On her next trip to the base, Caddy only had one goal in mind.
"Hey, Chroma, you seen White?" she asked, poking her head into the common room to talk to the nearest Pearl.
"Oh, Caddy! No, I haven't, sorry."
"Darn. Yellow? Lavender? Pearl?" she tried.
All three of them shook their heads.
"But we've been in here most of today, so…" Lavender trailed off.
"I haven't seen her since she came back from your mission," Yellow volunteered. "Never mind today."
"I'm afraid the same goes for me," Pearl said. "I think she's been in her room."
"Oh." Caddy wilted a bit. "This whole time?"
"Whenever I've tried to talk to her, at least."
"Oh," she repeated. Then she quickly smiled again. "Alright, well, thanks for letting me know!"
She felt unsettled as she walked away, but she didn't want to dwell on it. Maybe White was just being shy. Not that White was a shy gem, but she'd just been thrown together with a bunch of gems she'd never lived with before, so…
"Crimson!" she called, going straight to their leader's office. Nope, not there. Caddy skipped back off in the direction of the training room. "Crimson?" she asked as she came in.
Silver smiled, lifting a hand in greeting and then pointing her thumb over her shoulder.
"Over here!" Crimson was leaning against the far wall, her partially undone ponytail a testament to the practice they must have just finished. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," Caddy said quickly. "Just saying hi. And I was hoping you might could tell me where White is?"
"She should be in her room," Crimson replied, beginning to look worried. "Was she not there?"
"No, I haven't checked yet, I just—" Caddy hesitated. "It seems like nobody's talked to her. Is that true?"
"It is, though not for lack of trying," she sighed. She shapeshifted her hair back into place so smoothly Caddy nearly missed it, and then dusted off her shorts. "She'll answer the door, but doesn't say much, and she hasn't said yes to any invitations to do something outside her room."
She nodded, frowning.
"I don't know whether it's best to leave her or…" Crimson shook her head. "I really think it might be good for her to get to know her new home, but I can't force her to leave her room if she's not ready. Maybe she'd be a little more responsive if you were the one that asked her."
"I'm gonna try," Caddy said determinedly.
"Thanks. Caddy?" she asked as the yellow Pearl moved to leave.
"Yeah?"
"You and Sky are still holding up okay?"
"Yep, we're alright."
"Okay. Be safe."
"You got it, boss."
It was easy to find White's newly designated room, and Caddy knocked out a chipper rhythm on the door. "Whiiiite!"
It only took about five seconds for the door to slide open. "Yes?" White asked.
She looked unchanged from the last time Caddy had seen her, still in her spiky Diamond-chosen outfit that always looked like it'd be uncomfortable. Her expression was unreadable as she stared back at Caddy, waiting for her to explain what she was doing there.
Well, it was better than looking upset, Caddy thought. "Can I come in?" she asked.
"What for?"
"Just to talk."
"About what?"
"It's top secret, you have to let me in before I can tell you!"
White narrowed her eyes. "You're just messing around," she decided, reaching to close the door.
"No, no, no, wait!" Caddy stuck her hand in the way so the door couldn't activate. "I really do want to talk to you. About something important. Can I please come in?"
"…Sure." White stepped aside, watching Caddy enter before closing the door. "Did Crimson send you?"
"Nope, I sent me." She glanced around, not surprised to find the room exactly as White would have received it. "What've you been doing in here?"
She shrugged.
"No, seriously. There's nothing. Aren't you bored?"
"Yes."
"So why don't you go hang out in the common room or something?"
"There's nothing to do there either," White muttered, sitting down on the very corner of her bed.
"Oh, c'mon, there's loads to do!"
She didn't answer, just kept her eyes glued to the floor.
"What are you sulking about?" Caddy demanded, getting a little impatient.
"I'm not sulking," White said. "I don't have anything to do."
"So make something to do." Caddy crossed her arms, hip cocked. "You're being such a pebble about this, White. You're free. You can do whatever you want."
She shook her head.
"Yes, you can," she insisted.
"I wasn't supposed to be free!" White burst out. "I wasn't—You weren't supposed to help me!"
"Then what did you want me to do?"
"I don't know. I was supposed to get shattered!"
Caddy marched over and swept White's bangs up out of her face with one hand. She squinted at her, only a few inches away.
"What are you doing?" she asked tiredly.
"Counting how many eyes you've got," Caddy replied. "One, two. Yep. Not a Sapphire. Zero future vision." She poked at White's gem none too gently, making her wince. "You're alive. Stop feeling sorry for yourself."
"I'm not—"
"You are."
White faltered, pushing Caddy's hand away. "I don't want to do this right now."
"What do you want?" Caddy snapped, all humor gone from her voice. "To go running back to your Diamond? Is that easier?"
The words hit White hard, and her fists curled tight around the uneven hem of her skirt. Her eyes felt hot, tears gathering and falling before she could even recognize what they were.
Caddy took a step forward, and then back, looking scared. "I—White, I didn't mean—"
She shook her head, covering her face with trembling hands. "I don't want to go back," she whispered.
"I know. I know, I'm sorry."
"Everything's confusing. You keep asking what I want, but I didn't want anything. I couldn't. I don't know."
"White…" She reached out tentatively, dropping to her knees before her as her fingers grazed White's arm. "White, I'm sorry. Of course you're—of course it's different than what you expected."
"No, you're right," she whispered. "I'm being a pebble. I'm pathetic."
"You're not pathetic," Caddy said desperately. She got up again, wrapped an arm around White's shoulders, and squeezed tight. "No one thinks you're pathetic. I was just trying to snap you out of this. You're not acting like you anymore."
"That's because I don't know what to act like!" White dropped her hands from her face and smacked them into the sheets. "I don't know! I have no idea what to expect!"
"The unexpected?" she tried, unable to hit the lighthearted note she was aiming for.
"I'm better at dying than I am at living," she said brokenly.
"Are you kidding me, White?" Caddy let go of her and sat down, turning White's face gently before placing a palm over her gem. "You're great at living. You live more in a day than most Pearls do in a lifetime. You're just used to working with a deadline." She paused. "Stars, that's some of my worst wordplay yet and I wasn't even trying."
White choked out a faint laugh, leaning into her touch minutely. "Cadmium…"
"Caddy."
"Yes, alright." She sighed, letting her eyes slip shut. "I'm sorry if I seemed ungrateful," she said softly. "You have every right to be angry with me."
"I'm not angry with you," the other Pearl responded, eyebrow raising in surprise as she lowered her hand. "I thought you were angry at me."
"Why would I be angry?" She looked up at Caddy, shocked. "You saved my life."
"Well, you didn't seem too happy about it," she muttered, shoulders hunching a little. "Holing up in here and not talking to anybody."
"It's a lot to get used to."
"So…you don't hate me?"
"Of course not. Where did you get that idea?"
Caddy chewed at her lip, shrugging.
"Well, I don't." White's hand twitched like she wanted to reach out but stopped herself. "I'm sorry, Cadmium."
"It's Caddy," she corrected automatically, voice dull. "But thanks."
She sighed. "That really bothers you? It's the name you chose."
"The name doesn't bother me, you bother me," Caddy muttered, pulling at the tops of her thigh highs with a frown.
"Why?"
"Don't worry about it," she said quietly.
"Why?" White repeated stubbornly.
"Because all you ever do is keep your distance!" she burst out. "No matter how many times I correct you, no matter how much I want to be friends with you, no matter what I say I'm always just Cadmium, just Yellow Diamond's Pearl, and that's all that matters to you!" The fiery words left her just as quickly as they'd come. "I know I'm not anything special. I just wanted to be there if you ever needed anyone."
Not for the first time since her rescue, White was at a total loss for what to do. She just didn't know. She'd never had to have this kind of conversation with anyone, much less Caddy. "That's wrong," were the first words to slip from her mouth, though she knew immediately they weren't the right ones. "That's… No." She pressed her palm to her forehead, closing her eyes briefly. "I kept my distance on purpose," she said finally. "It wasn't because I wanted to, and it's certainly not due to any failure on your part."
Caddy remained silent, not looking at her.
"You've always mattered to me," she admitted. "You—plural you—you and Sky and everyone…" She drew in a shaky breath, feeling tears threaten again and fighting them back. "I just didn't want to get attached. I didn't—I didn't want to have anything to lose." White shook her head. "I'm not nearly as good at that as I thought I was."
"Oh," she murmured.
"And yes, at the beginning I called you Cadmium because it was easier. But then it just got to be routine—the back-and-forth we always do, I mean—and I guess I got attached to that instead." She swiped a hand across her eyes. "I didn't know it bothered you. I'm sorry." Guilt gnawed at her chest, and she pressed her lips together, not wanting to say any more.
A hysterical laugh was wrenched out of Caddy's throat. "You've got to be kidding me," she said in a strained voice. "I've been agonizing over this forever and I—you—"
"Sorry."
"You're the worst, White."
"Sorry," she repeated almost inaudibly.
"Oh. Oh, stars, no, I didn't mean to make you cry again." Caddy grabbed for her hand inelegantly.
"I didn't mean for you to think I hated you or—"
"I know," she interrupted. "I get it now."
"I don't hate you. I don't think you're 'just' anything. I'm—I'm bad at this. I thought it was just for fun. I always liked talking to you, even when I was trying to convince myself I didn't."
"It's okay," Caddy said. "It's okay, White, shh." She squeezed her hand firmly.
She nodded, bringing her other hand on top of Caddy's.
"It's okay if you're bad at it," she continued with a small smile. "Apparently I'm really bad at reading you too."
White laughed a little, averting her eyes. "Can we try to figure it out?"
"'Course."
She nodded gratefully.
"You okay?"
"Yes." White swiped her free hand across her face. "I don't know why I'm crying so much today. I guess everything just caught up with me."
"Well, don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Got to protect your reputation, after all."
She laughed. "Thanks."
"You are very welcome," Caddy said grandly.
"And for coming to talk to me and…and everything. Thanks for being patient with me, Caddy."
Her eyes went wide and her grip got almost impossibly tight on White's fingers, her whole face nearly glowing with happiness. "You're welcome," she said again, a big smile spreading across her lips. "You're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around White.
"You only need to say it once," she complained halfheartedly.
"No, I need to say it a lot."
"Oh, alright," White relented, tentatively bringing her arms up to hug Caddy back.
"Say it again?" she asked hopefully.
"Caddy."
"Thank you!" Caddy squeezed her tight and then let go to give her some space. "I don't mind if you want to call me Cadmium when you're teasing though."
"Okay." She smiled. "It'll be Caddy the rest of the time."
"Can I give you a nickname too?"
"No."
"Aww, why not?"
"You can't shorten 'White' into anything anyway."
"Watch me try."
White laughed. "You're ridiculous."
"It cheers you up, doesn't it?" Caddy poked the tip of her nose.
"I suppose it does," she replied, voice softening. "I'm sorry, it's still going to take me some time to get used to things, I think."
"That's okay. Maybe come out and talk to everybody once in a while though."
"That would probably help," White agreed. "It's just that I barely know anyone."
"You know me."
"Sort of. I mean, that's mostly because you're stubborn enough to keep talking to me."
"Well, everybody else wants to talk to you too, if you give them a chance."
"About what?"
"It doesn't matter about what," Caddy laughed. "Not everything has to be about something. Just go say hi."
"Oh. Alright, I suppose I can try that."
"When you're ready," she added more seriously. "There's no rush."
"Well, I seem to work better on a time crunch, so I'm going to pretend there is. Besides, I need something to do and Crimson refuses to give me any kind of job because she's worried I'll go shatter myself."
"She said that?"
"It was implied. I think." White shrugged. "Either way, I'm bored. I'm not used to being bored."
"You aren't going to shatter yourself, are you?"
"Stars no."
"Good."
"I really am grateful that you helped me, Cadmi—Caddy. I just wasn't expecting it."
"Gotcha," she returned with a smile. "Well, it's nothing exciting, but if you want to help me sort through the new junk in the storage rooms for scrap metal, I'd appreciate the company."
"Isn't that Snow's job? Or, um, the not-Crimson red Pearl's?"
"Quinacridone?"
"Yeah. I've only met her one time, so I forget."
"That's okay. Anyway, it's their day to train, so I said I'd help out! I like doing odd jobs."
"Ah." White hesitated. "Sure, I can help with that."
"Awesome." She stood up, offering White a hand. "I won't tell the boss if you don't."
"Deal."
Caddy helped White to her feet and immediately began pulling her towards the door. "Then let's go!"
Despite the not-really-serious promise, the two of them almost immediately ran into Crimson on their way over.
"Oh no, we've been caught!" Caddy gasped in mock horror, jumping to hide behind White.
"What are you doing?" White asked, glancing over her shoulder.
"Hiding!" She reached around to poke White's cheek. "You're supposed to say that in return for me saving you from the Agate, you'll save me from Crimson."
"Why?"
Crimson chuckled as Caddy rolled her eyes. "Never mind." She came out from behind White. "Anyway, boss, is it okay if White helps me out with my chores today?"
"I don't see any problem with it. Just don't leave base, White."
"She won't!" Caddy smiled. "Okay, see ya later, boss!"
"See you." Crimson looked pleased as Caddy began trying to haul White after her. "Glad to see you out and about," she added to White.
White nodded, not sure what to say, but Caddy pulled her away and spared her the trouble of coming up with an answer.
The other Pearl waved her into the storage room first when they arrived. "Here we go! Some of this is stuff you brought actually, if I remember right."
"It is." White looked around. "Who got the rest?"
"No idea, but I'd guess Violet." Caddy smiled, shrugging. "Anyway, want to start over here?"
"Sure." White followed her over to the right-hand side of the room and began pulling some items from the nearest pile.
"So we usually do one pile for metals to take to Azalea, one pile for tech stuff to give to Chroma in case she wants it, and one pile of everything else that Snow will go through later."
"Makes sense," she said with a nod.
It was easy work, but it was more interesting than White had imagined it. She'd never really taken the time to look at the things she stole before. And Caddy was surprisingly quiet once they settled in, a comfortable kind of quiet.
Still, right now there were things White wanted to talk about.
"Cadmium? I mean, Caddy?"
"Here and here! Don't worry about it," she added when White frowned. "It'll take some getting used to, after all this time."
"It hasn't been that long."
"Been your whole life, hasn't it?" Caddy gave White a friendly poke in the shoulder. "You're practically brand new."
"I am not," White said, unbothered. "And you're not that much older than me yourself."
"Suuuure. So what did you want to ask me?"
"I…" She looked uncertain of herself. "I was wondering if I could ask for your help," she said slowly. "With…people. You're good with people."
"Aww, thank you!"
"I was just stating a fact."
"Doesn't mean it's not a compliment."
"Oh. Well, I want you to help me with things like that. Compliments and…getting along with the other Pearls. I've never had to do it before."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay, I can help with that." Caddy leaned in happily, swaying forward and then back again. "I mean, I bet you'll catch on quicker than you think, but I'm happy to help."
"Oh, alright."
"Lesson number one," Caddy said easily, "is saying thank you."
"Okay, what about it?" White asked, expecting a whole speech on the subject.
"Just try saying it."
"Right now?"
"Yeah. When you ask somebody to do something for you and they say yes, then you say thank you. And smile."
White nodded slowly. "Thank you," she said.
"Perfect! You pass!"
"I'm serious, Caddy, I want you to actually—"
"I get it, I get it! Sorry, I'm not taking it lightly, I promise." She gave White a warm smile. "I just don't think you need to take this so seriously, you know? There's not a script for getting along with people."
"It would be simpler if there was."
"Simpler but boring."
"Maybe so," White admitted.
"I'll teach you the basics, okay? Like, I don't know, even saying hello when you come into a room would probably make gems feel like you're easier to talk to."
White's shoulders drooped slightly. "I'm that bad?"
"No, no, you're not!" Caddy immediately went to hug her, then withdrew, not sure whether White would appreciate the contact. "You're not bad. There's just some stuff you skip that the rest of us take for granted, so it's kinda jarring when you don't do it. Hellos, goodbyes, thank yous, that sort of thing. It doesn't even have to be those words. It's just about acknowledging the person you're talking to."
"Oh. I guess that makes sense."
"Is there anybody in particular you wanna talk to?" Caddy asked curiously.
White shook her head.
"Nobody?"
"I mean, I'd be fine just talking to you more."
Caddy blushed a little. "Besides me though."
"Mm…not really. I was just going to try everyone. Who do you think I should talk to?"
"Well, I don't know, whoever you like! Pearl? Do you wanna talk to Pearl? You've got stuff in common with her."
"I do? Like what?"
"Well, actually I just picked her because you shared a Diamond, but I bet there's something else too."
"Not Pearl," White decided. "I want a break from talking about Diamonds."
"Duly noted, I definitely get where you're coming from." Caddy tapped a finger on her lips. "Okay, let's see…you'd probably like hanging out with somebody who's more fast-paced, right? Maybe Silver?"
"I don't think Silver likes me very much."
"Huh? Why wouldn't she?"
"She keeps pestering me to come to training or whatever, and I haven't gone."
"Nah, she'll understand. That's just her way of trying to look out for you. Gotta be able to protect yourself, right?"
"Oh…" White blinked slowly. "I guess I do have to now."
"Well, training's not so bad," Caddy continued, trying to keep the mood light. "And hey, it's a way to get to know Silver and everybody too, so you should go."
"I guess I can try."
"I'll go with you, if you want."
"Don't you have to go back to your Diamond at some point?"
"Bleh. Don't remind me." Caddy kicked her legs back and forth, shifting her hair into a copy of Sky's because it was comforting.
"Where is she?"
"Who?"
White pointed to her ponytail.
"Oh, Sky? The usual. We're trying to stagger our visits more often so we won't both be gone at the same time, y'know? It sucks since it means we don't get to talk to each other as much, but it's safer."
"Oh." White frowned. "That's my fault, isn't it?"
"Huh?"
"That you have to be really careful now."
"I'll take careful over losing a friend any day," Caddy said with a shrug. "Don't worry about it."
"Okay." White kept staring at her.
"What?" she asked, laughing.
"Nothing. I'm thinking."
"Well, don't think too hard, you're not used to it," she teased.
White rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to sorting.
"Really, it's fine," Caddy said more seriously. "Our goal was always for all three of us to be safe, so…it's a step in that direction, you know? It's tough, but it means we're moving forward like we wanted."
"You should leave too."
"We will soon."
"No, right now."
Caddy blinked, startled by the intensity in White's voice.
"You said you want to be safe," she pointed out.
"Well, sure, but it's more complicated than that. I mean, we gotta think about the Pearls that would come after us, you know?"
"After you?"
"Yeah. Trust me, my Diamond isn't on board with the let's-stop-having-Pearls plan yours was trying to push, and neither is Sky's."
"Wait, what? What plan?"
"She was saying stupid overblown stuff about getting rid of Pearls when you first disappeared. Calmed down after a couple days, but still…" Caddy shivered. "Scary."
White nodded slowly, hand jumping up to touch the gem in her forehead. "But she didn't make another one to replace me?"
"Uh-uh. Couldn't be swayed on that."
"Oh." She felt conflicted, her brow furrowing as much as it was able around her gem. "Good," she decided after a few seconds' thought. "I wouldn't want there to be another one after me either, now that you've brought it up."
"Yeah." Caddy smiled reassuringly. "'Sides, one White's enough for me." She bumped White's shoulder lightly with her own, pleased when she caught the hint of a smile on the other Pearl's face.
"What do we do about yours though?" White asked. "Since your Diamonds are less paranoid than mine?"
"Mm, well…Sky's been talking to Crimson about it a little and they have some ideas that might could work." She caught White's curious look. "I'm not being vague on purpose, I just haven't had a chance to hear details so I don't want to tell you the wrong thing. Sky's better at that kinda stuff than me anyway."
"She is?"
"Yep, definitely. I'm more of a 'point me in the right direction and I'll stab 'em for you' type. Or, uh, retrieve information for you. The stabbing's still pretty new to me."
White cracked a small smile. "I guess you all seem really slow and methodical from my perspective."
"Well, I'll slowly and methodically stab someone for you any day," Caddy said happily.
"…Do I say thank you to that?"
"If you want," she laughed.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome!" Caddy beamed. "But hey! You said you didn't want to talk about the Diamonds and we're talking about the Diamonds! Changing the subject!"
"I don't—"
"What's your favorite color?"
"What?"
"Your favorite color. I wanna know."
"Is that a trick question?"
"I would never trick you!" Caddy gasped, pretending to be hurt.
"Yes, you would."
"Okay, I would, but it's not a trick! Though you will gain points if you say yellow…"
"It's not yellow." White's eyes strayed back to the pile in front of her. "It's not like I've really thought about it before anyway."
"That's okay, just tell me what you like right this instant. You can always change your mind later."
"Right now?" She blushed, a light blue appearing on her cheeks. "I like the colors in the window in my room. I don't know which specific one my favorite is though."
"Ooh, yeah, some of the window settings are really pretty! Which one do you have it on? I didn't notice."
"There's more than one?"
"There's ten, I think! Chroma did a really good job with them!"
"Oh, I didn't know she made them."
"Mm-hm." She watched White for a moment. "You wanna go tell her thank you?"
"Should I?"
"Well, you don't have to, but it'd be a good practice run. Chroma's super nice, and she gets really happy when anybody compliments her work, so you can't go wrong."
"Okay. I'll try that then."
"Great!" Caddy jumped up. "I feel like you probably also need a lesson in thinking about things before you agree to them, but we'll save that for another day. Let's go!"
White let Caddy pull her out of the room. "I thought we were working."
"Shush, I'm being spontaneous! Like you!"
"Okay," White laughed. "Aren't I supposed to be learning from you though?"
"We're gonna learn from each other," Caddy countered, tugging her forward. "There's nothing wrong with a little spontaneity. But for the record, I will totally blame you if we get into trouble because of it."
"That's fine."
"Oh, come on, don't agree to that! I was kidding. 'Sides, Crimson's not gonna care." She gave White a small nudge with her elbow. "We're all just happy to see you."
"Thanks."
Caddy gave her a thumbs up.
"So…I can basically do anything and I won't get in trouble?"
"That's the spirit! What do you want to do? I've got some glitter bombs with Cyan's name on them if you're interested."
"What are glitter bombs?"
Caddy grinned. "I'll show you as soon as you're done with your thank you. You can even experience them firsthand, if you want."
White gave her a suspicious look.
"C'mon, live dangerously."
"I think I'm done with that."
"Yeah, you are," she said happily. "It'll be a celebration. Fun, harmless, glittery danger."
"Works for me."