38

BPOV

"Bella, it's time to get up for school," whispered Edward as he shook my shoulders.

"I'm not going," I muttered before I pulled the pillow over my head.

"Are you feeling ok?" he asked. I groaned into the pillow.

"No, I'm fucking exhausted," I snapped as I threw the pillow at him. "I'm sorry if you can't understand that."

I climbed off the bed and pushed past him. I went into the kitchen and grabbed my keys and ran out to my car. I heard Edward yelling for me to stop but I had to get out of here. I couldn't see the pain in his eyes. I knew it was all my fault. I jumped into my car and pulled out of the drive way as I saw him running out of the house, pulling on his coat. I drove out of Forks and went to the cemetery. I slammed on the breaks and shifted my car into park. I jumped out of my car and ran to Charlie and Renee's graves. I crumpled to the ground as my body shook with my tears.

"How could you leave me?" I sobbed as I beat my fists onto the ground. "I need you, Daddy. I can't do this anymore. I can't do this without you. I'm so tired of always hurting. I'm so tired of it all. I don't want to die. Why me? What did I do that so fucking wrong? I thought I was I good person. Was I wrong? Did I hurt people? Was I mean or malicious? I've tried to be strong, Daddy. I've tried so fucking hard but I can't do it. I'm not strong enough. Please, Daddy, come back. I need you too much."

I curled up in a ball in between them and wrapped my arms around my knees as I sobbed. I could feel the rain falling on me but I couldn't find the energy to get up. I couldn't find the strength to care anymore. God had cursed me with more pain and suffering than anyone should have to go through. He brought me Edward and was taking him away from me just as quickly. All I could do in this moment was let myself cry as the rain picked up and came down harder on my weak, pathetic body until I fell asleep.

The wind was blowing around me lightly. I smiled to myself as I felt my hair blowing around my shoulders. I looked out at the blue ocean that was shimmering under the dropping sun. I laid back in the sand and let the sun beat down on me. It felt wonderful and amazing.

"You look like you are enjoying yourself," said Charlie. I turned to my right and saw him sitting next to me.

"I was until now," I said. I stood up and started walking away. He started walking next to me.

"I take it you are pissed," he said.

"What was your first clue?" I snapped.

"Could be the temper tantrum you are throwing," smirked Charlie . I stopped and looked at him.

"You think this is funny?" I snapped through my tears. "You left me and Emmett alone."

"I know I did," said Charlie as he looked over at the water. "It's not like I wanted to. I didn't ask to die."

"Neither did I," I muttered.

"You always were such a goddamn drama queen," sighed Charlie.

"I think I have the right to bitch and whine right now," I snapped. Charlie looked back over at me. "I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting every fucking day just to find the strength to do anything. You have no idea how hard it is."

"You're right I don't," said Charlie. "But that doesn't mean I don't see it."

"Oh, poor, Charlie," I snapped. "You…God, I am so fucking mad. I don't want to die, Dad. I want to…"

"I know, Honey," said Charlie as he wrapped his arms around me. He pulled me down into the sand and held me while I cried.

"I was standing on that stage, trying my hardest not to completely break down. It hit me, Dad," I cried. "I won't survive this. I'm just not strong enough."

"Honey, that's fear talking," he said. "You are strong enough to beat this but you can't do it if you allow yourself to wallow away like this."

"You don't understand," I whispered. "I'm tired of going to chemo. I'm tired of seeing the pain on Edward's face or Emmett's face. It's all my fault because I'm hurting them."

"It is not your fault," whispered Charlie. "They don't blame you for being sick. They just want to help you and they don't know how to help you, Honey."

"I don't know how to do it anymore," I cried.

"I know, Honey," whispered Charlie as he pulled me into his lap. He started rubbing my back and rocking me back and forth.

"So tired…" I mumbled.

"Sleep, Honey," he whispered. "I've got you now."

"Don't let go," I whispered.

"I won't." he whispered.

"Love you, Daddy…" I mumbled as I slipped into the darkness.

"Love you, too," he murmured.

EMPOV

"Rosie, we're going to be late," I yelled up the stairs.

"I'm coming," she said. She came running down the stairs as someone started beating on the front door. I went over and pulled the door open. Edward was standing there with a frantic look on his face.

"Bella's gone," he said quickly.

"What?" I asked.

"She got pissed and took off in her car about ten minutes ago. I tried calling her but she left her cell phone at home," said Edward. "She doesn't have a coat or shoes on. Em, you have to help me find her."

"Ok," I said. I turned to Rosie. "Call Jasper, Carlisle, Garrett, and Ben. Have them start looking here in Forks. Then call Jake and have him check around La Push. I have my cell if they find her."

"Ok," said Rose.

I grabbed my coat and followed Edward out to the jeep. I climbed in behind the wheel and started driving around as Edward told me what happened this morning. I knew she was cracking. We could all see it. She's been putting on a brave face but fighting the leukemia and losing Charlie had been too much. With the competition in New York…It was just too much for one person to handle, even with Edward's help.

"Where would she go?" asked Edward as we drove through the streets of Forks.

"I don't know," I said. "She loves the park but I don't think she would go there. Did she say anything in her sleep last night?"

"She just kept apologizing for dying," said Edward. I slammed on the brakes. "What the fuck?"

"She was talking about dying?" I asked.

"Yes," said Edward.

"Fuck," I muttered as I did a U-turn. "I know where she went."

"Where?" asked Edward.

"To talk to Charlie," I said.

I drove through town faster as the rain started coming down heavier. We pulled into the cemetery and I saw her car. I slammed on the brakes behind it and jumped out of the car. She had left her car running. Edward ran over to check the car but I knew she wouldn't be in there. I turned and ran to Charlie's grave. I felt my breath catch in my throat when I saw her curled up on the ground.

"SHE'S HERE," I yelled as I ran over and dropped to my knees. I reached out and grabbed her hand. They were cold as ice.

"Is she ok?" asked Edward as he dropped to the ground next to me.

"No, she's freezing," I said as I pulled off my coat and covered her. "We have to get her to the hospital."

"Ok," said Edward.

He reached down and picked her up in his arms. I almost argued with him about letting me carry her but then Bella grabbed his shirt and moaned. She needed him. I stood up and we ran back to the jeep. Edward climbed into the backseat with her while I jumped into the drivers seat. I pulled out my cell phone and called Carlisle as I headed out of the cemetery.

"Did you find her?" he asked as he answered the phone.

"Yeah, she was at the cemetery," I said. "She was passed out on the ground. She feels like ice."

"Bring her straight to the hospital," ordered Carlisle. "I'll be there in two minutes."

"Carlisle…" I trailed off.

"I know," he whispered before he hung up.

I tossed my phone onto the seat next to me and pressed down on the gas pedal. I pulled up in front of the ER a minute later. Edward jumped out with her in his arms and ran her inside. Carlisle was coming in through the ambulance bay at the same time.

"Bring her in here," he said quickly, leading us into a room. Edward laid her on the bed as a couple nurses came in. "Get us some warm blankets in here now."

"Is she going to be ok?" whispered Edward as the nurses ran from the room.

"I hope so," murmured Carlisle. "What exactly happened this morning, Edward?"

"I don't know," said Edward. "I just woke her up for school. She said she wasn't going. I asked her if she was feeling ok. She snapped at me and told me she exhausted and that she was sorry I didn't understand. She ran out of the house and jumped into her car. I don't know what I did."

"You didn't do anything," said Carlisle. "She's just scared right now. Why don't you two go wait in the waiting room?"

"I want to stay," we both said.

"No, you need to go wait with the others," said Carlisle as the nurses came back in with their arms full of blankets.

"Fine," I said. I grabbed Edward's arm. "Come on, Man."

"Dad…" whispered Edward as I pulled him to the door.

"I know, son," said Carlisle. "Ok, I know."

I pulled Edward out of the room. We made our way out to the waiting room. Rose, Jasper, Alice, and Esme were already waiting. I went over and lifted Rose up and set her in my lap and buried my face in her neck as I let my tears fall. I heard Garrett, Kate, Ben, Angela, and Jacob come in but I couldn't focus on them. I heard Edward explaining what happened but I couldn't say anything. All I could think of was the fact that is my sister in there. My little sister. I was supposed to take care of her. I was supposed to be able to protect her but how do I protect her from a disease that is trying to kill her?

Bella and I have always been like night day. Even since we were babies. I was the loud, obnoxious one and she was the quiet, nice one. That's just how we were but Bella never minded. She was always the one who encouraged me to do better, to work hard, to never quit. I knew she was better than me. She held herself back in school so I wouldn't feel stupid next to her. She never let me feel stupid either. She once told me the only difference between me and her was that she had book smarts and I had real world smarts. I knew that was a load of shit but I went with it. I can't lose my sister now. I've already lost my mother and father. I can't lose her too.