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That said, please enjoy this chapter!

Blue hadn't expected to run into Caddy and White on her way back to base, and it had startled her a bit after spending a very solitary morning on Earth. She almost felt like she'd been caught doing something wrong, even if that wasn't the case at all.

Or maybe it was, because avoiding spending time with the rebellion was beginning to become a bad habit.

"Hey, you're back!" Silver greeted her happily as soon as she'd materialized in the training room.

"Hey." Blue had hoped that she might be able to slip back to her and Yellow's room unnoticed, but that was near-impossible when there was training going on.

"Do you want to join us?"

"You're welcome to stay," Aura added from the front of the room.

"Would it be alright if I take a rain check?" Blue said apologetically.

"Yes, of course!" she reassured her. "I'm definitely hoping to do something like this again."

"Thanks." She managed a small smile, then slipped towards the exit.

"Hey," Yellow called, hurrying over to her. "Are you sure you don't want to stay? It's nothing strenuous, if you're tired."

Blue could hear the hint of probing curiosity behind the question, see the concern in her partner's eyes. "I'm just not really in the mood, sorry."

"Oh, alright." Yellow frowned.

"Meet you in our room later?"

"Yeah, sure. I promised I'd take care of a couple things while Chroma and Lavender are gone though, so…"

"Whenever you're finished," Blue said with a quick smile. "I have things to do too, so no rush."

"Sure."

Yellow was terrible at hiding her disappointment, Blue thought as she left the training room. And she felt bad for not being completely honest in her excuse, but…but there really were some things she needed to do for herself. First and foremost, she needed to figure out how she could be of the most help in the rebellion.

Because while Yellow had found her place quickly, Blue still hadn't figured out her own. It would have been easier, she thought, if she had some kind of specialized skill. Then at least…

No. No, she shouldn't dwell on that, she should just go and be proactive and stop avoiding things. Nothing would change unless you took action. She'd already learned that lesson, and she didn't want to forget it.

Blue took a circuitous route back to their room, hoping to run into someone, and she soon did. Violet was headed for the entrance to the underground level, her shovel slung over one shoulder.

"Excuse me!" Blue called out quickly. "Is there anything I can help out with?"

"Huh?" Violet turned, a little surprised. "Oh, no, it's fine. Just getting a head start on my own is all."

"I really don't mind helping," she said.

"No, no, it's okay, I've got it." She turned her eyes to the floor shyly. "Uh, there's training going on, so I bet they need you more in there."

"Right," Blue agreed reluctantly, and Violet disappeared out of sight with a smile and a quick goodbye.

The only thing she'd been doing around here lately was helping with training and, while she did enjoy it, it wasn't as if her presence added much. She still had a lot to learn, so she wasn't in a position where she felt comfortable giving advice or teaching on a regular basis. And while learning to improve her fighting skills was a priority, she didn't want to be in there all the time the way Silver was. If anything, that just made her realize that she had less energy than the newer Pearls around her.

They were all so young for the most part, and Blue was beginning to envy them that. They were able to adapt quickly, figure out where they belonged here and what they wanted their part in the rebellion to be. Blue, on the other hand, couldn't even figure out how to spend her time.

Everyone had been really welcoming from the start, so she'd expected she'd find her own small group of friends—the way Yellow had found Chroma and Lavender through their shared interests. She hadn't, yet. She had the rest of the Crystal Gems, of course, but they weren't always going to be around—they had their own planet to take care of as well.

And on top of that, there was the matter of finding herself a job and…

No, she needed to stop fixating on it. She'd been doing too much of that lately, making more and more excuses to go to Earth and get away from everything when it started to stress her out. It certainly wasn't helping matters.

Today, she'd try harder to get involved. She'd promised herself that.

Blue changed directions and headed for the communications room instead. There always seemed to be some kind of work to do there, and maybe she could help Millie with something while Aura was busy.

"Hello," she called, knocking lightly as she poked her head in.

"Hi," Millie greeted her, pausing in the middle of typing up what looked to be some kind of notes or summary. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"No, I was actually just stopping by to see if you could use an extra pair of hands?"

"Oh, thanks." Millie glanced over at the computer she'd been working on. "I don't think so though. Aura should be back in a little bit, and I'm not sure there's anything that would require three people."

Blue nodded, trying not to let her disappointment show. "Yeah, of course, just thought I should check. I'll see you around then."

"See you."

And it wasn't Millie's fault any more than it was Violet's, but that didn't make the refusal sting any less.

Blue lingered outside for a moment, trying to muster up the energy to ask someone else, but she wasn't even sure who to ask and she didn't feel up to hearing more "no thanks" or "I'm sure you've got more important stuff to do" like she'd been getting constantly these past few weeks.

With a sigh, she headed back to her room, telling herself she'd try again tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow.

Blue dropped onto the bed, closing her eyes as she hugged one of the pillows to her chest tightly. She was fine. She'd figure this out. Even if it didn't feel like she could right now.

Blue only had an hour or two before she was interrupted by a knock at the door, and she got up quickly to answer it. Before her was Yellow—or rather, Caddy shapeshifted to look like Yellow, though she supposed that didn't take much doing.

"Hi, Caddy."

"Hel—Hey! How did you know?" she pouted. "I didn't even get to try to fool you!"

"It's pretty easy to tell by looking at you," Blue answered apologetically. "Plus Yellow wouldn't knock."

"Darn, should have waited until you were somewhere else."

"I can pretend you fooled me, if you like," she offered with a tentative smile.

"Nah, forget it, I want to earn it!" Caddy shifted back to her own outfit easily. "Besides, I came by to tell you news about me."

"Oh?" It seemed rather out of the blue for Caddy to be giving her any kind of news—they hadn't really had that many chances to interact.

"Mm-hm!" She reached sideways to tug White into the doorway too. "White and I are dating now! We're going 'round and telling everybody!"

White nodded serenely. "I'm not exactly sure why, but we are."

"Because it's exciting!" Caddy declared.

"Congratulations," Blue laughed. "I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks!" she replied.

"Thanks," White echoed the sentiment a second after her. "Who's next?" she asked Caddy.

"Hmm, Azalea maybe? She wasn't in training, right?"

"Don't think so."

"Off we go then! Good to see you, Blue."

"You too," she said, amused.

"Oh, hey, before we go," Caddy said suddenly. "Are you doing okay? You seemed a little down earlier."

"Oh! I'm alright," Blue said hastily. She didn't want to put any more weight on Caddy's shoulders, especially when she was so exuberantly happy. "Just tired."

"Yeah?" Caddy put a hand on her hip, looking Blue up and down. "Alright, we'll let you sleep it off then! See you next time." Her hand went to her gem in a brief salute. "I honor your service."

"I honor your bravery."

The two disappeared down the hall, and Blue smiled to herself a little as she closed the door and retreated to the bed again. It was nice to be included, even if Caddy and White were going around to everyone, and she hoped everything would work out well for the two of them.

"Hey," Yellow said as she opened the door to their room a few hours later. "Are you going to tell me what's going on with you?"

Blue sat up in bed, immediately on edge again. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean." Yellow's eyes were serious as she knelt at the end of the bed, keeping a little bit of distance between them. "You've been all…" She met Blue's expectant gaze and let out an impatient sigh. "You know."

If they'd been talking about any other subject, Blue probably would have found Yellow's clumsy explanations amusing. Right now…

"I'm sorry. I just haven't been feeling that great."

"You—Wait, do you mean your gem?" Yellow asked anxiously, grabbing for her shoulders and leaning in close to examine it.

"No, no, not my gem. Just in general."

"Oh." She drew back. "Did I…say something I shouldn't have? You were a little off before, but then during our date you were back to normal so I'd thought it was fine, but then—"

Blue shook her head quickly. "You didn't do anything."

"No?"

"No."

Yellow looked like she was waiting for more of an explanation, but Blue couldn't bring herself to give it. She felt like she'd just start crying if she tried, and Yellow had already had a long day, and…

And Blue felt like she should have been able to do this on her own in the first place.

"Could we just lay down for a while?" Blue asked softly.

There was a pause, and she could see that Yellow's mind was spinning with what to say, but she settled on a simple "Yes."

Blue lay down on her side, Yellow's arms folding around her securely after a few awkward tries at finding the right position. Yellow's hands were linked together just beside her gem in the end, and Blue moved slightly so they would touch.

It was a small comfort, but Blue knew it wouldn't fix anything.

The morning brought a little bit of Blue's determination back again, enough to give Yellow a kiss good morning and assure her that she had plans for the day so Yellow didn't feel the need to stay with her.

She wasn't a hundred percent sure what her plan was, but she figured that if she was struggling to find something to do, then maybe she should just focus on finding someone to spend time with. That was less daunting.

Yeah, the first Pearl she saw that wasn't in the middle of something, she'd try to start up a conversation and see where things went from there.

Though she was convinced the universe was working against her when the first gem she encountered was Citrine, sitting on her own in a secluded nook near the front of the building.

She hadn't had much direct interaction with Citrine herself, but Blue certainly knew her by reputation—the orange Pearl seemed to have quickly alienated herself from everyone else with her cutting words and insensitivity. Blue assumed various gems must have made efforts to get to know her, but even Crimson just seemed to settle at accepting her attitude and keeping her distance, only getting involved when things escalated to more hurtful words.

But even if Citrine wasn't the easiest Pearl to get along with, that didn't mean it wasn't worth trying. Blue could take a challenge.

"Hello," she offered as she approached. "Mind if I sit with you?"

The orange Pearl flinched, startled. "Um, yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, I mind."

"Ah."

"You can sit anyway though."

"Oh, thanks." Blue hesitated, then took a seat a couple feet away. "So what are you up to?"

"I'm not up to anything. I'm sitting. Isn't that allowed?"

"No, of course! I wasn't trying to insinuate you were doing anything you shouldn't."

"Oh. Alright." Citrine seemed to relax, just minutely. "What are you doing?"

"Just sitting," she answered with a smile.

"Suit yourself."

"So, um, how did you come to join the rebellion?" Blue asked carefully, hoping she could spark at least a small conversation.

"Same way everyone else did," she muttered, shrugging and crossing her arms uncomfortably. "Heard about it, followed Crimson back along with a few other Pearls, and here I am."

"I'm sure there's a little more to it than that," she said. "But you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"I don't," Citrine replied bluntly. "I hope you're not expecting me to have a selfless and heroic story like you."

"I never said I was. And I'm really not sure I'd call it—"

"Some of us just wanted to be free of our owners, it wasn't anything grandiose," she interrupted.

"It doesn't have to be," Blue countered, frowning. "I mean, that's part of why I left too."

"Sure. You're exactly the same as the rest of us, that's why everyone's falling over themselves to impress you."

That hit a little too close to home, even if it was an exaggeration, and Blue fell quiet. Maybe a less personal topic would be better. "What sort of things do you like to do now that you're free?" she tried, keeping a friendly smile on her face.

Citrine shrugged, looking her over warily.

Okay, maybe she didn't want to talk at all.

"Earth," Citrine said quietly.

"Hm?"

"Earth's alright." She fidgeted with her long sleeves.

"Yeah! Yeah, Earth is nice," Blue agreed. "Where did you go when you visited?"

"Just wherever," Citrine mumbled, not looking at her.

"I like to wander around sometimes too."

"You like it there more than here?"

"What? No, I—I like it better than Homeworld, but I don't like it better than the rebellion."

Citrine narrowed her eyes disbelievingly. "Doesn't seem that way." She raised her head, gaze sharp as it met Blue's. "The others might not have noticed yet, but now that we've got the warp pad, you keep disappearing. If you're not going to participate in this thing you started, what are you even doing here?"

Blue flinched, hurt lancing through her gem at the blunt assertion. "I didn't…"

"Anyway, I'm going to find somewhere else to sit. I'm not in the mood for talking."

She'd certainly made that clear.

It was just as well she was leaving though, because Blue could feel tears beginning to well up in her eyes and she didn't want to cry in front of someone who was practically a stranger.

She ought to go back to their room, really, but she couldn't muster up any energy to get there right now. Instead, she tugged out her hair clips, trying to cover her face the way she used to with her bangs, even though they weren't long enough for that anymore.

What are you even doing here?

She didn't know. She didn't know what she was meant to be doing anymore. This had all seemed so simple before—they'd escaped, they'd come to terms with their freedom, they'd begun to learn how to fight—but she hadn't had any plans beyond that. She hadn't realized she would need something more once the novelty wore off, once she needed things to fill an everyday life.

Her sobs came out as quiet little gasps as she tried to stifle them, and she wished someone—Yellow, Pearl, anyone—was there to hold her and listen, but how could she expect that when she'd done her best to hide how she was feeling this whole time?

She should have said something sooner, should have told Yellow when all of this was just a small worry, and then Yellow would have said something matter-of-fact but sweet and they'd have figured it out together.

Why hadn't she done that?

"Um, Blue?" Suddenly there was a small handkerchief thrust in front of her, a neat square nestled in a familiar blue hand. When she raised her eyes, she found Sky standing above her. "Sorry, I just—I was on my way to see Crimson and then Mercury stopped me and said you were crying and I should take care of you because we're both blue. The color." She laughed nervously. "I'm not sure about her reasoning there, but I wanted to see if there was anything I could do anyway. So…here."

"I-I'm okay. Thanks." Blue offered her a small, grateful smile as she took the handkerchief carefully.

"Okay." Sky hesitated for a moment, watching her wipe her eyes, and then sat down abruptly beside her.

"You don't have to stay…"

"I know."

"Thanks."

But really, even if Sky at least smiled at her when they crossed paths these days, it wasn't like they were friends. Blue didn't know what to make of this, and it was hard to process it when everything else was weighing on her so heavily.

"Um…" Sky's fingers twitched into the hem of her jacket. "Is there…anything wrong? In general, I mean?"

"I'm okay." The words fell flat.

"You don't have to be," she said softly.

"Don't I?" Blue whispered. "I'm here with the rebellion now. That's what I wanted."

Sky fell silent, solemn eyes searching Blue's face. "It's not what you want anymore?"

Tears brimmed in her eyes again and she pressed the handkerchief against them hard. "Of course I want it. I love what all of you have built here."

"What you built too."

"Yes, but…" How could she explain how foreign it felt to her, even after spending so much time there?

"Sometimes it feels like everyone's expecting too much from you?" Sky tried hesitantly.

Blue lowered the handkerchief to look at the Pearl beside her, blue eyes to blue. "I…I guess that's a part of it."

Sky nodded sympathetically.

"It's not as if it's anyone's fault," she murmured. "I just don't think I fit in here."

"I don't think that's true."

"Isn't it?" Blue drew in a ragged breath. "We've been here a while now, and I still feel like a guest instead of a part of everything. And—And Yellow's doing so well, she loves her work here and she's made friends and it's wonderful, but somehow I can't do any of that. I'm just here. Not doing anything."

"What do you want to do?" Sky asked carefully.

"I don't know," Blue said wearily. "I just—I just thought that being here, that would be the easy part, you know? I thought everything would fall into place." Her voice wavered. "And it did, but not m-me."

Soft fingers fell feather-light on her elbow. "I'm sorry."

"I don't know what I'm doing at all. And I-I shouldn't complain but…"

"It's alright."

"It's not." A few more tears trickled down her cheeks. "I'm starting to wonder if I should be here at all. There's nothing you all really need me for."

"Of course you should." Blue was startled by the surety in Sky's voice. "I-I mean, I know I don't know you very well," she mumbled, embarrassed. "Just…everybody's supposed to belong here, y'know? That's why we have this place. It might take some Pearls more time than others, that's all."

"Thanks," Blue said softly, not sounding entirely convinced.

"I guess it would be pretty intimidating, trying to find something new to do after you spent so long doing just one thing."

She nodded. "Th-There's plenty of things I'd be willing to try though. But whenever I ask to try them, everyone says no, that I probably have something better to do and they don't want to get in the way of that."

"Ah," Sky said quietly. "And it's hard to correct them because then you feel bad that you don't have everything figured out already."

"Mm-hm."

"You haven't talked to Crimson either, I'm guessing?"

"No…"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry," Blue murmured. "It's a terrible thing to complain about, especially to someone who's got a lot more to deal with than I do."

"You shouldn't make comparisons," Sky replied. "Besides, I daresay you'd come out on top in a true comparison. You had to deal with our Diamond for thousands of years, and I haven't even made it through one."

"You shouldn't make comparisons," Blue repeated, almost to herself.

"No." She traced the ribbons that crisscrossed up her legs for a moment. "I need to remember that too." She glanced up at Blue. "I'm sure there's something else out there that you'd enjoy doing for the rebellion, even if it's something completely different from before."

"…Have you found your something?"

"I'm a little too busy to figure it out just yet," Sky said honestly. "But once I'm free, then I'll find it. For now, I'm just happy to be here, and if information gathering is what I can do, I'll do it. But long term…well, I'd prefer to stay closer to home, I think. I've had enough of sneaking around already."

Blue nodded.

"But, um, can I make a suggestion, even if I don't have any experience choosing a job?"

"Yeah, of course."

"I…I think it'd be really helpful if you shadowed a bunch of different gems and see what their work is like, just like we've been trying to encourage all the new recruits to do. That way you can try all the things you're interested in trying, and there's no pressure if the first few ideas don't suit you the way you hoped they might."

"You're probably right," Blue said, swiping at her eyes. "I did think about it, when I realized that was something you guys were doing. But Yellow and Pearl found their places so easily, so I thought it might be strange for me to ask."

"Not at all," Sky said, shaking her head. "I'd be happy to go with you to talk to Crimson about it. She'd definitely say yes, and help get it all set up for you."

"I-I'd like that," she answered. "I can go on my own though. I should have gone before, really—"

"I'm happy to go with you," Sky repeated, interrupting. "Okay?"

"…Okay. Thank you."

"It's no trouble. But," she added after a second's hesitation, "you know what you really need to do?"

"What?"

"Talk to your Caddy." Sky's eyes softened. "Mine likes to know how I'm doing, even if it's not good. And she always cheers me up."

"Yeah," Blue agreed softly, remembering the concern in Yellow's eyes when she'd left today. "Yeah, I will."

"Would you like to get a change of scenery?" Sky offered after a while of sitting quietly together.

"I don't know," Blue said. "Where?"

"Earth?" she suggested. "I mean, I don't think either of us are going to appreciate Homeworld scenery much."

"I guess not," she laughed softly.

"And you did volunteer to show me around. I know I turned you down before, but…"

"No, it's okay," Blue said, shaking her head. "There's nothing wrong with wanting to go with your friends instead of me."

"Well, still…" Sky trailed off shyly. "I've been with my friends, so now I can go with someone else."

"You're sure?"

She nodded. "Maybe just a short trip?"

"A short trip sounds good," Blue agreed. "I'm not sure I'm up to giving a tour at the moment."

"Then we can just go and sit there instead," Sky replied easily, giving her a small smile. "If that sounds good to you."

"It does. Thank you."

"No problem." Sky got up and stretched gracefully. "I'll be right back, okay?"

"Oh, sure." She was going to tell someone they were leaving, Blue presumed.

When Sky returned a few minutes later though, she greeted Blue with a casual "There's nobody in the training room right now, shall we go?"

Blue's hands leapt self-consciously to her face, wondering if there were lingering effects of her crying that were still visible.

"You look fine," Sky reassured her quickly. "Or, um, you might want to fix your hair clips, but otherwise you're fine. I just figured you wouldn't really want to run into anybody if you could help it."

"Oh." She relaxed again. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." She offered Blue her hand and helped her up, her fingers delicate under the calluses that had begun to form on Blue's.

The two of them slipped into the empty training room and to the warp pad, Sky activating it easily before Blue could even think about it. It made Blue a little happier—seeing that Sky's initial skittishness around her seemed to have faded somewhat.

Sky waited patiently for Blue to choose which direction they should go once they exited the house, and then followed along quietly as Blue started walking. Blue didn't know exactly where she wanted to go, but she knew the general direction she wanted, somewhere high up enough to get a good view of Earth, so she could watch the blues of the ocean and sky, much prettier blues than the ones that she'd had to look at for millennia, with plenty of other colors all around so they weren't overwhelming.

She glanced to her new companion briefly before sitting down at the top of a hill, and was relieved to see that Sky seemed to like the choice too. There was a soft, peaceful smile on her lips.

Blue settled onto the grass without any more hesitation, and Sky soon followed. The other gem's shoulders relaxed, and she pulled her knees up so she could manually undo the ballet laces that formed diamonds on her legs. Blue had to hide a smile at the little show of rebellion, that she took the time to undo it instead of just shapeshifting them off all at once.

She watched for a few minutes, until Sky was finished and had set her shoes aside and slipped her gossamer jacket off of her shoulders. She glanced over at Blue uncertainly, then quickly redirected her attention to the scenery.

They didn't talk again but it still felt far less lonely than Blue had been before.