Valentine's Day itself was just as annoying as the weekend. Wherever Remus went he came across Flirting and Giggling and also heard a lot of snogging in side corridors. The smell of gross hormones were everywhere. Even the ghosts seemed a little amped up. Sir Nicholas was telling a bunch of girls a really romantic knightly tale, and when Remus tried to hide out in Myrtle's bathroom she kept talking about boys she thought were handsome; she also kept asking him when he'd bring 'the handsome friend' back, which Remus finally figured out meant Sirius. Actually, she got a little aggressive about it.

His mother sent a dozen heart shaped cookies with pink frosting which he split up for only his male friends. He did not dare share those with Lily! He was sure she wouldn't see anything more than just him wanting to share with his friends however he knew Colgate and Inkwood would read too much into it, and he didn't want to deal with their giggling.

Tuesday wasn't too bad, but Remus was still grumpy when he went to Occlumency. Fawley sensed it, inquiring as to what was wrong. He sighed, not really sure how to explain. "Valentine's," he finally said.

"Is there a girl you like that won't notice you?" Fawley asked, tilting her head to one side.

"What? No! Eww! No!" Remus crinkled his nose up. "It w-was just a very... frilly... weekend. Ugh."

Fawley gave a light chuckle. "Sometimes I forget how young you are." Remus wasn't sure what that had to do with anything so he remained silent. After she reached into him, the first thing she saw was the results of the Valentine's dessert. She broke contact immediately, full on laughing. "Your friends are too much."

"In a... bad way?" Remus asked, thinking about Lily's lecture.

Fawley just shook her head. "The staff here are in for quite the adventure over the next few years."

Remus had to agree with that. They were already preparing for their next prank which they intended to be the Bogey one. That afternoon had been spent practicing putting spells on a doorway for hours. They were getting better, but no where near the level they needed to be for their plans. Of course one of the biggest problems was: who to spring this on? Naturally the Slytherins. James really wanted to do the Slytherins and Hufflepuffs since that would mean the most kids... except the class they shared was Astronomy so it'd be too risky even for their taste, roaming around after midnight like that with a high probability of getting caught (Remus's words). Ultimately they thought the best choice was Herbology with Slytherins and Ravenclaws. They considered the Potions dungeon with Slytherins and Gryffindors but James wanted more victims.

Once their choice had been made the next step was finding out when the other two houses had Herbology, to see if they could pull it off. If it was at the same time as one of their classes they'd be unable-unless they skipped, which Remus was adamantly against ("Nerd," Sirius complained). James and Sirius began discussing ways to find out and Remus let them go on for several minutes before reminding them he had study group with some of their intended victims.

Over the next few days Remus tried his best to wheedle information from the other students without it being too suspicious (or so he hoped). He knew it was in the afternoon and finally got the unfortunate discovery that their Herbology classes were first thing after lunch on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays when the Gryffindors were still in Defense.

"So we skip," James said, ignoring Remus's McGonagall-esque pressed lips. "We're gonna get caught anyway since we gotta hang 'round to keep the spells on the door."

"Or we just inflict the prank on Potions class," Remus suggested.

"That'd only be twenty-two students," whined James.

"It's still quite an accomplished feat... Almost two dozen at once if we manage the prank."

That drew an egotistical smile onto James's face. "True."

Sirius spun his wand between his fingers. "Shall we try the door spell with the bogey spell...? We've only tried the tripping jinx up until now and we're managing that pretty good."

Peter gave a heavy sigh, rubbing his nose, anticipating already having to be the 'volunteer'. Remus hopped out of bed and pointed his wand at the door, focusing hard as he muttered the incantation. It took a lot out of him still. The door glowed faintly blue for a second then it looked normal again. Sirius and James pointed their wands, carefully pronouncing the bogey hex. The door glowed again, then faded.

Peter-who had already gone outside-came in when James shouted the okay. He nervously jerked through the doorway, hand going to his nose. All the boys waited with no reward: no bogeys, no glops, nothing. Peter dropped his hand, shrugging at them. They tried a couple more times but Remus grew too exhausted to keep trying much longer so they gave up for the time being.

"The more complex the spell, the harder it is to keep that activation spell on there," he said as they all flopped onto the floor to share some of James's candy.

"Shame you don't just put the activating spell on it and can leave it like that," Sirius mused as he unwrapped a gummy cauldron. "You know-just, having to keep that connection seems so... so... uhhh... not productive..."

Remus tried his best not to roll his eyes. They never listened. How did teachers do it? "It does," he explained slowly. "That is the intention of the spell. We're eleven. Trying a very advanced spell. It's not going to work properly or have its full efficiency."

"Actually, Pete and I are twelve," Sirius said, jabbing the air with one finger. "But I get your point."

Never before had Remus felt the absolute and unconditional need to put his head in his hands and groan. Or scream. Both seemed like good options while Sirius kept that cocky grin on his face.

"I can't wait till we get older and learn even cooler spells!" Peter exclaimed, clapping his hands. "Well, you guys learn cooler spells. I'll probably still be working on our first year stuff."

"You'll be fine," Remus said, a little muffled since his hands were still over his face.

Peter gave him a small smile, not believing him at all. "You are all so much better than me. Especially you, Remus. I don't know how you do it. Your brain is like... not even human."

It took a lot of effort to continue smiling, to not react, not look like he had just been punched in the gut. A small part of him felt terrified by Peter's words... like he had figured it out... but Remus knew Peter didn't actually know, he was talking about Remus's intelligence level. However he couldn't shake off the icicle of dread that had formed inside of him. His friends were now laughing, joking-mostly about Remus's brain. Sirius rapped his knuckles against Remus's head very gently, saying something that, frankly, sounded like gibberish to Remus. They all sounded nonsensical. Not English. Remus excused himself for the bathroom and once inside he took several deep breaths, balancing himself against the sink. Peter's words pulled Remus into that dizzying, sweaty, shaky, panicky sort of feeling that he despised. He didn't blame Peter at all; he had meant it as a compliment, and Remus felt like absolute crap that someone complimenting him could send him into this spinning abyss. It wasn't right!

Finally he splashed his face with cold water to try and calm down, then returned to the dorm feeling like he was almost drifting outside his own body. Maybe's Sirius's snark did make my soul eject itself... He continued to feel weirdly detached from everything which he didn't like one bit, especially since his friends still sounded incoherent. Then he couldn't take it another second. It took a lot of stammering and stumbling with words until Sirius realized what he was trying to say, figuring out that Remus needed to be alone. I'm sorry, Remus thought as they left the dorm. I don't know what's wrong with me-besides the obvious... but-I'm sorry...

He crawled under his bed and curled up there, clutching a book he intended to read but instead just fell asleep.

()

Saturday brought another Quidditch game to the school: Ravenclaw versus Hufflepuff. Remus thought it'd be a good time to practice their prank since they wouldn't really have to listen for anyone to interrupt them for a while, however all three of his friends wanted to go to the game. They begged Remus to go with them and after he continually refused they finally trudged off towards the pitch. The Gryffindor common room was pretty empty so Remus just stretched out on the sofa by the fire and read for a couple hours, completely lost in his book, until everyone returned, disappointed that Ravenclaw had won by a lot. James tried explaining the points to Remus who just nodded, pretending to listen, figuring he could probably read a Quidditch book over the summer to prepare for when James got on the team.

"Our game against Ravenclaw isn't until the end," grumbled James as he messed with his Gryffindor scarf. "May. We've got Slytherin first."

"We should fight Slytherin last, it'd be the most epic," said Sirius. "Ravenclaws are just boring."

The next day, however, they had a pretty bad altercation with some Ravenclaws. It was entirely James and Sirius's fault. The four boys had been playing outside in some fresh snow and were heading back to the castle when James and Sirius decided to race. They sprinted ahead, bursting through the castle doors, knocking into two Ravenclaws who angrily protested their rambunctiousness. Remus and Peter jogged into the corridor just as the shouting match began.

"-WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" one of the Ravenclaws yelled.

"YOU'RE THE ONES STANDING AROUND IN FRONT OF A DOOR!" James yelled right back.

Remus covered his ears as their voices grew louder, more intense. The female Ravenclaw did her best to get the boy to back down while Peter began tugging at James's sleeve.

"Ugh, Pratty Potter!" the Ravenclaw snarled, using one of the nicknames that had become popular among those who didn't like them. "You Gryffindors are all the same!"

"What, completely awesome?" James struck a pose. "I know we are. Rather be lion-hearted than bird-brained."

"Least Ravenclaws have a brain! You don't seem to have any at all, your ego's taking up too much room in that big head of yours!"

"Oh, I've got a big head?" James snorted as he whipped his wand out. "Engorgio skullus!"

The Ravenclaw's head began swelling up like a balloon. Remus's jaw dropped a little as the poor boy's head just grew and grew. The girl stumbled back, staring with wide, fearful eyes at her companion. James just began laughing, slapping this thighs and elbowing Sirius who was laughing too. They were both doubled over, wheezing, tears running down their faces, Sirius managing to get out that they should do the spell again and see how big they could get the kid's head. Remus still had his hands over his ears plus with the laughter meant he didn't hear the footsteps behind them, and was just as surprised when two hands reached out to snatch James and Sirius both, yanking them back. It was a very livid McGonagall.

"What is going on?!" she demanded, eyes snapping towards the Ravenclaw whose head had grown about twice its normal size. His skin looked tight, eyes rather popping out like fish eyes. It looked quite painful. "Mr. Aubrey! What happened to you?"

His mouth moved but the sounds that came out were more like moans. He reached up, fingers scrabbling at his shiny, taut cheeks. His friend stepped forward. "Those two!" She pointed a finger at the two Gryffindors in McGonagall's clutches. "They cursed him for no reason!"

McGonagall pulled James back a little to glare at him. "What spell did you use?" she asked and James merely shrugged. "Miss Rockfowl could you please escort Mr. Aubrey to the hospital wing? I'll be there momentarily. Mr. Lupin-" Remus jumped at his name, his stomach churning violently. "-what spell did Mr. Potter use?"

"Actually-I d-d-don't know-" he stammered out. "I d-didn't-um, recognize it..." He wanted to say it was a variation of the engorgement charm but it was probably obvious enough to anyone involved that he didn't need to.

"Thank you, Mr. Lupin. Now, come along you two." She dragged James and Sirius off while Remus's shoulders sagged, feeling both happy he wasn't in trouble as well as a little bit guilty for getting off.

"They're gonna be in so much trouble," Peter whispered, clutching at Remus's sleeve now.

"Especially since I-I-I think James made-made that spell up himself." He wasn't sure though. His mind was spinning rapidly as he tried to think if he had ever heard of that spell before, but he was pretty sure he hadn't. That didn't necessarily mean James made it up, and for his sake Remus hoped he hadn't. "C-come on..."

They waited in their dorm until nearly an hour had passed. Then James and Sirius finally returned. Sirius had a very big grin on his face, his grey eyes dancing with amusement. James seemed a little more impassive.

"Are you in much trouble?" Pete asked, jumping to his feet.

"Yep!" Sirius laughed. "We got big-time detention, points taken off, and a huge lecture. Totally worth it though-did you see how big that guy's head got?!" He fell onto his bed, laughing even harder. Remus noticed James smelled rather angry which he didn't understand, and didn't really want to ask about. He just watched in silence as James rummaged around in his desk, muttering to himself. Sirius finally quieted down and picked up a pillow, lobbing it at James, sending him stumbling. "Oh stop that."

"Hmph."

"Wh... what's wrong?" Remus finally ventured.

Hazel eyes blazed at him. For a second Remus thought James was mad at him for some reason, but then James began shaking his head. "She called it an illegal hex. Cause it's not in any books or anything!" He punched his pillow a few times. "I got in loads of trouble for that. She's even writing home to my parents."

Remus rubbed his arms anxiously. "J-James, did you make up that spell?"

James hesitated then slowly began smiling. "Sorta. Mum did. She's used it on Dad before when he makes her mad. One, he went around for a whole day until she finally removed it."

"Terrific hex," Sirius said then finally James began laughing.

"So will your parents be mad?" Peter asked.

"Ehhhhh." James threw himself onto Sirius's bed. "Probably not. They never get mad at me. I'm their darling. Usually they just say I'm brilliant."

"That explains a lot," Remus said automatically, garnering a dark glare from James. Whoops. At least Sirius snickered-well, hid a snicker.

"Ugh. It isn't fair. He's fine, it's just because the spell's not written down suddenly it's illegal?" James decided to go back to complaining, and at least had an audience in Peter who kept nodding, making agreement noises at the proper places.

Remus stretched out on his own bed, going into one of his books. Sirius slid out of his bed to go join Remus on his, and elbowed him for his attention. When Remus glanced up, Sirius held his hand up and began opening and shutting it in the 'talking' motion, nodding to James. Remus put his book against his lower face, trying hard not to laugh. Sirius grinned, elbowed him again, then returned to his bed to agree with James at how unfair it all was. James remained moody until evening when supper rolled around and Aubrey's head was still oversized, then the two of them began laughing all over again

()

Ever since James and Snape had had detention together the week before Valentine's (about two weeks now!), Remus's friends had barely even looked at Snape so he hoped maybe they'd stop, for Lily's sake, however on Monday afternoon a great big tureen of gravy tipped over all over him during lunch. He rocketed out of his seat, dripping gravy everywhere, cheeks pink while his fellow Slytherins laughed at him. Sirius quietly put his wand away and gave James a low five under the table. It was so close to one pm that Remus knew Snape would most likely be late for his next class.

At supper a pitcher fell onto its side, sending pumpkin juice spreading all over the Gryffindor table and dripping into the laps of Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus.

"Snape did it, I saw him," grumbled James, shaking juice off his sleeves. "Such a git." Over at the Slytherin table Snape had his head ducked down but his shoulders were shaking with silent laughter.

We did it to him this afternoon, Remus thought as he gathered napkins, then was a little surprised that he included himself with that even though he hadn't done it at all, just Sirius. He blotted up the juice, sighing over the fact he'd either have to go to study group smelling like pumpkin or probably miss it all for a shower which seemed like the better option.

"Say, Remy..." Sirius leaned in close. "Think you could convince Evans to tell ya what Snivellus is afraid of?"

"N-no!" he said sharply. "She'd never say. Besides, I wouldn't even ask her." He glanced over at Lily who was watching the four of them with interest. She gave a vague apologetic smile before turning back to her friends.

"What were you thinking?" Pete asked.

"Spiders," replied Sirius, looking quite wicked. "Everyone's creeped out by spiders."

"Even a snake?" joked James, causing Sirius to snort. "Okay so we get spiders. Then what?"

"I dunno, that's about as far as I got. Dump them on him? Put'em in his bag? I wish we knew how to get in the Slytherin common room to put them in his bed..."

"Dumping them on him sounds pretty good," James said, rubbing his chin. "He wasn't too keen sorting them when we had that detention together. Course, anyone would flip out if suddenly a few dozen spiders were all over you!"

"Levitate a bucket full of spiders..."

"Then tip it over!"

"Loads of different kinds!"

"Maybe maggots too-"

"We'll save that for someone else. That's too much like family for him."

"Hah! You're right about that."

The two of them gave each other high fives now while Peter and Remus just shook their heads at each other. Seemed the war on Snape was definitely continuing.