November started as cold and drizzly as October ended. Remus woke up already exhausted, his bones aching slightly, as if anticipating what was to come that night. He had to force himself out of bed, to get dressed, to go to class. The previous two moons had started on a weekend day, so he hadn't had to deal with this. In Charms class they were practicing the levitation spell again, on quills now which were a bit heavier than feathers. Remus folded his arms on his desk, rested his cheek against them, watching sleepily as Lily floated their quill above them.

"Your turn," she said when she brought it back down.

"Wingardium leviosa." The quill rose a good three feet above them. He brought it down then folded his arms once more, fighting against sleep.

In Herbology he dropped one of the small potted plants they were supposed to be working with but Sprout didn't snap at him or take points away. She frowned when he dropped it then glanced at the window, as if reminding herself what time of the month it was. During lunch he did fall asleep at the table after only eating a little bit, somehow sleeping through the noise of the Great Hall. Lily woke him up for Defense Against the Dark Arts.

He knew he was allowed to skip classes if he so desired, and he was very tempted to skip this one however he forced himself to go. As soon as he stepped through the door he felt Dedenne's eyes on him. She watched him walk over to his usual desk, brow furrowed but not with worry. He kept his head up, looking at the blackboard instead of the teacher. He could practically feel the distress rolling off of her. Actually, he could smell it.

"Today class we'll be learning the shielding charm," Dedenne said, finally tearing her gaze away from the werewolf sitting a few feet away from her with the full moon only hours away. "After a small test, of course." She passed out the papers while half the class groaned. Dedenne hesitated for a split second before sliding the paper onto Remus's desk. Does she expect me to turn if she gets too close? he thought as he got his quill ready. Does she think I'll snap and just attack her?

He realized with a twist of his stomach that yes, that was exactly what she was expecting.

After the test she moved the desks to get everyone lined up with their partners. She assigned them, this time putting Remus with Magpie instead of herself, announcing their names first so he'd be clear at the other end of the room. Aka: away from her. Remus just stared at his shoes as she listed everyone else off, feeling like she was pointing an accusing finger at him. He was sorta surprised she didn't just jump ahead of things and start teaching about werewolves. She might as well, with how she was acting.

"This side will be using the shield charm first," Dedenne said. "Watch my wand movement carefully and listen. Protego. Repeat after me, without the wand movement."

"Protego," the class chanted. Peter-next to Remus-mumbled something that sounded more like 'potato'.

"Good," she said. "Now practice the wand movement. Yours won't be strong enough to do much however if you try you might be able to protect against the sparks spell. That's what I want the other line to do when I say begin. All right, everyone ready? Let's go."

Remus brandished his wand. "Verdimillious!" he said while Magpie nervously jerked her wand as she said, "Protego!" It didn't work. The sparks landed against her, doing no damage whatsoever. Remus tried again and again, until she managed to make somewhat of a shield, preventing the sparks from touching her.

After about ten more minutes Dedenne had the lines switch. "Protego," Remus said, doing the correct wand movements but being too tired to focus. He wound up still unable to do it by the time class ended. Magpie looked surprised, but Remus just shrugged, feeling his energy depleting with each second.

"Class dismissed," Dedenne said as she carefully arranged the returned tests on her desk. "Oh, Mr. Lupin...?" Remus froze, waiting. Dedenne stared at him then lowered her gaze. "Never mind, you can go."

Remus felt so glad that Defense was the last class of the day. He wanted to go up to his dorm to sleep however sunset was only a couple hours away now, so he needed to go. As the Gryffindors began splitting off, Remus hesitated then said, "I'm not feeling too well, I-I think I'm going to go see Madame Pomfrey."

James and Peter both nodded while Sirius looked relieved. All three of them could see how not well he'd looked all day. Paler than normal, the shadows under his eyes darker, a sheen of sweat constantly appearing on his forehead. He had heard them at breakfast discussing how awful he looked, heard them whispering about how he shouldn't even be at classes when he looked ready to keel over. It hadn't been just them; Remus heard down the table Colgate asking Lily if Remus was all right.

Sirius was obviously glad Remus opted for the hospital wing. "We can take you."

"Th-that's okay," Remus said quickly. "Thanks though. I'll c-catch up with you at dinner."

"All right, see ya buddy," James said.

Once at the hospital wing, Pomfrey wrapped a cloak around him to disguise him for their adventure into the rain. They squelched across the grounds to the Whomping Willow, where Pomfrey threw rocks at the knot until one of them landed, and Remus was able to scramble into the passage by himself. He took the cloak off, shaking it out, then got his wand out, lighting it up to make his way down the tunnel.

()

It was a night of no transformation. He curled up naked under a blanket on the couch, listening to the rain pattering against the building, a few tears sliding across his cheeks. He was really cold, and shivered, tugging the blanket tighter around him, wishing he had a fire or something. He wanted to use the fireplace but didn't know if it would work properly. Winter's only going to be worse, he thought, wriggling a bit so he could wrap himself up even more. He considered just putting his clothes back on however in case he did transform he didn't want to destroy his uniform. Maybe I can figure out a spell to heat up this blanket...

He rolled over, his back to the room, trying to go to sleep. Once he managed it was only for a short period: nightmares pulled him under then shoved him out of sleep. He screamed and thrashed and fell off the couch, sobbing. "S-sorry, sorry, didn't mean to...!" He clutched the blanket, realizing he wasn't in his dorm. He hadn't woken anyone up. His apologies were meaningless.

The rain fell even heavier while wind battered against the house. He sat upright on the floor, shivering, hugging his knees, wishing he was back in his dorm. Safe. Warm.

Eventually he fell asleep only to wake up again with screams and sobs. It happened continually-a seemingly never ending loop of hell-until finally dawn came. He was even more exhausted than the day before as he trudged upstairs to get his clothes out of the wardrobe, eyeing the bed, debating whether or not to just curl up there. However, he was sitting on the couch when Pomfrey arrived.

"It was c-c-cloudy all night," he said when she came through the trapdoor. "Can I j-just stay here? I'm fine. I'll just sleep all day."

"You're eleven," she said, the same response as always. "Come on, you can get some sleep at the castle."

Remus did sleep a lot of the day. When he wasn't sleeping he ate the breakfast and lunch that Pomfrey brought him, as well as managed to do a little studying with the text book he had brought back with him. At about an hour and forty minutes before sunset, she took him back to the tunnel. There was a lot of wind today and no rain, though plenty of clouds; however with the wind blowing them he knew he wouldn't have another empty night.

Sure enough, shortly after the sun set the wolf took over, ripping through his body, bones popping, claws tearing, finally his human mind shrinking into oblivion.

()

On the fourth, Remus was brought back after his final transformation, all his wounds bandaged up. Pomfrey complained the entire way through the tunnel about Sirius and James trying to break into the hospital wing to see him the evening before, that she had to keep running them out. "They're troublemakers, those two," she sighed.

Remus slept most the morning then after lunch he tried to get out of bed so he could go to class. He had Potions. He should be there. But his body was too weak, his wounds still hurting. He managed to stand for a moment then collapsed back, flinching as he felt the gash on his thigh opening back up. He pushed down his pajama pants, peeled back the bandage, watching the blood seeping out. He should call for Pomfrey to get a new bandage but... it didn't matter. He'd heal. He pressed the gauze back, tugging up his pants, then drifted back into sleep.

()

After dinner in the hospital wing, Remus returned to his dorm. He didn't see anyone he knew on the way so he was able to get a shower and climb into bed in peace, until about half an hour after curfew when Sirius and James came in. Remus woke up at the noise then sat up, wiping his eyes, listening to them exclaiming over his return. They told Remus they had tried to see him multiple times but Pomfrey wouldn't let them and how unfair was that?

Then Sirius puffed his chest out, asking, "Do I look any different?"

Remus looked him up and down, wondering what he had done. "Erm... no?"

James snickered while Sirius deflated. "Oh. It was my birthday yesterday, I'm twelve now."

"Oh! Uh, h-happy b-belated birthday," Remus said, feeling rather bad he had missed it. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to give Sirius anything or not. Did friends do that sort of thing? Did James give him anything? Did Peter?

Sirius threw himself down onto Remus's bed next to him. "When's your birthday?"

"Er, March..."

"Really?" James sat down on Remus's other side, making him feel a bit penned in. "When? Mine's the twenty-seventh."

"The-the tenth," he answered and James gave a groan.

Sirius giggled. "Guess that makes you the baby."

James glowered at him. "Barely. Only by seventeen days."

Sirius laughed now, nudging Remus who flinched and grunted in pain. His side-which had been ripped up pretty bad-was still healing. Sirius apologized, and Remus (glad they couldn't smell the blood like he did) just shook his head, promising he was fine, then saying he was tired and if it was okay he'd like to go back to sleep. After both boys bounced to their feet, Remus paused, then got up as well to open his desk drawer. He pulled out his last bar of chocolate, giving it to Sirius.

"Happy birthday."

Sirius looked at the chocolate in surprise then took it, a smile spreading on his face. "Thanks, little buddy," Sirius said then he reached out, hand dropping on to the top of Remus's head. He rubbed rather furiously, messing up Remus's hair before he and James left.

Remus reached up, smoothing his hair back down, wishing he was able to ask Sirius what that meant. Messing his hair up. It hadn't seemed to be something... mean or teasing or anything. Just... it happened. Physical contact... he still felt uncomfortable with that. Like, they would know if they touched him as if the knowledge of what he was could seep out of his skin into them.

He curled up back under his covers, drifting in and out of nightmares.

()

Charms, Herbology, and Defense on Friday, the same as Monday. He was still a little tired but got through them better than he had at the beginning of the week and when they practiced the shield charm in Defense he was able to get it right every time. During lunch Lily gave him all their homework assignments from the week so after Defense he spent the rest of the afternoon in the library, working hard to catch up. On Saturday morning he went to the Potions dungeon to take the test he had missed out on Thursday. Slughorn sat at his desk, humming softly to himself, reading through essays while Remus carefully wrote out answers.

Afterwards Slughorn had him sit there while he graded it. "You know, it's a shame your ability to make potions isn't half as good as your theoretical potions work," he said as he went over Remus's answers. "You'd be second in my class if it was, I imagine." Slughorn glanced up, smiling at Remus. "Maybe one day, eh?"

Remus just shrugged. "I have a-a very sensitive nose, it makes things a-a bit difficult."

Slughorn's quill froze though his eyes remained on the paper. "Do you now? How sensitive?"

Remus shifted in his seat. I can smell the alcohol you have in your desk. I know what you had for breakfast. I can smell the candy you just ate. I can smell that I make you nervous... and I can smell you seem more than a little eager to know the answer to this. The eagerness made him uneasy so all he said was, "The st-strong ingredients b-bother me a bit, that's all."

Slughorn looked a little disappointed. "Ahhh. Well. There we go. An O." He smiled as he handed the paper back. Remus took it, feeling more and more uncomfortable. He thanked his professor before leaving the dungeons, very confused.

The castle was pretty much empty when Remus emerged onto the ground floor. They were all out to the first Quidditch game of the season: Ravenclaw versus Slytherin. In fact while he hesitated, Slughorn quickly walked past him to get to the pitch.

"You coming to the game, m'boy?" Slughorn inquired. Remus shook his head. "Huh. You ever been to a Quidditch game?" Remus shook his head again. "You should go."

"M-maybe next time, s-sir," Remus mumbled. Slughorn smiled benignly before speeding up to leave the castle. Remus turned, heading to the library, walking past several groups of students who were making their way out. The game started at around eleven and it was fifteen till already. He knew James, Sirius, and Peter were going; they had begged Remus to come too after his test however he didn't know why he needed to go if it wasn't Gryffindor playing. Even if Gryffindor was playing he wouldn't go.

The library was so quiet, quieter than normal. When he went in, Farrow glowered at him, demanding to know why he wasn't at the game like everyone else. "Is it a r-rule that I need to be?" Remus asked causing Farrow to scowl. "I don't w-want to watch. I'd rather read."

"Hmph," was all Farrow said in response.

Remus could faintly hear the cheers from the pitch. At one point he walked to the window to peek out. The pitch was pretty far away but he could make out a few figures flying high. A great loud cheer rose up and he figured Ravenclaw probably scored. It seemed the houses in general disliked Slytherin so he couldn't imagine cheers that loud for the snake house.

If there was one thing he had learned outside classes that was the fact while Slytherins didn't get along with any of the houses... Gryffindors and Slytherins were enemies. Gryffindors hated Slytherins, Slytherins hated Gryffindors. Not just the first years, it seemed to encompass all the years. Small fights between the two seemed to constantly break out, a lot of rude words, nasty hexes, etc, etc. Also, their Quidditch game was one of the most anticipated events of the school year. He wasn't really sure why Slytherin was the odd house out. Perhaps because they seemed to want it that way...? At least, some of them did. Mulciber, Avery, and Bulstrode went out of their way to bully other students. Remus knew that James and Sirius often talked disparagingly of Slytherins. Especially Sirius, he really seemed to have a special hatred for Slytherin.

Now there were loud boos. Slytherin must have scored.

Remus tore himself from the window and went back to working on his assignments so he could spend the afternoon reading for pleasure.

()

"You shoulda seen it! Boy those Slytherins sure play dirty. They got several fouls against'em but they still won, barely though, but still. It wasn't fair at all. Ravenclaw tried their best but there's only so much you can do against cheaters."

James wouldn't shut up about the game when everyone came flooding back to the castle a couple hours later. He talked about some of the plays, and some of the things Slytherin did, his hands wriggling through the air as a demonstration.

"Bell says that if they try any of those things against Gryffindor they're gonna be sorry. I can't wait till the game against Hufflepuff later this month, I've seen some practices, Gryffindor's pretty good. Not as good as they'll be next year when I'm on the team, of course, but still pretty good... Bell says the Hufflepuff team was strong last year but they've got new Beaters this year. Gryffindor's got a new Seeker that's all, but Bell says she's really good. Bell says-"

"Bell says, Bell says," Sirius cut him off. "Merlin's beard, you got a crush on her or something?"

James blushed-or rather, the blood rushed to his face. It was hard to tell with James's skin tone but Remus could (very uncomfortably) sense his friend's reaction. "What? No! She's just gonna be Captain next year. Her thoughts on the games are important. Tanner's got a lot to say too but I didn't talk to him as much cause I was next to Bell."

Sirius turned to Remus. "James got to sit with the Gryffindor Quidditch team. We peasants sat behind them." He indicated Peter and himself. "You should have come though. I would have explained the game to you."

"Thanks b-but no thanks," Remus said.

"Wait, you're coming to the game against Hufflepuff, right?" James whirled around, looking absolutely horrified at the thought of a Gryffindor not going to a Gryffindor game.

"Err... I-I dunno..." James just kept staring at him. "M... maybe..." James's hazel eyes got big behind his glasses. "I'll th-think about it."

"That's probably the best you'll get from him," Sirius laughed.

James sighed as if he felt the world was conspiring against him and his love of Quidditch. "You'll at least come to the games when I'm playing, right?"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Of course," he said, then a pained silent addition: if we're still friends.

James beamed and threw his arm around Sirius. "Cool, cool, cool. Now. I am really in the mood to unleash some stink pellets somewhere in the vicinity of Slytherins to, er, congratulate their victory. Yeah? Yeah. C'mon, lads!"