41
"What?" asked Carlisle. I held out the picture of me and Edward.
"I'll do the bone marrow transplant," I said through my tears. "I'll do it for him."
"Come in and sit down," he said as he moved to the sofa. I sat down next to him. "Now, tell me what changed your mind."
"I'm hurting him, Carlisle," I cried softly. He pulled me into his arms. "I saw it in his eyes this morning. I'm hurting him and I don't know what to do about it. I'm just so tired of all of it. I don't know how I am going to find the strength to do the transplant but I have to do it. I have to do it for Edward."
"Bella, I wish I could make this all easier for you but I can't," whispered Carlisle. "It's not always fair what life throws at us but we have to keep moving. We have to keep pushing forward."
"It's hard, Carlisle," I whispered. "When they gave me the scholarship in New York, I kept thinking, why would they give it to me? I wouldn't be able to use it. So I asked Aro to give it to someone else. I saw the look in his eyes. He pitied me. He felt sorry me. That's why I won. Because I was the sick cancer girl."
"That is not true," said Carlisle. "You won because you were the best performer of the night. Honey, when you started singing, it sounded like angels."
"I'm scared, Carlisle," I whispered. "I don't want to die. I'm not ready but I don't know how to keep fighting because it just keeps getting harder."
"I know, Honey," he whispered. "I wish I could tell you that it was going to get easier but it's not. It's just going to get harder. But I would not be suggesting the transplant if I didn't think you would be able to handle it."
"How can you be so sure?" I asked.
"Because I see who you really are, Bella," said Carlisle. "You were able to look past the disease and realize your love for Edward. You were able to look past the betrayal you felt and forgave Charlie for lying to you. You have had the strength to go to school day after day and tough it out when you would rather be at home because you needed that part of your life to be normal. You and Edward have built a strong marriage despite the odds that were stacked against you. You found the strength to reach out to people who didn't understand what was going on and you made them feel better, despite how it made you feel. You are selfless but it's time to let us take care of you."
"That's all I've been doing, Carlisle," I said. "Edward spends every night holding me while I am sick. It's not fair to him."
"I know it's not, Bella, but he loves you," said Carlisle. "He won't stop. Ever. So you may as well deal with it."
"I know," I said softly. I sat up and wiped the tears off my face. "I had better get home before Edward freaks out."
"He doesn't know you are here?" asked Carlisle with wide eyes.
"No, I kind of left school with Lauren. She took me to talk to her dad about the transplant," I said. "Edward and I haven't really talked at all today. He's mad at me."
"Do you want me to come with you?" he asked.
"No," I said. "But thanks anyway."
"You're welcome, sweetheart," he said hugging me. "If you need me, just call, ok?"
"Ok," I whispered.
I kissed his cheek before I turned and walked out of his office. I made my way down to my car and climbed in. I started my car and headed home. I pulled my car into the garage and made my way into the house. I found Edward sitting on the floor in front of the couch with the pictures I had dropped in his hands. He looked up at me and I saw the tears stains on his face.
"Hey," I said softly.
"Where the fuck have you been?" he asked. "You just ran out of school. I had no idea…Then I come home and your car is gone again. Our pictures were all over the floor….."
"I needed to go talk to someone," I said softly as I went over and sat on the floor next to him.
"Why won't you talk to me?" he cried.
"Because you couldn't help me with this," I whispered.
"You won't let me," whispered Edward.
"That's not fair," I whispered as I brought my knees up to my chest.
"Since when is life fair," he said. "I'll admit that I don't know what you are going through but you don't know how hard it is to watch you get sick and not be able to help."
"You do help," I sobbed softly. "Baby, you do but I don't like that you miss out on so much because of me."
"I don't want to be anywhere else but here with you," sobbed Edward as he pulled me into his lap so that I was straddling him. "What do I have to do to prove to you that you are my life? When I'm not with you, my heart aches, Baby. Until I'm with you again, all I can think of is your gorgeous smile and amazing eyes. Once I have you back in my arms, I feel like I can't get close enough to you. Don't you get that?"
"I do, Edward," I sobbed. "I feel the same way but I don't like hurting you."
"But it hurts me when push me away," he whispered. "Please don't push me away."
"I'm not trying to," I whispered as I laid my head on his chest. "I'm really sorry."
"I'm sorry too," he whispered. "So who did you go talk to?"
"Blake Mallory, Lauren's father," I whispered.
"Why him?" asked Edward.
"Because he had a bone marrow transplant ten years ago and I needed to talk to someone who would be honest with me about what it's going to be like," I whispered.
"Going to be?" asked Edward.
"I've decided to do it," I whispered as I nestled my face in his neck. "I don't want to lose you and I'm willing to go through the transplant if that means I might get more time with you."
"Don't do it for me," whispered Edward.
"You're the only reason I can do it," I sobbed softly.
"So tell me what he said," whispered Edward as he tightened his arms around me.
I sat on Edward's lap for the next hour and told him everything from my conversation with Lauren, Blake, and Carlisle. He held me as we let our tears fall freely. He shared his fears and feelings with me. For the first time since we got married, we were being completely honest with each other about my health and the fact that, regardless of how hard I fight, I may not survive. As hard as it is to admit this to each other, I think we both felt better.
Eventually, we fell silent. We just relished the feelings of each other's arms around each other. I leaned up and kissed him softly. Edward stood up and carried me into our bedroom. He set me on my feet and pulled the scarf off my head and dropped it onto the floor. He slowly pulled my t-shirt off before removing my bra. I slid my hands down his chest until I reached the bottom of his t-shirt. I pulled it off of him and dropped it into the pile of discarded clothes. We quickly slipped out of our jeans and underwear and laid down on the bed together.
Edward ran his hands over my body as he kissed me softly. He moved so that he was hovering over me and moved his lips down to my neck and collar bone. I moved my hand to his hair. Edward took his time as he kissed and licked his way down to my breasts. He was savoring every inch of my body. He took my nipple into his mouth and I moaned.
Edward alternated sucking on my nipples for several minutes before he slowly started kissing his way my stomach until he reached the apex between my legs. He gave my pussy one soft kiss before he plunged his tongue into me causing me to cry out. He felt so good that I couldn't even seem say anything coherent. Everything came out as moans. Edward wrapped his arms around my thighs and pushed his tongue into me deeper than I had imagined he could. My entire body shook as I came.
Edward kissed his way back up my body and pressed his lips to mine as he slowly pushed his erection into me. I moaned into his mouth. I wrapped my legs around his waist and hooked my ankles as he started thrusting in and out of me slowly.
"Can you feel how much I need you, love?" he whispered into my neck.
"Yes," I whispered. "I need you, too. So…..much."
"I know it's scary but you can't give up," he whispered as he slowly speed up. "You and I will have make what time we have together worth it but we can't give up on me."
"I won't," I cried.
Edward pressed his lips to mine again as we came together. He rolled us so that I was laying with my head on his chest. He whispered his love to me as I fell asleep in the arms of my husband. The one person, I would do anything for.