As soon as Flitwick dismissed his class, Remus tried to get out of there as quickly as possible. All through class his classmates kept giving him looks and it made him feel sick. He had even heard Potter whisper to Black 'so he can talk'. He knew he had made a mistake giving that mini-speech even though it was right and he had earned ten points—no, eleven points total for Gryffindor.

Someone called his name but Remus just ran as fast as he could through the school until he found a ghost that could take him to Herbology. They went outside where there were several greenhouses and Remus thanked the ghost before sitting on a rock, opening his book and sticking his nose into it before anyone else could show up. When they did, several of them tried to talk to him but he just pretended like he couldn't hear them, not moving at all except to flip pages, until the teacher came out and called the students into one of the greenhouses. Remus shut his book and went into the greenhouse, ignoring everyone else, glad the scents weren't too bad in this greenhouse.

The tables were set up like the ones in the Potions dungeon, four to a table. Black and Potter joined Remus at his, and Pettigrew took the fourth spot. Remus just sat stock still, pretending like he hadn't noticed. Pretending like he didn't notice Black trying to get his attention until Black out right poked Remus in the ribs. Remus yelped and jumped, falling off the stool.

"Whoops," Black said, offering a hand to help him up. Remus scrambled to his feet on his own and, blushing, returned to his stool. "Is it just talking to people that gives you trouble?"

Remus stared at Black in slight horror. For a second he thought the other boy meant, Is it because you're not a person that you find talking to people hard? Then he realized that wasn't at all what Black meant. Remus was spared from answering by Professor Sprout introducing herself and giving a very practical and short speech about plants and what they'd expect to learn in the class. They got right into learning about some very basic plants which were commonly used in various potions. They got their hands dirty learning about how to take some of the plants out of their pots (or the ground) with their roots intact. Sprout buzzed around the greenhouse, talking about various magical properties of the plants they had in front of them, and asking questions. Remus kept his hand down, not daring to risk having everyone stare at him again except Black and Potter did keep looking at him whenever Sprout asked a question so after about fifteen minutes Remus gave up and raised his hand, answering five different questions in the remaining time and earning five more points for their house.

The points didn't really matter as a total of five points were also removed from Gryffindor. From Potter when he took some of the fertilizer sitting by their table and rolling it into a ball and throwing it across the room at some of the girls, and from Black who began chasing Pettigrew around with a watering can and wound up knocking over an entire table.

"Wanna sit with us for lunch?" Potter asked as they left the greenhouse.

"Er—c—can't."

"How come?" Black asked.

Remus's face went a bit blank as he tried to figure out a lie and after a total of two seconds of silence, Potter linked his arm with Remus's and began pulling him towards the castle. At first Remus was so confused he didn't quite understand and then he realized Potter was touching him. Physical proximity was something that he wanted to do his best to avoid and here he was with his arm being held and him being dragged. He fought against the panic bubbling up inside of him and resisted the urge to push Potter away. When they went through the doors back into the castle, Potter let go and Remus kept walking with them, going a little bit slower than them, then even more slowly until they were a fair ways ahead, and then he ducked into a side corridor and ran down to find another side corridor which he hid in for a good fifteen minutes. The only reason he left was because two older students started snogging rather passionately in a nearby broom cupboard and he didn't want to hear their moans.

Ew. He went to the Great Hall and saw Potter, Black, and Pettigrew far down nearly at the other end. He was able to tiptoe in, grab a few sandwiches, and tiptoe out without being seen. He went outside to sit under a tree and eat the sandwiches while he read. You can't avoid them forever, a small voice drifted into his head. You'll be living with them for seven years.

Maybe so, he reasoned, but they'll grow bored of trying to talk to me sooner or later. They'll move on. I'll be left alone. Like I deserve to be. He set his book down and stared up at the cloudy sky. Tomorrow. His stomach twisted and a few tears came to his eyes.

He had been kept away from a lot of things but he knew perfectly well how the world viewed werewolves. They were hated, despised, shunned, feared. Treated like animals and not humans, even while in their human form. Remus was in Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them. A monster, a creature. Anytime a werewolf was killed and mentioned in the Daily Prophet Remus would cut out the article and reread it over and over until each word was burned into his mind. He knew there were werewolf hunters out there in addition to the sanctioned Ministry department (Werewolf Capture Unit). He knew there were a lot of myths about werewolves, and lies, and rumors and just so much stuff that not even he knew what was real and what wasn't, and he was one of them!

He knew Dumbledore could get in trouble—possibly removed from his position—if anyone found out he had let a werewolf come to the school. Remus probably made his future a lot riskier just by coming to the school. Instead of being locked away at home he was roaming free around other students. This probably meant he'd be more likely to be executed if the Ministry found out. Remus knew he didn't deserve to be at the school getting an education like he was just like anyone else, like he was human.

He wasn't human at all.

Fighting off a few more tears, Remus buried himself back into the book.

()

All the students were looking forward to Defense Against the Dark Arts so when they went into the classroom, they were already quite excited. Remus was the only one with trepidation. After spending most his lunchtime dwelling on the fact he was a monster, this could easily become a huge mess depending on what the teacher talked about.

Professor Dedenne was a squat, roundish witch with flyaway orange hair. When she came in she flicked her wand and a piece of chalk began drawing on the board. "Good afternoon, class. I am Professor Dedenne, and will be guiding you along the pathway of offense and defense. There are many creatures in this world that will kill you, or worse. Unfortunately, there are also many witches and wizards who would do the same. Can anyone tell me what this is?"

Remus actually did not raise his hand since he wasn't sure. Only one student did. "Professor, that's the yin and yang symbol," Evans said when Dedenne pointed at her.

"Correct. Can you tell me what this symbol means?"

"Er, I think it's to do with good versus evil...?" Evans said, not so sure.

"Yes, in a sense. Good and evil. Old and young. Man and woman. Contradictory opposites." The chalk began writing this down and then added another one. "Light and dark," Dedenne said. "Most witches and wizards view magic as either being one or the other however this is an incorrect statement. Anyone know why?"

Remus had a suspicion but wasn't sure, and didn't want to be wrong so he kept his hand down. Dedenne gave a heavy sigh. "Magic is not white or black, it is very grey. What makes a spell light or dark is usually dependent on the intent behind it. Although there are a few spells that are purely dark as the intent is always dark." The chalk began writing again. "Unforgivable curses, which we will be learning more about down the road. As in, a different year. This is your first year so I will be focusing mainly on teaching you about various creatures, as well as a few simple defensive spells. Maybe a few offensive, if you prove worthy.

"For the first part of today's class we will start off with learning about the differences between imps and pixies..."

Despite mentioning spells, Dedenne's class turned out to be mostly a lecture and her drawing pictures on the chalkboard and having everyone copy the drawings and label the different parts of the body. Remus wasn't very good at drawing and his imp looked more like a potato on an elongated body. She also talked a lot about yin and yang and Remus took loads of notes about that since it wasn't in the book at all. At the end of class she assigned a long essay on imps versus pixies and dismissed class.

"Mr. Lupin, a word?" she said as everyone gathered their things.

Not again. He stayed in his seat, ignoring the looks Potter and Black were giving him. They both lingered a bit and were the last to leave, almost forced out by Dedenne waving her wand and shutting the door in their faces. She put a silencing spell on the door and then faced Remus. He trembled a bit, no idea what to expect.

"I initially took this post before Dumbledore found out about you," she said in a slow manner. "When he informed me that a werewolf might be attending classes I was... more than a little shocked, I'm sure you can imagine." She began wiping the chalkboard off, her back to him. Remus watched her orange hair bouncing everywhere. "I've read plenty of books and know what the Ministry says, however I have no personal experience with your... kind." She turned back around, the rag cleaning the board off by itself. "Some people say werewolves have no humanity, even outside the full moon." She watched Remus carefully as he remained seated, still trembling. "Now, I can't say whether that's true or not. What I can say that I find it incredibly dangerous for you to be here. I expect you to be very careful. I don't know what sort of home you were raised in, but you must be careful here."

"Y—yes, Professor," Remus said. I know that. You think I don't know that? He bit back a rather rude comment that he wanted to say.

"If at any time I think you're a liability, I will go to Professor Dumbledore."

He bowed his head, tears threatening to spill over. "Yes, Professor," he whispered, so softly she could barely hear it.

"If you have any trouble keeping up with the class, you need to do what you can to make up the work and if you fail I won't give you a second chance."

That stabbed him even more than the liability comment. Excuse me? Trouble keeping up?! "Yes, Professor," he forced out through slightly clenched teeth. She thinks I'm stupid!

"If you need anything, you're more than welcome to come to my office."

Like I'm going to come see you about anything for calling me stupid! he thought furiously. "Thank you, Professor," he said, anger helping keep his words steady.

"That is a dismissal."

He got up, picking up his bag and leaving the classroom. She thinks I'm stupid. She—she thinks... He took a few steps and then the rage flooded out of his body, leaving sadness. She thinks I'm a liability. Which I am. Of course it's better for her to see me this way than flat out viewing me as a dangerous beast that needs to be put down. He kept his head down, tears dripping down his cheeks. Cool so day one I cried, day two I cried. Yes, very nice.

He was so preoccupied he didn't even notice Potter and Black hanging around the end of the corridor and nearly ran into them. Potter started to say something but the words died the second he saw Remus was crying. asked if he was okay but Remus just pushed past them and ran down the corridor, not having the energy to deal with them. He nearly smacked into Pettigrew who was hovering nearby and Pettigrew gave a squeak, not expecting it to be Remus to be running past. Remus kept going until he found a dark, quiet corridor that he could jam himself into a corner and cry in.

()

Dear Mum and Dad 3/9/71

It's Friday afternoon and I'm finished with my first set of classes, I've had every one except for Astronomy which I won't have until Wednesday night. I am so happy here! The classes are amazing! Transfiguration is really interesting and needs a lot of focus but I was only one of two students who managed to do anything substantial to their matchstick. History of Magic is... maybe it will get better. The teacher seems really boring and drones on and on. I'm hoping that will change but I kind of have the feeling it won't. Potions is really difficult because the ingredients smell really strong. I really love Charms! We've started with the lumos spell and I managed to get the end of my wand to glow a little bit. Only a little bit but it was better than anyone else in class. Herbology is a lot of fun too but I'm worried sometimes it won't be good because of strong plant scents. Finally Defense Against the Dark Arts which was just a big lecture about imps and pixies. I've included the drawing I made of an imp. Doesn't it look more like a garden gnome? Part of my homework assignment is drawing it again so hopefully when I try again it doesn't look so dreadful.

Tomorrow night is the full moon. I'm pretty nervous about it but according to McGonagall I have a whole house to be in. I haven't seen it yet. But Dumbledore's put loads of spells to keep me contained so it will be fine.

I've been really good about avoiding other students. I have five dorm-mates. I wish one more student had been put in Gryffindor cause then we could have been divided up four and three, and I could only have two dorm-mates. That would be loads better. Oh well no use whining about it.

Since I've never been around other people my age it's a little uncomfortable. I've always known I was different except now I can really see how different I am. I feel really weird compared to them all. It's like I know I am but it's hard seeing it. Does that make sense? Don't worry though I am very happy here. The classes are wonderful and I'm just so excited to be learning. Thank you for letting me come.

Love,

Remus

()

Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington gladly showed Remus the way to the owlery and they chatted the entire way there, Remus asking him about what things were like when he had been alive. He asked about the nickname and Sir Nicholas said he didn't like it at all, so Remus made sure to call him Sir Nicholas which greatly pleased the ghost.

In the owlery, Remus was greeted with angry squawks and frightened hoots. He carefully made his way to where Arthur was perched and tied the letter to his leg. "Hey Arthur, can you please take this back home?" He stroked Arthur's chest and bent in so Arthur could nibble at his nose. Most animals hated Remus so he was very glad the family owl didn't despise his company. "At least I have you, right?" He smiled as Arthur nuzzled his hand. Remus gently kissed Arthur's head and carried him to the window, watching him fly off. Once the owl became nothing more than a speck Remus turned and left the tower, wishing Sir Nicholas had stayed behind because it was nice having someone to talk to and ghosts were a million times easier to talk to than the living.

He still had over an hour before supper so he decided to finally find the library. He got lost a couple times thanks to some paintings purposely pointing him the wrong way, and one staircase moving while he was on it, until finally an elderly witch painting got him in the right direction.

As soon as he stepped into the library his jaw dropped and he was in awe. He had been expecting something like a bookstore. This room was massive and there were... thousands... tens of thousands books on a multitude of shelves. He regretted hiding out in his dorm the first night, missing out on spending time here. This is what heaven is like, he decided as he went inside, ignoring the glares coming from the librarian. Remus could hear whispered conversations and the sounds of pages turning and students wandering around. I don't even know where to start...! He plunged forward and let his instincts guide him, winding up in Magical Creatures. He figured he might as well work on his DADA essay and found a couple books on imps and pixies, to help.

There were tables scattered everywhere, some along the shelves, some bunched up in various open sections. Remus kept going until he ended up at the farthest wall from the entrance, and sat down on the floor. He crossed his legs, spread the books out in front of him, got out ink and quill, and began working on the essay. It felt so comforting to be surrounded by books. Books, who didn't judge him. Books that held friends inside. He didn't need to talk, didn't need to lie. With books he was in a different world where it didn't matter that he was a monster.