42
Edward and I woke up the next morning and took a shower together before we got ready for school. We climbed into my car and I drove us to school. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist as we made our way into the school together. Every once in awhile he would lean down and kiss my cheek or the top of my head. He would whisper that he loved me. We were reconnecting after a hard few days.
We were almost to the office when, Emmett, Jasper, Garrett, and Ben grabbed my arms and my legs and carried me into an empty classroom. Rose shut the door behind them and they, plus Angela, Kate, and Alice, stood in front of the door so neither me or Edward could leave. I opened my mouth to speak but Emmett beat me to it.
"Now listen here, Isabella Marie," he growled. I cocked an eyebrow when he called me by my full name but he ignored me. "I know you are fucking scared but we won't let you hide behind the fear anymore."
"We've stood by for the past three days and let you run and hide from us and it stops now," snapped Rose.
"You are not a quitter and we expect a new attitude from you or we will kick your ass," growled Jasper.
"I won't stand here and let you hurt my brother just because you are scared of dying," snapped Alice.
"You were the one who told us that life is too important to hide behind the fear," said Kate. "Now it's time you take your own advice."
"Guys,-" started Edward.
"No, Edward," said Garrett. "We won't let her quit. She's stronger than that and we won't let her give up on life."
"You know for as long as I could remember, you were the one who told us that no matter what, as long as we stuck together, we could do anything," said Angela. "Now, we don't know what you've been through. We don't know how hard it is but we won't let you push us all away and give up. Not when you just taught us to fight for what we wanted."
"Are you done?" I asked as I looked around.
"Yes," said Emmett.
"Good," I said. "Now you all can listen to me. Not a one of you understand a goddamn thing about me or what I'm feeling right now. I know it's been hard watching me but the key word here is watching. Everyday for the past seven weeks, I have prayed that God would save me. Everyday for the last seven weeks, I wake up still sick and only getting worse. When was the last time one of you spent hours crowded around a toilet throwing up for hours?"
"Bella-"
"No, Emmett McCarty," I snapped. "It's my time to talk. I get that you are hurting. I'm sorry about that but not a one of you understand a damn thing about how I feel or how Edward feels. We are working through some pretty major shit right now and it would really help if you all would back the fuck off and give us some goddamn air."
"We're sorry," said Emmett.
"I know," I said. I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him over to the door. They all moved out of our way. I opened the door and looked back at Emmett. "You need to call Carlisle."
"Why?" he asked.
"Well, if you are going to give me some bone marrow, you have to make sure you are healthy," I said. He smiled and I smirked. "Like you told me, it's time I let you do something for me."
I turned and pulled Edward out of the classroom. We quickly made our way to the office and I got slip for missing classes yesterday. I kissed him and made my way down to my English class. I managed to make it to the room just before the bell rang. Everyone stopped and stared at me as I went over to Mr. Owens.
"I was standing by the Statue of Liberty in New York when I thought back to my freshman year. You spend one day talking about Robert Frost poems. Do you remember?" I asked. "You read Frost's 'A Prayer in Spring' to us."
"Yes," he said slowly.
"Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers today;
And give us not to think so far away
As the uncertain harvest; keep us here
All simply in the springing of the year,
gives us pleasure in the orchard white,
Like nothing else by day, like ghosts by night;
And make us happy in the happy bees,
The swarm dilating round the perfect trees
And make us happing in the darting bird
That suddenly above the bees is heard,
The meteor that thrusts in with needle bill,
And off a blossom in mid-air stands
For this is love and nothing else is love,
The which it is reversed for God above
To sanctify to what far ends He will,
But which it only needs that wee fulfill."
"Bella, is everything ok?" he asked.
"No," I said. "Thank you for teaching me about Robert Frost."
I turned and went back to my seat next to Alice and Rose. Mr. Owens watched me for a moment before he started his lesson. I turned and looked out the window while I listened to him talk about Edgar Allen Poe. I knew that by choosing to do the transplant that my time at school was almost over. I wouldn't be able to spend the rest of the year with my friends and family. I would be spending that time in the hospital.
The bell rang and I stood up and went down to Mr. Owens. I hugged him as I let a tear fall down my face.
"You are an amazing teacher. I have enjoyed everything you have taught me," I whispered.
"Bella, do you need to talk?" he asked.
"No," I said, pulling away and wiping the tears off my face. "But thanks anyway."
I turned and made my way out of the classroom with Rose and Alice following me. We walked down to our trig class and took our seats. I laid my head on my folded arms and looked out the window. Emmett, Jasper, and Edward came in a moment later. Edward pulled his desk right up to mine and rubbed my back while Mr. Varner started his lesson. We were about halfway through the lesson when I sat up and raised my hand.
"What is it, Bella?" he asked.
"Did you always want to be a teacher?" I asked. "I mean like when you were little."
"No," he said. "When I was little, I wanted to be a pilot."
"Why didn't you become one?" I asked.
"My vision isn't very good," he said.
"Oh," I said. "Did you ever take flying lessons?"
"No," he said. "I've wanted to but I guess I've just never had the guts."
"You should take flying lessons," I said softly.
"Maybe I will," he said, slowly.
I just nodded and laid my head back down. I looked out the window while he continued on with his lesson but I could tell that his heart wasn't in it. The bell rang and I stood up and walked out of the classroom with Edward. He kissed me before I turned and walked down to history with Emmett and Jasper.
We took our seats in the back. I laid my head back on my arms and closed my eyes as Mr. Taylor started his lecture over the American Revolution. I couldn't even pretend to pay attention. I thought back to when Emmett and I were nine. We had gone to La Push with Charlie. He, Jacob, and I had been playing on the beach while he and Billy fished. Jacob and Emmett thought it would be funny to throw me into water so they grabbed my arms and legs and walked me over to the ocean and threw me in. Charlie and Billy busted out laughing when I came up with seaweed all in my hair.
"Bella," hissed Emmett. I looked over at him and realized I had been laughing out loud. Everyone was staring at me. "What's so funny?"
"Seaweed…in…..hair," I laughed. I had tears falling down my face from laughing so hard. "Remember, Em?"
"What?" he asked.
"Bella, are you ok?" asked Mr. Taylor.
"We were nine…First Beach …..with Jake," I managed to choke out through my laughter.
"Yeah, I remember," chuckled Emmett. "I don't remember it being that funny."
"Seaweed, Emmett," I laughed. "In my hair…..now I don't have hair."
"Emmett, is she ok?" asked Mr. Taylor.
"I don't know," whispered Emmett. "I'm going take her out into the hall."
"I'm fine," I chuckled as I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'm fine."
"Bella, let's go talk," whispered Emmett as he reached for my arm.
"I don't want to talk, Emmett," I said. "I'm so sorry for finding something funny."
"Bella, are you sure everything is ok?" asked Mr. Taylor.
"Oh, yes," I said sarcastically. "Things are peachy."
"Let's go," growled Emmett as he stood up. He picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder.
"LET ME GO," I screamed as I hit him on the back as he carried me out of the classroom and out into the hall. He carried me down to an empty classroom and set me on my feet. "You are such an asshole."
"You are acting like a crazy bitch," snapped Emmett. "What the hell was that about?"
"I was just thinking about the past," I growled. "So sorry I was thinking of something other than my death."
"Stop being such a drama queen," snapped Emmett.
"Fuck you, Emmett," I yelled as I pushed past him and ran out into the hall. He grabbed my arm gently and pulled me to a stop. "Let go of me."
"No," said Emmett. "We are going to talk about this mood that you are in."
"Mood?" I asked loudly as I ripped my arm out of his hand and looked at him. "This is more than a mood, Emmett. Do you just not get what is happening right now?"
"I know that you are scared," said Emmett.
"I'm terrified, Emmett," I yelled. "I'm pissed off and angry. I'm tired and I hurt all the time. I've tried to stay positive but honestly, that requires too much energy and I just don't have it anymore. I'm going to be lucky to survive the transplant, Emmett."
"You are so much stronger than you think you are," said Emmett.
"No, I'm not," I said as the bell rang. Everyone came out of their classrooms and stopped and stared at us. "All I want is to laugh one more time. To have anything to smile about. I want to sing and be happy but I won't get to do any of that. You don't seem to understand that."
"I understand that you are giving up," said Emmett. "My sister isn't a quitter."
"I am now," I said.
I turned and walked through the crowd to the office. I walked past Mrs. Cope and straight into Mr. Stevens' office. He looked up at me and chuckled like he was expecting me. I sat down and he went around and shut his office door.
"I figured you would end up down here soon," he smirked as he sat back down behind his desk. "From what I've been hearing, you are quite the mess lately."
"I'm dying," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "No point and hiding it now."
"Oh, yes," he said as he leaned back in his seat. "I've heard about your meltdown. It's understandable."
"Yeah, thanks," I said. "So I'm quitting school."
"No, you're not."
"Yes, I am," I said. "I'm doing a bone marrow transplant so I will not be able to attend school anymore. Might as well just quit."
"No, you can graduate early but you are not quitting," he said. I rolled my eyes. "You have the credits already so there really is no reason why you can't graduate."
"Fine," I said. "When can it be made official? I want to go home."
"I'll file everything this afternoon," he said.
"Thanks, " I said as I stood up.
"Bella, I know that I don't understand what you are feeling but just know that you are not alone right now," he said. "I hope the transplant works."
"Me too," I whispered.