Minecraft owned by Microsoft and Touhou owned by ZUN

The story made by LiamOfOrmonde

Re-established by me

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{? POV}

The Scarlet Devil Mansion rests on the edge of the Misty Lake in Gensokyo. What is the Scarlet Devil Mansion you ask? It's the home of twin noble vampiresses, Flandre and Remilia Scarlet, their servants. These servants include their yokai gate guard, their human maid who can stop time, Remilia's friend Patchouli Knowledge, and Patchouli's familiar Koakuma along with a large amount of fairies who serve as maids.

You may wonder why I'm pointing this out for you, well that's because I'm doing something called 'setting the scene'. The entertainment industry uses this brief little explanation so viewers and readers can get an image I'm their mind about the location where the next sequence of events in a story is about to take place. Who am I?

"I'm your friendly neighborhood gremlin! My name is Check and I'm going to rock this joint for the boss!" I screamed so all the other gremlins could hear me. Right away Ash slapped the back of my head hard making me cover it and wince.

"Ie ie ie! Dude. What's your problem bro?" I asked him as I rubbed the back of my head.

"Come on man, get your stuff together. We're supposed to be in the mission from the boss to get some stuff from these old ladies in the big red house. You yelling isn't making us stealthier." Ash said, trying to explain his reasoning. I would've gone along with his thinking too if another gremlin behind us hadn't spoken up.

The new guy casually said, "I don't remember the boss saying anything 'bout being stealthy. He just said to get the bottles of blood from the red house and dead people from the graveyard near the village."

Ash snorted. "Yeah. He didn't say anything about being sneaky. But I don't want to be fighting an entire mansion by myself if we get caught."

"Oi!" I yelled. "By yourself? Then what are the rest of us, chopped liver?"

There were gremlins all around us whispering in angry tones. They didn't like being looked down on as much as I did. One noticeable guy piped up saying, "Who made you in charge?"

Ash must've took that as a challenge because he snarled to show off the sharp teeth all gremlins had and clenched his hands at his sides, making them into fists that faintly gave off some magic. "Do you know why I'm in charge?" He asked us all.

Nobody else answered him so he did it himself. "It's cause I'm the strongest, the fastest, and the smartest! If you think you're better than me, then come get some!" He said, challenging everybody else.

I looked to my left and my right at my brothers. They all had the same expression on their face that I did. The expression that said 'Let's all gang up on him!'

We nodded to each other and as one, we attacked.

XoXoXoX

"Ow." I groaned out.

As it turns out Ash is the strongest gremlin. He beat all of us hands down and even 'poped' a few of us. Not that it was a big deal. Those guys would reform later underground next to the Boss's machines. I was more worried about those of us that could still move. Ash could tell us to do whatever he wanted now and we wouldn't be able to say no. That's how fighting works.

Ash himself didn't look any worse for wear after fighting us all. All he did was wipe some dust off his grey and brown shirt and look down in us. That jerk!

"Since I just proved that I am the strongest, here's the plan. I'm sneaking into the mansion alone, I can't rely on you newbs for anything at all. You on the other hand are going to do the dirt after-job the Boss told us to do." Ash said imperiously.

Seeing no other option those of us remaining picked ourselves up off the ground and floated away. Before we went on the mission for the Boss he stopped us at the last minute and added something else for us to do. Sure he wanted all the bottles of blood the vampire lady had stored in the mansion, but he also wanted us to visit the graveyard of the human village. He wanted all of the bodies buried there.

Normally none of the yokai would bother with the people buried there because of revenge reasons, but neither us or the Boss are yokai. That means none of us are afraid.

XoXoXoX

I lead the remaining gremlins to the graveyard. The Boss had given Ash a fancy pendent that spins around when you hold it. It's magic, and it always spins to point in the direction of where the graveyard is. Ash had given me the pendant before we left so I knew where to go.

After traveling through the trees unhastled we reach the graveyard. I thought we would've run across some of the fairies the Boss had talked about but we didn't meet anybody. Maybe they're all sleeping?

The graveyard itself is pretty gloomy. I haven't been to many places before, but the graveyard is the gloomiest place I've ever seen. Low hanging mist, moonlight, headstones, and a dead human girl laying in the middle of it all.

I stop when I see the girl. Aren't dead people supposed to be buried? Why isn't she?

I fly towards her and get a good look. She's wearing clothes that seem completely different from the pictures of normal human clothes the Boss had shown us. Weird.

Her throat has been torn out, both of her arms are missing, and her blood is splattered all over the ground. It's seems obvious that some yokai killed her here. Her eyes stare unblinkingly up at the moon and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I tear off a piece of her ripped shirt and throw it over her face so I can't see her eyes.

"Much better." I say. Then I turn to my brothers and call out, "Hey numbskulls! Get digging! We need as many stiffs for the Boss as we can get before the sun rises. I'm going to take this one to the Boss right away."

Dead people are gross, I decide as I pick up the dead girl and float in the air. Apparently us gremlins are strong, cause I can pick her up and fly with no problems. With her over my shoulders I take off back through the woods to the secret entrance underground where the Boss is Building. He Builds and Builds and Builds. All day and all night. I don't think I've ever seen him stop building machines.

XoXoXoX

(? POV)

Something smells rotten.

That's the first thought to go through my head when I wake up. My head hurts and I groan as I clutch my head. The last thing I remember was reading some really smutty Touhou fanfiction online and wishing I was there. Not for the smut, but just for the adventure.

I stop groaning when j see my hands. Do you know the saying 'I know X like the back of my hands'? Well I know my hands, and these aren't my hands! My hands look completely different than this. I don't feel cold, but I shiver anyways.

Before I can start really freaking out somebody speaks up. "You're finally awake." A gravelly male voice says.

I jump and turn to look at the source. I've apparently been sleeping on a metal table with a single light above me and everything else is dark. Not too dark though, because I can clearly make out the guy talking.

He's taller than me, much taller. He's wearing blue clothing but that's not what really catches my attention. It's his face. He has a goatee that immediately makes me think he's someone evil clone, and his eyes only reinforce the fact.

His pupils and iris have fused together to be one solid black color, and they're perfect squares. Those eyes seem to be boring right through me and I swallow nervously. At least, I try to swallow nervously. My throat is really dry and I can't really do it.

"How are you feeling?" The man asks while standing almost completely still. I can barely notice him breathing, but other than that he's unmoving.

"Umm. I need an adult?" I said, trying my best to meme my way to victory. A victory without any weird molesty stuff.

The man's eyebrows both went up. Then he said, "We're both adults."

"Consenting adults?"

He shrugged. Then introduced himself. "I am Steve. I'll ask again. How do you feel? Any stiffness, excess of fluids, lack of fluids, or hunger for the flesh of the living?"

I twitched a little. My mouth was dry but what he said was concerning. Waking up here was a big deal too of course. "I'm sorry, what was that late thing you asked?" I asked.

"Hunger for the flesh if the living. It's a common condition in zombies."

Zombie? I'm not a zombie. I'm just the average anti-social college student trying to get her art degree. Maybe I'm a zombie socially, but not physically! My heart beats just like…

"My heart isn't beating!" I scream and wave my hands around almost like they're on fire. I don't know exactly why, but I'm panicking!

Steve just waves it off. "Zombies don't need hearts. Hearts are for living things. You're not one of those, thus you don't need a heart."

I've had enough. My heart isn't beating, my arms aren't mine, I can't feel anything, and this Steve bastard is calling me a zombie. "What's going on?! Where am I?!" I demand, jumping off of the table I was sitting on onto the floor.

Steve just blinks. "I'm creating an army and all good armies have zombies. I sent some gremlins to get some bodies from the local graveyard and one said they found you dead and bloody there. They dragged you here along with some other bodies and I started working."

The square eyed man then walks over to a couple ter and flips a switch in the table. Several lights flick on making it much easier to see and reveal something that should've sent my stomach churning, but instead I feel nothing. Rows and rows of bodies. Men, women, elderly, and children. The only trait they all have in common is that they all look vaguely Asian.

Steve continues talking as if all of the dead people aren't that big of a deal. "Your brain was mostly intact which is why now that I brought you back you're actually thinking instead of making groaning noises and craving brains. Oh, and if you do suddenly get a craving for brains I have some spare but I scraped off the insides of some skulls earlier that I put in a jar for pickling. Where was I? Oh yeah, you. I brought you back after I removed and replaced the damaged bits of you. Your arms came from some girl that looked the same age as you when she died, and I pulled out a lot of those organs you don't need. It makes you lightweight and much faster… I think. I had to do a lot of work on your brain. Mainly replacing the damaged bits that link language, that's how you can speak Japanese now by the way. There shouldn't be any side effects, but if you suddenly start hearing voices there's a small chance."

Steve pauses and checks some notes on a nearby desk. "There's a chance…" He looks at the paper again. "Okay you may have your personality taken over by the doner brain. Maybe. Don't worry about it. It's like a one in fourteen chance. You're more likely to drop a gold ingot when you die."

"That doesn't make any sense! Where am I?" I yell, ready to fight this guy if he doesn't start making some sense and giving me some answers.

Steve doesn't smile, but for some reason he seems happy. "You're in Gensokyo. A land of magic unlike any other. Of course it's wonderful as it is, but I can make it so much better. That's why I need an army. I could use your help, so what do you say? Want to help me remake this world?"

Gensokyo. I'm in Gensokyo? I'm dead? Ha ha ha. Oh God. This isn't a joke. This is… this is… this is too much. I can't handle all of this. At a time like this, I would usually faint. I don't have the strongest constitution.

"Why aren't I fainting?" I say out loud, not expecting a response.

"Zombies can't faint you silly-billy." Steve says answering my question. "So how about it. Want to help me out? You don't have to say yes. If you say no you can just walk away. Well, float away. You're a magic zombie, cause why not. You'd fly away. Want to help me out?"

This can't be real. This is all a nightmare. Like a really shitty Touhou SI. Aren't these kind of templates forbidden?

"Sure. Why not." I say flippantly.

Steve smiles, showing off his tombstone like teeth. They're grey, is what I'm trying to say "Awesome. Do you have a name or do I just call you Z-Uno. As in Zombie One? It's a fancy acronym I came up with in case I accidentally removed the bit of your brain that handles long term memory."

"My name is…", Dianne, I almost say. Then I change my mind. "You know what? Just call me Zuno."

[Stage Three Boss: Irregular Outsider Zombie: Zuno]

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.