Monika and Sayori walked side by side down the road. The Sun shined overhead, and to Monika's delight, not all of the snow that had been there earlier in the day had melted, and the girl took sidelong glances at the little piles, smiling excitedly. However, she didn't outright stop for any of them. She was determined to figure out what the player knew, and nothing was going to slow her down.
"So…"
Monika looked over at Sayori. "Hm? What is it?"
Sayori tilted her head curiously. "You've never walked home with me before."
Monika gave what she hoped was a convincingly casual giggle. "Well, you know. This isn't really my part of town. We should definitely do it more often, though! This is fun!"
Sayori's brow furrowed in worry and she returned her gaze to the street.
"What is it?" asked Monika.
"Don't you live three houses down from me?" Sayori asked.
"O-Oh," Monika stammered. Another difference from the game. There was, after all, a lot she that she still didn't know, so perhaps it would be in her best interests to say as little as possible until she got to the player's house. She kept to herself until Sayori's house came into view. She recognized it from the image files she'd browsed back when she was still in the game. And if that one was Sayori's, then the player character's would have to be…
"Hey," Sayori said.
Monika jumped a bit. "Uh, yeah? What is it?"
Sayori walked around so that she was in Monika's field of vision and smiled softly. "We're friends, right?"
Monika wrung her hands together behind her back, uncertain as to where this conversation was going. She managed to look Sayori in the eye and nod. "Mhm."
"And friends can be honest with each other, right?" Sayori continued, keeping her eyes on Monika.
Monika couldn't help herself from looking away. "Sayori, I'm fine. You're just worrying about me too much."
"Monika."
Sayori's voice had dropped both in pitch and in tone. Her heart skipping a couple of beats, Monika turned to face the girl. Sayori's expression was an ambiguous mixture of hurt, confusion, and sympathy.
"I'm very good at telling when people are lying to me."
And something about Sayori's grief-stricken face, something about the genuine tone of her voice yanked Monika right out of her body and brought her back to a place and an emotion which she was all too familiar with. A club with no happiness. A hole in the wall. A pathway for everyone that mattered. And down one path, a house, and within that house, a room, and within that room, a noose, and within that noose…
Guilt.
After a few moments passed, Sayori's voice rose again, a quiet whisper in the silence the two friends were sharing. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"
Monika gulped, feeling tension and shame rise to her cheeks in equal parts. Guilt. "I can't."
"You won't or you can't?" Sayori asked, her tone unrelentingly gentle.
"I…" Monika couldn't meet Sayori's eyes. Why did she feel so guilty?
But, she knew why. And now she knew that she should've been feeling like this for a long time, now. She just didn't have the capacity to. But now, she did, and it hurt.
"I can't," Monika repeated quietly.
Sayori sighed and looked away. "Okay. Well, I'm here if you want to talk. I'll see you tomorrow."
Monika tried to wave goodbye to her friend but instead ended up stumbling forward, clutching her chest. It was awful. It was a highly personal kind of pain, too. Her throat felt too big, her stomach too full. She felt like she wanted to throw up again just like she'd done that morning, except whatever it was that was inside of her just wouldn't come out. It just kept squirming around in her belly, making her feel more revolted with herself for housing it by the second.
Monika groaned and leaned on a nearby fence, her vision swimming. Why hadn't she thought of all of this before? Why was it only now that she was feeling guilty? Now, that she had essentially told Sayori to screw off and leave her alone? Was she that short-sighted? And that was only considering Sayori. She hadn't even started thinking about what she'd done to her other friends. Yuri. Natsuki.
Sayori. Natsuki. Yuri. What she'd done to them.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
…
…
…
"Hey, are you alright?"
Monika, disturbed though she was, looked up and saw a teenage boy in school attire standing before her with a confused and concerned expression on his face.