Burn
Fire. That's all he felt. A fire that spread all over his skin and boiled his insides. Blood-curling screams kept escaping his mouth only being stopped by blood-filled coughs. He was pretty sure he was going to explode from the pain. He tried to open his eyes, but the lights were blinding him. He closed them again.
Trying to fight the pain, he screamed her name. His ears were filled with a deafening sound and he couldn't perceive anything. He called for her again. And again. And again. And again. He could taste the metal in his mouth, but he kept calling her name. Again. And again. And again. Until the pain became unbearable and he couldn't fight it anymore, giving in to the darkness.
"Bellamy, we have to go!" Raven's voice was full of despair. Clarke kept pleading him to leave as did his friends. His hand hovered shakily over the button that closed the door, but something held him back. He wanted to scream them to stop talking. He needed to think. He needed to be the head, but his heart kept stopping him from doing so.
"BELLAMY!" Monty screamed, pulling him back and pressing the button himself. The doors started to close and all that flashed through his mind was Clarke.
Clarke telling him not to open the Dropship's door because the air could be toxic. Clarke almost falling into that pit. Clarke saving him from Dax. Clarke running to his arms in Arkadia. Clarke almost drinking from the poisonous cup. Clarke leaving after Mount Weather. Clarke kidnapped by Roan. Clarke deciding to stay in Polis. Clarke holding his hand when taking the chip. Clarke leaving the bunker by his side. Clarke in Becca's lab telling him how much he meant for her.
Without a second thought, Bellamy jumped from the rocket. He turned and briefly watched his friend's shocked faces before the door closed. He waved them goodbye, a sad smile on his face, before taking a deep breath and turning to ran out of the lab.
She was going to scream at him. She was going to scream so bad. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't be the head. He was the heart. That's what he was and what he was meant to be.
He could hear his heavy breathing as the trees flew past him. Where was she?
"Clarke!" He called as the tower came into view and he saw her running in his direction. She hesitated for a second.
"What the hell, Bellamy?" She shouted. Their bodies almost collided as they reached each other and held her arms.
"I can't leave you alone. Not again." Bellamy stated. "I promised you we would survive this together." He watched as the anger left her eyes and was replaced by hope.
"We have to get inside," Clarke mumbled. He nodded and grabbed his hand, pulling her through the woods towards Becca's mansion. Despite their best efforts, the duo didn't manage to outrun the wave and Bellamy started to feel his skin burn due to the radiation.
They crashed through the door and Bellamy closed it behind them. He pulled his gloves off and looked at his hands, feeling sick to his stomach. "Clarke?" He called, turning around to see the girl lying on the floor. Bellamy ran to her and pulled off her helmet, taking in her burned face. "Clarke? What do I do? What can I do? Clarke?" He got no answer and looked around, trying to push past the pain.
A few medicine bottles grabbed his attention and he walked to the desk to grab them. As Bellamy went back to Clarke, his knees gave out and he fell next to her. His vision became blurry and he battled to read the labels. Eventually, it became too much to him and he lay next to his friend.
This was the end. He was going to die. He was never going to see Octavia again or Monty or Raven. He was never going to be free or happy. He was never going to kiss Clarke or tell her how much he loved her. He was never going to argue with her about his feeling, how it didn't matter the odds were always against them, how they were meant to be. All he had was this moment.
He painfully moved his hand towards hers and held it. His eyes fluttered close and he just lay there, waiting for death to take him while listening to Clarke's weak breathing.
He heard his name being called from a distance, but he refused to look just yet. He wasn't ready to face death. They were old friends and he knew, sooner or later, his time would come, but somehow he had this wishful thinking that he would be able to do so much more. He wondered if his mother was there to welcome him in the afterlife.
"Bellamy?" The voice seemed closed this time and it sounded like heaven to him. "Please wake up, Bellamy." He knew that voice and it wasn't his mother's. Was Clarke waiting for him? Had she died with him on the lab's cold floor? Oh, what a way to go. After everything they had gone through, having been defeated by the radiation sounded so little poetic. Bellamy could only imagine what Octavia would think. Dead because he was a stubborn ass. Well, in his defense, Clarke had been more stubborn than him.
Bellamy forced himself to open his eyes and met Clarke's blue orbs. She smiled at him and he took in her scarred face.
"What happened?" He asked with a hoarse voice.
"We were it by the radiation and hard. You were in a pretty bad shape for a few weeks." He took a sharp intake of breath. Weeks?
"How did...?" Bellamy didn't finish his sentence, but she understood him. How did they survive? How were they alive?
"Night-blood. I woke up a couple of hours later after we came into the lab. You were screaming in pain and I got desperate. I-" She hesitated. "I thought you were too far gone. I thought I couldn't save you." Her voice was shaking and weak.
"Clarke, what did you do?"
"I- I improvised. I gave you a transfusion of my blood." Bellamy looked around and noticed the tube still attached to his arm, blood coming through it. Clarke's blood.
"How long have I really been out?" He asked taking in his deeply burned skin, all red and raw.
"About two weeks." His eyes snapped back to him.
"Raven and the others?" She shook his head. "Octavia?"
"The signal is down. I can't reach anyone." Clarke explained and he felt his heart stop. What if they didn't survive the wave? What if his sister was dead? What if the rocket never reached the Ark? "We can't risk opening the door, the air is too toxic. Hell, we can't even risk going outside!" She ran her fingers through her hair and averted her eyes.
There was uncertainty in the air. The others could be alive and they would just have to survive a few years on their own. Or, they could be dead and they would be the last living beings on the planet. No matter what the outcome was, the truth was that they were alone. They were utterly and completely alone.
Bellamy started to panic. It was just the first time since they met that it was just the two of them. No Finn, no Lexa, no Gina, no delinquents, no Grounders, no drama, no responsibilities. Just Bellamy and Clarke against... nothing. What were they supposed to do? What if they couldn't get out of the lab and they ended up fighting like old times? What if she realized she couldn't stand him?
"I'm feeling dizzy." He stated, closing his eyes. All this anxiety was taking a toll on his already confused mind.
"You should rest," Clarke advised, adjusting his sheet. It was when he understood that he was naked. Feeling the blood rush to his cheeks, he adverted his eyes and tried to adjust under the covers. "Are you blushing?" Her smile grew wider with the lack of response. "Oh my. I made the big and scary Bellamy Blake blush. What would your subjects say?" He gave her an annoyed look and Clarke raised her hands in surrender. "Hey, I'm not the one behaving like a teenage girl."
"Clarke Griffin, I swear to god-"
"What? You can't even get out of that bed," She got up, a smile still plastered on her face, and started to organize the medicine in desk. "And it's not like you have something very impressive down there." His jaw fell and he stared at her dumbfounded.
"What- Are you-" Clarke chuckled at his shock, but Bellamy noticed she hadn't turn back to him. "You're lying," He stated with a smirk and let his head fall back into the pillow.
"You should rest," She turned back, holding a pill in her hand, her cheeks flushed. Ah!
"Trying to ditch me?" He asked with a smirk, making her roll her eyes.
"You obviously suffered some brain damage. Just rest and come back to your normal self." He eyed the medicine with wariness. "I'm serious, Bellamy. Take the pill and get some sleep. You're still too weak." Deciding that she knew what she was doing, Bellamy did as he was told. Soon, everything went dark and he felt into a dreamless sleep.
Clarke had him on bed rest for almost another week. They kept their playful banter and Bellamy found out his new favorite hobby was making Clarke blush. When he finally felt strong enough to get up, she handed some clothes she found lost in the lab and got out of the room to give him some privacy. Bellamy bit his tongue to hold back a flirtatious remark. If he pissed her, she could revoke his discharge and force him on bed rest again.
After putting on some boxers and pants, he got up and walked in front of the mirror. What he saw shook him to his core. He could see the scars in Clarke's face and knew he should as marked as her, but one thing was wondering, another was facing the truth. His face and body were covered in burn scars, ten-times worse than Clarke's, part of his hair were missing and he had lost a big part of his lean muscles due to the weeks he spent in bad, barely being able to drink, let alone eat.
"Hey, are you decent?" He heard Clarke ask and cleared his throat, but no sound came off. "Bellamy?" He tried again. "I'm coming in." Bellamy heard the door open, the steps approaching, but he couldn't take his eyes from his appearance. How the hell could he keep flirting with Clarke looking like that? "What are you- Oh," Clarke's worried face appeared in the mirror. "Bellamy-"
"Why didn't you told me?" His voice was finally back and he felt the anger bubble in his chest. "Why didn't you tell me what I look like?"
Clarke shook her head. "Because it doesn't matter. Look, my scars are almost fading. Yours will be too," Bellamy gave her stern glance through the mirror. "You didn't have the night-blood when the radiation it, so your scars are more severe. It might take a while longer. But look," She reached for his hair and he moved his head away. "your hair his growing back! We can shave it all and it'll grow evenly."
"I look like a monster," He said, his voice breaking under the stress. Seeing his appearance finally made him realize the hard truth: he could've died. If Clarke hadn't been so quick to help him, he could be gone. She would've been all alone and he wouldn't be able to do anything to protect her.
"No, you do not." Clarke took a step forward and reached for him. Her hands snaked around his waist and came to rest on his abdomen. Her touch was soft, like a small breeze, but it made his heart start to beat wildly on his chest. Clarke gave him a soft kiss on his back, making him flutter his eyes closed, and then let her cheek rest against his skin. "You're a survivor, Bellamy Blake. You almost gave your life to save me. You never looked more gorgeous to me."
He hesitated, months of bottled up feelings stuck on his throat, before whispering, "It's not the first time." And it was the raw, simple truth. It wasn't the first time he almost traded his life for Clarke, but he would do it again without thinking twice.
"I know," He felt her lips move against him, making him close his eyes and almost moan at the sensation. "but this time feels different."
A couple of days later, Bellamy finally allowed Clarke to shave his head. He almost wept when he saw what remained of his thick, brown curls fall into the floor. He had never been a vain man, but he took pride in his appearance. He knew girls would stare when he walked by, even when he was just a low life janitor. It gave him the confidence to walk around with his head held high.
Clarke took in his sad expression in the mirror and sighed. For a moment she stared at his crestfallen head, before reaching for the scissors and taking them to her hair. "What are you doing?" He asked, turning back.
"It's just hair, Bellamy. It'll grow back." And cut a large chunk of her own hair. Bellamy watched in shock as she kept chopping her hair off, letting the gold strands fall to the floor. Finally, she put the scissors down and combed her hair with her fingers. "See? We'll race it. I bet your hair will grow faster than mine." He took in her short hair, that reached just above her shoulders and felt like crying.
Not that she looked ugly. Clarke Griffin was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and nothing, not even if she had a bald head, would change his mind. What brought tears to his eyes was how far she was willing to go to make sure he was okay. Even when he was just the whatever-the-hell-we-want-guy and she was the stuck up princess, Clarke was always trying to make sure he was alright.
They had come a long way from the time he had decided to chop her hand off to take out her bracelet and he wouldn't change anything. Even with all the scars, sacrifice and pain that had filled their lives after they reached the ground, Bellamy wouldn't trade it for a peaceful existence in the Ring. For almost sixteen years, Octavia had been his world. He breathed, ate and walked for her. But, somehow, that place had been filled by Clarke. Not he didn't love his sister, but his love for Clarke had consumed his soul.
Bellamy placed his hands on her waist and pulled her to him. For a split second, he had expected her to push him away and storm out of the small bathroom, but Clarke allowed to pull her to him, setting on his lap and straddling his hips. Her hands found their place on his chest, where his heart was beating wildly, and on of his hands cupped her face.
"How did we get here?" She asked. He searched her blue orbs for any sign of doubt but found nothing but a sparkle of hope. He shrugged. Where there any words left to say between them? "The head and the heart," She whispered, their lips dangerously close to each other. Bellamy smiled. Well, that was one motto he would gladly take.
"The head and the heart," He muttered back, finally capturing her lips in a kiss filled with desire and love. On that day, sitting on that small bathroom, with the woman of his life in his arms, Bellamy decided that he would willingly burn if that meant he could kiss Clarke Griffin every day.
They stared at the debris of what was once TonDC. They had been expecting damage when they reached the town but never expected to find it completely destroyed. The tall tower that was the home of so many commanders had crashed down and its remains could be seen scattered around the floor.
"The bunker," Clarke whispered before started running with Bellamy right behind her. When they reached what was supposed to be the bunker's entrance they found large rocks on top of it. She tried to pull and he joined her without questioning it. After a couple of minutes of hard work, he stopped and grabbed her arm.
"There is no use, Clarke. We can't take them out alone," She stared at him confused. "Look, the radiation levels are still too high outside. They wouldn't be able to survive anyway. We can come back with a better plan."
"You're right. We should-" Her words got as lost as they looked around.
After months of lockdown, they finally decided to get out of the lab and faced miles and miles of desert. Hoping to find any food near the bunker, the had managed to get a rover working and started driving in the direction of TonDC. It was now obvious they would be able to salvage anything from the debris and still left them with the no food problem. They hadn't seen an animal or plant on their way there, so going back was out of the question.
"We still have some gas left. Let's drive around to see if we find anything," He suggested and she nodded, feeling completely lost.
When the rover finally broke them, Bellamy started to panic. There was nothing but sand for miles and he was unsure how to get back to TonDC. However, that was also a shot in the dark. They had no food and just a bottle of water for each of them. What the hell were they supposed to do?
"Let's just walk," She said and got off the rover. He watched her back and was tempted to ask her where were they supposed to go, but noticed by her tone that question was better left in his head.
Hours later, Clarke's legs gave out and she let herself fall to her knees. He turned back and offered his hand, which she slapped way. "It's no use. We're doomed."
"Don't say that, Clarke. We're still here," He said, giving her a small smile, hoping it would get back on her feet. But Clarke just started to laugh hysterically, scaring him.
"Look around, Bellamy," She shouted, throwing her arms out. "We're in a fucking desert! There is nothing left. No water, no food, no animals, no other people! We're going to die!" Her words had the cruel reality attached to them, but Bellamy refused to believe them.
"We're not going to die! We've fought too much to end up like this! Let's keep going!" He tried to grab her arm, but she pulled it out his reach.
"It's over, Bellamy. If wanted to live, you should have stayed on that rocket!" Bellamy took a step back, his words hitting him like a ton of bricks. In the last months, he and Clarke had lived in a bubble and reality came barging it. Taking in his hurt expression, Clarke sighed, the tears running down her dirty face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" She ran a hand through her hair and wiped the tears away. "Death by starvation and thirsty is long and excruciating. We should just get it over with," Bellamy watched in silent panic as she reached for the gun on the holster, turning the safety off and placing it on her head.
"Clarke, please," He begged, but still unable to move forward to stop her.
"I'm so sorry, Bellamy. I'm sorry for everything. I need you too know that." Her hands were shaking and Bellamy considered jumping forward to fetch the gun from her, but Clarke started sobbing, let herself fall to her knees again and taking the gun from her head. "I can't do it. I can't do it," He let himself fall in front of her, pulling her to his arms and letting himself cry too.
After a while, he pulled back and looked into her eyes. "I'll do it. If that's what you want, I'll do it," She stared at him in shock. "I can't let you go suffering. If you say this is the best way, I'll do it," He pricked the gun from her grip and stared at it. "I'll carry it so you don't have to."
"I thought we were over that," She said, between tears, and he gave a dry chuckle. They stood in silence for a moment, Bellamy staring at the weapon in his hands and Clarke trying to read his expression.
"This is how we end, uh?" He looked at the sky, trying to control the tears that were threatening to escape. "We survived that stupid radiation wave to end like this. It's ridiculous."
"Bellamy-" She started, but he shook his head.
"I have so much to say to you. So much I need you to know," Bellamy finally moved his eyes to her. "I love you, Clarke. You're my entire world. You have been for a while. I-" Clarke crashed her lips into his, silencing his confession.
It was the first time one of them had said the words out loud. Even after spending months in the bunker, alone, splitting their time between getting to know each other better and making love, neither of them had confessed their feelings. It was there, unspoken, but present in every kiss, whispered secret, long embrace, and honest look. She didn't need to hear it. She already knew.
"I love you too," Clarke mumbled against his lips. He lifted the gun and placed it against her temper.
"Tell me it's okay. Tell me I'm not making a mistake," He begged, his voice wavering down and the weight of their decision crashing down on him. Clarke placed a soft hand on his cheek.
"You're forgiven." To the outside world, those words meant no more that it's meaning, but to them, it meant the start of everything. Bellamy hesitated, taking on last moment to memorize her freckled face, how her rosy lips were slightly twisted down at the edges and her eyes had a splash of green into them. Taking a deep breath, he adjusting his posture and pressed his lips against her forehead.
Suddenly, a melodic chirp called their attention and they both turned to face a little bird. "It's a bird. It's a bird!" Their screams scared the animal, which started to fly away. They hurried up and climbed the dune, a green, extensive valley blinding their eyes.
"Are we ever going to talk about it?" He asked, eyeing her carefully. Clarke looked up from the water.
"Should we?" Bellamy shrugged.
"I almost killed you," Clarke smiled at him, crawling along the stream to him. Bellamy was lying down, enjoying the cold water on his skin, while she was trying to wash the dirt from her skin.
"So, what's new?" She started to kiss his neck and jawline but noticed his look. Sighing, she sat up, straddling his hips. "We were at a dead-end and things got crazy."
"Things?" He quirked his eyebrow, not holding back a smile. Clarke on top of him always made him smile.
"Well, I got crazy," She leaned back down and pressed a kiss on his lips. "I'm sorry I did that to you," His hands started roaming around her body.
"You're forgiven. The head and the heart, right?" Clarke nodded and started to move her hands down, towards his pants, when a branch snapping pulled them out of their bubble. The couple got up, grabbing their guns and looking around.
"There!" She said, pointing to a spot between the trees.
"Is that-"
"A child!" The young girl had her hair a complete mess on top of her head, her skin was covered in dirt, but her eyes were shining with curiosity and fear. "Come here. We're not gonna hurt you," Clarke took a tentative step forward, the child turned around and ran away from them.
"Now what?" Bellamy asked, staring at the place where the kid had been completely dumbfounded.
"Kid means parents. Parents mean other humans. Let's go!" Clarke took off running and Bellamy quickly followed her, wondering what the hell had they done to be the luckiest bastards on that damned planet.
Bellamy was running as fast as he could. He had been alone on their weekly trip to TonDC. When his sister failed to make contact or get out of the bunker, Clarke and he realized they were probably trapped inside and had no way out. So, they had decided to try to remove as much ruble as they could. That had been 11 months ago and still no progress. Their people were still trapped in the bunker, there was no signal from space and they were still alone.
Well, not has alone as they had been when it all started.
They had finally caught up to the kid, after a couple of days of searching, and managed to earn her trust. She had taken them to the village, where they found everyone had perished on Praimfaya, except the girl, who had night-blood. Clarke had bathed her, combed her hair and dressed her properly, while Bellamy took the bodies to the woods and buried them. Then, they had a language problem. Eventually, Clarke used her knowledge of Trig and opened a line of communication. The girl's name was Madi, her parents had kept her hidden from the Flamekeeper scouts and she was now alone. So, the couple decided to take her under their wing and raised the girl together for the last five years.
On that day, Clarke had decided to stay back with Madi to tend to their newly planted vegetable garden, while Bellamy went on another fruitless trip to TonDC. He was trying to move a rock when he saw the ship landing on the Valley's direction. He had immediately jumped on the rover and started to drive across the sand, but the vehicle had decided to break down midway and Bellamy had to run the miles that were separating him from his family.
He dodged trees, jumped over rocks, pushed branches away until he reached a clearing and faced four familiar faces.
"Bellamy?" Monty asked in surprise.
"Monty! Harper!" He exclaimed, hugging his friends. Behind them, Echo and Emori watched the reunion unsure of what to do with themselves.
"How- How are you alive?" Harper asked in disbelief.
"It's a long story! Was that your ship? Where is Raven? Murphy?" He looked around, out of breath, but still unable to take the smile off his face. The other four exchanged a worried look.
"That's not our ship, Bellamy," Monty finally said and proceeded to tell his friend about their adventure in space.
He retold how they had almost died when they reached the Ring, but Murphy saved them by managing to get the system back up. They had always thought Clarke and Bellamy had perished on Praimfaya and Raven assumed the role of their leaders. Eventually, the food ran out on space and Monty had managed to make algae. Just the name made Bellamy thank the gods for giving him the strength to stay back on Earth.
They had been trying to get back down for a while when they saw another ship on orbit and decided to approach them for help. When they got no answer, Murphy suggested they boarded it. That's when they learned that the ship contained only criminals, who mutinied and took over, killing the guards. Somewhere on cryogenic sleep, but others had gone down to Earth.
"Raven and Murphy stayed back. We were going to use them as bargaining ship," Monty handed him a mug. World Greatest Dad.
"What you are telling me is that a ship filled with hundreds of dangerous criminals just landed on this valley?"
"Yes," Monty answered. Taking not his friend worried expression, his smile wavered. "Is everything alright?" Bellamy opened his mouth to explain that was not alright, his family was out there and they were in danger when they heard footsteps approaching.
Everyone reached for their weapons, but what came out of the trees did not resemble a deranged serial killed.
"Bellamy!" Madi shouted, running towards and pulling a small boy behind her.
"Daddy! Daddy!" The other four exchanged a surprised look, while Bellamy dropped to his knees, embracing both children.
"Are you okay? Where is Clarke?" He asked, looking for any signs of wounds.
"They got her!" he stared at his adoptive daughter in disbelief, but her worried expression gave away the truth.
"It's okay. We're gonna get her back," He got up, turning back to his friends. "This is Madi and Jake, our children." He didn't have to explain who our was. Harper immediately recognized Clarke's suspicious look on the young boy. "I'll explain everything later. Just-Take care of him, please?"
"I swear on my life," Harper held out a hand for the boy to take. "Hi, I'm -"
"Aunty Harper!" Jake said in a cheerful tone that didn't match the situation. Harper let out a sob and nodded.
"Yes, sweetie. Aunty Harper. Will you stay with me while daddy goes get mummy?" The child looked over to his father, who gave him an encouraging nod. He then took Harper's hand.
"You'll need this," Monty handed him the mug. "Go, we'll keep him safe." With one last look to his child, Bellamy turned to follow Madi.
Five years of peace had been a blessing and Clarke's problem magnet would eventually start to work again. It did not matter to him that he was rushing to save Clarke again, this time with only one mug in his hand. He had promised her a long time ago he would stay by her side until the world burned down. He was keeping that promise.
Hello my dear friends,
Here it a sweet one-shot for you. It's what I imagine it could've happened if Bellamy had stayed on Earth with Clarke during Praimfaya. I hope you like it!
This was inspired by Ellie Goulding's song Burn.
Don't forget to review and read my other fanfictions.
Love, Jane