Dear Mum and Dad 14/11/71

Some of the older students have told us the first end-of-term exams coming up next month are really difficult and most first-years don't pass them however I am guessing they're just trying to panic us.

Remus stared at the parchment, not sure what else to add. He had a lot to say however couldn't say any of it. Couldn't talk about Sirius or James or Peter, couldn't talk about Lily.

Some students in my study group believes the older students. Craft is getting panicky. He's in Ravenclaw and is the sort obsessed with his grades. Everything needs to be perfect. I'm a little worried too, honestly, but I think I'll do well. I have confidence in most my classes. Not Potions though. I still haven't been able to figure out a good way to stop the smells. I'll figure it out eventually... I hope.

He had no idea what else to write. It seemed like everything outside the sphere of his friendships seemed far away, boring, distant. He could write about his grades and schoolwork as he always did... what else was there?

The first Gryffindor Quidditch game is coming up in two weeks. It feels like I'm the only one not excited. Even my Muggleborn roommate is super excited. One of the boys I share a dorm with... Potter... is a Quidditch fanatic. I constantly hear him talking about the team, discussing possible formations, bragging about how he's going to be on the team in the future...

Remus propped his chin on his fist, his elbow on the desk, quill in mouth. He knew James would be on the team. He may not have known much about Quidditch but he knew James was a talented flyer.

Even Evans who is one of my study buddies and a Muggleborn is excited. She loves to fly. She's always excited for our lessons on Tuesday, even if last Tuesday everyone got sick cause we flew in the sleet.

Remus hesitated, then stopped writing, afraid if he talked about Lily too much they might read between the lines.

The game is against Hufflepuff but everyone is most excited for the Gryffindor-Slytherin game. Maybe I'll go to that one. I don't know. I'm sorry, Dad, I know I've disappointed you thoroughly with my disinterest in the sport but I just don't see what's so exciting about flying around throwing balls through hoops.

Remus twirled his quill now, staring at the damp, clumped up bits from where it had been in his mouth.

I really hope some of my grades make up for that disappointment.

His mind went completely blank. He knew he couldn't add anything else because he was just too distracted by things he shouldn't be writing.

Only a few more weeks till the holidays! Can't wait to see you both.

Love,

Remus

He folded up the parchment carefully, then after it was safely tucked into an envelope he left the dorm, heading out of the Gryffindor tower. He was aware about two hallways down that he was being followed but decided to ignore that, and kept walking. Once he got near the owlery he slipped his cloak on then went into tower which was always chilly in the cold weather from the open windows. Most the owls began protesting as soon as they got wind of him. He carefully made his way where Arthur stayed, trying his best to radiate 'not a predator!' energy. His owl flapped down, landing on his arm, giving him a nuzzle as if reassuring him it was okay, he still loved Remus even if the other owls were being all mean about a werewolf in the room.

"Brought you something." Remus dug out some chocolate, a corner of a bar he had saved. Arthur happily snapped it up then stood on one of the perches while Remus attached the letter to his leg. "Mum and Dad, as always. Fly safe."

He watched Arthur fly off into the rain, feeling worried about the old fellow. He hated sending him out in this weather but knew it would be raining or sleeting for a few days at least. Once Arthur was nothing more than a tiny speck, Remus left, almost tripping over Sirius who was sitting on the steps just outside the door.

"Merlin, are you t-t-trying to kill me?" Remus demanded, grabbing the railing to stop from falling over.

"Oops!" Sirius jumped up, smiling. "You all right?"

"Yeah. What are you d-doing here?"

Sirius shrugged. "James went to watch the Quidditch practice and it's crap weather so I didn't wanna go and I was bored. Saw you leave so..."

"You followed me," Remus accused.

"Yep." Sirius didn't even bother hiding it or pretending he hadn't. "I also wanted to talk to you, about yesterday. What Peter said."

They began walking down the corridor, Remus taking off his cloak as they went, feeling a tiny stab of jealousy when he compared his own garb (worn out, secondhand, faded patches) to Sirius's (expensive, neatly pressed, perfectly tailored). Even though James wore expensive stuff too, it was mostly Sirius that made Remus feel inadequate.

"What d-did he say?"

"About the friend thing." Sirius stared sideways at Remus. "Did you really not take offense to that?"

"N-not really."

"But you took offense to what I said about Peter."

Remus tried not to groan. "I s-said so last night. I wasn't perturbed over him b-because it was accident, however you-"

"Yeah, yeah, mine was on purpose," Sirius grumbled. "Fine. I just-he's so stupid sometimes."

"That doesn't mean you should s-say so." Is that what friends do? he wanted to ask, but didn't. Insult each other? Call them stupid behind their back? "I thought he was your friend."

Sirius began picking at his fingernails. "I guess. I dunno."

"You told me he-he's part of your group. You called him the nice one."

"Yeah, he is." Sirius rubbed the back of his head, giving an awkward smile. "He's the nice one, and the stupid one."

"And you're the jerk?" Remus couldn't stop himself.

Sirius's cheeks tinted very slightly then he got a very haughty look on his face. "You trying to tell me he isn't?"

"He's... not the... b-brightest Lumos spell around," Remus admitted, "but he-means well. Whereas you, I believe, don't mean well at all, do you?"

"I do," Sirius argued then gave a loud sniffle. "Sometimes. Fine, if you aren't par...turbed... over the question, how come you've never had friends before?" He said it with his jaw jutted out, as if daring Remus to get mad at him.

Remus just smiled. "Perturbed. And just because I'm not, d-doesn't mean I'm going to answer it." He thought of what he told Lily, about his mother being so sick nobody was ever around. He'd tell them eventually, just right at this moment he still wasn't completely sure if he could trust them or not. Especially with Sirius calling Peter stupid. "Do you insult me when I'm not around?" Remus blurted out.

Sirius came to a sudden halt, eyes wide. "What?"

"You called Peter stupid."

"I also called him that to his face." Remus drew his lips in, forming that thin line he learned from McGonagall. "I don't know how I feel 'bout him, all right? But you're my friend. For sure! I'd never." Remus jumped as Sirius's hand came down on his shoulder, squeezing gently. He could feel the warmth of Sirius's fingers through his jumper. "All right?"

Remus gave a small shrug. "All right," he said, though still wasn't sure if he could trust him.

()

At least Flying on Tuesday wasn't all sleety, though it was cold. When everyone woke up in the morning the ground was covered with thick frost but it had mostly melted by afternoon. James went with everyone even though Hooch was still not allowing him to fly. Today they were given free reign: Madame Hooch wanted to see what everyone naturally did, was comfortable with. Remus, hearing this, was greatly relieved and just sort of hovered a few feet off the ground, ignoring the jeers of the Slytherins. He watched everyone else flying so much higher. Lily was trying a few tricks while Sirius was tossing a Quaffle around with Inkwood. On the ground nearby, James grumbled to himself, poking at the grass with a stick. On the way back to the castle, he complained bitterly and even considered writing to his father.

"He's a Governor, he could override Hooch's ruling," James growled, kicking at a rock.

"We only have four lessons left," Sirius pointed out. "Next year you'll be able to bring your broom, and you'll be on the team."

"That's ages away!" James whined. "Well... least I'll be able to fly during the Christmas holidays."

"You going home, then?" Peter asked.

"Yup. We were going to Switzerland for holiday but my grandpa's not doing well and probably be his last Christmas so... we'll be at home. I really wanted to go to Switzerland, too."

Remus felt it a bit callous of James to say something like that, but he wasn't in any position to judge since he didn't have any baseline to do so; he didn't know any of his own grandparents. Actually, he was pretty sure his maternal grandparents thought he was dead or something; that might have been a false memory though.

"I'm going home too," Sirius said a bit distantly. He didn't offer anything else. "What about you, Remus?"

Remus just nodded then mumbled, "Yeah, I w-want to spend as much t-time with my mother as I can."

"How's she doing?" Sirius asked.

"Pretty good right n-now, thank you."

Peter gave a hefty sigh. "I guess I'll go home too. It'll be no fun here with you guys gone."

"You could spend time with Spinnet," Sirius teased.

Peter made a face. "I'd rather eat a live frog."

They burst through the castle doors, nearly knocking over a bunch of Ravenclaws. Remus muttered an apology but James and Sirius kept walking, not even noticing. Even if they had noticed, Remus knew they wouldn't have cared.

"Wish the holidays were a bit longer though, shame we have to come back on the first," James said.

Remus stiffened a bit then bowed his head. The first-it'd still be the full moon. He'd be unable to come back on the train. What was going to happen, then? Would he be able to use the train on the second? How would he get back? His father hated using the public Floo network in town, hated doing anything publicly, and was not at all licenced for slide-along apparation (nor was he very good at it so it probably wouldn't work out anyway) so that was out of the question. How am I going to get back to Hogwarts?

Remus waited nervously for Arthur to return and even though he came back with a letter from his mother on Thursday, it felt like it had been eons since Tuesday afternoon. He skimmed the letter, carefully sorted out the cookies (pecan). He gave two each to his four friends, broke one up for Arthur, and kept three for himself. He wanted to hurry to send a letter back immediately however didn't want anyone seeing what he was writing so he had to wait till lunchtime when he could snatch a few sandwiches and go up near the owlery tower to eat while he wrote.

Dear Mum and Dad, 18/11/71

Thank you so much for the cookies, it's always a wonderful treat! Your cookies are so much better than the ones made here at Hogwarts. Maybe because you make them the Muggle way or something. I don't know. But I love them.

During Flying lessons on Tuesday Hooch told us we could do whatever we wanted and I think she was a touch upset I decided to just fly near the ground and not go very high. But she did say it was our choice, so she couldn't really complain. After flying lessons I overheard some of the other students talking and it made me realize something: we're supposed to come back on the first.

That's not going to be an option for me. So what are we going to do? How am I supposed to get back to Hogwarts? We'll have to use the public Floo network at the pub, right? Or am I just staying for the holidays? Please let me know as soon as possible.

Love, Remus

He sealed the envelope, then hurried into the tower. Poor Arthur was asleep so Remus had to call a few times before he woke up and fluttered down, visibly tired. "I'm sorry," Remus whispered, stroking his chest. "You can wait till tonight to take this." He attached the letter to Arthur's leg. "I just need it there soon..." He stared at the snowy owl and then suddenly felt worried that he was pushing him too much. He was much older than Remus, nearing the end of his life. Remus wasn't sure how many trips the old bird had in him... "Please rest first, though."

Arthur hooted and flapped back to his perch, falling back asleep right away. Remus watched him for a moment then left, still worried.

()

Thursday evening at study group, and Lily was a couple minutes late. Craft opened up his Defense book, starting to read out loud about the assignment they all had, when Lily showed up. She was moving in a rather erratic way making Remus wonder if she was sick, but then another person appeared behind her. A Slytherin uniform, and greasy hair covering half his face. Snape, Remus remembered his name just as they arrived at the table.

"Hey everyone!" Lily was smiling, looking excited. "This is Severus Snape, he's going to join us tonight."

"Great, another Slytherin," Craft muttered so quietly that Remus hoped he was the only one who heard him.

"Hullo, Snape," Silverlocke said cheerfully. "You can sit next to me."

Snape's black eyes narrowed and he took a step closer to Lily. "I don't want to be here," he whispered in a tone that Remus knew for a fact nobody else could hear, besides Lily.

"You promised," she whispered back. Snape shook his head. "Come on." She took his hand, giving him a gentle tug towards the table. "You can sit next to me."

Everyone unabashedly stared at her hand on his. Snape noticed this, and quickly jerked his hand away from hers, a bit of color going into his sallow cheeks. "I don't want to sit next to Loopy," he whispered to Lily, realizing where she was indicating.

"Don't call him that!" she hissed back. "Remus is my friend too."

"He's a nutcase."

"He is not." This was actually said in a somewhat normal tone, and compared to the whispering before in the hushed aura of the library it nearly sounded like shouting. Remus kept his head ducked, pretending he hadn't heard what Snape said. Slowly Snape sat in the empty seat, scooting the chair closer to Lily, farther from Remus, a sneer of absolute disgust on his face.

"D-do you want me to s-switch with Silverlocke?" Remus offered.

Snape looked confused. Whether it was from Remus's offer or just the fact Remus spoke to him, Remus couldn't tell, but then Snape nodded. Remus felt hurt-he hadn't done anything!-but got up, switching around with Silverlocke, so the two Slytherins were side by side. Snape looked a little less revolted, but only a little bit. Lily looked disappointed for a split second then smiled.

"So, Severus is going to help us with Potions," she said, folding her hands on her book.

"We don't need that," Twycross said, glowering at Snape who glared sullenly back. "You're perfectly adequate, Evans."

"He's even better than me," Lily said stiffly.

Twycross tossed her hair back, getting a very nasty sort of smile on her face. "I guess I should have said, we don't need more Slytherins."

Both Silverlocke and Snape looked uneasy at that. Lily's green eyes blazed furiously. "Don't be so mean! There's nothing wrong with Slytherins, and Severus is my friend."

That put a hush over the entire table including Remus who sat there in shock. Nobody knew what to say. Lily seemed determined though Snape looked uncomfortable. Friends? Remus tried his best not to look at Snape now. When had they become friends? Why were they friends?!

"Slytherins aren't friends with Gryffindors," Twycross said very slowly, as if talking to a bunch of children.

Lily's face flushed but before she could say anything Craft added, "Slytherins definitely aren't friends with Muggleborns."

"I told you," Snape whispered into Lily's ear. Her face was bright red now and she smelled strongly of anger. "I told you this is what would happen if we-"

"Well some Slytherins and Gryffindors can be friends!" Lily said, standing up swiftly. "And some Slytherins don't mind Muggleborns! Some of them are even nicer about it than some Gryffindors!" She gave a pointed look at Twycross at that.

"Slytherins aren't nice," Twycross said bluntly.

Silverlocke slid down a little in his seat while Snape's black eyes flashed with fury. Remus felt awful for both of them, wondering again why Slytherins got such a bad rap. All right, a lot of them were nasty and mean, but Silverlocke wasn't, and Snape-well, Remus didn't know much about him besides that James didn't like him for some reason (the feeling seemed to be mutual from what Remus knew). He still couldn't believe Lily was friends with him, though. She had never mentioned it before...

Lily just gaped at Twycross for saying such a thing. Snape, however, broke the silence as he pushed his chair back, the scraping sound very loud. "No, Severus-"

Lily's fingers brushed against his sleeve but he jumped back as if electrocuted. "This. Was. A. Bad. I. Dea." Snape grabbed his bag and stormed off. Lily just watched him go then spun around to face Twycross again who didn't look at all put out.

"What was that all about?!"

"You can't be friends with him, he-"

"I can be friends with whoever I want to be!" Lily's eyes darted around, taking in the countenance of everyone at the table, lingering a little longer on Remus. He gave her what he hoped was a look of sympathy. Twycross really had gone too far. "If anyone here objects to-to inter-house friendship you can just go. Because-because-" But words were failing her, she was too distressed. "Oh, never mind!" She grabbed her bag and left, probably going after Snape.

Nobody spoke for several seconds, stretching out to thirty full seconds of silence. Then Silverlocke drew his book closer to him. "Perhaps I should go as well," he said, eyes focusing on the table.

"No," Remus said, startling himself as much as he did everyone else. "Th-this is supposed to be a-a study group for anyone. Slytherin or not. If L-Lily wants to bring another S-Slytherin... a friend... she can. And Silverlocke is welcome to stay, if he w-wants to."

"I don't think-" Twycross started them Buckling interrupted with, "Maybe you should." Twycross's jaw hung open. "Lupin's right. If we're gonna exclude the Slytherins, it's not a very open study group, is it? Silverlocke's never gave us any problem and I'm sure if Evans says Snape's okay then he's okay."

Everyone at the table was more inclined to listen to Buckling's words more than Remus. Because she was a Ravenclaw or because he was still considered 'weird'? Either way, it calmed everyone down; even Twycross had the courtesy to look ashamed though with Lily and Snape gone it was a bit too late. A few more seconds of silence then Craft went back to his book, and everyone returned to the initial discussion of their assignment. Remus doodled on his parchment, wishing Lily hadn't left; it felt sort of ugh without her there and if it wasn't for Silverlocke, Remus would probably just leave too. However he thought he was the only one who cared whether the Slytherin was there or not, so he forced himself to stay till their usual forty-five to fifty minutes were up, and he was able to go back to the tower.

Lily wasn't anywhere to be found. He asked Colgate if she had seen Lily but she shook her head. Lily hadn't returned yet. Remus thanked her before finding a seat near the entrance, anxiously reading a book even though the words were jumbled in his head. Seven (aka curfew) came and went, then seven-fifteen, seven-thirty... it was nearly eight when Lily finally slipped through the entrance. Remus jumped up, hurrying over to her.

"Are y-you okay?" he asked.

Lily had been crying even though she obviously was trying to hide the fact. "Yes, thank you. I'm just going to bed early."

"Lily..." But she was going up the girls' stair, and was gone. Remus frowned then felt an even stronger dislike towards Twycross than before.

Still. A Slytherin? Friends with a Muggleborn?