37

To say I was exhausted the next morning would be a gross understatement. Between the physical excursion of my performance and my emotional breakdown I had last night, I was beyond tired.

"Baby, wake up," whispered Edward. I groaned and rolled to my other side. "Baby, I know you're tired but we have to check out of the dorms and fly home."

"Can't," I groaned. "Too tired. Need sleep."

"You can sleep on the plane," he whispered.

"I NEED TO SLEEP," I yelled.

"You can sleep on the plane, love," he said softly. "I'll hold you the whole way."

"Fine," I grumbled.

I threw the blanket off of me and climbed off the bed. I pulled on the jeans and t-shirt Edward was holding for me. We grabbed all our stuff and headed down to the lobby. Tia and the others were checking out of the dorms and loading into the limos that would take them back to the airport. I hugged everyone goodbye and promised to stay connected to all of them. I would miss them all, especially Tia. She had become such a good friend over the last week.

"Hey, Bella, how you feeling this morning?" asked Peter as he and Charlotte came over to us.

"Super," I mumbled. It took a lot of effort for me not to roll my eyes. How was I supposed to be feeling? I was dying. I knew it. They knew it. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist but I shrugged it off. "Let's get the hell out of here."

"Ok," said Charlotte, slowly.

I noticed her and Peter exchange a look but I ignored it. I went over to Carmen and turned in my keys. I grabbed my luggage and went outside to wait for them. The three of them came out a few minutes later. They didn't say anything as we climbed into the limo. The drive to the airport was tense and silent. I knew what they were thinking. I just wasn't in the mood to be all cheerful and happy.

The limo pulled up in front of the airport. We grabbed our luggage and headed inside. We checked our luggage and went through security. We found the rest of our family waiting for us at the gate.

"Hey, Bella, you did great last night," squealed Alice.

"Yeah, thanks," I muttered under my breath.

I turned from them and found a seat away from them. Edward sighed softly and sat down next to me. I pulled my knees up to my chest and laid my head on them while we waited for our flight to load. I was so tired of this. I was tired of pretending that everything was going to be fine. I was tired of pretending that I wasn't dying. The problem was I couldn't tell my family that. I couldn't deal with the pain I was causing them.

After nearly twenty minutes of waiting, the flight attendant called for us to board our plane. I didn't say anything as I stood up and grabbed my carry on bag. I went over to her and handed her my ticket before I walked down the tunnel to the plane. I took my seat and buckled my seat belt. Edward took the seat next to me but didn't say anything. Really what was there to say? The plane pulled out onto the runway and lifted into the air. Edward pulled me into his arms and held me as I silently let my tears fall as I fell asleep.

Eight hours later, the plane landed in Seattle. I unbuckled my seat belt and walked off the plane. I could feel everyone watching me. I could almost see the gears in their heads turning as they tried to figure just what to say that would make me feel better. There was nothing to say. Anything words they could say would be for their comfort not mine because I knew the truth. So did they, even if they didn't want to admit it.

Edward and I loaded into the backseat of Carlisle and Esme's car. I turned my body away from him and watched the road go by as we drove back to Forks. I tried to take in as many details as I could. I watched the trees as they swayed slightly due to the light breeze that was blowing. I watched the mountains that hugged the road like a blanket. I watched the light drizzling rain fall onto the window. I traced it with my finger as the drop rolled down like the tears on my face were. I tried to be quiet but I knew they could hear me. They just weren't ready to admit the truth and I wouldn't tell them. I was causing them enough pain.

Carlisle pulled the car up in front of mine and Edward's house. I climbed out of the car and grabbed my luggage from the trunk. I turned and made my way into the house without saying anything to anyone.

"Bella, are you hungry?" asked Esme as I walked away from her.

"No," I said, not bothering to stop and look at her. I couldn't see the pain in her face.

I went into our room and shut the door behind me. I changed into some clean pajamas before I climbed into bed and let my tears take me away to a world without cancer. To a world where Edward and I would always be happy. Too bad it wasn't real.

EPOV

I watched as Bella walked into the house. She was shutting down. I knew it. Our family knew it. I just didn't know what to do about it. After her performance last night, I saw the change in her. She's giving up. She's tired and she's quitting on me. I could feel it while we made love last night. I don't know what to do. I followed everyone into the house. We settled onto the couches.

"What's going on with Bella?" asked Emmett.

"She's grieving," said Carlisle.

"Grieving for Charlie?" asked Emmett.

"No," said Carlisle as he grabbed Esme's hand. "She's grieving for herself. She's giving up."

"WHAT?" bellowed Emmett.

"SHHH," I hissed. "She's sleeping."

"Sorry," muttered Emmett as he wiped the tear off his face. "She can't stop fighting."

"She's not going to," said Carlisle. "She's scared. I saw it hit her last night while she was singing. She knows that she may die."

"How can you say that?" asked Jasper. "She can't die."

"She might," said Esme softly as she wiped the tear off her face. "It's time we are honest with ourselves. Bella is very sick and she might not beat this but we have to do everything we can to stay positive for her. We have to do everything we can to try to help her beat this but we have to be honest with ourselves too."

"I can't lose her," I whispered through my tears. I could feel my body shake with my tears as I tried to stay quiet. "She's my everything. I can't lose her."

"Edward, I know you are scared," cried Esme as she came over and knelt in front of me. I knew she did. She and Carlisle think that me and Alice don't know about his cancer but we do. "I know it's hard to think about losing the one person you can't live without but you have stay strong for her. She needs you so much, Honey."

"I know, Mom," I sobbed. "I'm trying but it's so hard. How did you do it?"

"I don't know," she cried. In this moment, we were honest with each other. "I was terrified that I was going to be left alone too. You and Alice needed me so I tried to focus on you two but it was hard to watch him suffer."

"I hated seeing the pain I was putting her through," whispered Carlisle. "I hated that I was putting her through so much. I hated the thought that I might not get to see you and Alice grow up. I…"

"Daddy," sobbed Alice as she pulled Carlisle into her arms.

"I don't want to lose Bella," sobbed Carlisle. "I want her to be healthy and happy. I wish I could make her better but I don't know that I can."

"It's not fair," cried Emmett. Rose had his head in her lap as they cried together. Jasper had moved and was rubbing Alice's back while she comforted Carlisle. "She doesn't deserve this."

"No, she doesn't," I whispered as I stood up. "But since when is life fair."

I turned and made my way down the hall to my wife. I shut the door behind me and quietly stripped down to my boxers. I climbed into the bed with her. She rolled over and laid her head on my chest without ever waking up.

I know it seems unbelievable to most but I knew the moment I saw her sitting in the back of that small classroom that I was going to marry her. Of course, I didn't think it would be four days later in Vegas but I knew that someday I would marry her. She looked like an angel in her blue and gold cheerleading uniform. I'll admit that several fantasies ran through my mind of what I wanted to do to her in that uniform. But it wasn't until I heard her play her cello that I saw who she really was. The look on her face. It was pure joy. She was amazing and I wanted her.

Of course, then I pissed her off . I will admit that even then I was turned on. She had a fire in her eye that made my cock twitch. The more I got to know her the harder I fell. She was compassionate, brilliant, sexy, and beautiful. She would laugh and I swear I could hear angels singing.

Then on that terrible yet completely wonderful Monday morning, I saw my angel broken. I couldn't stop myself from pulling her into my arms and just holding her. I could see the fear, the pain written all over her face. Of course I didn't understand why but I knew that I would do anything to make her smile again. After she ran out of the school, I had to follow her. She was my everything. Even then. She fell to her knees on the beach and said the words that would haunt me forever. My angel was dying. How could my beautiful angel be dying? She looked up at me with her tear filled eyes. I saw so many emotions flash through her eyes, fear, sorrow, pain, love, despair.

In that moment, I vowed to do everything I could to take care of her. I've tried. Lord, knows I've tried. It's not easy to sit back and watch the woman I love slowly waste away. To watch her lose weight. To lose her hair. I've had to sit by her and watch her grieve for the father who loved her more than she will ever realize and the mother who sacrificed her life for her children. Over the last few days, I've watched her slowly give up. I've watched as she struggled to make it through one day to the next. One moment to the next without breaking down and falling into the depression that has finally engulfed her. How will I ever pull her out of this?

"I'm sorry, my love," she murmured in her sleep. "I'm sorry I'm dying….."

I let my tears fall freely as I wrapped my arms around her. I would do everything I could to help her through this.