Oingo Boingo Brother Adventure: Friendship is a Useless Endeavor

Part 3:~Starbombed Crusfailures~

Episode I: The Explosive Citrus Manuver, Go Oingo Boingo Brothers!

The place where the tropic of Capricorn passes, that region of the Nile River is known as the, Nubai. It is here that Ancient Egyptians used the rock to make statues, temples and shrines, even memorials. As of the year, nineteen-seventeen, the second largest dam had been built. The Aswan Dam. Here is where the story truly begins, with our hero, a boy so shy and introverted that he stutters even in laughter. His name, is Boingo. Boingo, sat beneath a tree with a strange comic book in his hand. A young man noticed Boingo, as well as the comic.

"Whoa~! I didn't know they had comic books all the way out here!"

Boingo looked at the man, almost with a glare, though the truth was that he simply didn't care. The man didn't notice and simply pulled out a small bag of sweets.

"Hey, I'm an avid reader and writer of comic books myself! I'd really like to read that, I'll even give you candy and trade you sometime with my binoculars for a quick read."

Boingo began to like the nice man. He had candy and could see far now. Boingo was happy. The man read the book.

"Oingo and Boingo's Brother Adventure? Wow, the pictures are drawn really well! The detail and printing are fantastic! The art style is a bit freaky though... A charm to it even!"

[ "This is the story of two brothers. Oingo the older, and little Boingo. Boingo was small and did not like people. When his brother was away, he would be lonely and always be sad. Then, Boingo met a friendly traveler! He gave him candies and let him see far! Boing was very happy. But traveler...

('Oh look! It's 10:40!')

Died with his neck stuck in a utility pole." ]

The young man was disturbed. Sure, the story took a strange dark twist, but the traveler resembled him greatly. He looked to Boingo with a concerned look.

"H-Hey, do people in Egypt really like this?"

Boingo gave him the same uncaring look. There was no point in talking to him anyways. The man looked between Boingo and his book.

"There are nothing else on these other pages! Even then, it's as if the book never ends! W-Well it does have sense of reality that I'm looking for! Hey, can I buy this boo-"

"No! It's not for sale! Get Lost!"

The young man jumped at the sound of the new voice. He turned an saw an Egyptian man tower over him with a strange hat. He wore a shirt that said, Oingo. Oingo did not like people, like Boingo, but he was not scared of them. He did not like how they would take advantage of anyone, like his small brother, even nice people can be bad.

"My brother's book, is not for sale!"

"B-Brother...?

"I SAID GET LOST!"

Oingo stomped the ground and scared the young man off. He threw the book back as he ran away. Oingo gave the book back to Boingo.

"Brother. You can't trust strangers, I've told you that there are many bad people in the world."

He lifted Boingo onto his shoulder.

"Let's go to the Aswan Bus. They are taking their friends to the hospital."

Boingo stopped his brother and showed him a page if his book. Oingo always trusted his brother before, he always took what he said seriously, and this trust is what kept them alive and together.

"Alright. We'll wait for the next bus."

An accident had occurred. A very bad accident. Everyone died, even the driver, one body had flown from the bus and were pierced by a utility pole. However, Oingo and Boingo waited and got on the safe bus, were they were the only ones on, lucky! Boingo read his book and found new pages began to appear.

"B... B... B... Bro-Brother..."

"Hm?"

Oingo saw the pages.

[ "Their adventure begins here! There they are! The terrible foes, minus four, of the Joestar tour group! Polnareff, Joseph, Rainbow Dash, and Jotaro! They were talking.

('Yare Yare, Avdol isn't so bad, but Zecora and Kakyoin...')

('His eyes are awful, and her back was nearly torn to shreds! It's nothing like I went through, Gilda went all out.')

('Mémé didn't look good either. I've never seen her... Not, smile.')

('I have. Pinkie Pie needs that new hand applied to her though. I'm not sure we'll make it together... We'll have to move on.')

Because they were very worried! They stop at a café, but Oingo puts poison in their drinks, haha! Victory!" ]

Oingo looked outside and saw them. The Joestar Group. They said exactly as the book said before moving on. Oingo smiled as he and his brother got off the bus to follow them.

With your book, and my Stand of Face... Hhhnrgh!"

Oingo pulled his face and twisted it into a whole new face.

"With our Stands, the God of Creation [Khnum] and the God of Books [Thoth], we're the true invincible duo!"

Oingo found the café from the pictures in Thoth. He knocked out the owner with a frying pan and took his place as Boingo hid the body. Oingo studied the page and sneered as he found the table. Everything was going according to plan!

"Hehehe! They'll die on the spot with this! The Prince himself gave us this plant, it's a dangerous toxin from his garden!"

"M-My Stand's predictions...! A-A-Are always, right! Ha! Haha! H-H-Ha-Hah-Hahahah!"

The Joestar group stood right outside. Polnareff threw a still lit cigarette in the air. It landed in the direction of their café, just as Thoth predicted! They all took a table right where Oingo foresaw. This would be all too easy. Oingo approached them and calmly spoke.

"Can I take your orders...?"

Polnareff and Jotaro gave their orders for tea, Rainbow Dash said nothing.

"Alright, four teas-"

"Hold on."

Joseph raised a hand at Oingo and looked to his friends.

"We're in enemy territory now. We can't take a single precaution, nor lower our guard for the slightest moment. Sir, get us colas instead. The third, fourth, and fifth to the right in that cooler?"

"Ngh!"

Oingo had been caught in a bind. Any other person would have given up and make a scene, or try to convince them, or even simply ran away. But Oingo trusted his brother, he had to! Just as he reached for the fridge, an angry man stood up from his table.

"What the Hell is this!? You serve warm colas in the desertvlike a jackass, you son of a bitch!"

Polnareff raised a brow as Rainbow Dash tlrolled her eyes.

"They're not cold?"

"Just our luck. I bet that fridge is busted. C'mon lets go to another café."

A screech was heard as across from them was the closest café burning down.

"Somebody threw a lit cigarette near the garbage! The whole place is destroyed! We're lucky no one was inside, it was just opening!"

Joseph groaned and turned to Oingo.

"Never mind, four teas please."

"Here you are, for free even, due to the unfortunate events."

"I'll question many things in my life, but free things are not one of them!"

The group held the cups up to drink the poisoned tea, but a woman shouted loudly and suddenly.

"That dog! That dog just ate my cake! Oh, what a horrid creature!"

The Joestar group spat their tea out and glared at the dog.

"Iggy!" "Iggy!" "Yare Yare, Goddamned Mutt!" "Not now...!"

They ran after the dog, and left Oingo Boingo awed. Boingo looked down at the page and slapped his head.

"B! B! B! B-B-Bro-Br-Broth!"

"Boingo, remember your asthma problems, we just got the Queen to fix that. Breathe."

"Haaaa... Hoooo... We got a new pa-"

"SHOW ME THAT SHIT!"

Boingo showed his brother the page.

[ "That damn dog! They failed. Damn ! ! ! Oingo and Boingo are very mad. But, they gathered up their thoughts. Oingo and Boingo followed them! Along the way, they find a man who did nothing wrong! But he looked stupid! They hate people like this, so they beat him up. He ran away scared and dropped his wallet. Hurray! Oingo and Boingo are rich!" ]

Oingo looked up as he bumped harmlessly into a small nerdy tourist who simply wanted to see new sights and learn new things.

"Oh I'm sorry! Can I help you?"

"Fuck you."

"What-"

Oingo pounded the poor man's face in. He ran away frightened and dropped everything. Boingo picked the money up and began to stutter laugh. They really were rich! New pages began to set in.

[ "The Joestar Group are visiting their friends! Oingo, placed a bomb in the car. Jotaro's head is split open!" ]

The brothers laughed. Jotaro was the worst of the bunch! This would be great! Oingo found the car and broke one of the handles off with a wrench he had stolen. He opened the door and placed the bomb inside. It was disguised as a delicious ripe orange. He was in luck, the group had just bought a small bag of oranges to hide them. Then, disaster struck.

Hey! Who the Hell is in the car!?"

"Calm down, Polnareff you Cheesehead, it's probably just Jotaro."

"Old Man, Jotaro and Dashie went directly to the hospital, he told me! Hey! Get out of there and show yourself!"

Oingo, had no choice, but this was just fine for him. His Stand was perfect for this. Without either of the silver haired fools noticing, Oingo changed his face and used his hair to fix his odd hat. In fact, his Stand didn't stop at the face, but the whole body perfect copied Jotaro's body. Even his fingerprints, scents, and eye patterns! No one would ever know!

"Hey. It's just me. I left something behind, Dash went ahead."

"Ooh~! That makes sense! But, what happened to your jacket? In fact your whole outfit changed. What's Oingo, a band you like?"

"Uh... A cult classic... They made one of my favorite songs, No One Lives Forever. Yare Yare, just shut up already. I've uh, got to meet up with Dash..."

Rainbow Dash popped up behind Oingo with her hands on her hips.

"What're you talking bout? You just vanished behind some alley! Were you trying to ditch me?"

"U-Uh! No, I ch-changed my mind and also forgot something here!"

"Oh, weird. Well, get in. This'll be the first time we've rode in anything and not be crowded."

"Uh!"

Oingo was shoved into the car with the bomb. Rainbow Dash was rather short, so her strength took him by surprise. Mentally all he could do as scream for his younger brother to save him. Boingo helplessly followed the car best he could. It was silent, but for Oingo he clearly heard his heart pound. Even a fool could tell what was going on. The Jotaro that was blown apart, was him. If changed back to normal, the prediction would target the real Jotaro, but then everyone would attack him. This was the single most terrifying moment of his life. How could it possibly get worse. Then, Polnareff turned around.

"Oi, Jotaro? Do that trick you showed us!"

Rainbow Dash hopped up from the seat and began to shake Oingo violently.

"Yeah! Yeah! That really cool trick!"

"U-Uh... The uh..."

Oingo wanted to simply roll out of the car. He only knew Jotaro spoke quietly and rudely. Barely at all. Here he was learning that he knew tricks. Polnareff pulled out a cigarette.

"Y'know! This one!"

He lit the cigarette and balanced it backwards, smoking it from inside as the smoke came out his nose. Oingo knew that trick! He'd do it to get a laugh out of Boingo whenever candy and hugs wouldn't lift his weak spirit. Then, Rainbow Dash scoffed.

"That's nothing! I can do it with five! Just watch!"

She pulled out her rare cigarettes and barely managed to pull it off. Although her face was cool, her heart and mind raced in fear of melting her uvula. Polnareff pointed at her.

"So could Jotaro. We saw him do it, then drink juice without putting out the smokes."

She glared at him, then at Oingo, he simply wanted to scream at how frightened this girl made him. She snatched the bottle of juice out of Polnareff's hands and did just as Jotaro. With smirk and a finger raised, the smoke in her nose and in between her teeth became a thick cloud. She held her head out of the window before shooting a powerful lightning bolt from her mouth.

"Bet Jotaro can't do that!"

Polnareff applauded her. Joseph however growled as he looked back using the rearview mirror.

"Oh My God! Dashie, don't fucking do that! My heart nearly skipped a beat, what if an enemy saw that!?"

"Quit squabbling you old fart, I'm sure as sunshine that we'll be fine! Not like there's a bomb in the car."

Oingo shook his head and noticed the bomb was by his side. Deftly, he threw it out the window without anyone noticing.

"Hey! Everyone! It's Iggy, what you got? An orange?"

Oingo's eyes flew open. That was the bomb in Iggy's mouth. Damn that dog, confound it even! If he survived this nightmare, this mutt would be the very reason he'd ever pick up alcohol again. Iggy leapt into the car through the driver's window, and sat to the furthest right. Rainbow Dash shuffled closer to Oingo, this was the last thing he needed.

"Hey, Jotaro?"

"..."

"I-I've been meaning to ask you something..."

"...?"

She leaned into him, nearly getting a shriek out of the poor soul.

"What happens if me and Pinkie get stuck here? We'll have to get our own place and stuff but... That takes awhile."

Oingo had no clue what was going on. All he knew of this band of insane fools were their Stand abilities and weaknesses. It then the truth hit him. This was the final straw. Most men would be jealous of Jotaro, Oingo however believed both of them were cursed. It didn't matter how or why, he needed to leave this car now!

"Stop the car! I left my wallet all the way back at that café!"

"H-Huh!? But that was, miles, ago!"

"I'll run it! Don't worry I need the exercise! You all just visit everyone I'll be fine!"

Oingo dived out of the car, falling over and rolling across the dirt before he scrambled away. This was perfect! He was free of all those terrifying idiots! What Oingo didn't know, was that Rainbow Dash nearly triggered the bomb. She stopped with a face of disgust.

"Ugh~! Iggy, you got your drool all over it!"

("Tonight. You!")

"Whatever, you said that last night..."

She threw the orange out of the car, harder than she thought, as it flew and landed right under Oingo's foot.

"OH WHAT THE FU-"

It was a small but powerful explosion. Poor Boingo was too late. Oingo's face, though back to normal, was nearly split in two.

"Ug... Ugh... Ugyah..."

"Brother! I-I-I-"

"Boingo... Breathe..."

"Hoooo... Haaaa... Y-You're alive!"

"Yep... I am..."

"This is my fault."

"Boingo, don't beat yourself up... We all have bad days..."

"You don't get it, brother. I have to avenge you. No more will I shrink back and force you to fight for me. This time, I'll kill them by myself."

"B-Boingo... I... I'm so proud... You'll do amazing! I'm so happy to see you finally grow strong."

Then, a nerdy nasal voice cracked out.

"There they are! That's them alright! They beat me up and stole my wallet! But I have great savings, so I'll pay you all to beat them up!"

A gruff voice came next.

"That's the bastard who took my wrench! I'll give you a discount friend!"

A mean yet whiney pathetic voice shouted loudly.

"Thooooose are the assholes who took over my café! IIIIIII'll do the job for free if it's these guys!"

Boingo had finally just received the confidence to make it on his own! The problem? He didn't have time to celebrate! Don't back down now, this is real life! They brothers were beaten up and hospitalized. Thoth was open as one of the paramedics read it.

[ "The Joestar Group never saw it coming! The fight was already over, and they never knew, poor Oingo Boingo Brothers! You were so close!" ]

END

A second ambulance came as Joseph, Polnareff, and Rainbow Dash entered the hospital. One paramedic shouted with a panicked voice.

Please move! We have one of the worse cases in our history! This man may just die!"

The group turned to see a horrific sight. The man on the gurney, was none other than Jotaro. His body and clothes were torn to shreds, broken and battered nearly to dust. He had awful burns on his arms and chest. Joseph ran to his grandson.

"JOTARO! WH-WHAT HAPPENED!?"

"Sir! Please! We have to get him-"

The gurney came to a sudden halt. Jotaro used a hand to hold himself and the doctors back. He barley lifted himself up.

"Grandad... The Stand... It's invincible on the outside and coming here... Grandma's Stand, can beat it... Grandma..."

Polnareff and Rainbow Dash came close.

"Who did this to you!? What do you mean about invincible!?"

"Jotaro! Hang in there! Please!"

Jotaro slowly pulled the gurney back before he grabbed Rainbow Dash by the collar.

"You... Don't get mad... And do something... Stupid..."

She didn't answer. Anger would come later, but right now, everyone was frightened. He took his cap off, the one thing undamaged, and put it on her head.

"Don't get blood on it..."

Jotaro finally closed his eyes and passed out... Or worse. The doctors rushed him as everyone held the same thought in their hearts. What kind of Stand could beat Jotaro?