'You're still bleeding.' Sue said pointing to her cheek once Paulo returned from upstairs with a small box under his arm, she assumed that was the first aid kit he'd gone to retrieve.
'It's just a small scratch. Worry more about yourself.' He flatly replied, but Sue push a tissue into him as he sat down next to her. He sighed and thanked her before taking the tissue himself and holding it across the tiny gash from whatever he fell onto earlier, or Sue when she got pushed into him – he couldn't remember. He pulled the tissue back and looked at it; a few specs, not much was coming through anymore. He cleaned most of it while he was up in the bathroom. He put the small box down beside her on the floor and opened it up but felt dismayed by the lack of contents. He sighed pushing it over to her. 'I don't know if there's anything in here we can use.'
'That's fine.' She said reassuringly. 'It doesn't feel as bad now, at most I might need an ice pack, as silly as that sounds, right?'
Paulo laughed in agreement at the thought. But it'd be enough to numb the bruising. 'We have those at least. I won't have to try my own luck outside.' Paulo thought aloud. He went into the kitchen, pulling ice packs out of the freezer before walking back and sitting down behind her. 'Is it just sore?' He asked her worryingly, 'Are you sure nothing's out of place?'
It was a good a question if any, none of them ever had broken something (something amazing particularly concerning Paulo). 'No…not that I'd know what anything broken would really feel like.' She admitted. 'But I can't feel anywhere with just one hand. Can you try—. . .JESUS! Paulo! Be gentle!' She yelled as his fingers came into contact with what was now clear to them both as the sorest part of her back. Paulo had fallen backwards in surprise.
'Sorry! Your jacket looked pretty thick, I thought—'
'It's fine, just be gentle with me, okay? I'm probably going to need your help getting the jacket off to check underneath.'
'Keep the jacket on. You'll be warmer that way.' He protested, sitting forward again.
Sue rolled her eyes before starting to undo the zipper, 'Look, I'd rather not bleed into my jacket, if I am bleeding, I'm going to need your help so don't give me that weird crap.' She got to work, first trying to contain the mild discomfort in her voice as she tried to lift and rotate her shoulder in certain rotations to slip it off. Paulo gave in and tried to do what he could to keep her arm level as he let the jacket roll off. Even with his help it was pushing her to the breaking point; doing anything with her arm was just as painful. She was lucky she really didn't bust anything even by trying to slap him earlier, as half-hearted as it was. 'How about now?' She asked curiously to him again as the jacket dropped in front of them. Before she could allow Paulo to say anything she remembered the black shirt she wore underneath, 'Oh, right, choice day to wear something dark.' She turned her head to him. 'Well?'
'Well, what?' Paulo parroted.
'Lift my shirt up from back and check my side for cuts!' She ordered, causing Paulo to blush, also causing her to feel her blood pressure to rise along with her frustration. 'Oh come-the-hell on! Don't give me that face either! You're making it awkward yourself! I don't have eyes back there and it really fucking hurts to do anything with that side.'
'Yeah. . .but.' He muttered, but Sue wasn't going to take that and looked ahead again. It was starting to feel more awkward to her now as well.
'Augh! It's not like I'm asking you to completely undress me. . .not that I can imagine that is anything you haven't had any experience doing.' Immediately she drew a hand to her mouth. She hoped Paulo didn't hear that over the wind outside, but she was loud, and he heard all of it.
'What the hell is that supposed to mean?!' Paulo shot back.
'That's. . .— Sorry. . .the pain's getting to me is all. I didn't mean it. Can you hurry up a -AHH!' Her whole body lunged forward instinctively away from Paulo. She turned her head back to him and saw he had recoiled in the opposite direction from shock as well, his hand hovering in the air.
There was some amazement in his voice, he'd only just lightly touched her. 'What the hell? That far across your back too?'
'No, Paulo' She grumbled. 'You've got cold hands.'
'Oh, Right; the ice packs. . .' He remembered. He rubbed his hands together until they felt slightly warm before lightly grabbing a part of her shirt and lifting it high enough to see if she was bleeding. Thankfully he saw nothing; her fur radiated with the same colour it always had. There wasn't the slightest hint of blood. She'd been lucky given the circumstances, but she would bruise horribly - that much he could tell as he skimmed his hand between her fur for any evidence of a cut. Two of the ice packs from the freezer found themselves on Sue's upper shoulder and down near her side, her jacket was tight enough to hold them in place so long as she wasn't moving around as much. They considered themselves lucky. The door had opened with such a force it could've broken something; hell, maybe something was, or at least fractured. Who knew? Neither of them ever had broken bones in the past to tell what the feeling was like, so it was hard to say if it was more than bruises. They would've checked from the internet on their phones for symptoms — had the phones worked — the storm had taken out the cell service. It wasn't likely to come back any-time soon, and the snowstorm was leaving no sign of letting up.
Had it there ever been weather this bad in Roseville before?
Sue's jacket went back on once it was all done. Paulo sat back as Sue shuffled around from where she sat around to meet him.
'Well.' She started to say, she stopped. Her ears fell flat and she sank into where she where she sat. She felt miserable.
'I guess that decides it.' Paulo said, completing her. 'You're staying here whether you like it or not.'
'I suppose so.' She said, reluctantly, her heart wasn't in it; put off by the whole fight earlier. She half expected him to dig into her for doing something so irrational again. But he didn't, at least directly when he addressed her as he rose to his feet.
'Welcome to my house anyway. . .as late as is to say it, and you've also been acquainted with its many problems. You'll have to forgive the mess; my father and I don't clean up as often. We don't often have guests come in because it's. . .' He looked down to the floor as his voice trailed off. '. . .a pretty shit house.'
'It's just you and your father?' Sue queried.
A sore spot. Not one that ever really came up as often, but one regardless as far as family was concerned. He'd have thought he would've gotten over it by now, but he hardly ever spoke to anyone about it. Only a couple of friends noticed; those few happened to be David and Lucy for obvious reasons. He needn't have to answer as Sue began to shake her head having felt some rudeness in asking.
'Never mind, I didn't mean—' She tried to apologise.
'It's fine. My mom left my dad before I moved here. It's just been us both, he looks after me as best he can.' He rose to his feet. 'Anyway, what now?' He asked, trying to shift the focus. He watched her as she bought her legs around to try and stand up like he had. Prompting him to ask if she wanted something to sit down on.
Sue was determined otherwise, 'No, I've got it. . .Oooup!' She said, finding herself falling forwards. She grabbed onto Paulo's arm with the bad arm. She grit her teeth enduring the pain before Paulo came around to the other arm to support her up.
'Look, just sit down.' He argued, trying to push her back to sit down. Sue fought against him in the opposite direction.
'Let me go already, would you? I'm fine, see?!' She said, pushing herself off him and coming to her full height once more. She made her best attempt at seeming like her appearance wasn't a lie. It was only when she attempted to walk the effort she made to try and hide her limp made it all too obvious to anyone watching her. It didn't deter her either. 'If anything, I've just been sitting down for too long. That's all.' She continued.
He gave up and let her do what she wanted. Tenacity was her forte and he felt he might have known better at this stage to try and stop her. But he'd kept an eye on her at the very least, ready to catch her if she suddenly started to fall in a direction. No, there was no chance in hell of stopping her otherwise once she got her way.
It wasn't too long before he noticed she wasn't walking for the feel of things but rather as if she was looking for something, when it appeared not to be here, she asked;
'Where's your living room?'
'You're standing in it.' He said slightly holding his arms out to the side. 'We don't have a second table, there's just the one in the kitchen which is more than enough.'
He stood back as Sue made her way past him and into the kitchen again and watched as she sized up the wooden dinner table. She stepped back into the living room once she was done.
'It's warmer in this room.' She told him, having completed her assessment.
Paulo nodded. 'The living room has carpet.'
'I mean the room is warmer in general, the lighting is better too. Do you want to roll the table in here?'
He shook his head. 'No, it's old and heavy, and I wouldn't put it past falling to pieces of we tried.' Something didn't seem to line up with the question. Then it clicked, a disbelief in his voice as he went to confirm, 'You're seriously planning to try to study even after all of that?!'
'Well, what would you prefer we do then?' She asked.
It had to be that one, didn't it? He wished she'd have asked any other question. He'd only been hopelessly thinking about it all morning for himself and drawing a blank, let alone for something the two of them could possibly do together.
It really wasn't the case that the house really was completely devoid of things to do, he was sure if he searched well enough there was certainly something he could occupy himself with. But for two people. . .well, every time he ran through some ideas and what if that would keep Sue entertained, he couldn't agree with himself on either of them. The more he thought about it, he couldn't shake the slight misgiving in his heart that grew from her just being here. He tried not to feel mean about it; despite everything that Sue had done for him up until now — despite being there for him during his final school year over these past few months, he didn't feel like she was like any other guest in his house.
She really came off like a stranger. He still knew nothing about her.
Sue waited with arms folded. God, Paulo thought, it was the worst feeling. He couldn't think of a single idea that Sue would accept, each scenario seemed to instead feel like it gave her a reason to be upset. For some reason he felt that really mattered right now. He wanted to pick something that felt right. But he couldn't! Nothing came up! And if he ever asked her when she wanted to do, he knew what she'd say; it was on his mind as well! That, as much as he hated it. As much as he wanted to do something that seemed fun at this stage.
By the time Paulo had finally decided on something Sue's patience had already reached her limit. 'Look, I'm just here to make sure you get a passing grade. That's all I'm here for. I don't have any other plans on how to ruin your weekend. Let's just get it ov- mpPHMMPH!' Her good arm swung at the space Paulo's hand had preoccupied a mere moment before. Her temper rose with it. She was a split-second from grilling him for touching her before Paulo cut in quickly.
'It's not that! I get it already. Just. . .just stay down here while I get my books. I'll clear up the coffee table near the TV so we can use it. You don't have to touch anything, just wait for me to do it.' He said, as he made his way to the stairs and began to climb them to his room.
It wasn't the right thing to do. He already knew. In any other circumstance he'd never dared put a hand on a girl without their consent (or any other person for that matter, he had felt he'd come some distance since long before then). But he just didn't want Sue to keep harping on. This whole clusterfuck of a day was just another in the line of things he came to feel he needed to deal with. All for the sake of graduating this year.
Sue allowed a "finally" to ring in the back of her head. She found it thoughtful of Paulo to finally come around and decide to be reasonable. Had Paulo had the nerve to have a second thought she would've given none to giving him a real piece of her own mind. Better yet, she planned to as soon as he got back. But her mood softened as she watched him climb the stairs. When he'd disappeared, her own thoughts then went to her bag. She spotted it nearby. It had been thrown near the corner of the living room when the door knocked it off her shoulders. She walked over to it and bought it upright, unzipping and inspecting the contents; nothing appeared damaged. Having assessed that, she began taking out her pens and book, but she stopped and lightly tapped it against her forehead.
She tried to let the regret pass through before her attention went to the storm raging outside. It showed no signs of calming anytime soon.
Paulo took no time throwing his books over by the couch and went to deal with the empty beer cans that had been left occupying various spaces around the room. The cigarette tray had to go; he put that over on the other side of the room. He took one look at the coffee tables' surface and then disappeared into the kitchen, returning a second later with a cloth in hand. His scowl deepened as each hand movement revealed the original surface underneath the grime. He felt embarrassed. It was worse than he'd imagined. The house really was in an awful state; certainly not hospitable for guests. He'd have to remember to really give it a once over as soon as Spring rolled around.
The coffee table was smaller than the kitchen table. They'd have to sit on the carpet, but it would be enough for the two of them without needing to grab the heavier kitchen table. Sue didn't feel the need to complain one the preparations had finished. She'd have congratulated him, but didn't, and choose to sit on her side opposite him, laying her books at her side and her pencils on the table. The most important thing was getting through the work.
'I might need a pencil.' Paulo muttered to himself. Sue rolled her eyes and began to fish for another pen in her pencil case. As she held one up to him she noticed him twirling one in his hands. She gave him a look deserving of ire for wasting her time. 'I said I would need a pencil. I didn't say I didn't have one.' He joked.
Awful, fucking awful – his worst, and it didn't work to bring up her mood one bit. Sue didn't laugh, instead looking at him grimly. She began flicking through the pages in her book to where they would begin as Paulo sat down opposite her, not a single word or strong reaction.
'I'm only just trying to lift the mood, cheer up, Sue.'
Sue immediately shot back a glare to tell him to get with the programme.
'I'll get serious now.' He sulked apologetically.
They got to work on the next chapter of their studies.
They didn't last an hour.
Paulo only knew they'd hit a roadblock in their study when Sue had finished venting her frustrations through her actions; she scratched her head, tapped her pencil on the table, chewed on the eraser. It took her a lot of effort and self-contained perseverance before she felt the need to end her suffering. 'I don't get it.' She sulked.
'What's wrong?' Paulo said looking over. He'd be a liar if he didn't admit the admission didn't pique his interest. Besides, his ears both stood on end; Sue never admitted defeat openly to him before.
'I don't get this next part. It isn't clear what they're wanting.' She replied, she pointed to a question on the textbook to show him. It was way past where Paulo was currently working on. That was normal. Sue was naturally ahead by him by a couple of questions. He never seemed to be ahead of her. It was almost like he never stopped studying herself. He looked over to see what question she was on and tried to read it himself on his own textbook. After a minute, he finally responded.
'That can't be in English.' He said half joking, half serious. He knew she understood it from the glance she gave back to the paper.
'Could they have written it any stranger?' She asked. She dropped her pen and crossed her arms while she tried to give it some deeper thought. Paulo felt he couldn't help and left her to figure it out on her own. He retreated to his own work. It was a momentary setback, he was pretty sure she'd figure it all out by then.
By the time he'd caught up he hadn't noticed Sue had sunken onto the table during that time.
'Sue!' He yelled in a panic.
'What?' She didn't even bother looking up from the table.
A breath of relief escaped him, he'd thought she had collapsed for a moment there. He was still wary despite her constant protests that she was fine that there might still be something wrong she just didn't want to make him worry about. 'Nothing.' Paulo replied. ''Just worried for a moment. Are you sure you're feeling okay?'
She still refused to look up from the table. 'I'm fine. Just. . . still stuck on this stupid question.'
'If we had the internet we could at least look this up. Maybe we should just come back to this one once the phone services are restored?' Paulo suggested.
Sue finally showed some life, looking up from the book. 'We can't do that! We need to understand how to do this one before we move onto the next or we won't understand the rest!'
Damn it, he thought. He looked up to the clock on the wall, taking note of how close the hands were noon. He'd been feeling peckish over the last few questions. Breakfast was becoming a distant memory now. He was sure a sandwich or two could help him feel like he had more energy, and he'd be able to jump right back into the thick of things. He had decided. 'I don't think I can manage a step further without having something to eat. Did you want something?' He asked as he sat back from the table.
'No, 'not hungry. You can give up if you want to but I'm going to press on.' She told him. Her hand found the pen again and began rhythmically tapping her exercise book, ready to give it another go. Her complete and utter tenacity was something to really to behold. He would've sighed as he prepared to get up, had he not frozen in place when a particular sound came behind him from Sue's direction. She'd frozen in embarrassment; her own stomach had betrayed her.
'You are hungry, aren't you?' He queried again, seeing whether or not she would come around to agreeing with him this time.
'That was the ice-pack moving about! I'm not hungry!' Sue yelled back
He groaned, that was not what that sounded like. 'You're an awful liar! I seriously cannot believe you think I'm dumb enough to know that was anything else but from you.' He wanted to keep digging into her. But his own stomach growled. Time to parlay, he decided; priorities first. There'd be no chance in hell he was going to continue further without having something of sustenance first. He slapped both of his hands down onto the table and rose from it. 'Fine, you can stay there and keep working. I'll make something for you too. Does a burger sound good?'
'You don't need to get me anything!'
'You can't be serious; you're a guest!'
'I said no!'
'I can afford to feed another mouth, Sue! If you're feeling bad because I'm poor — you can cut it out; I'm not letting a guest starve!' He turned and rose to his feet and paraded into the kitchen with such a stride and a smile on his face, feeling nothing short of amazing; he only needed to burn Sue's reaction into his mind for just that small brief period where it almost seemed like she'd been knocked off her high-horse. He might have thought he heard a protest from Sue just a second before, but he blocked it out before he made sense of it. He was now on a mission of sustenance.
The first thing he noticed in the kitchen was the temperature dropping; his feat started to stick to the tiles. He needed to warm up. A hamburger was the perfect option after all; it would warm up the house as well. Right! First thing's first! The ingredients! He thought to himself. He started by venturing between the freezer and the counter, popping the meat patties he'd retrieved into a fry pan and an assortment of other vegetables sat on the cutting board. The intention was clear; he'd create the perfect "Burgertron" signature trademarked burgers like the ones he made at work. Albeit — made fresh, and not stored at negative temperatures for months on end like they were at work.
He alternated between the meat simmering in the fry pan to the cutting board and the tomatoes. It was only when he turned once more to work the patties did he hear the knife cut into the cutting board. He turned to see Sue taking over that portion of the work.
'You really shouldn't—' He tried to say.
'Let me do this. It wouldn't sit with me to have you do all the work.'
'Fine, but if you're going to do that, at least learn to handle the knife properly.' He said while pointing to her grip on the tomato.
'What's wrong with what I'm doing?' She asked confused.
'You've got your fingers in the wrong position, you're gonna cut yourself if you try it like that. Here…' He moved up beside her and tried to lightly put his hands over the top of hers, but Sue balked first causing him to jump a foot in the opposite direction when the knife came up to his face. 'WHOA SHIT! Are you crazy?! Don't point the knife at me! I'm trying to show you how they make us do it at work!'
She slowly worded 'Tell me what I'm doing wrong.'
'Fucking hell! Fine! Look, just aim the fucking knife downwards when you're not at the chopping board! Anyway, you're going to slice the tips of your fingers if you cut like you were before. Use your knuckles and move the knife like a saw.' He explained while using his hands as if he were cutting the tomato himself.
Sue rubbed the tip of her fingers as she imagined before returning the knife and herself in front of the chopping board again. She tried doing as he described, after a couple of attempts she turned to him. 'I'm sorry, can you show me like you tried to?' Sue asked.
Paulo turned his head.
'Please.' She asked again.
He tried standing beside her to show like he had intended before, but his hands shook as they drew closer to hers, wary whether he'd need to jump away again.
'Do you want the knife?' Sue asked, ready to forfeit it.
'No, the way you're holding it is fine, but you need to saw the tomato and the other vegetables like this.' He moved his hands over the top of hers, each finger gently pressing against each of Sue's before Paulo guided the knife expertly through the tomato. With each slice, he repositioned Sue's grip on the tomato. He did this twice, until he lifted his hands away for Sue to try once again. She mimicked it in the exact same way, until she made a mistake and then swore under her breath. Paulo caught it and gave a chuckle as he lifted the patties off the pan.
Paulo took a bite of his assembled burger and let the textures sink into his tastebuds. It was nirvana; he'd outdone himself. Everything tasted about right. But it was just short of exquisite his thoughts rang; he could barely taste much of the spices he threw in. He wondered how that went wrong. Was it because he used too many at once? That's fine, it was something to investigate. He'd get it right for next time!
He felt eyes against him. Almost like a sixth sense kicking in. He looked up and noticed Sue hadn't touched hers from across the kitchen table, instead watching him intently and judgingly of the food they'd made. He felt weird, if not a little embarrassed. He muttered 'eat' despite his mouth full.
Sue continued to watch for a few seconds, unsure if the sight her eyes captured were real or just a façade. Surely, it couldn't be that good. Her eyes went to her burger. Her stomach demanded not a second could be further abated without the burger meeting her own lips. She went for it. She bit down and ripped away the bread before the burger returned to the plate. Sue could not take her eyes off it.
'Is it ok?' Paulo asked.
'No. . . I mean; yes, it is. It's just…' She had difficulty finding the right words, prompting Paulo to tilt his head to the side and wonder about his wrongdoing. Were his taste buds wrong? Did he make it too strong?
'It's good.'
She beset on the burger like a wolf upon a flock of sheep. Sue dug well deep into it. After she swallowed the first bite, she began taking her time with the next few with a smile on her face. But felt sad when she got to the last. She began to remember how cold the kitchen was. She forgot a second later as her whole body flushed as she found Paulo watching her intently with a grin upon his face.
'What is it?!' She blushed.
'Nothing! I just never saw anyone really enjoy my cooking as much.' The smile didn't leave him. 'Was that enough? Did you want something to drink? Soda?'
There wasn't a doubt in her mind she couldn't go for another burger, so long as she could get past the guilt she felt from being a burden on his hospitality. She didn't know about his family being as poor as they were. She didn't want to eat him out of house and home, 'Uh…do you have tea?' she asked.
'Yeah, I can do that.' He replied, he turned towards the counter again and started pulling out some mugs and filling the kettle. When he turned around Sue had decided to go back into the living room. He'd bring the mugs with him, putting one on her side and one on his own to enjoy.
'Thank you.' She said as Paulo hand came down placing the full mug down in front of her. 'For the food as well; it was really good.'
'You looked like you enjoyed yourself with it.' He replied smiling as he sat down at his portion of the table.
His shoulders fell with him once he looked back upon the school work. With the deed of lunch fulfillment complete, there was only work remaining. He bought his pen back up in his hand, if there was going to be any help in trying to understand the work they were both focusing on, he'd have to struggle for a couple of hours; there just wasn't any getting out of it.
He wouldn't manage to write a sentence when he heard Sue mutter something to him softly from her side of the table.
'It really was dumb of me, wasn't it?' She muttered to herself.
'Huh?' Paulo asked, confused.
'Running around during a storm warning, I meant. . .' Sue clarified.
He had really been expecting the admission long since earlier, but that was hours ago and he'd felt as if he'd gotten over it. It was water under the bridge now and by no means did he feel like he wanted to dwell on it further. They had said their piece already, and . . .well they ended up getting bruised from it. 'Well…you're here now, right?' He looked up from his book to her moping towards hers. He felt as if he should say something, to bring up her mood. 'I guess I'd be lying if I didn't say more clearly that I really do appreciate it. You know — you going out of your way to make sure I was okay? I should've said that way earlier when you arrived instead of freaking out.'
Sue looked up towards Paulo for a moment before she bought her arm up on the table and rest her head off her hand. 'No, I should be the one who's sorry.'
Again? 'Well, it doesn't matter anymore.' Paulo said trying to avoid it. He crossed out the answer he thought he was sure of from his exercise book – It was wrong. Damn this question!
'No, it does matter.' She complained. Sue pulled herself off her hand, made it into a fist and slammed it down on the table. 'Nothing about it was sane! It only hit me when I was half way here and I turned around and saw it behind me. It was only then I. . .I felt. . .' Sue sniffled. 'I—I could have died. I only realised now. I wasn't thinking. And I took it out on you. I don't deserve your hospitality.'
Every single time he thought he'd feel better from the vindication, it somehow made him end up feeling much worse inside. 'Hey, come on. I've already said it was okay if it wasn't clear already. And besides that, you're here now, so what's the problem?' He replied, trying to take her mind off it.
'No, it isn't! You're right, I am supposed to be the "smart one" — I'm supposed to be your tutor, but I can't even manage to have us get a head-start on the class by finishing this one question off. Some teacher I turned out to be!'
'Okay, seriously—'
'I've left such a bad impression on you by—.'
'Would you shut up about it already?! You of all people aren't allowed to have a mental break-down!'
There wasn't any thought behind it. It suddenly slipped out and Paulo went to cover his mouth as quickly as he did. The flood gates to the sewerage works were now open.
Sue stared back at him wide-eyed 'Wh — What do you mean I can't?! What even gives you the right to say that?! I—I'm allowed to! Aren't I?!' Paulo didn't respond, still registering what came over him to say what he did earlier. He snapped to when Sue bought her arm up and tried throwing her pen at him, but it didn't fly as fast as fast as it looked like it was going to. His hand went to grab at it, he found it in mid-air, but the tip drove itself into his hand causing him yell and drop it onto the floor in front of him. He retrieved it and made ready to throw back at her. He wouldn't shy away from throwing something at a girl — an eye for an eye. It was when Sue braced for it he also saw her clutch her bad arm. His arm retracted back to his side.
'You forgot it was your throwing arm you busted for a second there, didn't you?' He asked. A part of him wanted to poke some fun against her, he felt remorseful instead.
Through her grit teeth. 'Shut up, asshole!'
'I'm sorry.' Paulo apologised, sitting down.
'If you really were then why did you say it?!' She yelled back.
'Because you act so fucking perfect and high and mighty trying to set a good example all of the time, you might as well be a robot!' He tossed her pencil back towards her side of the table. 'I'm tired of this stupid arrangement where our friendship only ever concerns itself about study. You've been acting more irritated than usual, so tell me what's wrong!' She didn't reply, her silence marked her refusal. He felt agitated by it. 'Why are you trying so damn hard to be perfect?' He shouted.
'I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.' Sue replied.
'If that's not the problem, what is then?' He pressed.
'Do you think I'm really going to tell you after all of that?'
'You weren't going to tell me before so what difference does it make? Tell me!'
'Mind your own business!'
'Fuck you! Am I not good enough of a friend you can't even talk to?!' He yelled back.
'That's funny coming from the person who wanted to break it off like it was nothing just earlier!' Sue seethed back at him.
His shoulders fell. 'Come on. That was, a bluff!' He stammered. 'I didn't want to. I just wanted you to admit going out during storm warning was crazy. I'm sorry for what I said earlier; it was the wrong thing and I shouldn't have said it. But I just want to help, and you keep pushing me away. What's biting you?' He asked again.
Sue wasn't too convinced at the proposition. 'Help? You?'
'Look; I know I haven't been a real help to anyone in the past. I'm trying to do things better. But I can't if you're not going to give me a chance to try.' He said. 'I mean, friends try to help each other out, right?'
'I don't—' Sue sighed when she realised he caught her by her words from earlier; friends do try to help each other. They really weren't acting like friends and she didn't want to be made as some huge hypocrite. 'The thing is I don't know if I'm good enough to help you out anymore. I try as hard as I can, but. . . see this question just makes me feel. . . helpless!' She said nudging the book.
He had a feeling that this might have been the case; he remembered when Amaya told him to apologise to Sue at the library weeks back, he didn't confront her immediately, in truth he hid for a bit, working up the courage, but felt his heartstrings tug when Sue was quite visibly irritated at the work. 'I think we're doing fine as it is.' Paulo replied trying sound helpful.
'Well I don't.' She contradicted. 'I wanted to do more so you not only pass but get a good grade. But even I'm struggling with the work.'
Oh god, the guilt was building up in side of him, this was not what he wanted. 'Oh my god, Sue, I only asked that you could help me study, not try to do the impossible! It's my failure if I don't pass. I never wanted you feeling like you were responsible for me!' His hand came to his head. 'Giving it my all isn't going to get me anything less than something average at this point. I feel like I've made too many stupid mistakes that I can change.'
Sue gave a light hearted ha when she heard it. She wanted him to admit it some time ago, but it didn't make her feel any better, much like last time. 'Well, at least you've admitted it. . .'
'Yeah . . . well, how couldn't've I? I'm sure seeing how things are now I could've done better if I really tried—' He let himself fall backwards against the floor, he stared back up towards the celling. '—Had I really cared. Everything's come back at me one way or another.'
'Poor baby.' Sue muttered unapologetically.
Paulo rose his head up to glare at her, but after a second it fell back to the floor again. He wouldn't bother. A part of him expected sympathy, but he asked it from the wrong person. 'Anyway, the math problem is just one question. We can ask about it on Monday. Are you sure it's not just because your arm hurts? We can stop, you know?'
'It's not my arm. And it can't wait until Monday.'
'Why not?' Paulo asked, confused. He rose from the floor.
She held her breath. The admission was muttered. 'I'm sort of. . . ahead.'
Still confused, 'What do you mean? You're not making sense.'
'I've been a couple of weeks ahead in the study just to make sure I was able to cut the slack. . . Just not today.'
A thought started to bubble in his head. 'You mean to say that every week before now you've been studying in advance of everyone else?'
'It was to stop the chance of this happening. Now I feel like a complete and utter fool.'
His jaw dropped. 'Jesus Christ, Sue! Just how far ahead were you? Better question – How?! Are you meaning to say you were even studying for hours every other time?'
Sue didn't answer. She just picked up her pencil and started working at the question again.
Paulo took that for what it was and sat back up. He had no idea, and he wouldn't stand for it. He'd catch up. He'd throw himself at the wall. He went back to his page. 'What have you got down so far in your workings for this? I want to compare.' He asked.
'No, Let me figure this out first and then I'll teach you.' She told him.
'Just tell me what you've got so far, and I'll try to think about it as well.'
'No jus—'
'Did you get fifteen for the first part?'
'Yes. But—'
'And if I divide it by this amount I should—' Instead of meeting paper, his pen met the surface of the table. He found his book finding its way into the kitchen by their side. There was only one explanation.
'Are you for fucking real, Sue?!' Paulo yelled, he stood up. 'What is your problem?!'
Sue stood up as well. 'Let me figure this out!' She demanded.
'No! Why do I have to leave this up to you?! It's been like this at every time! We're supposed to be studying together!'
'I'm supposed to be tutoring you!'
That did it. He grabbed her exercise book and threw it to same side where his landed, it skidded into the kitchen and landed next to his.
'What was that for?!' Sue yelled.
'It was so you get the picture we're supposed to be in this together. Don't act like you didn't drop out of the class ahead for nothin'!'
Sue stared back as if she'd been betrayed. 'What the hell! Why would you bring that up?!'
'Because you needed the help just as badly as I did! Tch, I feel completely cheapened out by this.' Paulo choked.
'How in the hell do you feel cheap?'
'Because all of this explains how everything felt so easy — You've done all the work in advance! How many hours did you spend ensuring you were that far ahead?'
'I'm not telling you that!' Sue said.
'You can't keep up this charade up forever, Sue — you'll tell me eventually.' He crossed his arms.
'Oho! And how do you figure that?!' Sue asked with the upmost confidence.
'Because if our friendship means anything more to you than this study crap — you'll come clean about it.'
'Or what?'
His hands came up to his hair. 'ARGH! Why are you always so defensive?! Is it so fucking strange that I'm putting your wellbeing first here!'
'You don't have to!'
'No, clearly I was right about working with a robot who wants to show off rather than a friend who values honesty!'
'What would you know about honesty?!' Sue spluttered. 'Besides, you're getting the advantage here, aren't you?!'
He pointed a finger in her direction as he got up from the table. 'At least I can admit when I was wrong about something! It took you a door to the face and the best meal in the past hour for you to admit yours!' He yelled back. He felt he couldn't take it, he had to know. He walked into the kitchen and picked up the two books that were thrown on top of each other. He opened Sue's to the page she was already at. He noted the dates at the sides – evidence, before it disappeared from his hands a second later. 'You were a whole month ahead of the work!'
'Forget about it!' Sue demanded.
'No! I won't.' He felt conflicted inside. He didn't really want this, how many hours did she spend trying to keep ahead of everyone else. His fears were starting to come true. She had to be constantly studying, researching. God. Why subject yourself to that kind of a hell? 'I really hate this, you know? Never mind now — whatever; you have your reasons. But weeks ago, you told me how hard it was to get to know me. Why is it so hard to get to know you? Why does this have to be a one-way street?'
'It's because you don't need to know anything about me to study — I'm only here to help you graduate.'
'But you told me—'
'Don't misunderstand, I told you I was going to help you. The only strings attached were the ones where we don't try to murder each other in cold blood while we were in each other's company.'
Paulo's arms fell to his sides at the revelation. 'Was that all this thing about friends was all supposed to be?' He asked.
'We're still friends.'
About as cryptic as she'd ever been. His gut feeling was right about earlier. God he was right about everything before. Professional friends. And that was all they'd be.
'Okay' He replied. 'I've misunderstood then.' He turned back towards the coffee table and returned to his side. He didn't bother waiting for her as his pen came back up into his hand and to the work at hand, he tried to make it out like he was writing and thinking about his answers. But all he was really doing was reminding himself how much of a naive fool he was.
'What are you doing?' She asked, sitting down again opposite him.
'Going over my answers; making sure they're correct.'
'They are.'
She could guess just by looking? He wondered, 'Then. . .what should I do?'
'Sit and wait for a bit.' She told him, tentative to her own work.
He looked up at her as if unsure of what she told him to do. He gave in. He let the pen slide out of his hand and returned to laying on his back as he had before with a huff as he did it. He felt he really couldn't do much anyway until she found the answer, leaving him to deal with his own frustrations inside of himself. What a cruel thing to do, he thought to himself. Everything had begun to rub him the wrong way.
It gave him a bit of time to really think about right now. He didn't know what to make of it still; the study sessions had all been pre-planned, well in advance than what he thought about earlier. He wondered how many hours she spent locked away in her room doing what she could to learn harder so that she could teach better.
It wasn't all bad, was it? She was right, he was benefiting from it. . .
No, it felt wrong to him, and it still didn't make sense. Why was she going through so much effort just for him? What was she really getting out from it?
A part of him blamed him for backing off just before they finally got to the answer they were chasing after. He didn't know why exactly. He just . . . did so, as if he was granting her space.
Was he afraid of her?
It might've been close to what he had been feeling. He threatened to end the relationship, she returned in kind. But he bluffed about it. . .
He thought to check. 'Hey, Sue?' He asked.
'Yes?'
'. . .earlier, were you really going to leave?'
Sue was quiet as she rested her head on her hand, she looked over to him before back to the text book. 'Yes.' She replied flatly.
He felt slightly dispirited, 'O-oh. . .'
Sue returned to her book again, but her fingers went up to the bridge in her nose and rubbed it. 'No.' She angrily corrected herself. 'I probably would've come back another day when I think you would've gotten over it, but I didn't mean to open the door.' Her arms came down upon the table. 'Hell. I can't concentrate, you're not making it any better.'
'I'll be quiet, sorry.' He apologised.
'No.' She said. 'Jesus, no — You can apologise by telling me what's biting you all of a sudden.'
He groaned in absolute frustration. 'WHY?! Why do I always have to be the one telling you about how I feel?'
'Is this bugging you?' She asked again, not paying mind to his objection.
'Yes, it is!' he replied. 'I hate how it's all about work, this isn't anything closer to weeks ago when we fought at the library.'
Her hands came to her head, she looked down to her books and sighed. 'I thought as much.' Sue muttered to herself.
'What do you mean you thought as much, it wasn't obvious?'
'I only thought it was for the best that I kept you at an arm's distance, so you wouldn't lose your focus on what was at stake here. But clearly this is not working out.' Sue flipped her textbook shut. Her other hand coming to the other side of her face. 'I give up.' She told him and stared down to the back of her textbook as Paulo came back up from the floor.
'Why would you even think that was necessary? You came to me as if you were really wanting to be a close friend not just months ago, now we're nowhere even close to what feels like it's normal.'
'I'm aware of that! I just didn't think that was a higher need for you instead of passing this year!'
'Did you ever think to just ask what I actually needed?' Paulo asked.
Her hand moved up to her forehead, as if that was ever a question that came to her before. 'Then what do you want, then?' She queried.
'I want to know why the hell the only thing we talk about is work. You talk to Amaya and David about every little thing inconsequential, and then when it comes to me — it's work. Why is it you haven't opened up a little and spoken to me about those things?'
'I don't know if you've ever noticed, Paulo; but we hardly ever found a way of getting along most of the time.'
'I know in the past but. . .we can try, right?'
'That's not how it works, Paulo.'
'Look, I get it already; we weren't even remotely good friend's years ago and we never saw common ground. Can't we at least try to be now? What was two months ago?' He asked.
'Is it really as important?!' Sue queried back.
'Why wasn't it? You haven't even given it a real chance, you weren't even giving me a real chance just before! Come on, I'm begging you!'
Sue recoiled a bit, the admission made her a bit more suspicious. 'What do you mean? You have other friends, you have David and Daisy. Aren't you talking to them?'
He was hesitant. 'I don't want to talk about that.'
'What did you do?' She rose from her seat. 'You will tell me what the problem is.'
'Look, just back off!' He yelled back at her. He watched her as she stared back towards him, before sighing and sitting down again.
'Fine. I guess it'll have to stay with you.' She crossed her arms and looked away from him.
He didn't last long, 'God, you're cruel.' He told her. Secretly Sue smiled to herself. She'd worked him out in no time at all. Paulo realised this as well. There was an injustice about it; he was in his own kingdom, and he was his own worst enemy.
'Are you going to tell me?' She asked.
He sighed. 'I've done nothing, okay? It's just that. . . that one time we had two months ago? 'Made me really think you were the closest thing to a real friend that I've never had. David's great, but I've just never confided my feelings with David. Well, not since Acapulco. I never really saw him as that kind of a friend; he's not good in the advice area. Daisy. . .' he trailed off.
'Daisy?' Sue pried.
'. . . I never really found strength to talk to her about how I really felt.' He admitted. 'Never really talked to her too deeply about my feelings either.'
'Jasmine either?' She asked trying to shift it away from Daisy. 'She was fairly close to you, I would've thought you would've at least tried to mend that bridge.'
'It's kind of hard still being friends once our relationship ended. . .' his voice trailing off again. 'It was another lifetime ago.'
'I doubt it's really that complicated. You're still acquaintances with them. If they mean as much to you, you should at least try to mend it.' Sue suggested. 'Seriously, when did you really start to care what other people thought of you?'
'What does that mean? Of course I always did.' Paulo replied staring her down. He sighed when he thought back to the suggestion, 'But I'll try talking to Jasmine tomorrow.' He relented, before asking 'Well?'
'Huh?' Sue asked.
'Your turn, you didn't answer my question from earlier.'
'I've told you already, you have other closer friends.'
'No! That's not—! Screw it! What are you getting out of all of this?! What happens when I graduate at the end of the year, then what? What happens from there as far as this friendship goes?'
Sue was silent. 'I. . .I guess we go our separate ways?'
'Are you really okay with that?' Paulo's shoulders fell as he sat up closer to the table. 'Come on. You turned around at class ages ago, you went to the cinemas with me when you could have said no. You told me you wanted to know more about me back at the Library. You must have had some thought that this could've worked out better than how it was before. Seriously; what's wrong with me that you can't even talk about what you ate this morning?'
'There's nothing. . . –' she struggled, '—wrong with you. I only thought if it we kept this on a professional basis it might've worked out and there'd have been a lesser a chance of you failing from feeling distracted. It's not that we couldn't. . . if we really tried, but. . . '
'But?' Paulo parroted.
'I can't think of a single particularly good memory we've ever shared together. We've always been at each other's throats.' She told him. He was silent. There really wasn't an occasion where they both laughed together.
It was just fight.
After fight.
After fight.
Paulo agreed deep down that there were few times where they had gotten along, but he didn't want to believe the feelings he thought they shared between each other were anything than just felt like it had to happen. Surely, Sue had to reciprocate the same feelings somewhere inside of her iron curtain defences. 'That's not, really. . . necessarily true.' Paulo replied.
'What do you mean?' Sue asked.
'I think we had a lot of fun when we were at the movies, ignoring how it started. I think we're capable of getting along if we try.'
'I was kind of a bitch to you when we went on that date, wasn't I?' Sue asked, thinking backwards.
'Well, I guess we were both nervous, but I gu—'
'Paulo, just tell the truth.' She demanded.
He sighed. 'Oh my god, you want the truth? Yes, at times back then, you were, but I don't think I was any better. But that night worked itself out. I had a lot of fun, didn't you?'
'Well. . . yeah.' She said, rubbing her shoulder.
'By the way.' He smirked. 'You described it as a date just before.'
Sue went red as a tomato, 'I didn't say that!'
'You did! Just before!' Paulo laughed as Sue crossed her arms and huffed to herself. He had to believe, he just had to; there was a breach! 'But, man, in all seriousness; I know I fucked up a lot in the past, I've always known, deep down. I want to change. I'm trying to do things a little differently. I want to try harder with what little I've still got around me.' His hand came up to his head again. 'I never really gave you a chance back then. But you've always been there for me. I want to change. I can't be a better friend to you if you don't have the confidence that I can be a good one back.'
'I do have confidence in you.' Sue replied.
'Then I wouldn't mind starting out again and moving on from everything in the past.'
Sue contemplated it all while feeling the worst inside. That would be a second time she'd felt as if she'd gotten it all wrong again; first by trying to be someone she wasn't. Then by treating the relationship in a way that felt right, but admittingly didn't rub either of them the right way inside. She was so sure that it would work out well this time. She really wanted this to work out. But again, another mistake jeopardised everything. She mulled over what Paulo said to her. Wondered if there was some truth about it. She didn't feel at all confident that the relationship would hold out unless they went professional friends. They had their moments when things felt. . . natural, but would they go back to the way things were and ruin it? Paulo seemed to think so. She wondered if she could bring herself to as well.
Sue tapped her pencil on the table and thought about it deeply. She sighed, closed her books, and sat back from the table. 'I think I'm done with this today.' She told him.
'What do you mean?'
'I'm done with working on study for today.'
'You're not planning on leaving and going home are you?' Paulo asked, the blizzard outside and the earlier fight still in his mind.'
'Oh, do you want me to go?' Sue returned.
'No, not particularly?'
'Well, I wasn't either. So, I guess that means there's only one other thing we can do then.' She said, folding her arms.
Paulo tilted his head in confusion, he wasn't sure what she was asking.
'Aren't we going to find something else to do?' She clarified.
'W—What?'
'You're really going to make me spell it out for you? You were only talking about it a few minutes ago. I mean if we're not studying and I'm not going home, that means we're hanging out, right?'
Paulo still stared at her confused. 'But you said—.'
Sue stood up and stretched. 'I know what I said, maybe I was wrong about earlier. I'm giving you a chance to show me I'm wrong.'
Paulo felt unsure, that drew along his face, prompting Sue to squat down onto the floor next to him.
'What's the matter?' She asked.
He scratched his cheek, 'Well—I don't exactly know what would be fun for the two of us.' He admitted.
'Well then let's just try everything and see what works between us. Whatever you're up to do, I'm up for as well; It's your house after all.'
'Anything, you say?' Paulo flashed a grin.
'Paulo—'
'I'm kidding! I'm kidding! Sorry, I just couldn't resist taking advantage of the opportunity.'