With the end-of-term exams coming up, Remus dove into his books more than usual. He was usually found in the library during his breaks, while after curfew saw him up in his dorm on the floor by his bed surrounded by all his schoolbooks, assignments, and the books he checked out at the library. Sirius joked he was building a fort with them when he walked in and found stacks of them in a semi-circle around him. Peter occasionally joined him, terrified he'd fail out of Hogwarts completely, but James and Sirius both swore up and down the exams weren't important, the only ones that actually mattered were the ones at the end of the school year.

Remus just rolled his eyes whenever they said this, and returned to his studying. He was mostly focusing on Defense Against the Dark Arts, going over everything for that class over and over and over again, trying to memorize every little detail, hoping Dedenne wouldn't fail him. He was pulling an average of A which was just passing. A for Acceptable. Only just barely, though. The lower end of class. The only one doing worse was Peter who occasionally surpassed Remus in grades. In fact, on Monday when Remus handed in an assignment that had been due on Wednesday, Dedenne just gave him a P out right for it being so late without even appearing to read it.

"If I'm-n-not here, should I g-give my homework to one of my friends to hand it in for me?" he asked her after class.

"That wouldn't be very fair, now, would it?" she asked, not even looking up.

Remus bit his tongue, trying his best not to argue. He wanted to shout at her, tell her he didn't deserve a P. "I... can't help... some of it being late," he finally whispered.

Dedenne stiffened, flinching back just a tiny bit, so minute that most people wouldn't have noticed. But Remus did. "That's not my fault," she replied, voice dripping with disgust.

Remus stepped back, then took another step back. Then turned, leaving the classroom, nose itching, eyes prickling. Sirius, James, and Peter were waiting for him but he pushed past them as the tears came, running as fast as he could to the nearest bathroom. Instead of just sobbing, he gave in a little to his temper, first slamming the bathroom door shut so hard that the mirrors shuddered then kicking the wall. Stupid, stupid, stupid! He flung himself into a corner, jamming his fists against the floor, breathing heavily through the snot dripping from his nose.

They came in a moment later because of course they had to follow him. The first one to see him all hunched in the far corner was Peter, who hurried over and knelt down. "Remus? What happened?" he asked. The others joined him, worried expressions on all three faces which just made him feel even worse.

Dedenne isn't being a good teacher! he thought, clenching his teeth to stop the words from coming out. It doesn't matter if she hates me, she should be FAIR! "I... got a very bad grade..." he finally said, shifting so they weren't so close. "She gave me a P just because it's late."

"But, you were visiting your sick mother," Sirius said, aghast. "Dumbles gave you permission to go, right?" Remus nodded and Sirius came even closer, sitting right next to him, his leg against Remus's leg. "Then she shouldn't..."

I KNOW! he wanted to yell. He just sucked in some air but something caught in his throat and he gave a hiccupy sort of sobby sound that he wished he hadn't made since now they were giving him pitying looks. He quickly wiped at his eyes. He shouldn't have said anything to them. He didn't want anyone to know how Dedenne treated him. Didn't want them seeing him throwing a baby fit. "It's stupid to be so upset, really. Just-"

"Not stupid," James cut in with a surprisingly dark voice. "Maybe you should talk to McGonagall?"

"No. No... I messed some other stuff up in the essay anyway," he lied. They definitely didn't buy it.

"You never mess up that sort of thing," Peter said, wriggling a bit. "You're the smartest one in the school."

"Let me see it," James said. No, commanded. He had an Authority sort of voice there.

Remus grabbed for his bag, yanking it close. He regretted saying anything, going down this rabbit hole. It led to a bad place, a possible reveal of the real reason she despised him. He just hoped he could pull himself away before pieces started being put together and someone yelled 'off with his head!'. "Just forget it."

"It can't be worse than mine," Peter pointed out.

Sirius reached and Remus jumped up, the bag swinging, accidentally whacking against Sirius. "I said forget it! I'm just being a baby." He looked so panicked it worried the other three. They exchanged glances, silently agreeing not to put any more pressure on their small friend. Remus nearly sighed with relief when they got up, apologizing for upsetting him.

()

Flying lessons the next day turned out better than Remus expected. A lot better. Hooch asked him if he felt all right to fly to which Remus replied no, and was allowed to sit out. He sat down on James's spread out cloak, the two of them watching everyone else. James glumly, Remus happily. Maybe I can get out of next week's lesson! he thought hopefully, as that would be the last one and he'd never have to get on a broom again in his life. James seemed to sense Remus's thought and said next year when he could bring his new broom, he'd give Remus proper lessons. It's not the school broom, but Remus didn't say anything in response. He watched Lily flying around. She was trying dives, similar to the one she made at the game the week before. Snape was watching her too, a smile on his face until he sensed he was being watched; when he spotted Remus the smile turned into a deep scowl.

Remus looked back at Lily who was flying higher than anyone else in the class then she dove down, pulling up last second, the end of her robe brushing against the grass. Hooch clapped, shouting encouragement.

"Oh sure, she shows off and it's all keen job!" James spat out.

"Because she's got permission to d-do that in today's class. While you didn't when you tried," Remus snickered.

"Tomato, tomahto."

It had been snowing when class started but now it began coming down harder so Hooch ended the class ten minutes early. Sirius and Peter landed with big grins on their faces, Sirius teasing James the entire way back to the castle. James grumbled and griped, shaking the dirt off the cloak they'd been sitting on. Once they reached the castle, in the courtyard, they found a much older Slytherin student waiting, her eyes locked on the four Gryffindors.

Remus felt a chill go down his spine as the girl unfolded her arms, walking right towards them. She looked very refined and haughty, her brown hair swept back in a beautiful, curly sort of bun without a wisp of hair out of place. Her Slytherin uniform was spotless, not a speck of dust anywhere, and especially not on her well-polished Prefects badge.

Remus hesitated, afraid that she had seen them tripping the Slytherins or any of the other things his friends had done, or perhaps she was related to Mulciber. But when the other boys noticed her, a great big grin spread on Sirius's face. He ran over, and the two of them actually hugged. As soon as they pulled apart, the girl began flicking off bits of dirt that had transferred from Sirius's robes to hers. At the start of school, his uniform had been as perfect as hers, but he had long given up trying to keep them clean.

"I don't think we've ever met," the girl said, smiling past Sirius, their arms still around each other. James, Peter, and Remus all just sort of stood there, confused. Slytherins weren't friends, yet Sirius was obviously chummy with her. A Slytherin Prefect! "James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin, correct?"

"Ye-yes," James said hesitantly while Peter and Remus tried not to look too weirded out at the situation.

"Guys, this is Andy!" The girl swatted at Sirius when he said this. "My cousin. My favorite cousin," he added quickly.

"I told you to stop using that ridiculous nickname. It's Andromeda," she corrected.

"Actually, it's Dromeda," said another voice. A Hufflepuff came over, hands in his pockets, a cheeky grin on his face. He looked quite different from the Slytherin with splotches on his robes and his fair hair sticking out from the wind that hadn't seemed to touch Andromeda's hair. "Heya, Sirius, right? I don't think we've met though Dromeda's told me all about you." He offered his hand to a bewildered stare. Sirius looked at his cousin who nodded and only then did Sirius take the hand. "Edward Tonks," the Hufflepuff said. "Glad to finally meet you."

"Ted, I told you, I needed to speak with Sirius privately," Andromeda said a little harshly though the twinkle in her eyes gave away that she wasn't at all annoyed with him. "About the holidays."

"Just the holidays?" Tonks asked in a strange tone.

"Yes."

Sirius was turning his head, looking back and forth between his cousin and the Hufflepuff. "Who are you again?" Sirius asked.

"Ted Tonks," the Hufflepuff said then gave a rather anxious look to Andromeda who tightened her arm around Sirius's shoulder.

"Come with me for a moment, please." She guided Sirius away and Tonks let out a sort of huffy sound, shoving his hands back in his pockets, visibly annoyed.

"How come you're on first name basis with a Slytherin?" James asked.

His question and tone were both very rude, but Tonks just laughed. "Dromeda and I are old friends." Then he grinned, shocking them all by saying, "Slytherins aren't all that bad, you know."

Remus swept his gaze over to the two cousins. Even though they were a decent distance away, he could hear them. While James and Peter chatted with Tonks, Remus kept his head cocked to listen into Sirius and Andromeda.

"...ay here for the holidays," she was saying.

"I can't," Sirius answered back. Both their voices had become intense and tight. "Mother says I have to go home."

Andromeda's nostrils flared as she took in a deep breath. "I've been hearing all sorts of things from our cousins in Slytherin, and letters from the family. It's... not good."

"You think I don't know that?" Sirius snapped. Then he ran his fingers through his hair as he began pacing back and forth in front of her. "I'm not stupid! I-I know what's gonna happen but... I have to... you know I don't really have a choice in the matter. Even if I stay here for Christmas, I have to go back in the summer. Putting it off will just make it worse."

Andromeda's face softened. "I know. I'm just concerned. Bella..."

"Merlin, don't start on her." Then Sirius stopped, looking back towards the group. Remus averted his gaze, hoping Sirius didn't notice he had been watching. "So, uh, who exactly is that?"

"Ted. A friend. A dear friend. Er... well... I'd appreciate it if you don't mention him to anyone." She folded her arms now, shoulders hunched. "He's Muggleborn."

Sirius made a sort of choking sound. "Andy-"

"Don't, all right?"

"But-"

"I know."

The two cousins stared at each other then suddenly Andromeda's arms flung out as she gave him another hug. She whispered something to him that not even Remus could hear then Sirius hugged her back. "I'll keep any secret for you," Sirius promised. She put her hand on his head, messing up his hair which resulted in him yelping and pulling back, complaining bitterly as he tried to smooth it back down. Remus remembered Sirius doing that to him when he had wished Sirius a happy birthday.

The two Blacks came back over, and Tonks and James's conversation faltered off. Tonks gave a curious look at Andromeda who rolled her eyes then gave a curt nod in return. Tonks looked at Sirius who winked which put a grin on the Hufflepuff's face. Remus was completely lost as to what was going on, but at least they all seemed more cheerful than Sirius and his cousin had been a moment before.

"I best be going," Andromeda said and gave the Gryffindors a smile. "It was nice meeting you. I'm glad Siri's got such good friends. I'll see you later, Ted." She swept off and Tonks watched her go before telling the Gryffindors goodbye as well, disappearing down a different corridor, whistling in a jolly manner.

Sirius knew what was coming. Sure enough, as soon as they were alone James bust up laughing. "SIRI!" he wheezed, slapping his thighs. "Brilliant!"

"Shut up, Jimsy!"

"Whatever you say, Siri!"

Peter looked a little put out. "I don't have a nickname though."

Sirius continued to glare at James who put an arm over Peter's shoulders. "Well, if he's Siri, and he's Remy, and I'm-"

"Jimsy," Sirius said.

"-Jimmy," James said loudly, "then you can be Petey. Or just Pete, if you like, though we already use that."

"I'm not Siri," Sirius hissed out. "Don't any of you dare call me that! Andy's batty, don't listen to her."

I don't particularly want to be Remy, Remus thought though he figured it'd be useless to protest. He had a feeling these nicknames would be sticking around for a while, if only to irritate Sirius.

"I don't mind Pete, or Petey," Peter said brightly, looking very pleased now that he had a nickname too. Remus suspected he'd be happy with any nickname, as long as he was part of the group.

()

Occlumency didn't go well that night. The memories were of his bloody, horrifying full moon, and when he saw his own body from an outside perspective he had to go throw up like the previous week, only more so. Fawley was distressed too, knowing it was partially her fault for what she had said. She wanted to end the lesson there and for once Remus didn't mind cutting it short. He didn't want to see anything else.

He spent the evening under his bed, curled up, wrapped in his blanket like a cocoon. He didn't even come out when Sirius found him there, trying to convince him to come out. He heard the pain in Remus's voice when he told Sirius to please just go away, and, after another frown, Sirius let him be.

Remus slept under his bed that night, craving the feeling of being shut in a small space even though he knew it was partially because of the wolf, wanting a sort of den. Unfortunately it didn't make him feel safe enough. He had nightmares, waking the other boys up with his screams from seeing his bloodied, torn face. He screamed and thrashed, hitting the bottom of his bed, and had to be dragged out by James while Sirius went toe-to-toe with Spinnet who was actually pointing his wand at Remus as he made his threats.

"It isn't normal!" Spinnet said, wand quavering slightly. "Last week he woke us up twice! I'm going to McGonagall, end of story!"

"Please d-d-d-don't! Remus begged, clutching haphazardly at James.

"Leave him alone," Sirius growled, pushing up the sleeve of his pajamas like he was going to hit Spinnet like a Muggle!

"Come on, everyone calm down," Struthers said, actually getting out of his bed. He normally stayed on his mattress however he could tell how furious Spinnet was tonight. He approached his friend, holding onto Spinnet's arm, trying to get him to lower his wand.

Remus tried to calm down but when he closed his eyes, all he saw was the memory of his eye sockets, the blood, the gore, the torn flesh around the gaping holes. He began shaking and sweating and crying. James gripped Remus's shoulders tightly, trying to talk to him but the words sounded fuzzy. When he opened his eyes again, instead of James's normal face he could see the empty sockets superimposed on James's face. He began screaming again, even more hysterically. He pushed James away rather hard, scrambling back, voice tearing through the dorm.

Not normal not normal need to act normal just act NORMAL! his brain tried its best to say through the panic and he began gulping in breaths, trying his best to calm down, to appear human. Except James's face still looked bloody and destroyed, eye sockets full of pulpy gore, blood dripping down his cheeks. "No-please-no-can't-please-" Remus sobbed, covering his face, fingers digging in, almost like he'd rip his eyes out again to get rid of the vision. His nails dug into his flesh around his eyes, half tempted to do just that.

"Petrificus totalus!" Spinnet snarled, hitting Remus with the spell however aside from a momentary shuddery sort of feeling in his stomach, nothing happened. At least, nothing happened from the spell. The effect on everyone else, however...

James began yelling furiously, Peter shouted shocked protests, Struthers gasped loudly, while Sirius roared, "YOU-!" Then he tackled Spinnet. "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO HEX HIM?!"

"GET OFF OF ME, BLACK! GET OFF!"

"Stop! Please!" Peter said, hopping up and down, clutching at his hair. "No! Not good!"

Then the door swung open revealing a second year boy, the same that had come by before. The sudden appearance of another student caused Sirius and Spinnet to stop, mid-fight. "I'm getting a prefect," the boy said once he took in what was going on in the room.

"No-please-" Remus begged but the second year was gone. "No...!"

"This is your fault you freak!" Spinnet said to Remus, shoving Sirius off of him.

Sirius backed off though his fingers twitched like he wanted to get back into the brawl. "You're the one that hexed him! Or tried to."

It was all a big mess! McGonagall was gonna get involved and Remus was going to get into so much trouble. He was causing problems. Because of his curse. They'd probably just expel him. Maybe it's for the best, Remus thought, seeing the hatred on Spinnet's face. I don't belong here.

Then Spinnet said what was on Remus's mind. "You don't belong here, you freak! You belong in Saint Mungo's!" He ignored everyone (except Remus) demanding he stop, even Struthers telling him to shut up. If Remus wasn't crying already he would be now. His sobbing became louder. James stopped talking to Spinnet so he could focus on hugging Remus tightly. "You're nothing but a CRACKED CAULDRON!" Spinnet lunged but Struthers held him back. Peter was holding Sirius back now, though not doing a very good job.

The second year came back along with a prefect who was busy tying the cord of his night robe. "What's going on, then?" the prefect asked, blinking sleepily at the first years.

"Nothing," James said before anyone else could. He stood up, a look of authority all over his young face. "Remus had a nightmare, that's all. He was shouting and we were just concerned about it."

"Those two were fighting," the second year said, pointing at Sirius and Spinnet.

"Go back to bed, Longbottom; thank you for fetching me." The second year peered back into the dorm then left. The prefect eyed the two boys then Remus on the floor (who was still shaking and glistening with sweat though thankfully managed to stop crying though he knew there were tracks of tears down his cheeks). "Are you all right?" he asked Remus who nodded back though he really wasn't, unsure if he would be ever again. "Well. It's past midnight, and I don't appreciate Gryffindors causing a ruckus. Five points from you and you," he waved his hand at Sirius and Spinnet, "and if I'm called back again you'll have worse, from Professor McGonagall. Do you need to go to the hospital wing?" he asked Remus. "No? Very well." He cast a disapproving look at the lot of them then left the dorm room, his footsteps fading away.

Spinnet gave a disgusted sound, picking up his wand. He pointed it at Remus again, however didn't try any spell. "You need to cut this out, psychopath." Then he stomped back to his bed.

Remus shrank a little, wrapping his arms around his knees, pressing his face down into them. He wanted to thank James for getting rid of the prefect, for taking control of the situation, but couldn't speak. Didn't dare speak.

"You sure you're okay?" It was actually Struthers, kneeling down next to Remus. When Remus barely managed a nod, Struthers's forehead wrinkled. "Um. Are there... magic doctors that can help you? My-my uncle was-well, he needed a doctor to help him. Muggle, I mean, but it helped. A, um... you know, one for the mind-"

Sirius grabbed Struthers, yanking him to his feet. "He's not crazy."

To Sirius's surprise, Remus got to his feet. Shaky and swaying, but on his feet. "Let go of him, he's just trying to help!" Sirius immediately released Struthers who backed away. "Th-thank you," Remus said to Struthers, "I'll be all right." Struthers licked his lips nervously, glancing at Sirius then back at Remus before he nodded and went back to bed. Remus gave Sirius a bit of a glare. "He didn't c-call me crazy," he whispered. "Spinnet did. Struthers w-was just..." But now the words were leaving him, he couldn't anymore, and just stumbled back, sitting down on the edge of his bed.

Peter was afraid Sirius would tackle him however he needed to say it. "Maybe you should go to Pomfrey?" Then whimpered when Sirius's shoulders tensed. Sirius, though, remained where he was.

"Maybe," Remus mumbled, humiliated, hating himself even more, wishing he could disappear forever. "Sorry." He couldn't ever apologize enough. "S-sorry. Again. I..."

"It's fine," James promised.

Though after they all returned to bed and Remus curled up behind his curtains, he could hear Sirius and James stay awake for a while, eventually talking. About him. James wondered if Remus did have a mental problem which sent a wave of nausea through him. Sirius replied that whether he did or not, it didn't change anything. James replied that yeah Sirius was right it wouldn't but he was just worried about Remus because who had nightmares that bad for no reason?

After a long stretch of silence Sirius answered with, "Dunno but I'm worried about him too. Did he hurt you when he pushed you?"

Remus held his breath. "A little," James said, sending Remus's heart sinking. "But, I mean, I'm not mad cause..." Now his voice dropped even more to a barely audible whisper even for Remus. "He wasn't really in his right mind, was he?"

A second passed then another, a third, then Sirius whispered back, "I don't think he was..."

Remus rolled over, pulling the blanket up, trying not to cry again.