Happy Holidays everyone! :)

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Despite the victorious and happy feeling basking in the aftermath of the Great Bogey Prank, Remus still felt stupid for pushing himself as much as he had, for pushing himself to the point of passing out. He couldn't quite reach the same level of giddiness as his friends. He had low grade nightmares all night, and felt a bit grouchy when he got up in the morning due to lack of sleep. His friends were still on Cloud Nine, especially as it's all anyone could talk about at breakfast. The entire Great Hall was abuzz with the news, and there was a small article in the paper.

James borrowed a copy of the Daily Prophet from an older student so they could check it out. It was only a paragraph long, stating that an entire class at Hogwarts had been afflicted with the Bat Bogey hex-twenty-eight people in all, including the teacher-and that the Ministry was looking into the culprits though they promised it was merely a school prank.

"We need to get copies of that," James whispered after he pushed the paper back to the other student.

"We can probably just write to the Prophet and request some copies without starting up a subscription," Sirius said.

James decided to do just that later in the day after Defense, writing out the request and dropping what he hoped would be enough coins into the envelope. The four boys walked to the owlery together since none of them had anything better to do. When they went in, Remus hoped none of them noticed how upset most the owls got at him.

James's eagle owl flew down to him immediately, putting on an air of importance that he had to have learned from his owner. "Big delivery today, Godric!" James attached the envelope to the owl's leg. "Daily Prophet headquarters. As fast as you can!" They watched Godric fly off, then headed out of the owlery.

A lot of times when they were walking around Remus would read which always amused his friends. Usually his wolf senses were sharp enough to keep himself out of trouble however there were times he was so invested in the story he didn't pay attention and ran into things. After they left the owlery, Remus got out his latest novel and trailed after his friends, nose in the book. He followed them, their chatter going in one ear and out the other as he read. After about two floors of following them he ran smack dab into something.

Someone.

Sirius stood squarely in front of him, grinning from ear to ear. "You should pay more attention."

"I w-was," Remus complained. "Why'd you stop?"

"Wanted to see if you were paying attention." Sirius folded his arms, raising one eyebrow. "Which you weren't. I was watching you and you nearly ran into a statue a bit ago."

"Yes but I didn't..." Remus frowned, the same feeling going through him as it did the other day when Sirius had saved him from walking off the top step and said he had had his eye on him. It all went back to what Fawley showed him, and Remus decided to just confront him about it. "You were ahead of me. How were you watching me?"

"Oh! This fantastic new invention called... ready for this?" Sirius turned so his back was to Remus and then turned his head. "Looking over my shoulder. Neat, eh?" Down the hallway James and Peter burst into laughter.

Remus frowned even more, brow furrowing. "All right then, why were you watching me?"

Sirius twisted back round to face him. "Huh? Why was I watching my friend nearly run into things cause he's not paying attention? Er, sorry for being concerned...?"

Remus's stomach lurched. He couldn't really point out Sirius seemed to have a tendency for 'watching' him without it being odd. "You d-d-don't need to-to watch me. I'm not a child. W-well, technically, I-I guess I am? Is twelve a child still? Ei-either way, yes. You don't need to do that."

Sirius pushed his hair back, his face rather impassive now. "Fine, sheesh. Sorrrry." He marched back to James and Peter. Peter whispered, asking what that had been about. Sirius whispered back that he didn't know. "I was just trying to help him..." They didn't know he could hear, as usual.

"Guess you never know what will set him off," replied James.

Remus had his nose in the book though wasn't reading anymore. Set me off? What does he mean by that? I wasn't being mean or rude, was I? I just didn't-don't-want anyone watching me. Is that so wrong? Then he came to a stop. Does he mean crazy? Does he still think...? Did he? James had been the one to really push the whole Crazy Remus thing before they became friends. Did... James just... still think that way? Deep down? Was that what he meant? Set me off into a crazy spiel? Remus slowly began walking again, fighting the nausea. I'm just overthinking things. Surely he doesn't view me that way still.

However a bit of doubt crept into him. That part of him that always reminded him of his inhumanity, his beastly nature, his difference. It wriggled into his heart like an evil worm, spreading its darkness and fear. He wished he didn't feel this way after-after so long!

We've been friends for... Remus did the math quickly, stopping once more. Five months. Merlin's beard we've been friends for almost exactly five months now! He looked up at the backs of the other boys, wondering if they knew. If he told them would they feel that little spark that he felt? Probably not. They'd probably just laugh at him for being weird.

Sirius stopped walking too, then jogged back to Remus. "You all right?"

No, Maybe. I don't know. I would be if I knew what James meant... Remus didn't want to ask, though. "Yeah."

He smiled and flung an arm around Remus's shoulder. "Come on, we're gonna find some Slytherins to trip." And he pulled Remus back to the group. He went along with them, trying his best to ignore his ugly thoughts, ignore what James said-no, ignore what he thought James meant. He couldn't trust them completely however he had to trust them at least a little. If James thought Remus was truly crazy, he wouldn't be friends, would he? So either James was really good at faking it or he didn't see Remus as truly crazy. Remus was more inclined to agree with the latter mostly due to the fact James was so self-centered Remus doubted he'd fake it to that extreme for someone else (except maybe Sirius). Or was that being unfair?

I wish I knew legilimency. He wanted to know what was going on in their heads, what they actually thought of him. Whether they had this absolute anxiety over every little encounter like he did, whether they over analyzed everything like he did.

He had confronted Sirius about the watching thing (sort of). Should he confront James...?

A little bit later he had the opportunity when Sirius and Peter went to the kitchens to snitch some food while James and Remus remained in the secret passage they had been hiding out in. James didn't seem nervous or freaked out being alone with Remus which was a good sign... right? After a few minutes he gathered up as much as his Gryffindor-ness as possible and asked, "Hey James? Um. I w-was just wondering something." He shifted his weight a little, terrified to continue except now he had to because James was staring at him curiously. "Do-do you think-you-do you-"

"Are you okay?" James asked when Remus stammered himself into not speaking.

"Am I crazy?" Remus blurted out.

James raised his eyebrows pretty high, mouth opening a little bit. "What? Probably. I mean, aren't we all? You, me, Siri, and Pete? I like to think we've all got just the right touch of madness."

"Um..." Remus swallowed, not sure how to take that. "No. I mean. I heard what you said earlier. About... setting me off... up on the upper floor...? I just-wasn't sure. What you meant."

"Oh." James rubbed the back of his neck, looking very uncomfortable and awkward now. "Sorry. Er, I didn't mean crazy. I meant-sometimes it seems like you get upset easily and I don't know why... Just felt like you went off on Sirius for no reason."

Remus tried to make himself seem smaller, pushing back against the wall, wanting to disappear. "I d-don't like the idea of being watched. It's-creepy. I mean I-I appreciate him wanting to help me but it's just kinda creepy too."

He nodded, his usual smile returning to his face. "Yeah, I get that. Guess Sirius is just kinda-" He stopped quickly, coughing. "Well hopefully they get back soon-"

"Sirius is just what?"

"It's nothing-"

"Come on, tell me. Please?"

James sighed and stretched out his legs. The passageway was so small his feet just about reached the other side. "He worries about you. I guess we all do, but him especially. You're kinda easy to worry about. I'm sorry!" he said when Remus looked cross. "You're just so small! And sick! And kind've oblivious."

"I am not!"

"Yes you are!" James laughed. "You're like that comic book. The Preoccupied Potions Professor? Who's always so into his books and teaching that he barely notices anything around him? I mean come on!" He reached out, pushing up the cuff of Remus's pants revealing one white sock and one black one. Remus scowled, pulling his feet away. "It's not just your clothes. You always seem so... out of it. Like your mind is always on something else. Like you've got more important things to deal with than what's going on around you."

I do, Remus thought, but before he could try to defend himself James continued with, "Which is totally understandable, I mean you've been through a lot." Fear stabbed through him at those words and his breath caught in his throat. James kept going, not noticing Remus's panicked expression. "With your mum sick, and you being sick sometimes. Like, yeah, it makes sense. But. Yeah. You're kind've oblivious."

The passage went silent as Remus mulled over those words. He-he knew he couldn't really deny it. He did have his mind on more important things than clothes or-whatever. "I don't really like being watched though," he finally mumbled. "Or worried over. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Yeah, uh, you didn't eat anything at lunch. You realize that, right? You read the entire time and poked at your food without ever taking a bite-least, Sirius says so. That's part of why they went off for food."

No wonder I'm so hungry. "Well-still..."

"You're our friend. Why does it bother you that we worry?"

Remus didn't know how to answer properly. He didn't want them focusing so much on him, watching, noticing things. "Because... I-I guess I feel like worry is too close to pity, and I don't want that."

He tugged at the cuff of his pants, still feeling as though they were pushed up even though they weren't. He had nothing else to say on the matter. He got the information he wanted, and answered James. He knew James wasn't feeling too keen on the whole conversation. Talking about feelings and emotions were something James tried to avoid like the plague, so it meant a lot to Remus that he had been willing to talk as much as he had now without switching the conversation to something more proper like sports (yuck).

"This got away from the whole d'you-think-I'm-crazy," Remus joked, causing James to chuckle.

"Well I don't," James promised, patting Remus's arm. "Just a wee bit mad, like the rest of us. In a good way."

"Maybe we should call ourselves the Mad Hatters." He glanced up to see if James got the reference which he clearly didn't. "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland? No? Okay never mind."

"That a book?"

"Yeah, a Muggle book."

"Oh." James crinkled his nose a little bit. "Right."

When Sirius and Peter returned, Remus felt a lot better about everything. He thanked Sirius when he dropped a bag full of sandwiches in his lap, urging Remus to eat. As they ate, Remus apologized for snapping at Sirius earlier; Sirius didn't seem to mind too much, shrugging the apology off as if it wasn't that important however Remus got the sense that he was pleased with the apology.

()

Revenge against Snape came not with a storm but a steady dripping. Small things, repeatedly, until they could think of a really good Big One. Wednesday morning when he mixed together some porridge it began bubbling over, spilling across the table, into his lap, into the dishes of other Slytherins. Then his glass of juice had a hole in it. During lunch he nearly broke a tooth when all his food turned into rocks. He glared at the Gryffindor table then got up to get more food. When he sat back down he found himself stuck to the bench with a rather strong sticking spell. He had to rip his robes to get back up.

At dinner they were inspired by Lily (due to the whole noodle-into-worm thing) to turn Snape's food into bugs. Slytherins were shouting in fear and anger as various beetles and creepy-crawlies scuttled off of Snape's plate to raid the rest of the food. Of course Slughorn got involved, who went to McGonagall, who went to the two mischief-makers in her house who denied having anything to do this with. She took them to her office, Remus and Peter as well, in hopes to get one of them to confess.

Remus normally quailed under her stern eyes however he still felt enough fury from the whole tongue thing, so he just told her, "The only evidence y-you have is that we dislike him, and you've m-made it clear before th-that that isn't enough evidence. Or is that only in cer-ce-certain cases?"

McGonagall raised her eyebrows slightly, pressing her lips thin. Remus stared right back. She dismissed the four of them, visibly irritated. James, Sirius, and Peter all whispered how brilliant Remus had been. He didn't feel brilliant. He just still felt mad. And tired. Really tired.

"C-can we be done with revenge against him?" he asked.

"We've barely done anything!" Sirius complained.

Remus just sighed. "Please?"

"All right, but we're still doing the spider thing," James grumbled.

The next day during Potions when Snape got into his bag for his book dozens of spiders came scurrying out. He screamed, yanking back, falling off the bench and onto the floor. The spiders kept coming out, going all over him and across the floor. Other students began shrieking, jumping up onto the benches to avoid the arachnids. Snape wallowed on the floor, arms flailing as he tried to get the spiders off; Slughorn came to his rescue, using a spell to sweep all the spiders up into a pile which lit on fire, the smell of burning spiders filling the air. Slughorn looked at James and Sirius who pretended to look as horrified as everyone else.

They did get in trouble for that one, but neither of them were particularly bothered. At least they had agreed not to pursue more. Remus wanted more revenge-Snape deserved it, in his opinion-but he also just wanted to put the whole thing behind him. Besides, there were more important things to deal with, aka: the end-of-term exams.

Study group had become a not-so-regular thing with everyone. The only ones who were pretty much always there when Remus was were Lily, Silverlocke, and Craft. Occasionally the others would be missing. But with end-of-term exams coming up-even ones as trivial as they expected these to be-everyone had been showing up regularly. And on Thursday evening, Peter asked if he could join them which Remus happily agreed to. Since he was notoriously bad at school Twycross and Craft-the two snobs-gave him looks as he crept after Remus who was prepared to fight for Peter's right to be there if he wanted to. He didn't really join in the conversations, just listened with wide eyes and took copious amount of notes. Afterwards on the way back to the tower, he bemoaned how smart everyone else was compared to him. He was on one side of Remus with Lily (who thankfully didn't blame Remus for the spider thing) on Remus's other side, and Twycross ahead of them, blonde ponytail swishing rather violently probably due to the fact Peter was there.

"You'll do fine," Lily said, trying her best to sound encouraging. "Didn't your last History essay got an O?"

"Y...eah..." Peter squeaked, turning his head.

Remus wasn't even aware of ducking his own head or the flash of guilt that crossed his face. Lily took all of this in and sighed. "Remus, did you write his essay?"

Twycross stopped in her tracks, turning around. "You can't be doing someone else's homework! That's cheating!"

"I didn't!" Remus insisted while Peter went brilliantly pink. "I-I-I merely helped him. A... a lot..." Strictly speaking Peter had written it. Just, Remus kept giving him suggestions... helped with the phrasing... but Peter wrote it...

Twycross snorted in disgust then flounced far ahead of them which wasn't much of a loss, in any of their opinions. Especially Remus. He still thought there was something about her that rubbed him the wrong way, he just couldn't put his finger on it. She was snobby and know-it-all but so was Craft and Craft didn't give him this reaction.

"Lily's right, you'll do fine," Remus said as Peter began moaning again. "As much as I hate to say it, James and Sirius are a little bit right... I mean, these exams are poss-possibly important but I think you're putting more pressure on yourself than you should."

"Yeah!" Lily agreed. "It's only our first year anyways."

"It's only gonna get harder!" Peter cried out, nearly dropping his books. "I bet I'll be the first student to ever be kicked out cause of stupidity."

Remus didn't think at all before he responded with, "Actually, according to Hogwarts, a History, there have been several students who have fai-" he stopped as Peter just stared in absolute horror, realizing he had made a bad mistake. Oops.

"You mean it's happened!?" Peter's voice was so high and squeaky he was hardly comprehensible.

Lily gave Remus a light smack. "He's fooling, that's all."

Peter kept staring at Remus who nodded quickly. "Only fooling," he lied, trying to mimic James's smile but it just more resembled a grimace that made Peter start crying. He dropped his books, sank down onto the floor, and cried that he was going to be kicked out.

Lily glowered at Remus. "Why'd you have to go and panic him for?" she hissed out.

"I d-d-didn't mean to!" Remus dropped to his knees, putting a hand around Peter. "Hey. Hey listen, you're not going to be expelled for poor grades. You've g-got talent."

"No I haven't!" Peter wallowed around. "All I'm good for is-" He stopped then gave another wail. "Nothing! Nothing! Good for nothing! Being a guinea pig, that's me. Peter the guinea pig. That's all I did for the-"

Remus cut him off, assuming he was about to mention the Bat-Bogey Prank. "Hey, stop that!" Then he looked at Lily desperately. Comforting was something he really didn't know how to do! Judging by the look on her face, she wasn't quite sure what to say either. Remus thought for a couple seconds then reached into Peter's pocket, taking his wand out and putting it into Peter's hand. He had to manually wrap Peter's fingers around the end. "Make this levitate," he said, taking a rather heavy school book out of his own bag.

Peter sniveled and blinked through the tears. "Uwah?"

"Remus-" Lily started but he ignored her.

"Come on then." He stared hard into Peter's wet face. "Remember those cookies mum sent for my birthday? I still have one, you can have it if you do."

Peter sat upright, wiped the snot off his face onto his sleeve, then flourished his wand. "Wingardium leviosa!"

The book floated. Not spectacularly, but it floated, wobbling in the air a foot or so off the ground. "See?" Remus said, clapping his hands. "You're crying yet you managed to levitate something fairly heavy!"

The book dropped as Peter lowered his hand. "Uhh."

"Being upset while doing magic makes it very tricky," Lily said as Remus helped Peter to his feet.

"I... g-g-guess I did," Peter sniffled, wiping his face again. "Only cause you promised food," he added quite bitterly.

"So?" Remus began picking up Peter's books. "If it helps to have a reward then who cares that's what helps you focus?"

"You don't think it's pathetic?"

"No," Lily and Remus both said and Peter gave another sniffle as the tears finally stopped. Remus handed his books back to him, and they began walking again.

"You're still g-giving me that cookie, right Remy?"

Remus smiled and put his arm back around Peter, ignoring the giggles Lily was trying to suppress over the nickname. Ugh he had hoped she'd never hear that dumb name. "Of course, Petey. It's yours."