23
I woke up the next morning feeling better but still exhausted. I looked over and saw Edward watching me with a frown on his face.
"What has you so sad?" I whispered.
"You were talking about dying in your sleep," he whispered.
"Oh," I whispered. "I was dreaming about Charlie's funeral and how I want my funeral to be if I…"
"Oh," whispered Edward.
"I'm not giving up, Edward. It's just hard not to think about," I whispered as I snuggled into his arms.
"I know. So what do you want?" he whispered.
"I don't want people to mope around. I want people to celebrate my life. I want people to tell fun stories about me. I don't want people to wear black. I was cheerful colors," I whispered through my tears. "I want cake."
"Cake?" chuckled Edward.
"Yes, a big chocolate cake with chocolate icing and gum drops on top," I chuckled.
"Ok," chuckled Edward. I felt a tear fall from his face and hit my head. I looked up and saw him crying.
"I'm sorry for making you sad," I said softly.
"It's just that I just found you, Bella. I'm terrified that I will lose you. I need you so much. I can't live without you," he whispered.
"I want you to promise me that if I die, that you will move on," I whispered.
"No," said Edward. He pushed me away and climbed out of bed. He turned around and looked at me. "I can't move on from you, Bella. I can't do it."
"Yes, you can. You have to live your life, Edward," I said as I climbed out of bed.
"No," he snapped. "I won't do it."
"Fine," I snapped. "Waste your life away. I don't give a shit."
"I won't be able to, Bella. I love you too much. If you die, I will die," he snapped.
"NO, YOU WON'T, EDWARD. YOU WILL GET TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WHILE I ROT IN THE FUCKING GROUND!" I screamed. I went into the closest and started pulling on my jeans and a t-shirt.
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, BELLA. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE HURTING?" shouted Edward.
"YES, I DO. YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT SO BAD BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO WATCH. I AM THE ONE THROWING UP EVERYTHING I EAT. I AM THE ONE WHO LOST HER HAIR. I HAVE GIVEN UP SO MUCH. I DON'T WANT TO DIE, EDWARD. I DON'T WANT YOU TO GIVE UP ON YOUR LIFE JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE SCARED," I screamed.
"Baby-" started Edward.
"Don't fucking baby me, Edward," I snapped. "Promise me."
"No," he snapped.
"Promise me," I snapped again.
"NO!" he shouted at me.
"FUCKING PROMISE ME!" I screamed.
"NO, I WON'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU!" he shouted.
"YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO!" I screamed.
I turned and ran out of the house. I heard Edward yelling after me but I just couldn't deal with him. Carlisle and Esme had just pulled up in front and gotten out of their car. I knew they had heard us fighting. Emmett, Rose, Alice and Jasper came out of their houses and came running over here. Edward came running out of our house pulling his jacket on. He had my coat in his hand. He looked pissed.
"Here," he snapped as he handed me my coat.
"Thanks," I snapped as I ripped it out of his hand. He went to say something but I spoke first. "Let's get going."
"Fine," said Edward harshly.
"Edward, why don't I ride with you. Bella can ride with Carlisle," said Esme.
"I don't think-" started Edward.
"Sound good to me," I snapped.
"Fine," snapped Edward.
"We'll meet you guys there," said Emmett.
"Great," I said harshly.
I got into Carlisle's car while Esme dragged Edward over to his car. Emmett, Rose, Jasper and Alice looked confused about what was going on but they climbed into Rose's BMW. Carlisle got in and we took off toward Seattle. For a few minutes, he didn't say anything. I sat in my seat and let my tears fall.
"What happened?" asked Carlisle.
"Nothing," I muttered.
"Bella, what happened?" he asked again. I turned and looked at him.
"Edward was sad this morning because I had a dream about my funeral. He asked me what kind of funeral I wanted and I told him. He tried to not let it bother him but he cried. I asked him to promise me that he would move on if I die. I don't want him to wallow in grief over me, Carlisle. He refused to. He said he can't live without me. I told him if I die he has to, Carlisle. He refused to promise me. He said that I wasn't the only one hurting right now. I told him that I was the only one going through this. I hurt him, Carlisle. I saw the pain in his eyes. I don't want him to give up on life. He is so amazing. He said he won't live without me. I told him he was going to have to," I explained through my tears.
"That is completely ridiculous," whispered Carlisle.
"I know," I whispered.
"I'm talking about you, Bella," said Carlisle. I looked over at him.
"Me?" I asked.
"Bella, I love you like you're my daughter but you have to see how much you effect us all. We all hurt when you're sick but Edward hurts the most. Before you and Edward moved into your house, I would hear him crying while he held you while you slept. I'm not saying that he should give up on life, Bella, but Edward has never looked at anyone the way he looks at you. He loves you so much. You're everything to him. How can you ask him to move on from his life?"
"I don't want him to stop living if I die," I whispered.
"He won't, Bella. He's scared right now. I am going to tell you something that no one else knows," said Carlisle.
"Ok," I whispered.
"When Edward and Alice were six months old, I found out I had lung cancer," he said softly. "It was really hard to accept. Esme was terrified that I was going to die and leave her to raise them alone. I was too, honestly. I spent two years going through chemo. I almost gave up several times but I couldn't do that to my family. I made Esme promise the same thing. She fought me and I said some really shitty things to her. I will regret that forever, Bella," explained Carlisle.
"Do Alice and Edward know?" I asked.
"No," said Carlisle. "They were too little to understand why I was sick all the time but I think they understood more than I realized. Edward has always been the protector of our family. He was always the one to take care of Alice when she was sick or any of us for that matter. Bella, I have never seen Edward like he is with you. I know it's hard to think about what is going to happen when you die. I really hope you don't die for another seventy plus years, but I will make sure that Edward is ok. I will take care of him. You have to let him take care of you now," said Carlisle through his tears as we pulled up in front of the lawyers office in Seattle.
"I'll let him take care of me," I whispered.
"Good," he whispered through his tears. "I just got you as my daughter, Bella. I'm not going to lose you now."
"I love you, Carlisle," I whispered.
"I love you, Bella," whispered Carlisle.
I climbed out of the car at the same time that Edward did. I looked up at him and saw that he had tears pouring down his face too. We ran to each other and I wrapped my arms and legs around him. I tried to speak but I couldn't get anything out through my sobs.
"Baby, I'm sorry," cried Edward.
"I'm sorry. I was wrong," I sobbed.
"No, it was me. I love you so much," he cried.
"I love you, too, Edward," I sobbed. I pulled his lips to mine and kissed him hard. He tightened his grip on me and deepened the kiss.
"Do they know we are here?" whispered Emmett.
"Lets go inside and wait for them," whispered Esme. I heard them all leave but I was to busy kissing Edward. I pulled away but left my forehead to his.
"I don't want to die, Edward. I want forever and ever with you," I whispered.
"We will have forever and ever, Bella," he whispered. "I promise not to wallow in my grief if you do …die."
"I just want you to live for me, if I can't. I want you to do everything on our list for me," I whispered.
"I will. We will do them together," whispered Edward. "Just promise me that you won't ever give up. Promise me you won't stop fighting to live."
"I promise, my love. I am never giving up. I will fight until my last breath," I whispered. I pressed my lips against his again.
"Bella? Edward?" said Carlisle. We broke away and turned to look at him. "We are all glad you have made up but we need to get up there for the meeting."
"Ok," I chuckled. I set my feet on the ground. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist as we made our way inside to the others, who were snickering to each other. "Sorry."
"Don't be sorry, Bella. We are glad to see you two work everything out," said Esme.
"We are too," whispered Edward.
Edward and I followed everyone into the elevator. He pulled me into his arms and I laid my head on his chest as we made our way up the twentieth floor. We stepped off the elevator and made our way down the hall. Carlisle stopped us in front of a tall red haired woman with gray eyes.
"Can I help you?" she asked.
"Yes, We have a meeting with Mr. James Sanders," said Carlisle.
"Your name?" asked the woman.
"Cullen, Swan and Hale," said Carlisle, pointing us all out.
"Just a moment," she said. She pushed a button on her phone. "Mr. Sanders, I have the Cullen's, the Swan's, and the Hale's here."
"Thank you, Victoria. Please show them in," said Mr. Sanders.
"Please follow me," said Victoria. She led us down a short hallway and to a large door. She opened door and the eight of us made our way inside. "May I get any of you something to drink?"
"No, we're fine," said Carlisle.
"Let me know," said Victoria. She shut the door behind us.
"I'm James Sanders. Please have a seat around the conference table," said James. He had dirty blond hair and dark blue eyes. We all gathered around the table and sat down. He came around and sat across from me. His eyes went to my lack of hair. "You must be Isabella."