Blue's uneasiness grew steadily as the days passed. It was bad enough that she was barely talking to Yellow, but Pearl had been noticeably avoiding her as of late too, making flimsy excuses to escape any attempt at conversation. Without either of them, she gravitated towards Garnet and Amethyst, who had agreed to help her with some additional training. Amethyst, despite the instinctual reaction Blue still felt when addressed by a Quartz, was comfortable to talk to or, more often, just to listen to. Garnet, meanwhile, gave Blue more space to talk or to think without being alone, and she appreciated that too.

She alternated her training—Pearl's lessons in the morning and hand-to-hand combat with Garnet, Amethyst, or both in the afternoon. It wore her out, but being tired was better than giving herself time to dwell on the fact that she was little more than a burden to the Pearl she'd always looked up to.

It had only been about five days since her initial disagreement with Yellow and a few weeks since they'd arrived, but she wasn't sure how much longer she could do this. It wasn't anything like she'd hoped for all those years and here, lying on her back, breathless from being knocked to the ground, Blue felt like she wanted to cry. She didn't want to fail the Pearls she'd left behind or the broken ones she kept close. But even the renegade didn't think she had a chance of succeeding in her quietly-brewed rebellion, did she?

Just a Pearl hadn't felt quite so real in millennia.

"Let's take a break," Garnet said, helping Blue up from the ground.

She found herself on her feet without even registering that she was moving. "I can keep going," Blue said immediately. "It's still early."

"You look like you're about to poof," Amethyst countered. "Was I too rough?"

"No," she answered quickly. "I'm okay, really. I need to get stronger."

"You also need to chill." The Quartz took her by the shoulders and sat her down in the grass. "Take a day off or something. At least try to take a nap."

"I'm not sure how," Blue said. "And I don't need to rest, I need to train."

"Resting is part of training," Garnet said firmly as she joined them.

Blue didn't want to outright tell her she was wrong, so she stared down at her dirtied legs, drawing them in and poking her toes into the grass.

"You're doing great," Garnet said encouragingly.

"…I don't feel like I'm doing great," she murmured. "I feel like I should have just stayed on Homeworld."

"What? No!" Amethyst exclaimed. "You don't seriously want to go back to that, do you?"

"N-No, I don't," Blue whispered, eyes locked on her knees. "I'm just…not cut out for this. Even Pearl thinks so."

"That's not true! You've gotten way better already!"

"And Pearl doesn't think that," Garnet added. "You two need to talk."

"I'm pretty sure she's avoiding me," Blue said in a small voice, forcing a smile.

"I know."

Somehow, it stung more to have it confirmed. "…Why? Did I do something?"

Garnet lifted her hand and tilted it back and forth in a so-so motion. "She's just overwhelmed."

"By me?"

"By the way you treat her."

Blue sighed, dropping her head to her knees. "So Yellow was right, then." She closed her eyes. "What should I do?"

Garnet placed a hand lightly on her shoulder. "You want some advice?"

"Please."

"You don't need to try so hard."

"Yeah, you don't have to impress her," Amethyst said with a shrug. "Pearl is Pearl. As long as you don't do anything crazy, I think it would be pretty hard for you to get on her bad side. She's only freaking out cuz you're…well, you're kinda treating her like she's not a real gem."

"What?" She jerked her head up. "That's not—"

"You're putting her on a pedestal," Garnet said in a calming voice. "Respect is one thing, but you're never going to be able to communicate if you're always holding her to such a high standard. She feels like she can't be herself, only your vision of her."

Blue's breath stuttered, and she nodded quickly. "Oh," she mumbled. "That…makes sense. I guess I wouldn't like that very much either." She lifted her head a little to look at Garnet, the question in her eyes answered before she could voice it.

"Walk out that way and you'll find her," Garnet said with a smile, pointing.

"Thank you," she said gratefully, getting to her feet. "I'll—I'll make things right."

"I know."

"Pearl?" Blue asked hesitantly from a few yards away.

Pearl, seated beside a tree stump surrounded by green grass and tiny flowers, looked up and saw her. "Oh, Blue, I didn't expect you."

"Sorry. Garnet said you'd be here." She took a few small steps forward. "May I join you?"

Pearl nodded, smiling politely as she patted the space beside her.

"Thank you." Blue walked over, settling down about a foot away for her own comfort. "Um, it's a beautiful view."

"Rose always loved it," she agreed with a small, wistful smile. She touched the tree trunk lightly. "Is there something I can do for you?"

She tugged nervously on the trim of her shirt, briefly remembering her old skirt and how it never used to feel quite this unnatural to fidget with it. "I wanted to talk…"

Pearl nodded, waiting.

"I wanted to apologize," she corrected herself, unable to make eye contact. "I think I've been making you uncomfortable, and I'm sorry."

"What? No—well, I mean, you have, but—" Pearl floundered a bit, hands making nervous gestures in the air.

Blue risked a small glance at her and then curled in on herself, arms locking tightly around her legs. "I'm sorry," she said again.

"You really don't have to—"

"I've looked up to you for practically my entire life. I've told stories about you for thousands of years. I spent every single day trying to have even an ounce of your courage." Her vision was even blurrier than usual, and she forced away the tears she didn't want. She wanted to get through this without embarrassing herself any further. "I can't even believe I was really lucky enough to meet you. That I'm here, that you're real."

"That's a good thing?" Pearl asked in a subdued voice. "That I'm not just a story?"

"What?" She looked up in shock. "Of course it is, you're so much more, you're—you're alive, and you're great, more than I expected even." Blue stopped herself, looking conflicted. "And I'm making you uncomfortable again." She bit her lip.

"Blue—"

Words spilled from her mouth in some vague, urgent attempt at an explanation. "I'm not saying I think you're perfect, and I'm not saying you need to be, I just—I've been trying so hard to be like you. And I know I haven't been myself, like she said—I don't know how to talk to you and I overdo things in training… I was just so scared that I wasn't enough." She laughed weakly, eyes burning. "But it's just making everything worse, Yellow hasn't spoken to me in days and I was awful to her and I was awful to you without even realizing and it's miserable. I don't know what to do anymore and I keep messing things up…" She covered her face with her hands, stifling a sob. "I don't want you to hate me. Please don't hate me."

"Oh," Pearl said softly, moving closer. "Please don't think that." Her hand fell lightly on Blue's back. "I don't hate you. Of course I don't hate you."

Her whole body trembled with her crying and she wanted it to stop, didn't want to fall apart in front of Pearl.

"I don't," she repeated, and her arms slowly found their way around Blue, hand tangling gently in her hair and bringing the crying Pearl to rest just next to the star on her chest, chin tucked on top of her head. "I'm sorry if it felt that way. I just—I'm not used to people looking up to me, not like that."

"I'm sorry," Blue sobbed. "I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have to deal with all this, I should go—"

"It's alright." Pearl held her tightly. "Stay." There was something motherly in her voice, a similar tone to what she used with Steven, and Blue would have laughed if she were able to through the tears.

Her hands found their way to Pearl's sash, and she tangled her fingers in it securely, trying to ground herself.

And Pearl, awkwardly steady and soothing, let her cry, thousands of years of something that had been bottled up inside of her spilling out.

"I'm so proud of you," Pearl whispered against her hair. "You've done so much. Please don't ever be ashamed of it, or of this."

Blue gasped raggedly against her and her fingers tightened. "Th-Thank you," she whispered brokenly. "I…" She couldn't find the words, but Pearl waited patiently, still holding her close. "I spent so many years just…passing a message along, and I thought that would be my whole life. And I was so, so happy that it wasn't, that I actually got to meet you in person." Blue shrank in on herself. "And I didn't want to disappoint you."

"Blue," she said kindly, making her lift her head, "you are one of the bravest gems I have ever met. And I'm honored to have been a part of your story, but you are the one who made it here, who decided to lead a rebellion. I would love to be a part of that with you, as a friend and as a Crystal Gem, but you don't need my approval. You made your own way, and you should be proud of that."

She stared back at Pearl with wide eyes, warmth flooding to her face. "Really?" she stammered.

"Really."

Blue shuddered, and something on her shoulders seemed to lift. She let go of Pearl and swiped the tears off her cheeks. "Thank you," she murmured. "I think I needed that."

Pearl smiled and reached out to smooth down her mussed hair, fixing it and sliding the clip back into place. "You're welcome."

"C-Can we start over then? As friends?"

"Of course."

Blue gave her a small, tentative smile. "Okay."

Pearl returned it, then hugged her once more, briefly. "You're really not the disaster you made yourself out to be. After being treated like an object for thousands of years, you're entitled to a few mistakes."

"Thanks," she said gratefully.

"Alright," Pearl said, redirecting the conversation inelegantly. "Since we've gotten all that out of the way, why don't we take a walk? That always helps me clear my head."

"That sounds great." She stood up, dusting off her legs.

Pearl looked relieved. "Wonderful. There's a nice path over here." She led Blue over to the fields and trees to their left.

"I guess I have one apology out of the way at least," Blue sighed as they began walking, rubbing at her eyes.

"Yellow?" Pearl asked knowingly.

She nodded wearily. "I said some things I shouldn't have, though she did too."

"About this?"

"Mostly." She brushed the tips of her fingers over her gem, and then shook her head to dismiss her thoughts. "So you do this often?" she asked.

"Take walks?" Pearl smiled. "When time allows. Rose and I liked to explore together, before, so it helps me feel close to her. The others come along sometimes too."

"I was never sure," she began hesitantly, "whether you two were…equals? I only saw you the once, and the reports lacked any details that were deemed irrelevant."

"We were," she replied. "Or we tried to be, amongst all of Homeworld's stigma against such things. It got easier with time."

"Does it?" Blue mused to herself.

Pearl didn't respond, just kept her steps even with Blue's.

"I got used to being alone," she said quietly. "Because I was supposed to be, and because it was safer for everyone that way."

"I thought you and Yellow—"

"We're little more than strangers," she said, a note of bitter sadness in her voice. "She used to be scared of me. Probably still is, actually." Her throat felt tight. "But she's the first Pearl to…to dream with me. She's not perfect by any means, but she makes me feel like…I don't know, she just believed in me, in what I did, and she thought it mattered. The other Pearls listened, but she talked back. She didn't leave."

"I don't think that sounds like 'strangers'," Pearl said softly when she was sure Blue had finished speaking.

"Maybe not." Blue tilted her head back to look at the sky. "I don't know what to call it." She turned her head slightly towards Pearl. "What did you call Rose Quartz?"

"I'm not sure we ever found a label that fit," she replied. "Not on Homeworld or on Earth. Rose always insisted relationships shouldn't be categorized—they're organic, they grow and develop over time." Pearl shrugged sheepishly. "I wasn't always satisfied with that, but I didn't know how to name it either. She was just 'Rose'. That in itself was amazing enough."

"Oh. I…I like that. The not-categorizing part. I'm sick of being categorized."

"It does get to be rather tiring at times."

She glanced sideways, flashing a tentative smile. "I stood next to Blue Diamond for centuries and I swear the hardest thing I've ever done is keep from laughing when she praised me for being the most well-behaved Pearl on the planet."

Pearl smiled. "You must have played your part very well."

"I had to," she replied flatly, rolling her eyes. "Stars, I hated her. Gem-forsaken fool."

A small snicker escaped Pearl's mouth.

"What?" Blue asked, flustered.

"You're different when you're not trying to flatter me. Please, speak freely," she added when Blue opened her mouth to apologize. "It's refreshing, being around other Pearls after so long."

"If you want someone to insult the Diamonds with, Yellow's more creative than me. She's just a bit skittish; she's still new to the idea."

"She's rather remarkable, going to such lengths for something she just learned of."

"Yeah," Blue said with a faint smile. "She is. I should…I should talk to her. That's what's best, isn't it?"

"Probably."

"I will, then." She touched her gem lightly. "You're right, she isn't a stranger. I shouldn't have said that. She's important to me."

Pearl nodded, letting Blue take the lead for a little while. The other Pearl darted forward sporadically, attention caught by one thing or another, with a sort of wonder she had long since outgrown but remembered fondly.

Blue couldn't quite place everything Earth made her feel, but she knew she liked it. Things were alive here, and so was she, however difficult it could be. Mistakes didn't get you shattered, you could speak your mind, and it didn't matter what kind of gem you were. Crystal Gem was enough.

It was only later, when the two of them had circled back and were headed home that Blue spoke up again. She was overflowing with questions, both big and small, now that she finally felt like she could speak freely, and she hardly knew where to begin.

"Pearl?"

"Yes?"

She chewed at her lip, finally working up the courage to ask about the most important thing, the one that had been on her mind since they'd settled in on Earth. "…I have a question."

"I'll answer as best I can."

Blue hesitated, clasping her hands in front of her chest and then separating them when she realized she had slipped back into her court habits. "I read that humans have particular customs they follow when someone dies?"

"Ah, yes, they do. Why do you ask?"

"I-I was wondering if…if there were designated places for such rituals?"

"I'm not sure I follow, but yes, there generally are. Why?"

"Oh! Oh dear, that was strange to ask, wasn't it? I just didn't want you to react badly…" Blue pressed one palm over her gem. "There are—I have—I wanted to bury them properly. Some of the Pearls who didn't make it."

"You brought them with you?" Pearl asked in surprise.

She nodded. "I didn't want Homeworld to have them."

"That's—That's very noble of you, if unorthodox. How did you…?"

"In here," she said, tapping her fingers lightly over her gem.

Pearl recoiled immediately, horror spreading across her face as she came to a complete halt. "Inside you?"

Blue flinched. "Yes?"

"You at least bubbled them, right?"

"No, I don't know how to do that."

"Take them out right now," Pearl said. "Please."

She did so, quickly pulling out the small box of remains.

"Is that all of them?" Pearl demanded, barely looking at the contents as she lifted it out of Blue's hands.

"Yes."

"You're absolutely sure?"

"Yes, I am, but—" She stared as a pale bubble enveloped the box in Pearl's hands. "Why?"

"Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?" Pearl asked, eyes flicking back and forth between the bubble and Blue's gem. "Can I—Would it bother you if I sent this to the temple for safekeeping?"

Her initial reaction was to say yes, but she knew she could trust Pearl—and the others—with them for a little while. "Go ahead."

Pearl tapped the bubble, sending it back to the temple. "Blue, look at me," she insisted, taking her by the shoulders. "How long did you have those in there?"

"I-I don't know. I started taking them about…three thousand years ago? I saved them whenever I was able; it wasn't all at once."

"Blue."

"I don't understand. Why are you upset?"

"Because it's a miracle you haven't corrupted yourself by now!"

"Corrupted?"

"Your gem isn't meant to store other gems," Pearl told her, eyes blown wide with fear. "Not long term, and certainly not unprotected shards like that. I accidentally put an active gem artifact in mine once, and just that was enough to make me ill—you've been doing it for thousands of years, who knows what kind of damage that can do!"

Blue stared down at her chest, feeling sick. "I had no idea," she whispered. "Is it…Will I get corrupted? Did it do something to me?" She lifted shaky hands to cover herself.

"Oh, stars, I wasn't trying to scare you," Pearl said, placing a hand gently over Blue's. "If nothing's happened by now, I'm sure you're fine. All the same, it's probably best not to tempt fate."

"I won't. I won't do it again. Oh my stars." She hid her face in her hands. "I feel so silly, of course that's unnatural…"

"It's alright," Pearl said soothingly. "It's alright, you were just doing what you could." She waited patiently until Blue looked up again, still pale. "In answer to your previous inquiries, yes, I can help you find somewhere to bury them."

"Thank you," she said with a small smile.

"And just to be safe, I'm going to take you by Rose's fountain and make sure your gem doesn't need healing. Is that alright?"

"Definitely." She let Pearl lead the way, her legs trembling. There had always been certain constants in her life after she learned of the rebellion. She told the other Pearls about the renegade, she listened and remembered whatever she heard in the courts, she behaved well at all times for her own safety, and she rescued the remains of her sisters when she could. Those facets, which she'd chosen for herself, made up her existence; they were the foundations on which she built her way of self-preservation in a perilous world. There was enough danger on the outside; she had never expected that she was hurting herself with her actions.

What exactly had it done to her?

Blue hurried after Pearl, anxious to get to their destination. It made her feel empty, not having the remains there, but the thought of having them there again made her feel sick.

There are so many things no one ever tells Pearls on Homeworld.

"I'm sorry I scared you," Pearl apologized again, helping Blue into the fountain. "There's no way you could have known the danger of it."

"I should have though. And it's fine, I'm glad I know now." Blue sank in up to her neck, tips of her hair dampening as they grazed the water. "Mm, this feels nice."

"It does," Pearl said with a small smile, dipping her fingers into the fountain and then lifting them to her forehead. "Is it helping?"

Blue took a moment to consider the question. "Not really," she said apologetically. Her eyes drifted between the water, Pearl, and the beautiful plants all around them. "I mean, it's doing something for my vision, at least. That's always tended to come and go, and this is definitely pushing it towards the better end of the spectrum. But…"

"It's not really fixing anything," Pearl finished. "I'm sorry. It was worth trying."

She nodded gratefully, stepping out of the water and letting the remaining droplets on her dry in the sunlight as she perched next to Pearl on the edge. "Thank you for bringing me."

"You're welcome."

"May I ask you something?"

"I believe this is the part where I'm supposed to point out that you just did."

Blue blinked, taking a moment to process before she chuckled, hiding her smile behind her fingers. "I guess I did. Anyway, the question was: How did you meet Rose Quartz?"

Pearl laughed, shaking her head. "That's a long story, and I'm probably going to end up crying if I tell it."

"Well, I already cried all over you, so it'll even things out," she returned lightly. "It's okay if you don't want to though."

"Maybe another time," she agreed amiably. "I'm sure Yellow will be interested too, and I daresay it may be time to tell Steven as well. Might as well do it all at once."

"That makes sense." Blue kicked her feet lightly against the stone, thinking. "You know, if it is damaging…"

"Oh, please don't get paranoid about it, I didn't mean—"

"No, no, I won't. But if it is—and it definitely makes sense that it's why my eyes are messed up—maybe that's also why I'm not as strong as you and Yellow?"

"The difference is negligible, considering your skill with weaponry, but I do see what you're saying."

She blushed deeply. "Um, thank you. But it still seems odd, when we're all Pearls…"

"Yes, I suppose it's possible," Pearl said thoughtfully. "Some kind of slow decline, perhaps."

"It's strange," Blue murmured, looking down at herself. "I never felt anything."

"Well, they weren't hostile," she replied. "I'm sure they could have done much worse."

"You think they knew I was trying to help?"

"I wouldn't go so far as to say that," Pearl said. "I think that if any semblance of consciousness still existed there, they would have known one of their own kind. And a fellow Pearl is never the enemy."

"Ah. I hope that was the case then." She dragged her fingers over the smooth edge of the fountain. "I'll try and be more careful from now on."

"Good," Pearl replied, raising her eyebrow. "Does that mean you'll also agree to a less drastic training schedule?"

Blue laughed, embarrassed. "Yeah."

"Excellent." Pearl stood up. "Don't expect me to go easy on you, though. You're still plenty capable of six to eight hours' worth of practice daily, and I'm determined to try to have you summoning before we pay Homeworld a visit."

"'We'?"

"I'm the original renegade, aren't I? Someone has to show you how it's done."

She stood and took a quick step forward, smiling widely as she clasped Pearl's hand for a brief moment. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she replied with a smile. "Now come along. You need to rest for the evening, but I'd like to show you some of the other weapons I have in my collection. We'll change up practice a bit tomorrow."

"I can try something other than my sword?"

"You don't have to sound so excited."

"Can I try two swords?"

"Sometimes you bear an uncanny resemblance to me at the beginning of the rebellion."

"Is that a yes?"

"Why not?"