A/N: I tried to make the first part of this chapter a bit sexier but I discovered I would never be able to write a decent erotic scene. I think erotic stories are not just about vivid descriptions of things, there has to be elegance to how its written. And I can't do that. Haha! Anyway, this is where I had to adjust one of the biggest moments in Endgame since I am not a fan of the ending they gave Steve. Enjoy!
Contrary to popular belief, Steve had been with a woman before. He did not understand why the world assumed he was a virgin. But he would not dare waste his time and energy to argue his case. His previous intimacies, while provided him with physical pleasure, lacked the one important thing that mattered to him when it came to sex - emotional connection. No amount of physical high was enough to compensate for the disconnect.
That was why his first time with Natasha last night was more of an overload of emotional pleasure, than physical. The physical pleasure seemed to have been just a byproduct of their connection in a deeper, intangible level.
He was leaving a trail of wet kisses along her stomach and below her navel when he noticed something. He reached for her left hipbone and caressed its surprisingly smooth skin.
"Yeah, I've been wondering about that, too," Natasha said. She propped herself up on her elbows and looked down at him.
"Well, it makes sense, if the stone really gave you a new body," Steve said.
"Yeah, crushed skull and broken spine," Natasha said and touched the back of her head. She then became lost in her thoughts. It painted Steve to see her like that, like she was still questioning if she really was alive, why she lived again, and worse, if she should be even here.
Steve kissed the spot where her scar used to be and said, "You'd really look terrible in a bikini now."
That seemed to snap her from her contemplation. She smirked and said, "Well, I could ask Barnes to shoot me again, if you like."
"Nat, no," Steve promptly said because he panicked a bit that Natasha might not be kidding after all. Natasha laughed at the fright in his face. Steve sighed and laughed at himself, too. He launched himself on her and his weight brought Natasha to crash back on the bed. He laid on top of her and because she was still laughing he could feel the muscles in her diaphragm shook underneath him.
He brushed the hair on her face and rested his forehead on hers. She finally stopped laughing.
"I'm in love with you," Steve whispered.
Natasha did not respond but her eyes were immediately glazed with tears and before they could escape, she pulled him down for a deep kiss.
On the surface, the physical aspect of that night seemed normal to him but then there it was, that intangible and almost elusive feeling of all, overwhelming him, overpowering the thousand sensory nerves overloading in his body. How could he be both so present, so in the moment, and yet still be utterly lost in her, with her, that suddenly they were one and the same person?
Being with Natasha was way beyond anything he ever thought or hoped for. Nothing surely would ever be better than that. And with that thought, Steve felt a sudden panic creeping in.
He suddenly realized that he almost never had that night with her, and realizing how close he was to never knowing how perfect it was to be with her weakened him to his core. He quickly wrapped her in his arms, hugged her tight, and started to sob in her neck that it startled Natasha.
"Steve?" Natasha asked, worried. Her hands felt his shoulders shake and she tried to cup his face so she could take a look at him but he did not budge. He pulled her in even tighter that left her with no choice but to hug him back. She rubbed his back to soothe him.
"Darling, what's wrong? It was amazing, if that was worrying you. It was perfect! I did not realize you were practicing," Natasha joked.
Steve laughed softly, face still buried in the crook of her neck. He slowly calmed down and when nothing was left but big, subsequent hiccup-like sobs, he mumbled, "I can't believe I lost you."
She turned to him, her lips exactly at his ear and whispered, "I'm here now, Steve. I'm here."
Steve woke up that morning feeling like a different person. He did not understand how but he somehow felt he was almost a better one. The sun was already up when he opened his eyes. He turned to his other side and saw Natasha still asleep. He slowly scooted closer to her side. He moved her arm across her tummy so it would not be mushed between them. Then he laid on his side and buried his face in the crook of her neck. It seemed to be his favorite spot in her body right now. Then he draped his arm across her, holding the hand that he just moved.
After a few seconds, he noticed her breathing changed. She was waking up.
"Pinch me," she whispered, her lips curled in a smile.
Steve smiled and obeyed. Natasha laughed and turned to face him, their hands intertwined in the small space between them. She then opened her eyes and greeted each other good morning. Then he felt her hand gently stroking the inside of his left forearm.
"I noticed this last night. What happened here?"
Steve looked at what she was referring to and saw that it was the faint long scar from the laceration he got during the last battle.
"It must be really deep that it still left a mark," Natasha continued.
"Yeah, it was."
"Good thing you didn't bleed out."
"Shield straps. I tightened them."
"I'm sorry about your shield," Natasha said, her fingers now stroking his jawline up and down.
Steve shook his head with a smile, "I'm not."
He smiled even more when Natasha threw him a confused look. He did not give her time to probe his last statement. "If you had to choose, who'd you pass your bites to?"
"You mean the Black Widow title?"
Steve nodded and waited as Natasha gathered her thoughts. She laid on her back and stared at the ceiling for a while.
"No one," she then said, flatly.
It was his turn to throw her a confused look.
"It's not exactly a badge of honor, Steve. I got it for the wrong reasons and in a horrible way. It's not like yours, a beacon of hope, the sentinel of liberty. You know what else they called me? Slavic shadow, the Red Death -, "
"Avenger?" Steve tried to make a point. Natasha smiled but sighed.
"Steve, even if I want to pass it on, I can't. There is only one way to get the title and that is the Red Room conferring it to you. It's not transferable; kill the Widow and become its successor. I mean they could always assume but it would never be official. Look, I know where you are going with this, all part of your retirement plan, right?"
Steve nodded.
"Just because I can't pass it on doesn't mean I can't retire. The Black Widow has so much baggage and I don't want anyone else to carry those. Not only did it cost me my life, it cost me my soul. It's so smeared, maligned, and feared that I don't think it's fair to pass it to anyone. It has to die with me, Steve."
"It did," Steve said and pulled her to face him. He had a huge and proud smile on his face. Natasha smiled back at him.
"How about you, found your successor yet?" Natasha asked.
"Yeah. But if it's up to you, who would it be?"
"But it's not up to me."
"Come on, humor me. On three and we say it together."
Natasha gave in and Steve started counting down. After three -
"Sam," Steve and Natasha said at the same time.
Steve smiled, a wave of relief crashed in him. Her validation was enough to wipe any last remaining reservations he had with his choice.
"Why?" Steve asked.
"He is you. Smaller, slower, not as physically strong, but he is Captain America in everything else, in those that truly matter."
Steve nodded and smiled but the smile was short-lived. He looked worried and as usual, Natasha figured it out immediately.
"Barnes."
Steve sighed and he laid on his back this time, placed his arm underneath his head. "I don't know how to help him."
Natasha propped herself on her elbow and rested her head on her hand.
"I know he is your best friend, but don't be offended when I say that between you and me, I'm the one who knows exactly what keeps him up at night and what exactly he needs right now."
He looked down at her and waited for her to expound.
"It's not that he doesn't know what he wants to do now, he's just clueless how he's going to go about it. In my case, I had Clint, Fury, and SHIELD to back me up. James doesn't have those right now."
"Wait, there's a reason why I don't want to give him the shield -," Steve argued.
"I know, but I'm telling you, retirement isn't going to suit him."
"He's been through enough, Nat."
"He knows that. He also knows that his guilt will eat him up inside for the rest of his life, unless he does something about it. Now, nothing will change all the shit he's done in the past, but he can make amends by making the right things, the right moves and decisions, now. He needs to see for himself that he is still capable of good, despite of what has been done to him. He needs to go back out there, Steve. Just as how I needed to, back in the day."
Steve was speechless. As much as the proposition broke his heart, he had to see its merit. When he decided to retire, taking Bucky with him was part of the plan. The plans changed a bit because of Natasha's return but Bucky was never a variable for him. Natasha sat up and looked at him.
"You see my point, I know you do," Natasha said.
"I do. But how? SHIELD's gone, half of the world governments want him dead. I couldn't even let him walk around Brooklyn in fear he'd be recognized and -,"
He felt Natasha's hand on his chest. He looked up at her and he calmed down.
"I don't know, yet. But we'll figure it out. I promise."
He pulled her down to his chest as he sighed in relief. He planted a kiss on top of her head.
"Now," Natasha said, cheerful now, "what's our day like, old man?"
"Well, T'Challa has a surprise for you this afternoon. Before that, I thought we could hang out with everyone else before they leave."
"T'Challa's spoiling me," Natasha joked. She then sat up. "Okay. So, breakfast then I'll talk to Shuri about the scar thing. If my old wounds are gone, then, there's something I need to -," Natasha trailed off.
Steve sat up, too and ran a hand on her back. "You're fine, Nat."
"Yeah," Natasha said, smiling again. "I just need to make sure, okay?"
Steve nodded. Natasha reached in for a kiss and he was quick to wrap her in his arms and kissed her back.
When they came out of the bedroom, a staff led them one floor down. It was a common area, complete with a recreation corner, kitchen, dining, and living for watching TV. When they arrived, almost everyone was there already.
Of course, Steve did not escape 'morning after sex' teases and jokes from Sam and Bucky. But he navigated through those very graciously that made Natasha proud. After breakfast, Rhodey and Bruce said their goodbyes. Bruce told them of his plans of bringing them to Asgard when Thor was finally back on Earth and he would introduce Natasha to its new queen.
"I have a feeling you two would hit it off," Bruce just told her.
Then Rhodey brought up an idea to them. "You know, I can talk to the security council for you. Make you consultants or something.
"Hmmm… Well, that's an idea. But first, have Ross convince the International Criminal Court to acquit Barnes of all charges then we'll talk," Natasha quipped, surprising everyone in the room.
Steve was surprised at the idea. It was a good one but he knew one that would not work. He looked at Bucky and saw his friend was equally surprised. Of all the things Natasha would bargain with Ross, Bucky's freedom was on top of that list.
"Nat, you know that's not -," Rhodey tried to reason.
"Okay, how about decommissioning the Raft," Natasha cut him off.
Rhodey shook his head and tried to reason again but Natasha beat him to it, again.
"Fine. How about he apologize for putting a collar on Wanda."
Steve shot a quick look at Wanda and saw the girl grinning with pleasure by the kitchen counter, feeding little Nate. Steve looked back at Rhodey and saw him defeated.
"You could just say 'no' to the idea, Nat," Rhodey said, a bit hurt. "I'm not the bad guy here."
"I know," Natasha said, her voice surprisingly tender now. "Which is why you shouldn't be brandishing your association with us; pulling in favors, influencing the council for our sake. As long as Ross has the power he has, all of us in this room remain criminals in his book. You're in a good place right now, Rhodes. We can't do anything good now, but you can. Don't let Ross win with a wrong move like getting Steve and me a job."
Rhodey nodded in understanding and appreciation. Steve and Natasha walked up to him and hugged him goodbye.
"Was that too harsh?" Natasha whispered to Steve as they watched Rhodey get in the elevator.
"No, that was hot," Steve whispered back. Natasha smiled at him incredulously. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled back coyly.
Then Natasha went to the infirmary to talk to Shuri. Steve was curious why Natasha asked Laura and not him, to go with her. But he did not read much into it since he also had business to attend to that morning. He met T'Challa in what looked like the engineering department in the palace. There, T'Challa placed in front of him the thing he asked the king to make for him.
"I do not know if this would feel like the old one but I assure you, it's as good and strong. It's still made out of vibranium after all," T'Challa said.
Steve picked up the shield in front of him. T'Challa took the liberty and had it painted like the old one. He traced the circular edge and discovered that it was thin and tapered enough to slice through things. He put the straps around his forearm and realized it was a bit lighter than the old one, just as he requested.
"Thank you, your highness, it's perfect."
"You're welcome. But forgive me, I have a feeling that you had this one made for someone else."
Steve smiled as he removed the straps. "I was hoping you wouldn't mind that."
"That depends. Who is it for then?"
"Sam," Steve replied with confidence.
Steve was regretting now not telling T'Challa of his plan in the first place and now he was afraid that T'Challa would not approve. The king went into a pensive mood, scratching his chin as gave the plan a thought.
"I know, I should have told you -,"
"I approve of your choice, Steve."
Steve sighed and shook the king's hand.
"If that's the case, then we better get started on new wings,too. I'm sure my sister would have a blast doing that."
"That'd be amazing. Thank you."
When Steve came back to the common room, he found Natasha had already come back from the infirmary as well. She was on the carpet playing with Nate and Bucky. He sat down beside her and kissed her on the temple. Then she turned to him and kissed him on the lips. It was then that Steve noticed the faint redness that rimmed her eyes. It was not obvious to everyone else, but it was to him. Natasha just cried, hard.
He was about to ask what was wrong but Natasha smiled at him. He knew Natasha could fake a smile when she wanted to, but that was a real one. It was so real that it reached her eyes and it indescribably warmed his heart. He suddenly did not know which one to inquire about, the tears or the smile. The two can be separate stories and one story at the same time.
Clueless, Steve turned to Laura. To his relief, she was already looking at him as if she had anticipated that he would look to her for answers. He did not have to mouth to her his question or raise a quizzical brow, because she instantly gave him a thumbs up and a reassuring nod. He raised his eyebrows in doubt and Laura just smiled and nodded again.
He turned back to Natasha who was now lying on the carpet with Nate draped across her tummy as Bucky slowly counted down from ten and then declared Nate the winner of their wrestling match. Bucky picked up Nate and ran around the living room holding him like an airplane. Steve moved to Natasha who did not bother sitting up. She must have read the question on his face that she immediately reached up for his cheek and smiled again.
"Everything's going to be okay," Natasha said softly.
After lunch, Wanda and the Bartons said goodbye. To Steve's surprise, there was not a lot of tears. He kind of expected Clint to be a mess again, refusing to leave Natasha. But it went smoothly and calmly. Then Steve realized it was because the Bartons were not worried at all, not this time. They knew she would be okay now.
"I changed the room's wallpaper, I hope you don't mind," Wanda told Natasha.
"No, I don't. It's your room now. And I'm glad you did," Natasha said with a smile then whispered, "that wallpaper is hideous."
"I heard that," Laura remarked and they all laughed.
"Can I borrow some of your jackets in the closet?" Wanda requested.
"Sure, except for the black leather one in the bottom drawer. Hands off on that one, okay?"
Wanda nodded and hugged Natasha again. Then Steve watched Natasha turned to hug Laura. Laura whispered some things to her and Natasha just listened intently. He saw a bit of anxiety on her face but there it was again, that smile she gave him that morning. Clearly the ladies had a secret and while he was curious, he knew better than to intrude. If that secret could make Natasha smile like that more often, then it could not be bad.
As planned, T'Challa, brought them to the cabin that afternoon. And just as Steve expected, Natasha instantly fell in love with the place.
"Wakanda is more than just an asylum now," T'Challa explaiend. "It's your home. All of you has a place here now."
Steve beamed at Natasha. She smiled back and said, "It's a start."
"A good start," Steve corrected her.
T'Challa took his leave, leaving Steve, Nat, Sam, and Bucky to explore the house on their own. It was fully furnished and fully stocked. Naturally, Steve and Nat took the master suite and the two battled at thumb war to see who would get the second largest room. Bucky won and Sam protested at first because Bucky used his metal hand. But Sam conceded, teasing Bucky that needed an upgrade from his previous hut anyway.
Steve got a set of codes from T'Challa which opened the vault in the master suit. He opened it and retrieved the new shield. He told T'Challa that they could give the wings later on. He just really wanted to talk to Sam about the whole retirement idea already.
Of course, the possibility of Sam declining crossed his mind. And that would be okay, too. He would not take offense if Sam wanted to lead a different life. But Steve knew he had to at least try. The Captain America mantle was important to him and if he had the opportunity to pass it onto someone truly worthy of the its legacy, then he would not miss that for the world.
He held the shield again. Natasha, who was leaning by the doorway the whole time, strode up to him and took the shield from him. She looked pleased at its weight. That was when Steve realized that it was indeed a good idea to ask for her choice of inheritor. The shield, in a way, was hers to pass on as much as it was his because come to think of it, apart from him, there was no one else who held and used his old shield in battle as much as she did. It was theirs.
"You ready?" she asked and he nodded.
When they arrived at the porch, the two were already kicking back and watching the sun set. Bucky also apparently found the six-pack and box of orange juice from the fridge and chips from the cupboard. The two turned to them as they emerged from the front door. Sam had a beer in hand ready for Steve but he stopped when he saw the shield.
"That was broken," Sam said and pointed at it.
"No, my shield was broken," Steve said and handed it to Sam.
Sam put the beer bottles down, wiped his palms on his jeans first before reaching out for the shield. But then he stopped, quickly realizing something. He looked hesitant and unsure. He turned to Bucky.
Steve did too and his heart swelled in pride when Bucky smiled and nodded to Sam approvingly. That seemed enough to convince Sam and he finally accepted it.
"How does it feel?" Steve asked.
"Like its someone else's."
"It isn't. I told you mine's already broken."
Sam stared at the shield and processed everything. It was a lot. Then he took in a big breath and it looked like he almost wanted to cry. He finally smiled and said, "Thank you. I'll do my best."
"I know," Steve said and extended his hand.
Sam shook it and then pulled Steve in a hug. Steve hugged him back. When they both finally calmed down, they sat on the couch across Natasha and Bucky and of course, the two were grinning at them - Natasha with her usual smirk and Bucky his mischievous smile.
Bucky raised his beer bottle, "To Sam."
Steve raised a bottle while Natasha raised the juice box, "To Sam."
"So, this means retirement, huh?" Sam asked.
Steve nodded and winked at Natasha across him. She rolled her eyes at him.
"I know I said I'll do my best, but I expect it's gonna take more than that."
"What do you mean?" Natasha asked.
"Well, I know nothing about being Captain America apart from the things I saw Steve do. So basically I'm just following his lead, right?"
They all nodded.
"Well, almost if not all the things I saw him do, I saw him do it with you," Sam said and pointed at Natasha. It made Natasha blush and smirk smugly at the same time.
"But I guess the black suit and bites are retiring, too," Sam said with a sigh.
"Sorry, Sam," Natasha called out to Sam tenderly. "But, hey, good thing I'm not the only ex-Russian assassin here, with mastery on a wide range of weapons, different fighting techniques, and multiple languages."
Steve saw the huge question formed on Sam's face. Then Natasha cocked her head towards Bucky and wiggled her eyebrows at Sam. Bucky noticed it and almost spewed his beer at Natasha.
"Me?" Bucky asked and looked at Natasha. Natasha did not say anything but offered Bucky a soft smile and a nod. Then Bucky looked at Steve.
"Only if you want to, Buck," Steve countered. "It's all up to you what you want to do now."
"We'll support you no matter what," Natasha said and laid a comforting hand on his metal arm.
Bucky looked at her and for some reason, Steve thought probably because Bucky and Natasha were truly cut from the same cloth, Bucky slowly smiled and nodded at Natasha. It seemed like the idea just had to brew in his head for a couple of seconds and he was now on board with it.
"Him?" Sam asked.
"Why, what's wrong with him?" Natasha asked playfully.
"Yeah, Wilson, what's wrong with me?"
"Look," Natasha immediately mediated. "I know he's a bit angry, probably self-loathing,too. But he is basically the clumsy, scruffy version of me. He's a bit rough around the edges but like me, he gets the job done. Plus, he's kind of hot, too."
Steve watched Bucky pondered on the adjectives Natasha had for him then agreed to all of them.
"Bit angry? Self-loathing?" Steve asked.
"She's not wrong," Bucky admitted and chuckled.
Then they all looked at Sam. He had been staring at Bucky all this time, gauging him and obviously deliberating with himself.
"Look, man," Bucky addressed Sam. "It's okay if you're uncomfortable with it. I'd be uncomfortable with me too. But I need to start somewhere. We both are gonna be starting somewhere, so why not do it together."
Steve felt an internal relief hearing Bucky's words. He remembered Natasha making Bucky's case to him that morning and Steve admitted it made sense. But Steve realized he needed to hear it from Bucky. And now that he did, he ended up liking the idea even more. The way Natasha compared herself to Bucky was just an added bonus. Obviously, Steve had a type.
"Okay," Sam finally agreed.
"Really?" Bucky asked.
"Yeah. Sorry I hesitated. I guess it just bummed me out that I traded one old man for another."
Bucky laughed and stood up to shake Sam's hand. Then together they inspected the new shield.
Natasha stood up and walked up to Steve. She sat on his lap, an arm around his shoulder and one on his cheek. She rested her forehead on his and smiled, that same smile from this morning.
"At some point you're gonna have to tell me what's making you smile like that," Steve said.
"Oh, don't worry, I will," Natasha whispered.
"Will I like it?"
"Yes, I believe you will," Natasha said and kissed him.
A/N: You must be wondering why I chose to write Natasha's story through Steve's point of view. It's because I think Steve and Natasha were each others' reflection and you can't tell one's story without the other. Hope that makes sense. Thanks!