"Another one? This is the fourth year in a row he's asked for help on this project. PAULING?"

"Yes, Miss Administrator?"

"Get the merc's already."

Aww man, I knew I shouldn'ta gotten out of bed this mornin'. Woke up, it was a beautiful day outside. The sun was shining, birds were singing, flowers were blooming; on days like these, men like me, end up fed to the doctor's creations against god experiments. I had figured he was gonna feed me to some super plant he had just shoved needles into, and I don't want that again.

I like to think I wake up nice and early. 10:30 AM, still plenty of time for a nice breakfast, and the day was still starting to warm up. Demo is usually still asleep at this time, so soldier's probably bouncing on his bed like a puppy. I wish everyone else was predictable as they are. Everyone else however? It's like navigatin a red sentry nest. So, I jumped out the window. I landed in my planted fake bush, with built in trampoline. Courtesy of Mann Corp'. I landed perfectly, on the edge of the tramp. My back? Folded in like the heavy's sandvich bread pieces being put together.

Back almost a broken wood plank, I saw Miss Pauling driving in! She saw everything. Fortunately, she didn't bring it up. Instead, the worst news ever. Another mission with that god damn wizard Merasmus. It wasn't even a kill mission, which I very much would have appreciated after this morning. Instead, it was delivery of tickets to an enormous strongman game. Sounded uncomfortably familiar, but it was to a carnival! Sweet, I love games, as do I Miss Pauling. More so due to the latter reason, I told her that we all accepted! So, back aching, I ran through the front door yelling at everyone how we got a job.

Yeah, you can see how that ended now. A fierce battle, when suddenly Merasmus told us all that none of us will actually be returning alive. That magic ass SOAB turned us all into bobble heads in Bumper Cars! And now, I'm falling to certain doom, into the mouth of a giant worm! Come on man I just wanted to do this for Miss Pauling! Unfortunately, this didn't look like a painless death. The worm's mouth was a very, very long fall. And landing from this height onto something squishy is bound to hurt. So here I am now!

IM SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF THAT IM GONNA DIE! IMGONNADIEEAAAAAAHH!

I was in the living room. Reading. Never been fan of Halloween, reminded me of when my siblings and I were younger. So, I sat on the chair adjacent to the Spy. He also read. No small talk, just how I liked. The loud child then came bursting from the front door. His hands held more papers. Could be mail. I ignored what he said.

I only got a few pages in when spy began talking. Scout had a job, something important. Still annoying though. Should move trampoline bush. I put my book down to see that scout was still in the room. Wanted to know if I had seen the doctor, or what he was doing. He was still in his laboratory. Scout cringed, Spy laughed, I went to grab my gun.

It had been a Merasmus mission. Repetitive. I wished it was mission to kill the wizard instead. Now, because scout accepted without us, I am falling to doom. I sound melancholy, yes. But I am extremely upset with the scout's judgement for accepting the magic man's job. And enemy demoman for hitting me down.

I had just created a new life! Ah yes, my child is going right next to the scout's trampoline bush. But now, I had to go to the living room. I had received a phone call from the Miss Pauling talking about a job. She told me she wanted me to get everyone ready as she got here to give us the paperwork. Fortunately, my test subject had come through the front door. I heard him yelling from here.

Returning to the front of our latest base, I saw the scout floundering around with a set of papers and envelopes. Pauling must have arrived quite early, at least I won't have to deal with telling our more Neanderthal teammates. The good ones, spy and heavy, were there in the living room with me. It seems like today I won't be experimenting with scout.

Scout brought good news today. It was another mission with the wizard, this time to a new carnival. We must fight while trying to procure tickets to the main game, the strongman. Heh, it seems today will be an exciting battle as well. While performing, I will get to practice his magic spells again! Last time I got this opportunity, I learned a way to increase the Kritskrieg's charging speed. Oh, how I love dark sorcery.

The carnival was wonderful! Such chaos one can only expect from Halloween with a magician! I most especially love the purple spell collection spots marasmus places down. The fireballs, the skeletons, and I simply must learn that miniaturization spell's shrinking method.

Traurig für mich, upon the arrival of the Strongman tickets, Merasmus unleashed his plot on us again. It seemed he wanted to let us all fall to our doom. Using magic to place us all in bumper carts, we were placed upon an enourmous platform. The was a boost to ram into enemies, but I had 't boost, and I shouldn't launch myself to my doom! Sadly, an enemy engineer took the risk that I wasn't willing to take, and made me begin "cratering" to the floor's mouth. Yes, mouth. Turns out the floor is a disgusting worm that im falling into.

Spy: Nothing special with me, I just ended up falling down the worm with the others. Doesn't mean I'm terribly excited about it however. I originally thought that I was accepting a normal job from our Miss Pauling. Wasn't expecting scout to have accepted a mission from Merasmus without consulting us.

Bumper Cart Madness, that old roommate's latest creation! If that creation was half a decade ago. I was sleeping underneath Demo's bed when we received call to arms. BuwAH HA HAHA HA HAAAH, how I love bumper cars. The stimulating simulation of tank warfare, in the safety of easily destructible hard plastic vehicles!

It was pretty normal, waking up to a small child screaming. The scout told us about a mission from Pauling. I expected another payload push into ambiguous pits when I remembered it was Halloween! About time for the wizard to make us play his games. I remember just last year he had us killing ourselves inside of a theme park! I didn't like those spin-y tunnels. And the rides were all turned off. Honestly he always did throw a terrible party.

But now it was time for another party, and this time with guns! Again! Until someone brought the tickets to the strongman. I had just been shooting rockets at a myself. Now we began to play our game of grand shoving. It was falling platforms! I remember it like it was last week. There was a red in front of me, sitting so still I had to ram into them. But right now, I had accidentally pressed the boost button! And missed! Now I'm falling to my doom! Another airstrike from above to victory! Wait, I lost? No, the inevitable is merely delayed! Although, I am looking quite close to those worm guts.

MMMph! MMMM! OOOh oh hohohoh!

Hudda Huh!

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Author note: yeah you can probably guess who's going to be the MAIN character. ps, it was a pain in the ass to upload this since i wrote it in a word document.

and this seriously took over an hour to upload?