"Hey! Professor McGonagall said that Professor Dumbledore needs to see you," Potter said the second Remus sat down for supper. He and the other two had been farther down the table only they moved when Remus took his seat, to join him.

"Th-thank you, b-b-but I know, I've-I've been to s-ssee him," Remus said.

"What did the headmaster want with you?" Black whispered, leaning in very close to Remus. "What did you do?"

"Nothing!" Remus squeaked, inching away from Black's face. "It-it was-it-" He struggled to think of an excuse and then landed on the perfect one. "About my-my mother. She's ill, y-you see, and sometimes she gets these really bad relapses. P-Professor Dumbledore w-wanted to let me know if-if I needed to leave to-to go see her, I could. So if s-something happens, it's all arranged." There! Perfect excuse! And a perfect excuse for when he needed to disappear every month!

"Blimey," Pettigrew gulped. "Is she all right? I mean, I-I guess she's not but... is it... really that bad?"

"Sometimes," Remus said quietly, knowing if he fobbed it off as nothing too serious then his lie wouldn't make much sense. "I l-like being with her when it's r-really bad. I know I d-don't do anything but... we both feel like it helps."

"I'm really sorry," Potter said, brow knitted together in concern. He put his hand on Remus's arm in an attempt to be comforting.

Black remained silent, silver eyes boring into Remus as if he knew Remus was lying. There was an unreadable expression on his beautiful, aristocratic face that made Remus wish he could perform legilimency! He was dying to know what Black was thinking about this.

Evans suddenly appeared, pushing Potter roughly away from Remus and sitting in his place. "Oi! Watch it, Evans! Merlin, you could probably beat a troll in arm wrestling!" Potter complained, as he had been pushed clear off the bench.

Evans ignored him. "Is everything all right? You aren't in trouble, are you?"

Remus promised he was fine and repeated the lie he had told the boys. Evans then did something Remus never in a million years expected: she hugged him. Remus just stared wide-eyed over her shoulder at Potter who was sitting on the bench once more. Potter grinned and began snickering.

"I'm so sorry," Evans said, letting go but keeping her hands on his arms. "If there's anything I can do to help-I know I really can't, but if you need me, I'm here for you."

"Th-th-thank you," he got out, very uncomfortable from the contact and trying his best not to show it since it had been nice of her. Unfortunately the hug garnered undesired attention from down the table and that night in the dorm Spinnet began teasing Remus about his 'girlfriend', and Potter, Black, and Pettigrew actually teased a bit too, asking him if he enjoyed the hug, joking about the study group just being an excuse. The only one not teasing was Struthers, though Remus got the feeling if Black and Potter weren't teasing him, Pettigrew wouldn't have either.

"Lupin and Evans sitting on a broom! Kissing and hugging and flying to the moon!" Potter sang a wizarding rhyme, dancing around.

The mention of the moon caused heat to flare up in Remus's face, and the wolf to stir just slightly. "St-s-stop!"

"First comes the romance!" Black sang, spinning in circles. "Then comes the wedding dance!"

"Then comes the changing of their baby's pants!" Black and Potter finished together, falling over laughing while Remus grew redder and redder. Pettigrew and Spinnet were laughing too.

The anger grew and felt like it might spill over. It overtook the feeling of wanting to cry briefly, and urged Remus to just hex Potter and Black, making their legs stick together, topple them. He stood still, pushing back the need for revenge. Protecting was one thing, revenge was quite another. I should have let Spinnet hit Black! Remus thought furiously as Black and Potter started on their song again.

No, he commanded the wolf as it clawed at him. No! Instead he grabbed his school bag from where he had tossed it on his desk and flung it over his shoulder. "You two can do your own research then, if that's how you feel about it, you-you-you poisonous bunch-backed TOADS!" With that insult thrown out he stormed out of the dorm, fleeing down the staircase and into the common room. There were plenty of students still up since it was only around eight in the evening, and Remus went to one of the little alcoves and slipped behind an armchair, hiding easily. He sat cross-legged on the floor and angrily yanked his books out of his bag.

How could I ever think to help them! he thought as he slammed books down. They're both absolutely horrible!

He peeked around the armchair and saw Black had come down and was looking round. He began asking around but nobody had seen the tiny boy disappear behind the chair so Black had to retreat back to the dorm, his mission failed. Remus settled back down and angrily began working on an essay even though he could hardly focus. Then the tears came again because all he seemed to be able to do was cry. Sometimes he wondered if it was because of the wolf, or if he was just a baby like the Slytherins and Peeves the poltergeist accused him of being.

Dear Mum and Dad, 21/9/71

The other boys are teasing me and it makes me so mad! I haven't done anything though, don't worry, I just left the room. I wanted to shake them but I didn't I was very good. They were just so rude. It's better that they're teasing me though instead of trying to be my friend.

Professor Dumbledore talked to me today. He told me there's a type of magic called le-jil?-eh-mancy (probably lejilimancy or legilimancy, the G seems more proper) where someone can read emotions and memories and stuff. He said there's something called och-leh-mancy (oclimancy?) for the person to protect their mind. He said it's not very common but thinks I should learn the oclimancy just in case I ever need it. I never thought of needing to protect my own thoughts.

In Transfiguration McGonagall gave us a test where she dumped an entire matchbox full of matches on each desk and wanted to see how quick we could do them all and I managed them the fastest, and even transfigured a couple at the same time. McGonagall said she was impressed with my work and gave me ten points for Gryffindor. We have an exam in Potions on Thursday which I don't think I'll do well on.

Dad, do you know of any spells that can help me not smell things so strongly? That's my biggest downfall making potions. I've been trying to research it on my own in my spare time and haven't found anything though I have found a few rather wicked hexes including a nose-hair-growing one and one that makes someone start sneezing pudding.

I miss you both and love you both and can't wait till Christmas. As much as I love it here... I am getting kind've lonely although the ghosts have been very nice to me.

Love always, Remus

()

Remus didn't return to the dorm until nearly midnight. He paused at the door and listened in, making sure everyone was sound asleep, then crept in. He got his pajamas, went to the bathroom to change, and when he came back Black was awake and sitting up. Remus froze and then kept going, pretending like he didn't notice the other boy. He tossed his uniform in his laundry bin and then got into bed, shutting his curtains and laying down.

He could hear Black get out of his bed and cross the few feet over to Remus's bed. "Psst. Hey, Lupin. Pssssst. I know you're still awake, nobody can fall asleep in five seconds. Come on, open up."

"Go away," Remus whispered back. Black opened the curtains and Remus rolled over, glaring at him. "I said go away! Hey! S-stop it!" he complained as Black just climbed up into Remus's bed and knelt there.

"I'm sorry," Black said.

"For what, invading my privacy?" Remus demanded, keeping his voice low. He was tempted to just shove Black out of his bed onto the floor and probably would have if he didn't care about making noise and waking the others up.

"For teasing you." The moon was waxing crescent-only the tiniest of slivers in the sky-so the dorm room was very dark. Still, Black's pale skin nearly glowed in the darkness and Remus could see those penetrating silver eyes.

"Go away," Remus finally said and then rolled over, his back to Black.

"Hey, look, I-I'm not good at apologizing." Black scooted closer to Remus. "I don't do it often so give me a break."

"It's not that your apology is bad, it's that I don't care right now," Remus muttered into his pillow.

"What's a back-bunched toad?"

Remus opened his eyes again and twisted around to stare at Black. "What?"

"You called us poisonous back-bunched toads, what are they?" Black asked, tilting his head.

"Bunch-backed," Remus corrected. "It's nothing. It's an insult. From Shakespeare."

"It was a good insult. Mind if we use it on the Slytherins? I bet they wouldn't like being called poisonous back-bunched toads."

"Bunch-backed."

"Right. So, erm, apology accepted?"

No, he thought, twisting back around so he was facing his curtains. "Just go away. Please."

He could feel Black staring at him then Black left the bed but was still staring at him. Then after what felt like an eternity, the other boy shut the curtains and returned to his own bed. Remus gave a little sigh and rolled onto his back, one arm flung over his head as he stared intently at the ceiling, pondering the fact he had hardly stuttered at all during that exchange.

()

Wednesday Remus did his best to avoid the other two and their attempts to apologize. Black didn't actually say the words again though Potter did multiple times. They just want me to do their research for them, he thought during Charms, angrily turning his wand on and off as they were working on the lumos/nox spells again. His wand was the brightest in the room, as the lights had been turned off so Flitwick could see how far everyone was coming. By this point pretty much everyone was able to get some sort of glow. Pettigrew's wand was very faded and kept blinking like a firefly. Remus's wand was almost as bright as Flitwick's, and stayed true. Evans's wand was fairly bright and only flickered on occasion. To Remus's annoyance, Black and Potter seemed to be able to do the spell really well too although they were taking this time to have a mock sword fight with their lit-up wands.

"Can we write words in the air?" Potter suddenly asked. "I want to write 'Snape is a big git' in the Great Hall," he added in a very hushed whisper to Black so Flitwick wouldn't hear, and Black giggled.

"There is, however it's a bit advanced and not something you'll be learning for a couple years," Flitwick said and Black and Potter grumbled.

At lunch Remus snatched a sandwich and ate it on the way the library. He wanted to find out more information about what Dumbledore had talked about, and found a small section dedicated to legilimency and occlumency. Remus took a couple books and sat down in the aisle, flipping through. A lot of it was in older language and difficult to read though he was able to follow along fairly well. I don't want anyone finding me here though, he thought as he heard some students nearby. He wondered if Mr. Farrow would get suspicious if he checked it out. Only one way to find out. He chose one book on occlumency and went to the desk. Mr. Farrowed eyed Remus in a very mistrustful manner however he signed the book out and Remus left.

He found a nice quiet corner somewhere and began delving into Protection Charm Your Mind: A Practical Guide to Counter Legilimency. He soon became very wrapped up in the words before him...

Occlumency is the ability of closing one's mind against legilimency. An ancient spell, it can stop a Legilimens from entering one's thoughts and feelings, as well as influencing them. A person who uses this art is known as an Occlumens.

Advanced Legilimens can perform legilimency silently and even without their wand however most must use the spell (Legilimens) to successfully enter their victim's mind. A Legilimens will be able to sense if the person is lying and be able to explore their emotions, thoughts, and as well as—and most commonly—memories.

Remus shuddered at that, imagining someone entering his mind and reading a memory of his transformation. Of Dumbledore standing in his living room stating 'lycanthropy'. Of his mother sobbing and hugging him and promising she loved him even though he became a monster once a month. Then his eyes fell on a line that worried him.

The more emotional a person is, the harder it is for them to successfully perform occlumency.

"Merlin," Remus said, drawing his knees up a bit and glaring at the text as if it were all the book's fault. He cried easily, his emotions always got the better of him. The only one he could vaguely control was his temper and that was only because he knew what would happen if his temper was lost. What if I can't do this then? What if because I'm such a crybaby I'll never be able to protect myself mentally?

The worst part was thinking this made him feel like he might start crying again however he did manage to keep himself from doing so. He shut the book with a great sigh and headed to his only afternoon class which was DADA and his least favorite.

()

"Fighting." Dedenne stood at the front of the room and surveyed the group before her. "We've had a couple weeks now of learning about dark creatures, I believe it is now time to learn a few handy spells."

Everyone began whispering excitedly as Dedenne instructed them to get up and put their bags along the side of the wall. As they did, Dedenne waved her wand so all the desks and chairs piled up on the other side.

"I'll be pairing you up. Line up facing your partner along those lines I've drawn on the floor," she said and looked down at the roster. "Black and Colgate, Inkwood and Magpie, Evans and Pettigrew, McNab and Potter, Nettle and Spinnet, Struthers and Twycross." She set the parchment down and Remus just stood there while everyone did as Dedenne had order. "Ah yes, we've thirteen students in this class," she said as if she hadn't been looking at a list and hadn't had to have seen Remus's name. "You'll be with me."

Once everyone was lined up with herself and Remus at the ends of their lines, she began instructing everyone on how to cast a sparking spell. She showed them the wand movement and the careful pronunciation. "Don't worry, none of you are powerful enough for the sparks to do any sort of damage, even if you do manage to cast them. Verdimillious!" she exclaimed and a shower of green sparks flooded from her wand and settled to the ground. "Ready? Go."

Everyone began flourishing their wands at their partner, shouting the spell in a variety of tones. Potter was being quite insistent and vicious with his shouting while Pettigrew mumbled his and ended up dropping his wand.

"Verdimillious!" Remus said and nothing happened.

"It's a simple spell, Mr. Lupin," Dedenne said even though nobody else had managed anything either.

Remus's face went red. "Verdimillious!" Nothing. He sucked in some air and pictured the green sparks clearly in his head. "Verdimillious!" The end of his wand sort of glowed green then faded. Remus smiled, extremely happy.

Dedenne just frowned and shook her head. "It's a sparking spell, not the lumos spell," she said in a tutting sort of voice.

I'M TRYING! he wanted to snap and the wolf shifted inside. He looked down the lines and saw nobody else managed anything. He managed a bit of light. And all he got was tutting. "Verdimillious!" he insisted and a single green spark fluttered to the ground. HAH! he thought, looking at Dedenne victoriously. Now what do you say?

But she wasn't even looking at him, she was looking at Potter who had brandished his wand so wildly that he fell over. "Mr. Potter, this is Defense, not Dancing," she said though didn't have the same annoyed sort of sound to her voice as she did when she spoke to Remus.

Remus felt the wolf grow inside of them. She's not even paying attention to me at all, he thought as she shouted instructions down the line of other students. She doesn't care. She doesn't care. She's supposed to be my teacher and all she's doing is ignoring me!

He knew he was a monster and not human, however he felt he at least deserved to be treated a little bit like a regular student, and not shunted aside. McGonagall said she viewed him as a regular student. Even if she hates me for what I am, Professor Dedenne should at least give me a little bit of a chance. She was still giving her attention to everyone else, explaining the proper movement to Pettigrew, correcting Inkwood's pronunciation.

All the anger from his poor grades and now this just blew over and he pointed his wand. "Verdimillious!" There was a great shower of green sparks even bigger and brighter than the one Dedenne had used to show the students. Everyone gasped and then began clapping while Dedenne whirled around, staring at the fading light. Remus straightened up and breathed heavily from the exertion. He met Dedenne's eyes and knew she had to say something. Everyone saw him. He was the first one to do it, and so beautifully too. She couldn't ignore him.

"Mr. Lupin," she said stiffly, and he knew she knew she couldn't deny what just happened. "How dare you attack when your partner's back is turned!"

Remus blinked. What?

"Good sportsmanship and proper dueling form states to never attack someone with their back turned! Ten points from Gryffindor!"

Remus exploded. "You had your back turned to me practically this entire time, was I not supposed to practice the spell then?!"

Black doubled over choking on nothing, Potter's jaw hug open, Pettigrew dropped his wand with a squeak, and Evans gasped very loudly, covering her mouth with her hand. Everyone else looked shocked that Remus-Remus!-just sassed a teacher, and slowly turned their gazes to Dedenne who went a bit purple.

"Ten more points from Gryffindor for talking back, and detention."

Not fair not fair not fair not FAIR! Remus clenched his teeth, his tiny body trembling ever so slightly. Dedenne must have realized what was going on inside him because a flash of fear entered her eyes. "Now remove yourself from my class since you obviously can't control yourself."

Remus knew she said the last bit as an order and not an excuse. He put his wand back in his pocket, carefully walked over to the edge of the room to pick up his bag, and then left the classroom and his absolutely bewildered classmates.