighed, of course Paulo would stumble upon the game. She should have closed the program entirely; this was on her. She thought she would have become filled with anger, instead she felt disappointed in him, if not with just a tinge of pity. She didn't feel ashamed from the game, she never knew why he harboured such a complex against it.

There was a bit of grief during summer, a fight threatened to have the online group fall over, a few people would leave, but Sue managed to hold the most of it together. She only managed because she learned from a different experience; it would be earlier when Lucy put her in-charge of looking after everyone at the group's table when she decided to leave. The task was momentous, she didn't really know how to deal with an immense task, but Lucy had faith in her that she would pull it off. She tried to fill the gaps both she and Mike had left. She would get into a fight with Paulo over it. She couldn't help it. They'd fight, he'd go back to being grouchy and Daisy would do what she could to keep his spirits up. But when Sue delivered the coup-de-grace one day, Paulo did the unexpected; he walked away. And then everyone else followed.

She hated herself for it. The Fellowship she wanted to be a part of so desperately in middle school bought to an end, she blamed herself.

What Paulo was doing was inexcusable, she'd have to come down on him. And she did. They fought about it, but Sue began to suspect he had an interest in it. They'd fight again minutes later. This time Sue fell back in her seat as Paulo complained they needed to go slower. She was new to this still. She went to most of the study groups, she didn't host her own. The method she was using wasn't working. She apologised, they started again from the top.

It wasn't a date.

That's what she told herself despite doing her hair up and putting on a small amount of makeup. It wasn't overkill; they were just both going to the movies as friends. She wasn't expecting a phone call that late in the afternoon. She had a thought about saying no to him just because it was so late of an invitation, but she told him yes instead. Amaya was working and Stacy wouldn't be online that evening. She had nothing else to do that evening.

She looked over herself in the mirror. Was this a bit too much? She remembered she had shoes she had been dying to wear out to an occasion like this. She hesitated for a moment, it was Paulo she would be going out with, wouldn't she rather save the occasion for a better time; the real thing?

She put them on anyway. When would she get another chance, a few months from now?

The feeling lingered for her in a moment as she checked over herself in her reflection in the mirror; it felt nice, it was nice to be noticed.

Author notes:

1/6

I'm highly appreciative of the interest and engagement this story has been getting over the past couple of weeks. I'm unsure if this is the only area I'm provided with to interact with the reviews, but I am still here, I have just resumed work which is troubling the publishing of chapters. The upcoming chapter has taken weeks and had been subject to a total rewrite as I wasn't happy with it. Hopefully the quality of it is as consistent as I have tried to be throughout this project. The next couple of chapters may be in line for the same scrutiny and beefing. To make this worthwhile there are plans for some additional chapters that were not in the story originally, so please bear with me.