A/N: I am happy with this chapter., and consider it one of my favorites. Because of the majority content of the chapter, It is not very lemony. I will slowly be adding more and the story continues. A lot of angst here, just not as you would expect. I would consider this the start of Bella and Edward's next phase to conquer. I hope you enjoy it.

Of course, words from Breaking Dawn included. How could they not be?

Stephanie Meyer is the owner of the Twilight heart. Thus, I own none of it. Outside of original characters. Either way, no copyright infringement intended.

Isle Esme

I watched as Edward checked our bags for our two-week-long honeymoon. The location, a secret he had been keeping for months, and he did not intend on spilling. So, we would be traveling as if we were ordinary newlyweds, headed to wherever the hell we were… to enjoy our average honeymoon.

However, we were far from ordinary, and this honeymoon was far from average.

Are we flying to make sure I am unarmed?

Seriously?

I was exhausted.

The wedding had its fair share of drama, with Tanya, the murderous, mind raping vampire and Charlie the absent stalker-father.

None of that mattered to me, and nothing would change how I felt; our wedding day was the best day of my life. I enjoyed myself so much I hadn't noticed all the energy I expended… I needed to recharge my battery for the next part. Technically tonight was our wedding night, but with a long trip ahead of us… let's just say… technicalities be damned... I wanted more than anything to experience intimacy with Edward before becoming immortal.

I would find a way to make it work.

The only problem was, even though my resolve was firm, it was two-pronged; I did not want to fight with my husband on our honeymoon. I wanted this so much, but if Edward didn't, who was I to guilt him into sex? That's not consent. I would respect Edward's wishes (if they weren't absurd.) If the act were too much for him, our status would change to the oddest married couple in the world, on the most boring of honeymoons… ever. I would have to wait, at least two more weeks.

Edward would continue as the world's oldest virgin, and I would be the most frustrated newlywed in history.

I had an idea not fully formed, something with the potential to backfire, but if not, Edward would stop brooding. Not to mention, he would scratch the itch I have been suffering since we met.

Despite our 'practicing,' neither of us knew what to expect, and trying was the only way to do that.

I did know what to expect at first for me, being a virgin, my first time, painful no matter what. I needed to tell Edward that.

How romantic.

Hopefully, everything would work out.

Hopefully.

I heard Edward calling my name.

"Bellaaaaa?"

"Hmmm?"

"Where were you? I've been trying to get your attention for two minutes."

My cheeks went up in flames.

"Oh."

He knew exactly where my mind was.

Edward loved the sound of my heartbeat, my blushing that gave away too much, even my traitorous tears. However, upon completion of my renovations, blushing and crying would be who I was… before.

My heart would no longer beat… after.

This was part of the bargain, agreeing to trade a limited and solitary life… for eternity with Edward, my husband.

I only hoped what we had was far more profound than that. Still, I couldn't help but wonder if that was one reason, he didn't want me to be like him.

'Ridiculous.'

'Argh! I can have errant thoughts, Edward.'

'Yes, but I can correct them, Bella.'

'Touché'

xxxxxx

(EPOV)

Bella did not have much experience with flying. The talent her family shared, traveling anywhere with a single thought, was convenient, but not always possible. I wanted the entire experience.

I handed her a boarding pass.

"Houston?" she asked

"Just a stop along the way," I smiled, leading her along.

Despite the length of the day and all that had happened, the excitement kept her wide awake.

…That didn't last long.

Bella was unconscious minutes after plopping down, settling into the airplane's cushy seat, her cheek resting on my shoulder. She was so profoundly asleep when we landed a couple of hours later in Houston. I thought I'd have to carry her through the international terminal to catch our next flight on time. I wouldn't have minded, but I thought it might look odd to anyone else trekking through the airport in the middle of the night.

Bella managed to stumble on her own two feet, eyes half-closed until we got to the next gate.

"Rio de Janeiro?"

"Another stop," I told her, she was too tired to ask any more questions.

Bella was a little livelier when we landed in Rio, having snoozed the entire length of the flight. She was quiet, looking around curiously as we waited for our bags. More so when we piled into a taxi, absorbing the sights and sounds of this city she'd never been before.

She was wide awake by the time we reached the docks on the other side of the city, despite being nighttime again. I led her down the length of a line of yachts to spot where Carlisle's island hopper was moored.

I was looking forward to putting the boat into the ocean water and releasing the throttle. It was different from driving a car, much freer without traffic to worry about.

Bella watched me but remained silent, always curious; she continued absorbing the new sights, sounds, and smells around her. Her brow furrowed when we left the harbor and hit the open ocean. I could imagine that she was trying to figure out what was off the coast of Brazil… or if we were headed straight to western Africa?

Finally, Bella spoke up, although tentatively, "Are we going much further?"

I was enjoying racing along the ocean; I forgot that she'd probably had enough travel for one day.

"About another half hour."

I felt terrible that, at first, I found it amusing she was clenching her seat cushion, as she did when I was driving too fast for her liking.

Before Bella's inevitable panic attack, I was relieved to see the outline of the island ahead. Soon, we were close enough that Bella's eyes could make out the shape of the landmass ahead of us.

"Bella, look there," I called to her, pointing out.

She squinted as she tried to figure out what I was pointing at, but it slowly seemed to dawn on her, the closer we got. Her eyes widened.

"Where are we?"

"This is Isle Esme."

"Isle Esme?" She repeated quietly, as I steered the boat toward the small dock at the north end of the island, gradually slowing the engine.

I pulled up to the dock, quickly mooring us in place, and cutting the engine completely. Except for a critter in the palm trees, or a gentle whoosh from the warm breeze, silence surrounded us.

I loved it here, and if Bella enjoyed it, perhaps Esme would allow us to visit more frequently. Given its isolation, it might be a good place for us to hide out as Bella adjusted to her…. "renovations," as she called them.

But I didn't want to think about that right now.

"A gift from Carlisle—Esme offered to let us borrow it," I answered.

Bella was on the verge of rolling her eyes, no doubt thinking about the extravagant nature of my family's gift-giving. Our differing views were more apparent now than ever; after all the sentimental gifts, she gave for our wedding.

I tossed our suitcases onto the dock and reached out to sweep Bella into my arms. She looked startled as I leaped out of the boat.

"Aren't you supposed to wait for the threshold?"

"I'm nothing if not thorough."

Bella was looking ahead at the house, her heart racing. I had been so focused on getting here, and the time to ourselves; no worries about vampires, witches, jealous, murderous cousins, and absent parents…

I hadn't allowed myself to think about the next part…

The wedding had been yesterday, but this was our wedding night.

Bella was nervous. Suddenly, so was I.

I had managed to conceal this place in my thoughts for months, so I would try to hide my nerves.

I said nothing waiting for Bella to look at me when we got to the front door of the house. She finally lifted her eyes to mine. I smiled at her before stepping over the threshold.

I carried Bella through the house, flipping on lights as we went through it, so she could see what the interior looked like. It was relatively similar in décor as our home in Forks. Esme favored light color schemes to make up for being unable to roam around outside in daylight… that no longer applied to us...

Bella's heart rate had not leveled off. I supposed that if I had a beating heart, mine would have been doing the same.

The last room we entered was the large, white master bedroom. The far wall was mostly glass, with a set of French doors leading out to the beach. The moon was bright and low in the sky, illuminating the waves crashing gently against the shore nearby.

I watched Bella's eyes dart from object to object, stopping at the oversized white bed in the middle of the room.

Gently, I set her on her feet, not entirely sure what to say. I wasn't generally at a loss for words, but this situation was… unique.

"I'll… go get the luggage," I said, finally, needing a moment to gather my thoughts.

I made my way back to the front door to retrieve the bags and returned to the bedroom slower than average. I wouldn't renege on my promise. I would do what I could to make this enjoyable for her. If it wasn't possible, it wasn't possible. We had only agreed to try.

Bella was standing near the bed when I returned, gazing at the mosquito netting which surrounded it. I stepped up behind her, noticing a bead of perspiration on her neck. Of course, she would be hot in here… until my cold skin was against hers. Otherwise, my skin would give her the chills.

"It's a little hot in here," I apologized, wiping the sweat away with a gentle stroke of my finger, "I thought… that would be best."

"Thorough," she murmured.

I chuckled, hating the sound of nerves in my voice. I was supposed to be the strong one. I was the one made from rock; I needed to act like one.

"I tried to think of everything that would make this… easier."

She was feeling shy and did not turn to face me.

We needed to ease into this.

"I was wondering," I said slowly, "if…first…maybe you'd like to take a midnight swim with me?" Again, I hated the sound of the nerves in my voice. I drew a deep breath, "the water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of."

"Sounds nice."

"I'm sure you would like a moment or two… it was a long journey."

Bella nodded. Her heart still pounding.

I kissed her neck gently, trying to ease the tension.

"Don't take too long, Mrs. Cullen," I teased, hoping to lighten the mood for both of us. I truly enjoyed the sound of her name as it rolled off my tongue.

I thought with satisfaction, 'she's mine.'

'There is no doubt about it.' Bella thought in kind.

As immersed as we were going to try to be in each other's thoughts, I was inexplicitly grateful that we could choose when to listen to the other's inner musings. Bella did not like it when I did so when she was unaware. The alternative was much worse, she wouldn't let me touch her, or would find a way to shut off access like her brother. Besides, I did not need to hear every observation.

Bella was much like her father. She could put her thoughts on a loudspeaker, allowing me to hear her thoughts from afar. When we touched, and her emotions were heightened, it was like she was screaming them, and we could have private conversations in our thoughts, but she was learning to keep some things to herself.

"Can you give me a few…"

"Witch moments?" I surmised.

"Sure," she shrugged, "that's pretty much what I am asking for."

I brushed my lips from her neck to her shoulder.

"I'll wait for you in the water."

I heard her heart increase yet again. I opened the French doors in the bedroom headed to the beach, carelessly slipping off my shirt, dumping it on the floor as I went.

The thoughts about my nerves the other night made her hesitant. Without hearing her thoughts, the pounding of her heart, the flushed look on her face, the lack of words gave her away. I suppose there was some truth to what she was thinking earlier… not that I would ever say so.

She had no idea how nervous I was, headed towards a full-blown panic attack myself.

I needed to collect my thoughts.

While Bella was doing her thing, I would do mine. Though I wasn't entirely sure what her thing was. Did she have additional 'ideas' on how to make this work? I was not sure if I wanted more ideas. Despite her brilliance in planning, this was still going to be new.

I threw the rest of my clothes over a tree branch and stepped into the water. My cold skin felt how delightfully warm it was. I dove quickly under the surface and started to swim hard. I turned back towards the direction of the beach and swam a little slower, finally allowing myself to focus on what was ahead entirely.

While part of me was practically tingling with the anticipation of finally… finally… being able to be with Bella as husband and wife, the other part was terrified. I had more than a few scenarios that caused this terror.

I was desperately afraid that this time, I would lose control. I had no idea how my body would react to this situation, and that unknown was more frightening to me than the entire Volturi army. I would have to be very careful.

I'd never done this before. I really didn't have much of an idea of what to do or how to act, other than what I'd read or seen in films or picked out of the minds of others. I hoped not to be too clumsy about it.

Finally, I heard Bella's confident steps as she waded into the ocean. I could hear the waves gently lap against her skin as she made her way through the water to where I stood.

Panic rose in me once again, but I did my best to force it away because she'd be in my head soon. I did not have a runaway bride but did not want a runaway wife. She was beside me in another movement, settling her hand over mine.

The warmth of the water had warmed my skin, making it almost the same temperature as hers. I had hoped for that effect.

Bella gazed up at the moon quietly, "beautiful…" she breathed.

I did not understand what was going on, she was wearing hardly anything, but she was wearing a string bikini, and I was nude. Either way, she was the incarnation of beauty to me.

"It's all right…" I murmured, turning to face her. "But I wouldn't use the word beautiful. Not with you standing here in comparison."

She smiled.

'You're confused and very worried. I understand that. I am not afraid we belong together.'

Her heart had steadied, there was something there I couldn't decipher. I was confused; she was right.

(BPOV)

'Here we go.'

I had needed those witchy moments to put my plan into action.

I put one thumb on each one of Edward's temple and commanded, "look at me, Edward!"

He obeyed.

"I am your wife." He looked ashamed.

I wrapped my left hand in his.

There it was, I felt whole. I thought about what I wanted Edward to do, and precisely the reason I presented myself as I had.

"Can you feel, not hear, what I want, what I need, and what I physically feel?"

"I think so."

"This is about your belief in yourself, Edward. So, temporarily, for the next 24 hours, you will feel what I feel, if I am in pain, you will be too. As if you were a mere mortal. In return, if it's too much, I'll know.

Hear me, feel me, let me touch you. I came out here like this because I am not going to force you into something you don't want. That's not freewill Edward, or choice, or consent; it's coercion. So, you decide, all of me, or nothing at all. I have done everything possible to make this more comfortable for you. It's time for you to choose."

Edward stood there, seconds went by, and I didn't want into his head. My fragile built self-confidence was starting to crumble. Errant thoughts ran through my head.

'Could Edward be gay and me just a beard?'

I felt Edwards shock, embarrassment, and sadness from hearing that and feeling my rejection, hurt, and doubt. A conversation without words: only moods and physical sensations. The price to pay for it might be high, but it might just pay off.

The gesture of untying the bikini let me know what I needed to.

A smile tugged on my lips

'Pull me to you.'

He did

'Feel any pain?'

'No.'

I pinched myself so hard it hurt, badly.

'Did you feel that?'

His slow, shocked face said it all, and then I saw the realization.

"I will feel your pain if you feel it?"

"Maybe you aren't such a know it all." I took a deep breath. How awkward was this conversation going to be?

"Edward," I blushed, "I want to talk about the reality of this moment because we don't get do-overs. You know that because I am a virgin, it's going to hurt. That does not mean you should stop. I've never done this but listen to my words and hear how serious I am when I say them because this is embarrassing."

"Okay."

I tried to keep from laughing.

"The first time will be uncomfortable for me, and it might be over quickly. That's how things are. After that, as soon as possible, I want you to make love to me. Remember, eyes, thoughts, senses, headboard."

Pulling me closer, I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, and he carried me out of the water.

'Towel… Blood,' he was getting it now.

Edward grabbed the towel off the tree where I had thrown it — holding me like a one-handed steel trap.

Edward laid the towel on the bed, along with me. I gazed into his eyes. I felt his lust and responded eagerly… failing would be due to sensory overload.

Edward laced his left hand into mine again. My right hand immediately went into his hair. I kissed him slowly, deliberately, and carefully, easing his hesitation but matching his pace as it became more and more consuming.

Good lord, feeling what he was feeling, on top of what I was, I kicked myself internally for not doing this before.

"You don't have to keep hold of my hand for this. I needed to command your attention."

"I love you,"

"I love you too, but please show me. I know you won't relish the pain part, but this is so much more, husband."

I hated stupid pet names, none of them fit. Edward called me love, and I loved it. I knew he was thrilled just being my husband, and until I found something else, it would have to suffice.

This was different… so much more than I had anticipated. Feeling what Edward felt, him feeling what I was… it was another plane of existence. Our bodies… Our minds… and souls were coming together in a very literal way… almost.

This was also about my controlling the two wants: my reaction to his mouth and tongue exploring my body and knowing this was more than physical. If I could master that, so could he. So like meditating through the pain, I chose a route much more difficult, but significant, no need to be frenzied.

Soon he was hovering over me, looking uncertain, but I was not. I did have enough faith for both of us. He didn't want to hurt me; he knew now that this was going to hurt regardless.

'Slowly… I love you ….'

I knew the second that I could feel him, like a puzzle piece that was about to fall into place. I didn't have to tell him to stop, he knew. I did not have to remind him…but did anyway

'give me a second.'

We both needed it, and I hadn't thought about this in a while. I smiled in relief with just a snap of my fingers, and the pain was gone.

I shot Edward a lop-sided grin, not letting go of our gaze, and the pieces finally fell together; fire and ice.

There were no more words we did not have any need for them.

We moved together, kissing, not speaking, but looking at each other intently. The pleasure was indescribable, but I was losing Edward to it, as I was about to myself, so I thought out to him, 'come back to me, Edward.'

He froze and looked a little horrified.

'That's why we're doing this. Don't be embarrassed when you are ready. I love you.'

A few seconds later, we moved together again, faster, totally in tune with the other. Not an ounce of awkwardness.

Just

Fuck.

I still lack for words.

When he made a low guttural growl…I knew what I wanted... What I needed, and it drew him deeper, practically knocking us both senseless. We had gone past the point of pausing. My stomach tightened, my toes curled, and as I let go, I saw light, stars, calling out a blue streak of profanities. When I came back to earth, I grabbed the headboard to remind him. I forgot he would have felt my orgasm too. So, he did the same. I could feel the shudder pass through Edward, from the bottoms of his feet to the top of his head. I worried as his mind seemed utterly blank, but I heard the crack of the headboard, and I let go, again. We fell over the cliff together.

Nothing broke, but a chunk of the headboard.

That was everything I ever wanted and better than my wildest dreams.

I wasn't sure how long we sat basking in each other's glow, no real thoughts, just contentment. Eventually, he plopped on to his back, pulling me to his chest.

I started crying, but these were happy tears, and I knew he understood that.

We did it. I'd never known pleasure like that before, not just the sex, but the cocoon we wrapped ourselves in, sharing every desire, emotion, and thought. Complete. Mind, body, and soul. He owned me wholly. I owned him as well.

My thoughts slowed, happier than ever, Edward spoke, "Sleep, love, I'll be here when you wake up."

"You better be, I am so not done with you."

"Neither am I, rest up." He winked.

Edward began humming my lullaby as I fell blissfully into contended sleep.

xxxxx

I woke up smiling… replaying our wedding night in my head… Perfect.

But... something was very different from when I fell asleep. I was not in Edward's arms; he was not in bed. No… Edward was looking out the window with an expression I was all too familiar with. Internally I was already screaming… why does he always do this?

I took a pain evaluation but felt nothing…Edward would have felt if I was in pain.

'Hmmmm.'

Realization struck... light bruising on my thighs.

Seriously?

This was going to be a big fucking deal; he'd already seen them. I was amid a 2-minute-long eye roll, unsure about how to deal with this... with him … my husband and his brooding… always fucking brooding!

"Bella?"

"Yep"

"You know?"

"Know what, Edward?"

"That I hurt you?"

"You did?" I said casually.

The bruises were gone, that was easy, learning to heal was something I had spent months working on, but not for this purpose.

"You made them go away!"

"Are you mad that I can instantly wipe away puny bruises? Sure, you are, because you are always upset about one thing or another… for me, last night was so right and so perfect. For god's sake… do you even know who-I-am?

I let my best friend break my nose. I held a knife to my brother's throat after he punched me in the ribs and face. Yet here we are... Yet again. If it wasn't good for you... say so, stop with the lame excuses!

"You think I didn't enjoy myself?"

"Well…."

Yes.

I looked away, my insecurities festering, making my stomach upset — the sad, silent butterflies from hurt feelings invaded along with a loud growl from hunger.

Edward heard the latter.

"I don't know how it works for you… I thought I did … but for me …"

"You think I didn't enjoy myself?"

No! I love feeling this way.

"Bella, last night… it was the best of my existence."

But…

"Then…why… aren't… you… acting… like it? Before I realized you weren't in bed… before I saw the look on your face… I was totally blissed out! You have completely killed my buzz, Edward!"

"I hurt you."

"No, you didn't. I knew that this was coming… DAMMIT EDWARD! You have seen much worse! What is your problem?"

He shook his head, "It's not the same."

"To you."

"To me."

"Go figure."

I closed my eyes, trying to find a way not to explode because I felt like it. Edward was coming to talk to me, but I wasn't in the mood. What is the name of that song? 'If you don't know me by now?'

FUCK.

"I'm gonna take a shower."

I got up, walked into the bathroom, and shut the door behind me. After I removed my wedding ring. I turned on the shower and killed the spell I used last night. It worked perfectly… but it was useless.

I unleashed waterworks of my own.

xxxxx

The water ran cold… I knew I had to get out of the shower… but I needed out of the house too…

I needed time to think something through, no everything, all of this. I didn't want a divorce; I didn't want to run away, but how does he not understand that this shit hurt more than any bruise possibly could? He promised.

The man who thought he was a monster had returned… this wasn't exactly compatible with my life now. Maybe he thought he married a monster too — two monsters in a pod.

My mood darkened… again.

I walked out of the bathroom, intending on going for a walk, my stomach growled…for the second time.

Traitor.

Was Edward cooking?

"When did you start cooking?" I looked at him speculatively.

"Food Network."

"Ah."

"Egg sandwich?"

"Yes, please."

Edward put the plate in front of me. I grabbed the sandwich, "Thanks," I couldn't muster a smile and started to walk out the door.

"Bella?"

"Hmmm?"

"Where are you going?"

"Really? I need to go for a walk or something. There is just a lot, and I cannot be here right now. I need to get my head straight. I'll be back."

I kicked myself for unleashing the emotion I saw on his face… even more so when he asked, "can I come with you?"

I closed my eyes to answer because I couldn't look at the hurt on his perfect face.

"No… I just… no… sorry… I'll be back."

I walked out the door, finished my sandwich in three bites, and jumped across the island for good measure. As much as he didn't want to hurt me physically, I didn't want to hurt him physically, and for some reason, I knew I was dangerous at that moment.

xxxxx

Great job, Cullen. Run-away wife didn't even bother to put her rings back on.

She did not understand. I am not sure I understood myself. The evidence disappeared, but the image was in my mind. I thought about when Bella pinched herself, and I felt her pain...

I needed to call Carlisle as my wife seemed to have left the island, and I had no way to find her. Whatever spell she cast last night, had not lasted the full 24 hours. Bella was just gone, and I felt empty.

She said she would be back. Bella would tell me if she wasn't coming back? Wouldn't she? She left her rings behind.

"Carlisle?" I felt so stupid for calling my father on my honeymoon.

"Edward? Did something happen?"

"I hurt her!"

Carlisle sounded a bit frightened, "How… what's wrong with her? You didn't bite her. Did you break a bone?"

"No."

"Did you check for signs of internal injury?"

"Yes. Bruising… err… before Bella healed herself."

"I don't understand, Edward."

"You think that is acceptable?"

Why was he acting so blasé about this?

"It was your first time Edward. Did she complain?"

"No."

"Where is she now?"

"I don't know…" I saw the sky start to darken… "She's somewhere close; the weather is changing again."

"Edward, you need to explain to me what happened. I'm not quite sure why you are so upset. I can only assume, from past incidents, your reaction triggered a reaction with her."

"So it seems."

The sky was getting darker; a storm was coming.

"She did something, some spell where I could feel what she was, and she could feel what I was. Everything seemed good... perfect… amazing… but then I saw bruises form on her thighs, in the shape of my fingers. I was... I hurt her, Carlisle! She didn't understand why I am so upset… or why this injury was any different from fighting her brother or Nia. But I did that to her!

We started to fight… well, she did most of the yelling.

Dad, I saw the same look on her face the day we fought about the house. I heard her crying in the bathroom. She got dressed, took the food I had just cooked for her… said she needed to be alone. She left her wedding rings here. The spell she cast last night, vanished as well. I can see darkness is creeping into the sky as it did during the wedding."

"She left you?" Carlisle was confused.

"No, she said she'd be back."

Carlisle took a deep breath, "Edward, did the spell work? Could you feel it if she hurt?"

"Yes, twice, the first time she pinched herself hard, and I felt it. The second time was when… well…what Bella should have as she was a virgin… so that hurt for a second, and she made that go away."

"But nothing else?" Carlisle asked, still perplexed, even for a doctor.

"I didn't feel any, but I saw them."

He sighed, "Edward, I understand how frightened you were that you could in any way, put her in danger. You didn't. If I knew or thought there was a chance, or if Alice saw you hurting her, I would not have condoned it. It sounds like you hurt her feelings.

Physical love is incredibly powerful. If what you say is true, the two of you connected on a much higher level than most… human… witch… or vampire alike. Then you reject part of who she is. I don't even think her brother, aunt, or friend would understand why you are so upset about this."

He sighed again.

He was not going to take my side in this!

"Edward, I worry about the two of you because you don't seem to understand the difference between physical and emotional pain. Bella is tough as nails when it comes to physical pain, but you can be insensitive. There is a part of Bella she doesn't want to show you; how easily the people she loves can scar her inside. It must make it difficult for her to talk to you about these things if you dismiss her so easily. If this were any other girl in the world, I would understand your concerns, somewhat, but it's not."

Lightning and thunder rumbled.

"Did she do that?" Carlisle heard.

"I don't know, but I think she did."

"Fix this, Edward... You cannot expect her to open up about these things if you are the one who is causing it. I am not trying to be insensitive, but I want you to see how your… negativity affects her. If you cannot bring yourself to try again, you need to tell her that, remember, you are choosing both of you. I am not sure if you were calling to get reassurance, and I would agree that you are doing the right thing. I don't think you are."

"I'll think about it. The sky is lightening up. We'll figure it out."

"For your sake, I hope you do. Good luck."

What a mess.

(BPOV)

I spotted a cave behind a waterfall. I had the foresight to put a bathing suit under my dress. After a quick swim, I found the perfect place to sit in beauty and process the events of the last few days.

I still had a lump in my throat… I couldn't go back until it was gone. Not until I had a game plan.

I knew I was freaking him out by leaving.

…I couldn't bring myself to care… no matter whose fault it was.

If I knew anything, I knew that Edward would never hurt me… not on purpose… not physically… or emotionally. That was a certainty.

The problem was… hope… mine. I allowed myself to hope without permission to do so. The pessimist and optimist would be an apt description of our relationship.

I worried about the other problem, lack of trust.

All these problems were minuscule in comparison to how much I loved Edward...

The only successful marriage I'd known was Renee and Phil's.

I was not Renee, and Edward was not Phil.

I would have to figure it out on my own.

I can control how I feel and how I make others feel if they cannot. Easier said than done. This would require an adjustment of expectations… like… not having any. No expectations meant no disappointment… I could appreciate the good, without anticipating the worst.

Edward and I were married, problems were part of the deal. I made a vow to love him, even when he acted this way, a vow I intended to keep.

But how?

Until he changed me, we would have to change. I did not want to break the spell cast upon our wedding rings… this would require his consent and was a little on the extreme side. If I did that, I would also have to shield my mind. That was a lot of heavy. In the process, I'd be hurting us both... the lump in my throat returned.

Mind over matter. We needed to talk before I took drastic action. I spent five more minutes breathing, cleaning my head, and apparently the sky.

Control Bella, it's all about control.

I traveled back to the house; I put my rings on and went to find my husband. He was still in the kitchen and looked like he hadn't moved in a while.

"Hey."

"Hi," Edward's frown surprised me. He looked so sad.

I took a deep breath, preparing for the upcoming monologue.

"I don't know where to start, but can we go for a walk?" I asked.

Edward's brows were furrowed, but he consented.

I tried to give him a reassuring smile. Edward looked at my rings and sighed with relief.

Feeling the sand between my toes made me feel better. I took Edward's hand and a deep breath.

Here we go.

"Can I be honest?"

"I would hope so."

"I am not so sure you do."

"For better or worse," Edward reminded.

"It's not really that, Edward, I love you more than anything. If anything, please don't ever doubt that. My entire life, It has always been my brother and me, or I was on my own. I've been an achiever, a perfectionist, a control freak. I will work as hard as possible to achieve said goals. I have never really had to consider another person in all of that. Since I was hurt, I have had very little control. I am trying things that backfire. It's hard for me to get used to it. You already knew that."

I blew out a breath.

"But with you last night, I did everything I could think of to make it easier to make it work… and I failed…again… despite how amazing finally being with you in that way was… I still failed."

Edward's eyes widened in response.

I put my hand up, "let me finish."

"I have to adjust my expectations. If I don't have any, my feelings won't get hurt. That is not as easy to do as it is to say… So… we need to be more responsible with how we use our gifts and rings. Some thoughts are not meant to be shared. I will need time to myself. It is not a reflection on you, it's just how I am.

To accomplish this, I need you to trust that I will come back, as I believe you when you hunt. Give me space, let me deal with how I am feeling alone. In return, I won't go off the map as I just did. I will call out if I need you, and you will know where I am. The purpose of the ring wasn't to continually assess each other's moods and locations.

The other options aren't great. I can take my ring off before I leave, or I can break the spell entirely, as I did the one from last night."

I didn't need to hear his mind to know how upset Edward was getting. I hadn't even brought up, locking him out of my thoughts.

"In return," I swallowed,

I looked down, "The deal was to try. I gave you a choice last night, that was not a onetime thing. There will always be a choice… so if you don't think… no… if you don't know… well…" I lifted a shoulder, "we tried. I'll forget about last night as if it never happened. We can go back to the way we were before until… whenever…"

I shrugged.

"There is more to me than my heartbeat and my blush to you. Just as you mean far more to me than just sex. I am so thrilled that we are married. I guess we are just too different… for certain elements of it…"

There I said it.

It looked like Edward regretted asking me to be honest. "You can trust me with your wishes."

"Good, let's move on. I'm still hungry. Can you make me another sandwich?"

"Of course."

"Edward?" I whispered.

He turned to face me, god I hated seeing the look on his face. I got on my tippy toes and wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed him sweetly. I put my forehead against his. "I am so in love with you. I never thought I could love anyone so much, and THAT alone feels like a profound gift. Don't ever forget that, okay?"

The lopsided grin appeared, "I feel the same."

"Well, then, we are on the same page." I gave him the most assuring smile I could right then. As soon as he was gone, I took a few breaths, halting the tears that were about to overwhelm me. A crying jag was the last thing I needed to finish that conversation.

I pulled it off.

But I couldn't help but think this was the end of our honeymoon. I was looking forward to seeing our new house more than anything.

(EPOV)

Well, Carlisle was right. That conversation was much worse than I had anticipated. Bella was such a mystery to me. She was analytical, logical, and rational. Everything she said made sense, in theory. She was also an emotional creature; all these things were mere parts of why I loved her. She spoke about backfiring. That was my backfire. Not hers.

But of course, she would blame herself.

Bella was an open book, and while her acting skills have improved marginally. Delivering that speech was pure torture for her. The words she spoke hurt, but the attempt at concealing her misery hurt more.

She wasn't doing any of it for herself. Bella was doing it for me, and me alone.

…Captain Buzzkill was appropriate…

Forget last night as if it never happened

Not likely, impossible.

No expectations? She didn't expect to be happy, so if she was, it would be a treat? …No!... that is not right.

Break our bond?

Bruises were not worth the space that had grown between us in mere hours.

My phone buzzed.

You are a fucking moron! -Alice

Yeah, I am.

Well, at least you know, jackass. Enjoy the rest of your "honeymoon!"

Shut up, Alice.

What Alice did not understand about Bella was that despite the apparent pain and misery she tried to hide in her delivery, the opposite of what either of us wanted, there was one absolute certainty in her voice… Resolve…

She did love me that much.

So, I would make this fun for her… it was the least I could do.

My Bella, the control freak, would not try only to fail again. She managed to take the fault, leaving no room for discussion.

I wanted to pull my hair out, seeing her face, fake smile, and bloodshot eyes.

Bella scarfed down the egg sandwich like she hadn't eaten for days. She was heavy-lidded and lethargic.

"I'm going to go lay down. I'm tired."

"Okay…" She had only been awake for a few hours.

"Did swimming tire you out?" I asked. I had been curious since she came back.

Bella had a dreamy look on her face, "must-have, I found the most beautiful cove behind a waterfall. We should check it out."

Leaving no room for discussion, she trudged into the other room and crawled into bed, asleep in no more than a minute.

Bizarre. Frustrating.

And all my fucking fault.

Well, I guess I am able to write from Mexico. The story continues to pick up from here on out. I will be editing the wedding chapters for length soon... but I have the next two almost completed.

As always your reviews are appreciated and do help me guide the story, along with the motivation to do so. Merry Christmas!