Chapter 4: Awakening

Reasons to stay alive. . .Honestly? I don't have an answer besides being too afraid to die. Breathing is becoming hard for me. Thinking actual thoughts is even harder. I honestly don't know who I am or what I want. I just know that I want to stay awake. Liar. No I don't, I don't want to wake up. Go to sleep, little lamb. Go to sleep. The voice in my head is soft and soothing, convincing me I should sleep, but I don't want to. Sleeping puts me in a bad mood and I am a liar. I'm running away from so many things all at once and I wish I could stop.

I wish my life would stop.

When I sleep, I feel regret and guilt, because I know I have to wake up and lie all over again. I don't want to lie anymore. The lie that currently covers every inch of my skull is the face of James Volterra, my first imaginary friend. His hair is a deep-sea darkness of curls, overgrown and full as they spill into his lime green eyes. In my dreams he is always wearing a black suit more expensive than my three handheld systems combined. He smiles at me and dimples appear in each cheek, there's a knowing glint in his eyes that says he knows that I wish he would stop appearing. But like all things that appear in my life, I have no control on when or how or even why they show up.

He doesn't speak. Ever. In my dreams his smiles and his overconfident body language is enough to display that I am his prisoner in this dream. He offers me his hand and suddenly we're dancing, my nightgown is now a puffy pink strapless ballgown with sequins splattered all cross it.

A splash of water hits me like a freight train and I scream as I jolt upright, gasping and curling away against a cold grey wall. "Geez, you'd think I had murdered you the way you conked out!" Angel's laughter is in my head again, I've left one nightmare only to be trapped in another. I keep my eyes closed and refuse to turn away from the wall I've huddle against.

"Come on, say something monkey! You were having so much fun ranting before. Why so quiet now?" His tone is mocking and feral, it sounds closer now and his footsteps oddly align with the sharp panicked breathing rippling from throat. Those glacial hands seize me again, ripping me from the wall and forcing me to stand. I feel fingers digging into my skull and yanking at my hair but I still refuse to open my eyes.

The moment I do it becomes real.

"Let me see those eyes, kiddo." He purrs seductively against my cheek, his nose and breath gliding across my cheek in a slowly agonizing fashion. "Let me see them or you'll lose them for good." The promise in his tone made my eyelids flutter open and he laughs, the smug glean in his amber eyes stating that he knows he's won. "Where…a-am…I?" Awesome, way to waste ten seconds asking a stupid question that will never be answered. Angel seems just as put off as I am and he scoffs, dropping me like a rag doll to the ground. I land on my right side with a hollow thud, wincing as I try to sit up. The ground is flood with what appears to be black sand instead of granite or linoleum. I scoop up a handful absentmindedly, while I sense Angel circling me like the prey that I am.

"Don't you recognize the pit? It came from your dreams. Black sand, grey walls…Silver coated bars that will burn your flesh but not mine, no never mine." Angel is suddenly as manic as I feel, cackling like the evil villain he's already painted himself out to be. I frown at his words however, momentarily confused.

"My dreams? How do you know about my dreams?" I ask.

"I saw them when I fed from you."

"Oh. Great." Did that mean he knew about James? Suddenly my face grew hot and I sit up to pat it, sand forgotten. "Why didn't you kill me?" I ask another question, feeling bolder but I don't turn to look at him since I sense him pause behind me.

"That would've ruined the game and I'm not interested in giving you what you want. I make the rules here, not you. Got it?" His foot is on my back, digging against my spine with the subtle threat that he could easily snap me like a twig that way if he wanted to. "Got it." I mutter lowly under my breath and the pressure is gone. I turn my head to see if he's still behind me, but like Reven and Kenny he's nowhere to be seen.

I'm alone. Again. And in a fucking cage no less!

I propel towards the silver metal bars in front of me but stop before I actually touch them. Through the slots of the bars there is nothing but a vast darkness in front of me. The only light within the pit comes from a single lightbulb above my head, a spotlight on the clown in the cage.

I scream.