34

I woke up the next morning when I heard Edward whispering on his cell phone. I sat up and he mouthed Carlisle's name and rolled his eyes.

"She's fine…..Yes…Yes….Yes, Dad…..I know…..We will be down in a few minutes," chuckled Edward. He hung up and looked at me. "Siobhan called Carlisle this morning and informed him of your injury. Needless to say Carlisle is not happy."

"Great," I grumbled.

"It's going to be ok, Baby. Go take a shower and I will be back in a few minutes. Then we can go face the wrath of Carlisle Cullen," chuckled Edward.

"You laugh but I am afraid," I chuckled.

"He's not mad at you. He's mad at me for not protecting you," chuckled Edward. I just rolled my eyes.

"That is ridiculous," I chuckled.

"I know," said Edward.

He kissed me and left. I gathered my shower stuff and took off my brace. My wrist was killing me. I went down and took an awkward shower with one hand. I dried off and pulled on my robe. I went back to my room and pulled out a pair of jeans, a long sleeve grey t-shirt. I put my brace back on and barely managed to get my panties on when Edward knocked on the door. I went over and hid behind the door while I let him in. He just chuckled and helped me put on my bra, jeans and shirt. He put my boots on me and kissed me again. He wrapped his arm around my waist as we made our way down to the elevator. The doors opened and I saw my family standing there waiting for us. I ran over and threw myself in Emmett's waiting arms.

"I missed you, Em," I whispered through my tears.

"Me too, Bella," whispered Em. He set me back down on my feet and I hugged everyone else. Carlisle gently pulled my wrist up so he could examine it.

"You promised to be careful," whispered Carlisle.

"I tried really hard," I whispered. "Don't be mad at Edward. I can tell he already feels guilty."

"I'm not mad at anyone," whispered Carlisle. "I think you will be fine with time."

"I hope so," I whispered.

"Bella?" asked Tia. I turned around and saw everyone watching us. "Who are you friends?"

"This is Carlisle and Esme Cullen, Edward's parents. This is my brother, Emmett and his wife, Rose. This is one of my best friends, Jasper and his wife, Alice," I explained. "Everyone, this is Tia, Benjamin, Jane, Felix, Heidi, Demetri, Maggie, and Liam."

"It's nice to meet you all," said Carlisle.

"You too," said Tia.

"Baby, I am going to rehearsals. I will see you later," said Edward.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too," he whispered before he kissed me. He left with everyone else. I turned back to my family.

"I'm hungry. Have you eaten breakfast yet?" I asked.

"No," chuckled Esme.

"Come, I will show you the fine dining of the NYU dining hall," I chuckled.

They all just laughed as we made our way down to the dining hall. They all went to grab their breakfast. I decided to be brave and try some oatmeal. I grabbed a bottle of orange juice and went to sit at an empty table in the back. They all came over and sat down next to me. We had just finished eating when Emmett turned to me.

"So how are you really doing?" asked Emmett.

"It's been hard," I said. "I don't sleep as good because Edward isn't with me. I've been sicker. I don't have much of an appetite and I feel like the circus freak with everyone staring at me."

"You are not a freak, Bella," said Alice.

"I know. I just don't like everyone staring at me," I said softly.

"We know," said Carlisle. "Have you been to the apartment yet?"

"Yes," I chuckled. "It's the penthouse apartment across from central park."

"No way," said Emmett.

"Yeah, apparently, Renee was Alexia Dwyer," I said.

"Who?" asked Jasper.

"You've never heard of Alexia Dwyer, the queen of classical music?" I gasped.

"No," said Jasper.

"She was also the lead singer of Twilight," I said. They all just sat there. "You all are killing me. How can you have no taste in music?"

"Who has no taste in music?" asked Edward as he joined us.

"Your family," I chuckled. "They have never heard of Twilight or Alexia Dwyer."

"Seriously?" asked Edward, looking over at his family. They all just shook their heads. "How can you live like that?"

"Live like what?" asked Tia.

"They've never heard of Twilight or Alexia Dwyer," said Edward.

"How is that possible?" asked Tia, looking at our family.

"How is what possible?" asked Benjamin as everyone else joined us.

"They've never heard of Twilight or Alexia Dwyer," said Tia, pointing to mine and Edward's family, who were just chuckling to themselves.

"No way," said Benjamin.

"Do you just not listen to anything?" asked Felix.

"Do you know what music is?" chuckled Jane.

"Fine, we all are musically incompetent," chuckled Esme.

"So what got you talking about Twilight and Alexia Dwyer?" asked Tia.

"The lead singer, Renee Swan, was my mother. She used Alexia Dwyer as her stage name for her classical music," I explained.

"No way," they all gasped.

"I know," I chuckled.

We spent the rest of the morning educating our family on the musical styling of Renee Swan and Alexia Dwyer. After we all got done eating lunch, Edward and I took them over to the apartment. Needless to say they were just as shocked as we were. Emmett complained about getting stuck with the house in Forks while I got the apartment but I just chuckled and told him to suck it up.

After we left the apartment, Carlisle, Edward and I went down to the hospital for my chemo appointment. Siobhan got my IV started then she and Carlisle went into her office to catch up. Edward and I kissed for the next hour. I was getting tired of being apart from my husband. Once the hour was up, Siobhan and Carlisle came back and took my IV out. Siobhan told us she looked forward to hearing us play tomorrow night and reminded me to be careful with my wrist. I promised and we left. Edward and I went with Carlisle back to his hotel. I spent the next several hours throwing up.

"Hey, Bella, you ok?" asked Emmett as he came in and sat on the floor next to me and Edward. I had my head in Edward's lap. He had a couple notebooks in his hands.

"No," I whispered. "You ok?"

"No," whispered Emmett. "Edward, man, can I have a minute alone with Bella?"

"Of course," said Edward. "I'll be right outside."

"Ok," I whispered. I moved over and laid my head on Emmett's lap. Edward got up and shut the door behind him.

"Bella, I was cleaning out some of Charlie's stuff. I found his journals. I think you should read them," whispered Emmett.

"Ok," I whispered. I sat up next to Emmett. He handed me the first notebook and I opened it to the first page.

August 1

Today was a hard day. Renee is getting weaker. I wish I could do more to help her but
just keeps telling me that she's fine and I need to take care of Emmett and Isabella.
I can't help but look at them and see how much she is missing. Isabella keeps asking
me why Mommy sleeps so much. I don't know what to tell her. How do I tell her that
her mommy is dying? How will I ever live without Renee? I just wish it was me instead.

August 3

I found Isabella sitting at Renee's piano today. She was banging her little fingers down
on it with a big smile on her face. Renee's smile. I went up and told Renee and she cried.
She made me promise not to tell them about her career. She made me promise to tell
them that she left them instead of dying. I tried to reason with her but she said she
wants them to make their own way in the world. I reluctantly agreed. I took the kids
over to Will's and laid down with Renee. I just needed to hold her in my arms. I'm not
ready to let her go.

August 10

She's dying. We both know it. The treatments aren't working anymore and her body
can't take it anymore. I'm trying to be strong for her but it's so hard. She keeps
telling me it will be ok but I know better. How will Emmett and Isabella ever know
how much she sacrificed for them?

August 26

I'm sitting here in the hospital watching the love of my life slowly slipping away
from me. She's still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I know this is
the end. I'm not ready to say goodbye.

September 3

Renee died today. She asked me to bring Emmett and Isabella in to see her. Isabella
crawled up on her and clung to her. I could feel the tears building in my eyes as she
told Renee she loved her. Renee started sobbing as she promised to love her and
Emmett forever. She wrapped her arms around them and kissed them softly before
she looked up at me. I went over and sat on the bed next to her. I leaned down and
kissed her. She whispered her love for me once more before she took her last breath.
In that moment, my life shattered.

September 13

Today is Emmett and Isabella's second birthday. I'm trying to smile. I'm trying to be
happy for them but I don't know how to. Isabella had been crying nonstop for Renee.
I think she knows that Renee is gone. Emmett seems angry. He's been fighting with
Jasper a lot. He even hit him yesterday. I don't know how to help them when I feel
so lost myself. Will it ever get to be easier?

August 30

Today Emmett and Bella started kindergarten. Bella was excited. Emmett not so much.
I couldn't help but think about Renee today as I dropped them off. Will and Cat were
standing there with Rose and Jasper. I felt a little jealous that they got to that together.
Renee would have been excited and scared for Emmett and Bella. I think she would
have cried. I miss her everyday.

December 19

Today was a hard day. Emmett and Bella had their Christmas party at school. Emmett
was so excited I was afraid he would hurt someone. Bella wasn't. She had the hardest
time being around all the moms. So I did the one thing I swore I would never do.
I bought her the damn guitar she's been begging for. I just needed my little girl to be
happy and I'm not too proud to buy it.

The look on her face when I surprised her with the guitar at school. I saw Renee in
her today. She squealed and sat down and started playing. God, it was like hearing
Renee all over again. Maybe I should tell them about her death. I'm not sure how
they would handle it but maybe it would be better if they knew she didn't leave them.
At least not like I told them she did. I'm so confused.

October 10

Bella's teachers have been trying to get me to have her skip a couple grades. I don't
know what to do. I know she's holding back because of Emmett but is it fair to her?
I wish Renee could tell me what to do.

March 15

Emmett has decided that he wants to start getting in shape for football next year. He
asked me if I would start running with him. I can't believe they are going to be starting
high school in the fall. Emmett is really turning into a good man. I think he has
feelings for Rose. I see the way he looks at her. They remind me of me and Renee.

September 13

Today Emmett and Bella turn sixteen. I can't believe Renee has been gone for
fourteen years. I miss her so much. Bella spent the morning working on her car.
I think she loves that car more them me. But not quite as much as her music.
She's been talking about going to NYU for college. I know I should let her go and
study music but I'm scared to let her out into that world.

September 20

Bella's been extremely tired lately. She tries to hide it but I can see it. She went to
bed at eight last night and woke up this morning looking worse. I can tell Emmett's
worried about her too. Should I insist that she goes to the doctor? What if….. I don't
know what to do. I need Renee.

October 1

I knew they would be pissed when they found out about Renee. I should have told
them the truth from the beginning. I'm suck an ass. The look on their faces. I may
never get my kids back. It's my fault for not being stronger.

October 2

My worst fears were confirmed today. My Bella is sick. Leukemia. Talk about de ja vue.
I sat in Carlisle's off ice while he told me the news. It was Renee all over again. How do
I sit here and watch my daughter die? I wanted to wrap my arms around her but she
was so angry. I know it's my fault. I'm a coward. This is my punishment.

October 3

I watched Bella marry Edward today. It was easier than I thought it would be. Maybe
it's because I know he will take good care of my Bella. He's a good man. I can see it in
his eyes. He loves my Bella. Maybe he can help her fight? I can't watch my baby die.

October 7

I watched my baby become homecoming queen tonight. She's so beautiful . She's
had a bad week. School was hard but she just put a smile on her face and muscled
through it. She's amazing. I'm so proud of her.

October 13

I heard Emmett crying in his room tonight. Rose was comforting him but I could
hear how upset he was. It's been hard for him to see Bella so sick and not being
able to help. I knew the feeling. He's a good name. Rose is a good woman for him.
It's nice to see my babies happy.

October 20

Renee came to me last night in my dream. She told me I had been a good
father. She's been coming to me a lot lately. I miss her so much.

I set the journals down on the floor and buried my face in Emmett's chest as I cried. He picked me up and carried me out to Carlisle's room. He laid me on the bed and held me while we cried over our father. He loved us more than we realized.