Remus felt odd when they pulled up to their cottage. His mum maneuvered the car into the garage and almost as soon as they got out she hurried around to hug him again. He finally hugged back now that he didn't have to worry about anyone trying to introduce themselves to her. She took one of his bags, leading him into the house. His father was in the kitchen, lowering the newspaper he was reading so he could give his son a steady look.

"Hullo Dad," Remus said, feeling a bit weird. He was never that close to his father, not like with his mother. He realized in that moment his father only ever wrote to him twice during the autumn term. Actually, one of them was just the newspaper clipping with a warning so that probably didn't count; Hope had written all the letters.

"Hey there!" Lyall gave a half-smile and got up so he could squeeze Remus's shoulder. Remus smiled but was unable not to notice how awkward it all felt.

Hope seemed to notice too, looking desperately at her husband. Finally she stepped forward. "I've fixed your favorite meal for your homecoming," she said, rubbing Remus's back. She hadn't needed to say anything since the smell of steak filled the kitchen. "Why don't you take your things to your room, and wash your hands." She kissed the top of his head. Remus obeyed, dawdling a bit in the hall in case he overheard anything to explain his father's weirdness but his parents, who were well aware of his sensitive ears, remained silent. His father went back to the paper while his mother began humming happily as she worked on the food.

Remus went upstairs, dropping his bags on his bed. The first thing he did was pick up the stuffed animal sitting on his pillows. It was an old, raggedy sort of black dog that had been his companion since right after he was bitten. He had gotten him as a present for his first Christmas as a werewolf (he had had another stuffed animal before that, which his mother tried putting in the cellar with him on his first full moon. He had destroyed it beyond repair and cried for ages after). He gave Gwyllgi a hug, breathing in its familiar scent. Once that was taken care of, he took a look around the rest of his room. It wasn't very big but since he was the only occupant it felt less cramped than his dorm. Arthur was already there, sitting on the perch on his desk. Remus hurried over to give him a pet and accept a nuzzle. "Feels strange to be home," he said, fingers stroking along Arthur's head. "Doesn't feel... right..." He hadn't expected just under four months away changing this so much.

Dinner didn't alter the weirdness from his father while his mother was overly chipper, talking in a high voice, asking Remus all sorts of questions about school that Remus carefully answered, doing his best to tailor the stories to cut out his friends. His mother knew about the study group and questioned him intently about that.

"I don't really see them outside study group so I don't know much about them," Remus said with a shrug. This was probably the first real lie he ever spoke to his parents. He wasn't sure if he'd get away with it... except he did. His mother believed him, nodding approvingly.

That night it took ages for Remus to get to sleep. It sounded so quiet without everyone else around. With the sound absorption spells on our beds this is probably how it's usually gonna be anyway, he thought and then finally managed to drift off.

()

Home was lonely. Reading only distracted him so much though after a couple of days it snowed a bit so he spent some time outside making a snowman. That night Remus got his first letter. A black owl tapped angrily at his window until he opened it up, trying to ignore the sickly feeling inside he always got about his bedroom window at night (he wasn't sure why his window made him feel this way). The owl made a hissing sound and stuck its leg out, complaining as Remus untied the letter. The second he got it in his hands the owl flew off. All right then. Remus returned to his bed, examining the envelope. He didn't recognize the handwriting so it shocked him when he opened it to find it was from Sirius. Normally Sirius had gorgeous calligraphy-esque handwriting; this looked almost as bad as Remus's...

Sirius's letter was short, mostly complaining about being home not at Hogwarts, and that he missed him and James and Peter already. Remus wasn't sure what to reply so his letter back was also on the short side. He admitted he really missed school and the other boys too. He considered asking if Sirius had that same weird hollow feeling he did but decided against it, not wanting to really mention something like that.

James's letter came the next day, along with a wrapped present. That panicked Remus. He hadn't thought of presents at all and had nothing for any of his friends! He felt stupid and guilty. Should he send things? What about Lily? What if he sent presents to everyone but they didn't have anything for him?

He paced in his room, chewing down his raggedy fingernails, wishing he had someone he could ask about this sort of thing. What did people do? What did normal humans do?

Finally he came to a decision. He went downstairs and asked his mother if they could bake cookies. She readily agreed and they spent the entire afternoon in the kitchen listening to Christmas music as they baked. Since his father never did any sort of cooking or baking, the only way Remus knew how to do this sort of thing was the Muggle way. By the time Lyall came home, there were loads of sweets. Remus snuck away two dozen (that he had baked himself) up to his room. He divided them up into half a dozen each, wrote a nice note for his friends, and wrapped the boxes up in newspaper since he didn't have any proper wrapping paper. He sent the first box away with James's owl.

As for the others, he didn't know how to get them to his friends. Arthur could probably carry two... so he sent him off with Peter's and Sirius's presents, hoping this was the right thing to do which it turned out to be: that night a small brown owl delivered a present from Peter, and a barn owl brought in something from Lily (so Remus sent her back with her cookies). He just hoped cookies weren't too pathetic of a present...

()

Christmas morning! Remus woke up a bit early, immediately eyeing his dresser where he had the four presents hidden. He wanted to open them now but thought he'd save them for night. Hope was just as excited as Remus and there were more presents than he expected for him under the tree. Not that there were many, just more than he thought there'd be. Usually he only got a couple but this year there were five! Hope smiled at him as he ripped into them, feeling rather animalistic as he did.

The first was the knit thing his mother had mentioned before: a rather huge scarlet sweater. He pulled it on and it engulfed him, the ends of the sleeves flapping over his hands. "You'll grow into it," his mother said, smoothing down his hair as she beamed at him.

"Thanks, Mum! It's great!"

Next was a pair of matching scarlet gloves which at least these mostly fit. The other three presents were books. He hugged his mother and then smiled at his father who gave a tight-lipped smile back.

"Glad you like everything, Remus. Sorry it's not much."

"No, it's wonderful," he said, clutching the books. "Thank you so much."

That evening when he finally settled in his room he pulled the four presents out of his desk and sat down, wondering what on earth they could have gotten him. From Lily: The Book Of Three by Lloyd Alexander. He had never heard of it before. Inside she included a note saying it was the first of a fantasy series she had greatly enjoyed and hoped he would too. From James: an ink pot in the shape of a lion's head filled with scarlet ink. From Peter: a box of Bertie Bott's and a bag of fizzing whizzbees (which made Remus feel better about the cookies). And from Sirius: a chocolate frog along with a new copy of The Phantom Tollbooth.

Sorry I ruined your copy and I hope this one is right. I had to ask my Uncle Alphard to get it cause it's Muggle and he's the only one I trusted to do it. If it's not right please let me know!

Inside the cover of the book was: For Remus, From Sirius, Christmas 1971.

While the handwriting looked a lot better than the first letter, it still didn't look quite right to Remus.

He wrote thank you notes for all his friends, hoping to get them sent out as soon as he could. Once that was taken care of he unwrapped the chocolate frog-not eating it until the spell wore off-then settled back with the book from his parents he'd been reading all day.

()

On Sunday afternoon, someone knocked at the door. Remus was in the living room, stretched out on his belly before the fire, reading. His mother was on the couch knitting, and his father was listening to the radio station. All three of them stared at the door. Knock knock knock. Remus remembered that summer day when Dumbledore came, hearing the knocking at the door, seeing his father do what he did now: carefully creep towards the door while he waved his hand for Hope and Remus to go elsewhere. Remus closed his book, tiptoeing into the kitchen with his mother who clutched at him, terrified.

Remus heard his father unlock the door and then cautiously open it. "Hello?"

"Hello, Mr. Lupin," came a familiar Scottish voice.

Remus's face lit up and he tore from his mother. She grabbed for his sleeve but he got away. "Professor!" Remus exclaimed, peering past his father. McGonagall gave him a smile. "Come in."

"Remus," his father warned.

"Dad, this is Professor McGonagall. She's Head of Gryffindor, and the Deputy Headmistress. She knows."

His father went white at the easy way Remus said that, his arm jerking a little bit like he wanted to smack Remus. Instead he stepped back, opening the door, allowing McGonagall inside. McGonagall breezed past and as soon as she did, Lyall gave Remus a very angry look. Remus's smile faded as he shut the door, not sure what he had done wrong. They weren't supposed to have anyone over but-McGonagall knew so... what was the problem?

"Happy Christmas, Professor," Remus said and then felt incredibly embarrassed at having his teacher there in his house, especially since he was still in his pajamas (with his mother's huge sweater over).

"Happy Christmas, Remus," McGonagall said in return, a bit of snow falling off the brim of her emerald green hat. She waved her wand making the snow disappear before it could wet the floor. "How are your holidays going?"

"Pretty good. I-I've done all my homework already so I'm a l-little bored," he admitted.

Lyall cleared his throat. "Is there a reason you're here, Mis...Mrs... err, Professor?" he asked as his wife cautiously came into the room again.

McGonagall raised her eyebrows then pulled out a long piece of rope. "Professor Dumbledore has set this portkey up. It will take you to Hogsmeade on Monday the third at noon exactly. We figured a rope would work best, that way you can tie it on just for extra safety, and it will give you and your father plenty of space during your travels; it can be awkward with something very small, bumping into one another."

"I work on the third," Lyall said bluntly.

"But-how come it's not Sunday? Classes start Monday morning, d-d-don't they?" Remus stammered.

McGonagall frowned. "I spoke with Madame Pomfrey and we decided you would be in no condition to travel by portkey the day after a full moon." When she said this, both of his parents flinched. Lyall's face went red while Hope's went white. "I'm afraid it is either this or the Floo network and I am under the impression you wish to avoid using the public network in town."

"Yes," Lyall gulped. "We'd prefer-not to. How about slide-along Apparition?"

"Nobody at Hogwarts is licensed to bring minors along," McGonagall explained, "and while someone could apply... the Ministry would want to know why-it's more suspicious than a portkey-and am I right to assume you wish that to be avoided?"

Merely mentioning the Ministry sent all three Lupins into terror. Hope wrapped an arm around Remus, holding him close. "The portkey will work fine," Lyall said quickly. "I'll-take an early lunch break."

"I could do it," Hope said.

"Have you ever traveled by portkey before?" McGonagall asked. Hope shook her head. "It would probably be better if he's accompanied by an adult who has done so before. It can be quite... jarring." She handed the rope to Remus who held it close. "Remember: at twelve noon exactly on Monday the third." Remus nodded. "Good. Well, I best be going..."

"W-wait!" Remus pulled from his mother, running to the kitchen where he gathered up some of the remaining cookies and put them in a container then ran back out, handing them to McGonagall. "For Christmas." McGonagall looked quite startled as she slowly took the container. "I baked th-those ones myself, though-Mum helped me a little."

"Why... thank you, Remus." McGonagall smiled and then put her hand gently on his shoulder. "I'll see you in a week." She left the house, walking down the front walk, disappearing with a quiet popping sound as soon as she reached the gate.

Remus clutched the rope, watching her go, then turned to take the portkey upstairs. His father stood in his way, expression back to fury. Before Remus could ask about it, Lyall's hand flew out to slap Remus across the face. "You're not supposed to be so-so-casual with people!" he hissed then grabbed Remus by the shoulders, shaking him. "You understand?!"

"I'm s-s-s-sorry! She-sh-she knows-so-"

"I don't care!" Lyall gripped Remus's arms so tightly they would bruise, his eyes flashing. "It. Isn't. Safe. Say it!"

"It isn-n-n-n't sa-s-safe!" Remus cried out, the sting in his cheek fading. A tear rolled down over where he had been struck. "I'm sorry."

Lyall dragged him upstairs to his room, shoving him in. "You should stay here for a while."

"Dad-"

"Think about it, Remus. You're not like others!" The anger in Lyall's face began fading and he sighed, sitting down on the edge of Remus's bed. "Perhaps your mother was right, perhaps Hogwarts was a mistake..."

"No!" Remus felt his heart leap up into his throat. "I'm sorry, I am, it won't happen again! I-I just thought it was nice since she's going so out of her way to help out..."

Lyall looked at him and then shook his head. "You've got your mother's heart. If circumstances were different I'd say that's a good thing but all things considering, it's just going to make things harder for you."

"I won't be casual or-anything like that," Remus promised. He felt very sick thinking about what they'd say if they knew about his friends. He knew they'd disapprove but he hadn't thought it'd be that bad. He'd probably get more than a slap. He'd have to be even more careful to make sure they never found out. "Professor-well, I'm sorry. I am."

"I know." Lyall rubbed his forehead as he got up. "You should stay in here anyway for a while. Just... think about... and remember... what you are. What could happen."

"Yes, father."

Lyall left, shutting the door behind him. As soon as he did Remus reached up touching his cheek where he had been hit. It wasn't the first time Lyall lashed out and he figured it wouldn't be last, however the previous times he had deserved it. This time he didn't think he had. Just because he thanked McGonagall and gave her cookies... that wasn't bad or wrong, was it? Casual... No, maybe he did deserve it. He deserved to be whalloped for disobeying his parents, for making friends, for-for being suckered into the idea he was a normal human boy. He knew he wasn't, and knew he had to pretend he was, but he couldn't take it further. Like friends...

But I don't wanna stop being their friend, he thought miserably, twisting the rope in his hands.

What do I do?

()

That night just before bed, Hope brought up a slice of cake and some milk. She set the tray on his lap then sat down, fussing over Remus as he picked up the fork. "Your father's just worried," she said.

"I know..."

Hope wrung her hands, watching Remus take a big bite of the cake. "We love you, so much."

"I know," he said again. "I love you too."

She smiled, resting her hand on the blanket over his leg. "We just want what's best and safest for you. And... I thought we might... talk... about whether you should return to Hogwarts or not."

Remus froze, fork full of cake halfway to his mouth. "Why shouldn't I?"

"You... people like you... should stay away from other people, out of sight. Hidden. Safe." Things she and Lyall had said when Dumbledore had worked on convincing them to send Remus in the first place. "I don't think it's worked out very well, has it?"

"Y-yes it is," he protested. "Mum-I love school. I want to go back." Suddenly he began panicking they had found out about the others. "Is this about study group or-or anything? I c-c-can quit study group! I don't talk to anyone-I don't-"

"Shh, shh." She bent in, stroking his cheek. "How about we talk about it tomorrow, when we're more awake? Finish your dessert and I'll tuck you in."

She's the one who brought it up... "Will you sing me a song?"

"Of course." Hope closed her eyes, hummed a bit before singing. "The moment I wake up, before I put on my makeup... I say a little prayer for you." Her palm gently ran up and down his back, making him sleepy. "And while I'm combing my hair now and wondering what dress to wear now, I say a little prayer for you. You'll stay in my heart and I will love you. Forever, forever, and ever, ever. We will never part, oh how I love you. Together, together. That's how it must be to live without you would only mean heartbreak for me."

Remus finished off the cake and milk, feeling really sleepy out of no where. His mother trailed off, kissing his forehead before taking the tray from his lap. "Goodnight, baby."

He was asleep before she even left the room.

()

He woke up again, feeling foggy and distant. His body felt a little weird, like something pressing down against him. Like the blanket was maybe too heavy. He squinted and slowly rolled over, using more force than he thought he should. That's when he realized he wasn't alone in his room. Panic swept through his body-a long ago memory locked away raising its head for a second before disappearing back into the dark depths. Then he realized it was his mother. She was going through his desk and then moved on to his dresser. He thought maybe she was looking for the presents his friends sent. She did pulled out the two books but didn't give them a second look. Next she went to the bags he had used to bring stuff from school and went through those.

Finally she stood in the middle of the room, hands on hips, looking around, then he thought maybe she was facing him. He wanted to ask her what she was looking for, but had the feeling she didn't want him to know what she was doing. He remained silent and soon she left, quietly shutting the door behind her.

Remus curled up, tugging the blanket higher, wondering what that had been about.