My Little Pony: Friendship is a Bizarre Adventure
Part 2: ~ Battle Festivity ~
Episode V: Enter Kars and Soul of The Light Mode, A Cold Steel Spirit Returns!
JoJo rolled his arms and shoulders with a pained grunt as he walked back to the island, the sun beginning to rise. On the way inside he noticed the servant girl, Suzy Q. That was her job, but in truth everyone saw her more than that. He smirked and tapped her shoulder for her attention, only to get a loud screech from her.
"Hey Su-"
"KYAAAAAA!"
"Did you just 'kya' what the hell even is tha-"
"T-There's a stranger on the island!"
"Stranger? Suzy it's me, Joseph! Jo-"
"No~! It can't be, where's your mask!?"
"Broken. Three weeks and this is the first time you've seen my face. Well, if that's the case, whaddya think of my sexy li-"
"You're actually pretty cute."
"Suzy let me finish my sentences. Where's Master Lisa Lisa?"
"Taking a bath. She wanted to see you, but you should wait in a half hour."
"That can wai- Hold up a bath? Well I guess I can wait, hygiene and all, hehehe."
"It was about the Red Stone! Also Pinkie came by with this weird statue."
He left noticing the sudden loss of the painful aches in his back and shoulders leaving him, assuming it was the Hamon healing him. As he waited by the door he couldn't help but think to himself.
'Statue? I fought ACDC, and each of the Pillar Men have their own girl, his was Ruj. Yeah, he mentioned her searching the lace! Could Pinkie have taken care of her? Duh! She can hold her own... Man I'm bored, but I've got to wait on Master Lisa Lisa. Well I guess since it's just me here, no one would mind if my eye just happened to wander near the keyhol-'
"HI JOJO!"
"Holy Hell!"
He snapped behind him finding a beaming Pinkie with a weird bracelet with tessellated yellow and purple triangle patterns.
"Oh, hey Pinkie, I've found something that ain't right!"
"Well peeping in on someone while their bathing ain't exactly right either!"
"No Pinkie, it's, it's Suzy Q! She's in there with Lisa Lisa! And it's like there's something wrong with her! Like something's in her body!"
At that moment Caesar walked in and coughed.
"Guys! I-I mean hey, nice to see you both alive, saw your fights with ACDC and Ruj. What's going on?"
"Oh right."
JoJo kicked down the door to reveal a crying Suzy Q and towel wrapped Lisa Lisa with paler skin than usual. Caesar was horribly confused.
"W-What the hell is happening!?"
"Caesar! JoJo! Pinkie! Don't be fooled! There's something inside of her, something vile! It's possessed her and somehow stole the Red Stone!"
"Uhn... Uh.. Caesar. You can't believe them, can you?"
"I am so confused but, I'll take their words for it."
"You can also take this foot in your mouth."
"Wh-"
Suzy Q leapt to Caesar and bounced away using his face. Veins shooting out of her body and sticking to the walls and ceiling. Caesar recovered with wide eyes.
"A man's voice! How's this possible?!"
"Alright you shit heels here's the deal. Option A: Use your fancy Hamon-"
"Ripple!"
"To stop me! However with that much energy coursing through her body, you'd be stopping her heart! Or Option B: I blow up with all my magma blood spilling everywhere. Even if it's a small layer, the heat will melt right through your flesh!"
ACDC cackled for a moment but silenced himself when JoJo seized him by the throat with a raised fist, catching everyone off guard.
"What part of vanish don't you get! As long as you're alive, this world can't be safe!"
He threw a punch that was clearly aimed for the brain, and didn't seem to be stopping at all.
"I'll really do it!"
"Next you'll say, 'Shhiiiiit! Just get out of her!', Huh~?"
"Ngh!"
Right at the moment of impact, he threw the punch right past his head, a smug mile creeping onto the stolen body.
"Shhiiiiit! Just get out of her!"
"I'm on my way to doing so. I'm just as eager as you, for example!"
Suzy's skin began to crack apart with blood shooting out of the new wounds. JoJo hisses with some of the blood landing on him.
"Fuck! At this rate, he'll really blow her up!"
"I-I hate to say it, but we must send a Ripple through her body to stop him!"
"I'm still suffering guilt issues with Strohiem and his leg, this'll just kill me!"
"Wait, JoJo! I've got an idea. Remember what we all learned at the Pillar? That positive negative effect of our Hamon-"
"Ripple!"
"Master give it up! Even the goddamn vampires call it Hamon! Now is not the fucking time for this! Caesar, let's do it!"
The two rush the steaming body before strafing out of the way of the blood. JoJo holding her by the head and calve as Caesar slid to the behind her and struck her spine. JoJo sent the Hamon an attaching energy, a positive ripple, while Caesar sent the repelling Hamon, a negative ripple. The energies met and canceled each other at her heart. Tears began to trickled down Suzy's eyes.
"... Aria, you're free at last."
She fainted as a grotesque brain jumps out from her neck and wrapped itself around JoJo's throat. Then leaping off of him onto the balcony, turning into ash.
"Wh-What did he do that for? Heartless beast."
JoJo's scooped up the ashes with clear eyes and stared down into them. As if looking at a lost friend.
"Caesar, you're wrong. I've fought him, come to understand him somewhat. Where you see cowardice, I see a powerful sense of loyalty, noble even. He didn't care for good or evil. I don't know if this is the way to do it, but I'm paying tribute to his sacrifice for his friends."
Lisa Lisa and Caesar were surprised at the mature growth at JoJo, to think of a being in such a way even after the scene that had just transpired. Then, she recognized the theft.
"Everyone, we must find out where he sent the Red Stone."
"Right! I'll take JoJo down to the postal station! We may find a lead there."
Pinkie tapped JoJo shoulders before he poured the ashes over the edge and held her hand out.
"Hey, I need those ashes actually."
"Huh? What for?"
"Important stuff! Hand 'em over, JoJo!"
"It's just ashes! I don't know what you could do with them."
"Trust me, it's important."
He poured them into her hands before she ran away to her room. Where Ruj had been staying, under the covers with a pout. She perked up upon seeing Pinkie come in with her hands clasped together, unaware of the ashes she held.
"You're really stupid for just letting me sit around like this. No bonds or holdings? What makes you think I won't just escape and kill everyone here?"
"Well I could always stuff you in the cannon again! But, I told you what I wanted already."
"Weren't you going to bring back Papa?"
"About that. You don't mind if he's-"
"Well?"
She held out the ashes with a small smile and braced herself for the worst. Instead she received a sigh.
"How unexpected. To have unexpected people do unexpected things at such an unexpected time... How did he die?"
"Uhm, he, he leapt into sunlight when he was just a brain and veins after he fought with JoJo. H-He did say this before he went away! 'Aria, you're free at last.'"
Tears welled up in her eyes as she hugged herself.
"Oh... I see."
"Is that your real name?"
"Yeah, Aria Blaze. Why'd you spare me?"
"That's my secret plan!"
"Why? It's obvious your friends don't share that ideal."
"Yeah well, I believe in second chances, and I can show them you're not all bad!"
"You're a real idiot."
"Question, how do you feel about mementos?"
"My family would say their useless... But I'd like something to remember Papa with."
"I was thinking of a cremation crystal instead of tossing his ashes out to the cold free world."
"... You're a poetic idiot. I'd like that. If you're really gonna try and befriend them, you can't tell anyone this, but they're in Saint-Moritz. Switzerland."
"Gotcha! I'll jut suggest we split up or something!"
As she got to the door it swung into her face with Messina on the other side. Aria having vanished to the safest spot in the entire room, under the bed.
"Pinkie Pie! We've gotten the location of the Red Stone, we must get JoJo and Caesar, they left for the postal office!"
"W-How'd you find out so soon?"
"Lisa Lisa used an advanced hypnotic technique on Suzy Q, she was able to extract the precise address while it was fresh in her mind."
"Lemme guess, somewhere cold, old, and right next to the country?"
"Correct! In Switzerland-"
"Saint-Moritz."
"Hmph! If you know this much, then you should already be getting JoJo and Caesar, come on! We have a car ready for the trip"
Without another moments notice they left the island for Venice. Pinkie Pie left the care to find the two standing on top of a counter ready to assault and rob the post office. Before they could do anything, she pulled their ankles back causing them to fall on their rears, mailing the ashes in a small box.
"Y-Yo Pinkie what's the big idea?!" "Pinkie Pie we need to get that parc-"
"Guys, the Red Stone was shipped off up North. We're gonna go skiing at Switzerland!"
"Eh!?"
"Yeah! It was sent by train around ten minuets ago! Lisa Lisa and Messina are right outside in the car, c'mon!"
All of them hopped in, Suzy Q seeing them off. Before they left, Lisa Lisa spoke up.
"From now on we must prevent the Red Stone getting to the Pillar Men. We may have to break the law, some of us may not survive this."
"Not to take things too lightly, but it'd help if we all could lighten up about this."
"JoJo, the fate of the world depends on us, we can't afford to take anything lightly."
"Good Grief! I get it, I get it, alright. Just one last thing before we go."
He stood up in the car and waved at Suzy Q with a cheeky smile.
"Hey, Suzy, keep that body in shape alright?! I'll be back to see you again one day!"
"Y-You mean it? Really!?"
"Yeah~! Even if you're a lil old granny who looks worse than you do now!"
"Wha- You Scum Bag!"
Even as she threw a rock at him, she still smiled as they began to drive off. Caesar poked JoJo's cheek chuckling.
"Is our lil JoJo actually getting himself a girl? Mama Mia, he's growing up everyone! Pinkie take over of making fun of him, I hate driving with one hand."
"On it!"
She pulled away at his cheeks giggling with a grunt from JoJo.
"You can forget about that dessert outing."
"Aww, don't be a party pooper! We're just messing with ya."
"JoJo we're going to Switzerland to fight super vampires. That's the second least worrying thing we've got."
"Second? This. This. Is the second most concerning thing?"
"Well, there's this pie festival that Caesar promised to take me a week from now!"
"Pinkie Promised."
They laughed carelessly as Lisa Lisa shook her head whilst lighting a cigarette.
"I say take this seriously, and they laugh my words off, I worry for them Messina... Messina?"
She looked over to her assistant who was invested into the pie discussion, leaving her with the smoke. Meanwhile at their very destination in the dark of the night, a man and a girl both waited by a telephone. A small puppy limped up to them, whining quietly, however they only glanced at it before walking away. The pup wandered into the street with a car coming down at high speeds. The driver and passenger were both young drunken men without a care in the world. The girl opened her mouth with a small harmonic note and a bright light flew from her throat. A thin laser yet dense laser that cut easily into the eye of the driver and through his head and that car, even the street past that. The man casually swung his arm, a blade like protrusion coming from his arm. The steering wheel and hands of the driver had been cut seamlessly. It all happened so fast, neither of them noticed their demise, and swerved to the side crashing immediately as well as missing the pup.
"ACDC and Ruj haven't made the eight o' clock call."
"They were supposed to keep us updated on the trail of the Red Stone of Asia in Venice."
"Something must have happened!" "Something must have happened!"
In the late afternoon the party rode next to the train, coming to close to the border, and with that a rude awakening for JoJo and Pinkie, an elbow from both Messina and Caesar.
"Wake up you two! We've caught up to the train!"
"It looks like they're about to cross the border."
JoJo cracked a smirk and eyed the train.
"Then why don't one of us just climb aboard and search the place?"
"Cause it hasn't stopped yet and it's still daylight."
Pinkie stopped rubbing her eyes and looked around, the snow layered land shimmering in the morning sunlight, and a strange car tailing them. She waved them down as they got closer.
"Hey! If you need to pass then just go on the s- Uh. Guys? Are the Nazi's allowed here?"
Everyone turned surprised, then JoJo turned Caesar's head to keep his eyes on the road. Two soldiers and a colonel followed closely, his hat shadowing his face and white gloves draped over his hands, what little could be seen was burned. He smirked and chuckled.
Hmhmh... Hehehehehe! Joseph Joestar and Pinkamena Diane Pie, both of you look like you're in good shape. I can see the progress even from here."
"Huh? Do we know you?!"
"We don't have any friends in Germany!"
Messina was to first to notice and spoke out in his strange discovery as the train stopped.
"Everyone, this train has already been occupied by Nazi soldiers!"
One of the soldiers called the colonel and handed him a parcel with Lisa Lisa's badge. He opened it leisurely and pulled out the Red Stone, looking back at the group.
"We're requisitioning this as a test subject. We've been keeping an eye on you since our unit were wiped out in Rome. The training, the fight with ACDC, do you two remember this young man?"
The thief from two days ago was the one who brought the parcel and gave a nod to them.
"Yes, this dumbass hairstyled boy you covered in mustard is an agent of mine."
"Sir, I do-"
"WE'RE SHAVING IT AND MAKING IT ILLEGAL IN GERMANY! Ahem, we're staying at the inn down the road, and I have questions about this item, as well as Kars and the Pillar Men. I am offering cooperation, besides, we're not really strangers."
He left chuckling and leaving the party in confusion.
"Hey wait you asshole! I can't think of anyone I know that'd be in Germany!"
"JoJo. It'd be best to humor this. They aren't hostile, let's agree to this for now."
"Ugh, fine Master."
They found the inn and stayed, five hours passing into the night. Outside of building in the snow were the two figures from before approached the back of the building, a hand on the wall as they slowly trailed against the surface.
"Hm. The fire is lit in the fireplace. Four lamps on the wall, two, no, three on the tables."
"Four humans beings are standing against the wall. Their height from left to right, one hundred seventy eight centimeters. One hundred seventy four centimeters. One hundred eighty one centimeters. One hundred seventy eight centimeters. One next to the fireplace, one hundred eighty three centimeters."
"All male."
The man's arm-blade shot out as she closed an eye, the remaining pupil began protruding and shot out the vampire liquid into the wall, the man sliced through the wall before putting the blade back away. They entered through the window, the room a bloody mess from the sneak attack from outside. Almost all the men inside had died. Five men, but one remained smiling sitting on the sofa holding up the Red Stone before pocketing it away.
"So your Kars? And that must be the female Pillar Man that accompanies you. In only a few hours, you've already concluded the defeat of your friends, and traced the Red Stone here. Such amazing prowess, my men died without screaming."
"There were five men in this room. Why, why can't we feel your body temperature?"
Kars lunged at the man with his blade out, who responded with a raised hand. Pinkie popped up from door with JoJo unaware of the situation.
"Hey guys when's the food coming we're starving!"
"What's with you Germans an- Oh fuck! Kars!"
The colonel caught the blade, his glove being torn apart, revealing a metallic hand. The blade managed to cut the hat and reveal an old phantom back from the dead.
"S-Stroheim!?"
"Double shock! This is more awesome than meeting a ghost!"
"Kars and Stroheim in front of us... What's even happening!? He's got an artificial hand, and that weird metal band on his face. This can't be that rumored advanced German science, is it?"
"All that robotic stuff, cybernetics saved you Broomhead?"
The solider grinned and glanced over to the duo.
"You two... I've come back from Hell! Just sit tight and watch me finish these two off at once!"
"What is that supposed to make us feel better you're alive? You're too stubborn to die!"
"It's really nice to see you still around, Broomhead!"
However the Pillar Men had their eyes on the two the moment they spoke up. Glaring at them, through them, a blazing fury behind those eyes just as violent as ACDC's and Aria's heat. They couldn't help but flinch at the stares.
'Shit! They know we did their friends in, they hate us!' 'Oh boy, even though Aria's actually alive, I don't think they know. They're really gonna come after us!'
"Feh, you two won't intimidate us!"
"JoJo and Pinkamena."
"After we retrieve the Red Stone from this soldier, we will kill you."
"Wham who's in Greece wanted to battle you, but seeing how you defeated ACDC and Ruj."
"We can't allow you to live any longer!"
"Feh! Are those words of warriors, or inspired by revenge?"
"Hey, Kars! I, Von Stroheim, shall be your ultimate opponent!"
"A simple machine, shall not be my opponent!"
"Oho~? Really?"
His free hand bent awkwardly to Kars's seized hand, taking a chunk of flesh out of him before throwing him to his apprentice.
"Wha- Is his arm mechanical too?!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU FOOOOOOL~! THE WORLD DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE AGAINST NAZI SCIENCCCE~! Santana was the first step into BUILDING THIS AMAZING ARM OF MIIIIIIINNNNE~! Furthermore, Kars!"
He picked up a golf ball and crushed it with his hand easily.
"We also calculated how much we would need to wound you in order to make your vital functions stop! I'll turn you into tiny pieces of flesh as easily as reliving a bird of its feathers! YOU TWO!"
He threw the remains of the golf ball at JoJo and Pinkie as a machine gun flew from his abdominal region. He fired away at the Pillar Men, the force of the bullets throwing them through the wall and back outside.
"Don't you dare pity me! My Body~! IS THE RESULT OF THE MOST ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY OF THE GERMAN PEOPLE AND AM PROUD OF IT~~! ! In other words, I AM ABOVE EVERY OTHER HUMAN BEING~~! ! !"
He cackled away as he kept firing away until a bright light shone from Kars' blade appendages, and sliced every incoming bullet with inhuman accuracy.
"Wh-What..."
"We are users of the Light Mode! I, Kars, wield the Shining Sabers!"
"And I, Soul, wield the Voice of God!"
Opening her mouth, a laser shooting out at an unearthly speed, nearly blasting off Stroheim's entire arm. He spun from the force, with Kars not wasting this opportunity and gliding right at him with his Shining Saber, just in time for Stroheim to see his quick defeat.
"No! No! No! No! No! No! NO! NO! NO!"
Before the impact, he saw it, the secret to Kars' blade. The edge wasn't just sharpened, it was humming, moving! At an astounding speed! Shark-teeth-like claws, tiny and slim, but still sharp, were running along the edge! In that instant he understood that it was a the complex reflections on those claws that gave Kars' Saber its shining intensity! Passing right through him, he could only turn in both shock and horror as he understood once more, he was still merely human before these beings!
"We're not ready, my weaponry, human science... I-I'm not ready to face them yet! Uh-"
His upper torso and right arm fell apart, as if he had been butter cut by an accurate butcher knife. As he fell, he was caught by Kars, with Soul right behind him.
"Santana, what a joke! It was a young novice."
"Nothing more than a weak puppy, nowhere near our level!"
"Now let's see this Red Stone, after so long..."
JoJo took a single step in the snow attempting to sneak past them, but even with how quiet and light he stepped, both of the Pillar Men snapped to the two with the promise of death in their eyes.
"Oh Shit. That blade can probably be parried away with a strong enough Hamon but..."
"Not on the edge! I don't think even we're strong enough to do that."
"I want to run but, we can't leave them with the Red Stone!"
"I-I don't know what to do..."
Kars tore Stroheim's pocket, holding up the Red Stone as he casted the cyborg aside and smiled wickedly.
"It's been five thousand years, but now, the Red Stone of Asia is ours once more!"
"Ngh! Ka-"
"You two just wait!"
"We'll personally deal with you two as well."
"Hold you monsters! Don't cast me aside like we're finished! The rest of the world, DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE AGAINST NAZI SCIENCE! ! ACTIVATING ULTRA-VIOLET BEAM! ! !"
The monocle like lens of the metal band lifted up from his eye as it split apart, a strange beam flew past Kars' hand held up to shield himself, and hit him right below the eye. Hissing he let go of the Red Stone, everyone caught off guard from that barely noticed it gliding on the icy surface. This was their chance, JoJo and Pinkie sprinted for it, with Kars and Soul racing them to the edge of a steep cliff. As they neared the cliff with the Pillar Men passing them, they spoke up with a chillingly condescending tone.
"JoJo, Pinkie Pie, I bet."
"You're both planning to kick us down when one of us dive down, lowering our guard."
"You're thinking even if it falls, you can send Hamon through at least one of us."
"Hmhmhm. We'll see!" "We'll see!"
Kars picked Soul up and as he threw her JoJo and Pinkie threw their kicks as he leapt. For a moment the two looked at Soul before noticing the Red Stone had been caught by the chain, hanging onto Kars' ankle, still they smiled.
"You were right! We did try a Hamon kick!"
"A Hamon kick for the snow to slow us down!"
"Wha-"
The snow flew right at him, sizzling upon contact, and JoJo snatching it right back. For a moment the two were about to celebrate, but Kars and Soul were by no means finished. Locking arms with one another, he swung her to them, her legs stretched out with her own Shining Sabers shooting out and stabbing them both in their shoulders. The blade merging with them as they were pulled down. JoJo grabbed an icy stalactite, sticking with Hamon, only for Soul to use her free arm to cut it away as well as many others.
"We'll get the Red Stone, no matter! No Matter the Cost!"
"This crazy bitch has the worst tenacity- Oh My God!"
"T-There's nothing else we can do but this!"
Both of them aimed a punch right for the Saber, however they were slammed against the wall, pulling the blade appendages out of them, crossing her legs ready to strike them across the throat.
"And with the rebound I, Soul, shall-"
She stopped seeing JoJo using the Red Stone as a shield for the both of them. Soul's face twisting in sheer rage, stopping one Saber at the Red Stone, the other blade cut away at their legs barely missing. Only scratching their thighs.
"RRRGGHHH! ! ! !"
"Hehe! Can't destroy this now, or else we all lose, or in this case I WIN!"
"And for our next trick~!"
While they were focused on the Red Stone, neither of the Pillar Men noticed Pinkie linking all the stalactites like rope to the top. However they were still falling, and still couldn't reach the edge. Thankfully a savior named Caesar came by at the nick of time with the last stalactite.
"I'll be the missing link then!"
"This is the second time he's saved us from falling to death!"
"What timing too!"
Stroheim was astonished at the teamwork.
"I-I knew those two were strangely in synch, but you too!? How could such a team exist?!"
"Mama Mia! These two use the dumbest plans to get out of the worst situations, after knowing them this long it only came natural."
"Which means you've finally reached our level of silliness!"
"Wha-What!?"
"Nice, nice! Verrrry~ Nice our little Caesar!" "Nice, nice! Suuuuper~ Nice our little Caesar!"
As they laughed with victory in the air, their enemies were still falling below. Looking onto the oncoming ground, a bed of flowers awaiting them. However, Soul kicked the wall of the cliff causing the two to pinball around, hitting the ground hard. Yet they still were unscathed, as were the flowers. They cackled madly as she held her hand out and the Element fell from Pinkie's pocket into her hands.
"Mission Accomplished, Father. And as for the Red Stone."
"Hmph! We'll let it alone for now, they're quite interesting after all."
"Miss Luna, y-you're getting older! Really, really older!"
"This is nothing to Us, in the end We shall be victorious!"
"I. N. T. H. E. E. N. D. I. T. D. O. E. S. N. T. E. V. E. N. M. A. T. T. E. R."
"Keep this mockery up, and We'll smite you, We guarantee it!"
The screen-board lit up with Caesar leaping to finish off a burning Wham and Pinkie Pie's arm cut up horrendously, facing an equally wounded Tezla.