Peter did not come back to study group on Friday. He told Remus later in the evening that he had felt too intimidated, and felt like everyone was too out of his league. He felt too stupid. Remus said if Peter wanted he'd help him study, which Peter happily agreed. The two of them spent ages on the floor of their dorm, pouring through books, Peter asking questions, Remus doing his best to help. He knew Peter had it in him to do better. He just needed the confidence.
"Dunno why you're doing that, the exams aren't important at all," said James, watching the two of them with faint disgust.
"Studying is never a bad thing," said Remus in return.
Sirius crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it in their direction. It landed in the book in Remus's lap. "Five points!" Sirius laughed. "C'mon you two, let's do something fun. Studying is boring."
"You two aren't even studying anyway!" Peter grumbled, wincing as another paper ball went his way, bouncing off his shoulder.
"I think too much studying will hurt you." Sirius had his eyes locked on Remus, an arrogant grin on his face. "You go to the library every night! That's gotta be bad for you."
Remus pushed some of his hair back. "My grades say otherwise," he said haughtily, causing Sirius to snort.
James and Sirius returned to their conversation, leaving the two on the floor alone, however soon Peter started listening in. James was talking about the upcoming International Quidditch Tournament over the summer, discussing with Sirius which teams would be going. He also mentioned he'd be going to some of the games, definitely the final one. His family always got top box seats for any game they wanted to go to, and always went to the big games. Then he started talking about the World Cup he had gone to in 1970, traveling all the way to Australia for it.
"Hey... you guys should come too, to the International finale this summer!" James sat up, quite excited. "I'll pay. My treat."
"Yeah, then we can hang out some this summer, too!" Peter said, dropping his quill.
"Yes! We could have a sleepover at my place!" James pumped his fist in the air. "My parents'll be fine with it. We've got plenty of space. And by then I'll have my new broom so you guys can give it a go."
"That'd be so awesome!" Peter scrambled away from the books, climbing up onto James's bed. "I'm sure my parents will be okay with that. They always like hearing about you guys when I write home. Maybe you can come visit my house too! It's not as impressive and a bit Muggle from my dad and grandfather-my Muggle grandfather, he lives with us-but we could do something there too."
Remus and Sirius were both silent as the two made plans and it took them a moment to realize this. "You two are coming too, right?" James said.
"My family's always got far too many stupid summer plans," Sirius said, inspecting his fingernails closely. "I doubt I'd be able to get away from having to be present."
"My-mum's usually worse in the-in the summer," Remus lied. "I don't think I-I should make plans since, um, I'd probably end up having to-to, uh, to cancel."
James looked disappointed and it didn't seem to help when Peter said, "Well, I'll definitely be able to come."
"Cool," he said in response, sounding fake to Remus's ears. He looked over at Sirius who now had a magazine in his hand, trying to ignore his friend's stares. "Are you sure you couldn't get-"
"We need music." Sirius jumped out of James's bed and turned on the radio. At least most the stations were playing music unlike earlier in the week, and Sirius found one playing the hits from the 60s. He turned it up loud, too loud for James to question him further which gave Remus some relief since he didn't want James pushing about visiting either.
()
The weekend before the final week of the term was mostly spent with Peter, helping him study, trying to get him to retain some information, Remus doing his best to help him with memorization. It was a super rainy weekend so everyone else remained in the school too, James and Sirius constantly complaining about being bored. On Sunday they wreaked havoc by using the last of their firecrackers to put in all the toilets from the ground floor to the third floor (except Myrtle's bathroom). They packed one toilet so full that it exploded, the seat reportedly flying to the other side of the bathroom. The room was flooded and Filch had to spend ages trying to get everything mopped up.
Then the exams came and they were hardly anything. Mostly just revision, the teachers making sure they were prepared for the summer term. Even Peter thought they weren't so bad. But the homework-it was brutal. Every class the teachers piled more and more assignments onto the students until even James was grouchy.
"Impossible," he grumbled on Tuesday, staring at the pile of paper on his desk.
"My theory is they hate us and want us to suffer through the holidays," said Sirius.
Remus looked in despair at the work he needed to do. I should write home again, beg them to let me stay. The thought of being away from the Hogwarts library made him a little sick. He wanted the best possible grades he could get! He quickly penned out a note, folding it up carefully. "Going to the owlery, I'll see you guys down in the Great Hall," Remus said as he grabbed his cloak, figuring by the time he got the letter to Arthur and came down it'd be time for supper.
He didn't take encounters into consideration. When he went into the tower, he hesitated, seeing someone else in there already: Snape. Why? He considered waiting in the corridor then jut his chin out, marching into the owlery. Snape narrowed his eyes, watching as Remus went near to where Arthur usually stayed. Remus ignored the other boy as he held his arm out. Arthur flew down, looking a bit healthier than the last time Remus had seen him.
"You're a good boy," Remus said, accepting Arthur's nuzzles. "Need you to take this to Mum and Dad." He attached the letter and carried Arthur to the window, arm dipping as his owl took off. He felt very aware of being watched by Snape, little pinpricks of discomfort all over his body. When he turned he tried to avoid Snape's gaze. It got worse when he went down the stairs and Snape followed.
Snape's footsteps went a little quicker then Remus felt hands on his back, and Snape shoved. Remus stumbled and tripped, crashing rather painfully into the wall. "I know it was your friends," he said, watching Remus trying to right himself. "It's always them."
"I d-d-don't know wha-what you're t-talking about." Remus rubbed his arm where it had smacked against the stone.
"The spiders," Snape growled. "And the mud!"
"I-I r-really d-don't know what you're-" He stopped as Snape got out his wand. "I didn't do anything!"
"You tell them to stop!" The wand shook a little from the tension in Snape's arm. "Just-tell them to stop! I never did anything to them! They started it! If they don't stop then... then..."
"Then what?" Remus demanded rather hotly. "You'll g-go around attacking p-people who d-didn't have anything to-to do with it?"
"They're nothing but bullies."
"So are you!" The pain had finally faded and Remus straightened up, fumbling for his wand. "Going to use another-illegal curse on me?" he was immensely pleased to see how pale Snape went. "That spell-it's n-not anywhere that I can find."
Snape raised his wand a little bit, pointing right at Remus's face. "You don't know what spell I used!"
Remus got his wand out now, pointing it right back. "Langlock." A flash of annoyance appeared on the Slytherin's face. "Wh-where'd you find it?"
Snape's lip curled. "Wouldn't you like to know." He came closer to Remus but still kept himself at arm's distance. "Just tell them to leave me alone. Got it, Loopy?" He brushed past him, tucking his wand away as he went. When he got near the stairs he paused, glancing back at Remus, a nasty smile on his face. "Least I do know one thing. Lily's loyalty to me is stronger than to you." With that he disappeared down the steps.
Remus sank down to the ground, chest heaving a bit as he tried to catch his breath. He had been a little more frightened in that confrontation than he expected. Plus the last words had really hurt him, as much as he wished they didn't. He glared at the stairs for a while before getting up, heading down himself. Slowly, to give Snape even more time to stay ahead. Unless he was hiding somewhere... Remus kept his senses on high alert the entire way down to the Great Hall but wasn't in any danger during the trip.
"You took a while," Sirius remarked when Remus finally sat down.
He did his best not to look towards the Slytherin table. Perhaps he should have let his friends get more revenge for the tongue thing; probably should tell them about this too, he just didn't want to deal with the fighting right now. "I gave Arthur loads of att-t-ttention." The stutter slipped out even though he had been focusing on his words, and all three friends frowned. "So, er, what are your plans for-the holiday?"
"Without you? Who knows," sighed James, returning to his food. "I mean, besides celebrating my birthday though I might be going home for a couple days for that." He began slurping up soup loudly. "Haven't decided yet. So I might be on the train with you, but come back probably the twenty-eighth."
"You better," Sirius said. "Don't wanna be here alone all holidays."
"I-I'll be here," Peter said rather despondently.
Sirius flashed a smile. "Yeah, that's right!" He didn't sound wholly convincing to Remus though, but Peter seemed mollified.
Remus saw Lily come in and excused himself. He thought he could ask her. He just hoped it didn't start anything. If he kept the pushing part out, he figured it'd be fine. He inquired about the whole mud thing-stating that Snape had asked him to get his friends to stop. Lily informed him that on Sunday a whole bucket full of smelly mud had been dumped on Snape's head, along with some sticking solution that made it near impossible for the mud to get off.
"I didn't know they did that, I'm sorry," he said.
Lily brushed a few strands of hair away from her face. "I know you like them. I-I know I'm not really being fair asking this... just... maybe you should rethink your friendship with them? Not-Pettigrew, he doesn't seem too bad. It just seems like Potter and Black drag the two of you into all sorts of trouble."
Remus shook his head during most of this. "Yeah they're trouble-makers but they are my friends, and I like them."
"That's what I figured you'd say," she said with a smile. "I'm glad they're nice to you at least. If they're ever mean to you, I'll let them have it. I mean it."
"Thanks. If-anyone does anything to you, I've got your back." She raised her eyebrows at that, eyes darting to his friends. "I do defend you to them, when they talk about pranking you."
Her hand brushed against his arm. "Thanks. Are you coming to study tonight?"
"N-no, I've got some stuff I need to do..."
"Where do you go Tuesday nights?" she asked, tilting her head. "You're not with them. I remember them saying something in November. What do you do?"
"N-nothing... not much. I mean. P-personal stuff," he stammered out, trying to think of an excuse. Then suddenly, "Madame Pomfrey. I mean, the hospital wing. For-check ups."
"Oh." Her voice softened, however there remained a bit of steeliness in her eyes. "Are you okay...?"
His fingers plucked at the end of his sleeve, tugging at a loose end. "Yeah, just-you know-regular check ups. Blood tests. That sort of thing."
"Must be rough."
"It-it is, yeah. Well, uh, better-go and finish my supper..." He quickly returned to the boys, feeling Lily's eyes on him for a few moments until finally she looked away. He really hoped his lie would be enough. He figured he ought to tell the boys too, in case Lily asked them anything, so when he finished eating he told them he'd see them later he was going to the hospital wing. They expressed concern, and Remus acted surprised. Hadn't he mentioned it before? He told them what he had told Lily, stating that really he thought they knew.
"Blood tests?" Peter asked, looking squeamish.
"Want us to walk you there?" Sirius offered.
"No, it's okay. I-I'll see you later." He grabbed his bag, cheerfully leaving the Great Hall now, pleased that at least they seemed to believe him.
()
Potions, of course, still remained a hard exam no matter how easy it was for everyone else. Remus gagged, choked, and held back nausea on Thursday as he made the throat-soothing potion they had been required to make. It wasn't quite as bad as other potions they had made, however still nasty enough to cause him problems. At least he got an A at the end. Slughorn added to the enormous pile of homework that was due when they started classes again, then had the audacity to wish them a happy holiday.
"I wish you were staying here," Peter moaned as they trooped out of the dungeon. "How am I supposed to get my stuff done with you gone?"
"Yeah, it really sucks," agreed James, looking anxiously at Remus who had taken to looking over all their homework lately, therefore giving them better grades.
"I'll be back on a Saturday so I'll be over to check your homework before Monday," Remus said, not mentioning that he was hoping to be here for the holidays. He was still waiting for Arthur to return, knowing perfectly well his parents' answer.
Sure enough the next morning Arthur brought a letter with his mother rather angrily complaining at the very idea of Remus staying!
It's going to be four, sweetheart. You really need to be here. As much as you can. I know your grades are very, very important however your safety is even more important.
He crumpled the letter up, annoyed. I'll have to do the best I can then when I come back spend the entire Sunday in the library fixing everything, he decided, then remembered his promise to his friends the day before. Oh yeah, and help them too. It's fine, I can do both.
After Defense he went to the library to get started on his homework, spending the afternoon and most the evening in there, forgoing supper. Study group wasn't meeting that night anyway, so he just focused on his essays. At fifteen till seven he left, swinging by the kitchens to stuff some food in his pockets before hurrying to his dorm. His friends were already celebrating their freedom with music blaring, James and Sirius dancing wildly around, crashing into each other. Peter was watching them, looking like he wanted to join but not daring to.
"There you are!" Sirius said as he spun around and spotted Remus in the doorway. "You were gone all day!" He grabbed Remus's arm, yanking him in, and giving him a spin, trying to get him to join in the dancing.
Remus just set his stuff on his desk. His head already started throbbing from the too-loud music. "Homework."
"Already?" Sirius crinkled his nose up. "Ew."
Now he pulled the food out of his pockets, dumping them on his desk. Of course his friends were suddenly very hungry despite having had supper; thankfully Remus had suspected that would happen and brought extra. They piled onto James's bed, chatting about the holidays, Sirius and Peter complaining about it just being the two of them until James got back. Also complaining about missing James's birthday.
"It's just a real big deal for my parents," said James, peeling apart his sandwich and putting crisps in it before putting it back together. Peter began imitating him. "They would have said yeah if I asked to stay, 'xcept I dunno, I just wanted to have another big birthday to-do, you know?"
After eating Remus packed up some bags to take home, making sure he had all his school books as well as all his notes. At least I'll be able to lie about not being sick, he thought as he finished putting away the last bit of clothing he thought he'd need for the two weeks home.
In the morning after breakfast Sirius and Peter went outside with James and Remus. Remus clutched at his bags, eyeing the horrifying things hooked up to the carriages, wishing they could just walk to Hogsmeade or something. The four boys said their temporary goodbyes (Sirius messing up Remus's hair) then James and Remus got into a carriage. As before, Remus sat as far from the Thing as he possibly could.
As they got onto the Hogwarts Express, Lily approached them, very unhappy at the sight of James. "Remus, were we sitting together...?"
"No," James said.
Remus elbowed him lightly. "Of course. If-if that's okay with you," he added to Lily who glared even more at James but nodded, joining them in a compartment. None of her other friends were going home for the holidays; hardly anyone was. The train felt so empty.
He hoped James and Lily would be able to get along well enough for the trip however it didn't take long for them to fall into an argument. It started off with Lily and Remus discussing some classes until James suggested a change of topic since school was 'too boring'. She called him a dunce, he called her a starry-eyed Muggleborn, and it went downhill from there winding up in them on their feet shouting insults at each other until Remus grabbed Lily, hauling her out of the compartment.
"HE'S SUCH A JERK!" she screamed as Remus slammed the door shut.
"YOU'RE NO MISS SUNSHINE YOURSELF!" came the angry response behind the door.
Lily growled, stomping her foot. "Remus-" Then she stopped, drawing in breath. "I'm sorry. I-I tried but he's just-horrible."
"I'm sorry," Remus apologized right back. He should have known this would happen, shouldn't have had them sit in the same place. But he didn't know what to do now. Sit with Lily? Sit with James?
She sighed, shoulders sagging. "I'll see you after the holidays. It's okay," she said when he opened his mouth to protest. "He's coming back early, right? So you and I can sit together on the trip back. Plus I'm more understanding than he is, if you left him for me he'd just blow up or something." She gave him a quick hug and trotted away.
Remus went back into the compartment where James was stewing. He started to say something but Remus cut him off. "She's my friend," he said, taking a seat across from him. "So just don't, all right? Please?"
He ended up splitting his time between them, spending some time with James for a bit, then wandering off to find Lily and sit with her for a while. He spent the last two hours with James, though, and he had calmed down a lot, gotten back into a good mood. He had bought half the sweet trolley for the two to split and when the train pulled into Kings Cross Remus had to shove a lot of candy in his pockets.
Now came the difficulty of going to his mother without James being there. They walked to the nearest doors then Remus pretended he forgot something in the compartment. "You go ahead," he said, running back to the compartment. He glanced out the window, watching James approach the same elderly couple he had at the Christmas holidays. Remus watched them hug then James glanced back at the train. Remus ducked down, counted to fifteen, then slowly made his way off the train. The station was so much emptier than the Christmas holidays. Everyone's reunions were laid bare for the rest to see.
Remus saw Lily with her parents and frowned, rather sad her sister wasn't anywhere in sight. Before he could look for his own parents, his mother was at his side, hugging him tightly, telling him how much she had missed him, how worried she'd been. She smoothed down his hair then tipped his head back to look into his face.
"Last month went well?" she whispered.
"Y-yeah." He saw out of the corner of his eye that James was pulling the Indian woman towards them. He could hear him clearly. 'That's my friend, Remus'. "We sh-should go."
"Yes-"
But it was too late.
"Hey Remus!" James grinned broadly. "This is my mum and dad!" He indicated the elderly couple (not his grandparents!) with pride. "Mum, Dad, this is my friend Remus."
Remus could feel his mother stiffening next to him, her hand clutching at his shoulder. "Th-this is my mother," he said rather hollowly. "Mum, this is... J-James Potter."
Mrs. Potter held out her hand. "It's so nice to meet you. Mrs. Lupin, is it? James has told us so much about Remus here."
"Has he," Hope said flatly, not taking Mrs. Potter's hand for a second before putting on a fake smile. "It's nice to meet you too." She wrapped her hand around hers, shaking it very awkwardly. "I'm terribly sorry for running off however we've got some stops to make, and I need to get supper ready."
"Of course." Mrs. Potter now smiled at Remus. "Maybe we'll see you this summer?"
"M-maybe," Remus croaked out, feeling so sick, feeling nothing but dread filling his body from head to toe. James was still smiling. So happy. So unaware of what he had just done. Why couldn't he have just left with his parents?!
"See ya, Remus!" James said brightly.
"B-bye."
Hope pulled Remus along in silence, very quickly as if trying her best to get as far away from the Potters immediately. Remus stumbled along, trying to keep up with his mother's pace. She said absolutely nothing the entire trip to the car park until they got into the car with the doors shut. Hope just sat there, clutching the wheel so tightly her knuckles went white.
Remus was on the verge of just throwing up. "M... mum...?"
Hope burst into tears, bending forward to press her forhead against the wheel. "How could you? How could you?!"
Remus shrank back, regretting every decision he made. I shouldn't have become friends with them, I shouldn't have let them in! "He-he's not really my friend," he said without even thinking, the lies pouring out. "He's my dorm-mate. I've helped him with his homework a couple of times, and we've had to be partners in some classes."
Hope's sobs began quieting, though tears continued to drop down. "It isn't safe."
"I know. I know, Mum, I-I'm not-he's not really my friend. I guess he just-thinks he is because I've helped him." It was easier to lie to his mother than he ever thought it would be. He thought he would feel like crap for doing it, but he just felt... fine. Almost distant. Like it wasn't him lying.
"You understand why you can't have friends, baby, right?"
"Of course." He sat up a little straighter as the deception wrapped around him. "I don't have friends. I swear that I don't."
"Tell me. Tell me why it isn't safe."
"Because if anyone finds out they'd report me to the Ministry and I would either be taken to one of their werewolf locations or else executed. Nobody likes us. We're monsters."
Hope reached out, her hand groping for his. "I know it's hard. I'm sorry you have to go through this." She finally lifted her head, her makeup smeared all over her face, some of her tawny curls having escaped the bun she had put them in. "I can't even imagine how hard it is for you. But you're so strong." She squeezed his hand tightly. "I love you."
"I love you too, Mum. I'm sorry that-that happened, that you got so upset."
"It's okay. I'm just glad to know you're not friends with him. Or anyone."
Remus nodded as Hope started the car. "Of course I'm not," he said, looking out the window, unable to believe the luck that she believed him. But, naturally she'd trust him, he never lied to her before. "It isn't safe."