Intermission II My Shallow Heart

(Note, this chapter takes place out of context from the rest of the story. It falls into the timeline sometime within Chapter 32)

Nexus Spark

I couldn't believe Ravager Blitzfire had kissed me. I had loved him for a long time, but I had hated him for what felt like years. I remember the first time I kissed him, when he most likely didn't even remember it happening. Now he was the one kissing me and for some reason, I was completely fine with that. But I saw the way he was with Capper. He already had a…what would you call it for a catlord? Tomfriend. Yeah that. How could he go behind Capper's back like that?

Blitz was a pony full of mistakes, that was for sure, but his number one mistake wasn't even his to bear. I knew I couldn't remain angry at him for something that wasn't his fault. It was something I had learned long ago. Blitz seemed different too, a bit happier. I wondered what he had gone through after all this time. I was a very curious stallion, as a scientist, and I really wanted to have a conversation with him.

Hearts and Hooves Day was fast approaching and I wondered if I could get him alone. I knew it would be wrong of me to try it, but something in me wanted to kiss him again. I knew now that my anger had been born of the love I had for him, not the hate. I couldn't hate Blitzfire, it just wasn't in me. If I was the kind of pony capable of hate, I would've been the kind of pony to kill my stepstallion that day, and I hadn't.

I couldn't get Blitz off my mind and I had to find him. I went out into the halls and clicked my earpiece, "Flight Control, where is Blitzfire now?"

"Why would you like to know?" she came on over the commwave.

"I…can't stop thinking about him. Ever since he and his friends arrived here."

"Not quite what you expected, Maker?"

"No, not quite at all." I paced the halls of the Institute and rounding the corner, I bumped into the orange colored pony. The first alicorn I had seen in the wasteland since I had left Stable 14.

We both fell on our asses and I was the first to get up, "I apologize!" I gasped as I helped the Prince up.

"Don't even worry about it!" he stuck his tongue out at me and smiled. He was kind of cute. "I was going to come ask you, on behalf of Pumpkin Spice, we'd like to throw a Hearts and Hooves, oh what did she call it…" his eyes went crooked as he thought on it and I laughed a little. "…A bash!" his eyes realigned and he looked me straight in the eye, waiting for an answer.

"You want to throw a holiday bash?" I cocked my head. We'd never done something like that here, but maybe it was because the ponies working here were all scientists. We didn't have a party pony on site and apparently now we did.

"What the heck! The Institute of Friendship can withstand one party." I boasted and Orange Juice's smile widened.

"Yay!" he whooped and that made me smile. Even from the wasteland these ponies knew how to be happy. It was something I had struggled with for awhile, my only friends being the department heads, and they could get a little nitpicky. I wasn't sure if any of us were real friends. I trusted in Flight Control, but I don't think she saw me as a friend.

"Have Pumpkin Spice stop by my office later so she and I can discuss details." I told OJ.

"Yessiree!" he nodded.

I stopped him before he could run off, "Oh, by the way, do you know where Blitzfire is?"

"Blitzy? Oh he's in the cafeteria, eating lunch with Capper and Cheshire. I think most of my friends are in the cafeteria actually."

"He's with Capper?" I squeaked.

"Yeah, he usually is." OJ nodded and gave me that silly little grin of his. What could ya do but smile? I was finding it increasingly difficult.

"Thank you, Prince."

"Oh, you can just call me Orange Juice. Just because I have wings and alicorn magic doesn't mean I'm anything more special than anypony else."

"Actually it's what makes you special, but I suppose it's a good way of looking at things." I shrugged and OJ cantered off. He was in a good mood and I wish I could be just like him. He resonated with positive energy. Time to go find Blitz.

Ravager Blitzfire

I was eating a hay burger, one of the best things I'd had in a long time. I was pretty glad the Institute had good food in their cafeteria. Capper was across from me and we were talking about Pumpkin Spice's plan to throw a Hearts and Hooves bash. "It's funny how she's always on top of that," Capper said after swallowing some catnip.

"She sure does like her parties." I nodded, chewing my bite of food.

"Who likes whose parties?" Pumpkin Spice popped up out of nowhere in that way she always did. I still jumped, as always startled by her appearance.

"Ears burning?" Capper smiled at her and she stuck her tongue out.

"Oh, they're always burning, I don't mind it at all. Not one single bit."

"Hopefully Nexus approves it though, he can be a bit uptight and I've never had the chance to see him in a position of leadership." I said. "I wonder how he's been doing all this time."

"You sure seem hung up over him," Capper commented.

I gulped, then shrugged it off, "I haven't seen him in a long time and we didn't leave off on a positive note. I'm lucky he didn't shoot me."

"It's gonna be Hearts and Hooves day real soon, it wouldn't be in the spirit to shoot your best friend!" Pumpkin was exasperated, her voice elated.

"That's not…Pumpkin…" I just shook my head at her and smiled as I took another bite of hayburger.

"What's not?" she giggled and skipped off. She disappeared into the depths of the Institute.

"Did any of you see which way Pumpkin Spice went?" OJ came galloping up to us and skidded to a halt. He left smoke trails in his wake, he was moving so fast. "I need to tell her to meet Nexus in his office later, he's going to approve the party plans."

"He will?!" she popped up again and again I jumped.

OJ laughed at her, "Pumpkin Spice! There you are! Yes, I talked to him and he wants you to meet him in his office later." the two of them wandered off.

Nexus had a tray of food in his magical grasp as he sauntered up to the table. He tapped the seat next to Capper, "This seat taken?"

"No." Capper said and slowly got up. "I'm gonna see what Salem's up to." he told me and I nodded carefully.

"What's up?" I asked Nexus, my mind racing. It could be any number of things.

"I just wanted to see how my ex best friend was doing. Hoping to make up for lost time. What have you been up to all this time?"

"I've been treasure hunting." I said cryptically, shoving my tray away as I just finished up.

"That's a vague answer. It seems you found plenty of treasures though, what with all the friends you have."

"They are priceless, aren't they?" I nodded.

"Did you find any interesting treasures?"

"I found a few, but I never held on to any of them for very long. They were all meaningless compared to the true treasure."

He tilted his head, "The treasure of friendship?"

"That too!" I agreed.

"I have to say…even all this time hating you I still missed you a lot. Now that you're here I feel my heart is heavy."

"That's a pretty hefty thing to say considering it's nearly Hearts and Hooves." I told him casually. I didn't forget that I had kissed him in his office the other day. I wondered…would there be another opportunity to kiss him again? Too bad it wasn't Hearthswarming, there wouldn't be any mistletoe to use as an excuse.

"I know it is, but it's the truth. Though I may have held hate for you what I hated even more was the burning feeling in my chest every time my thoughts wandered to you." his eyes were pleading something fierce and I felt a little bad. I had a tomfriend, I couldn't give Nexus my love. I could only hope to give him my friendship.

"I missed you a lot too." I said, and it was true. I couldn't count the number of times my mind had thought of Nexus on my travels. It had taken me too long to finally realize that I wasn't searching for treasure but for what I had lost. Now I didn't care anymore. My friends were all I needed.

Nexus got up and I watched him go. "Oh and Blitz," he stopped and turned, "I hope to catch you at the party."

I nodded, "Me too, me too."

Orange Juice

New quest

SHALLOW SWEETHEARTS

I was excited to be helping Pumpkin Spice set up another party. I remembered the Hearts and Hooves party I had attended last year, the one Pumpkin had easily set up overnight. She still had that party cannon, though I had no idea how she'd stored it or where it had come from since we were all the way in the Institute of Friendship.

"Oh, I have my ways OJ, I have my ways," she snuck up on me and I giggled at her. She fired the party cannon again and decorations popped up everywhere. A few synths stopped what they were doing and stared on with oohs and awws. There appeared to be a few annoyed scientists as well.

"What do you need me to do?" I asked her.

She handed me a broom, "I don't want anypony tripping on the loose confetti."

"Will do!" I was happy to help. I swept up the confetti each time she fired the cannon and we moved down from hall to hall. Some scientists were happy to see the decorations go up, and helped straighten a few of them when they weren't in the right places. That made everypony smile all around. Soon the whole Institute was decorated in pink and purple and red with hearts and horseshoes hanging from the ceiling. Love and Luck. I cocked my head.

"Now all we do is wait for the true party to begin. I'm going to set up a music stand and make sure everything is connected to Galaxy News Radio. I wonder if I could even put in a few requests if Nexus Spark lets me use his communications terminal." Pumpkin rambled off all her plans and I was content to listen. She was really good at being the Element of Delight, everything she did and everything she said was delightful!

The time for the party soon came and everypony was in the spirit of love. Everypony had found a date and I saw Blitzfire dancing with Capper, the first time I'd seen him relaxed in a long time. I was happy for him. Wonder walked with me to the dance floor and said, "If you were a snack, I'd eat you up, Cutie."

"You know I'm more than a snack!"

"You're the whole damn meal." Wonder winked and I wiggled my booty.

"Blame it on my juice." He giggled as I shook my butt at him and spun around in a circle before I came around and my lips landed on his out of nowhere. He had been waiting in the perfect spot to intercept me and I fell deep into his web. I didn't mind kissing him on the dancefloor, I didn't care if anypony saw us because that's how much I loved him.

"Guess what I found in the store rooms!" Pumpkin Spice was carrying a bowl of heart shaped candies. "They're called sweethearts, and I hope you found yours."

"Ohhh, conversation hearts!" Wonder grabbed a couple and passed me one. It said "Be my special somepony."

I said, "Of course I'll be your special somepony!"

"Oh, you're always my special somepony," Wonder winked.

"Hehe!"

"You two are too cute." Pumpkin laughed.

"OJ's the cute one! I love his hips, curves, lips say the words!"

I giggled, "Come south of the border with me mister," and I grabbed his hoof and led him further onto the dancefloor where we kissed again and started to dance to the music.

Ravager Blitzfire

"It's a nice party Pumpkin!" I said as Capper and I danced to the music.

"Thank you," she giggled as she held up the bowl of candy hearts.

"No thanks," I shook my head. Capper took a couple and popped them in his mouth.

"Hey Capper," I looked to him and nuzzled up to him, "Can you get me some punch?"

"I was just gonna head that way, these candies are pretty dry." he coughed. I smiled at him and he stuck his tongue out.

I danced my way to the side lines, realizing I was no longer on the dance floor when I bumped into a table. I stopped to catch my breath, sitting down and watching everypony. Pumpkin always threw the best parties, I guess that's why she was called a party pony. I took a deep breath, preparing to go find Capper. That's when Pumpkin's voice came over the speakers, "Couples dance! Couples dance only, all singles please make your way to the side of the dancefloor!" Nexus appeared from the crowd, carrying two cups of punch, almost as though he had known I wanted one.

He set one down next to me on the table and sipped at his own. "Heh, couples' dance. Remember school dances in high school? Neither of us could find a date so we went together as friends?"

"I remember."

"Can I admit something…?" I saw him blushing and wondered what it was.

"When we went to those dances there were a few times I had wanted to kiss you." he was very close to me and I could smell he was wearing lavender cologne, my favorite scent.

I bit my lip, staring into his round green eyes. Something deep was written on them and I stood up slowly. Just then a slow song came on, one I remembered from high school days. Pumpkin must've put in a request for it to play because it wasn't one normally heard on Galaxy News. DJ Pon3 was all about those Hearts and Hooves hits, this night had been perfect. It would be more perfect if I could kiss the one I knew I couldn't. The higher my legs pushed me off my chair the closer my muzzle got to Nexy's. But just before we could kiss I looked away.

"I can't…I really want to…but I can't!" and with that I ran away, shoving past him and running toward the other end of the room. I saw Capper and he reached out to me, about to call my name when he saw I was upset.

He came to find me outside the cafeteria, in the hall where there were a few loitering ponies. They made their way past us when they saw me hyperventilating. "Are you okay, baby?" Capper put his paws on my shoulders.

I shrugged him off and turned to look at him, "There's something wrong with me!"

"There's nothing wrong with you," he told me.

I shook my head, "My heart is torn in two! I shouldn't be this way but…"

"But what?" Capper's voice was smooth and calming but my nerves were acting up and I felt my heart trying to tear its way out of my chest. "Deep breaths, babe."

"I'm in love with him…I've always been in love with him, it just took me over 200 years to realize it."

"You're in love with him…are you in love with me?"

"Deeply, you know that! I don't want to betray you like that…but being around him…it's so hard not to."

"It's a conundrum indeed…I'll have to mull it over. Can you give me time to think while we dance? I'd like to have this dance with you." he smiled and offered a paw.

I took it, "I'd like to have this dance too."

He pulled me to the dance floor and we danced in circles as the slow song played. Capper smiled down at me and I nuzzled into his chest fur. I liked this feeling, safe in the arms of my tomfriend. He made me feel like everything was alright. I could dance like this with him forever, but unfortunately the song had to end sometime. "I just realized I never got us that punch." He let go of me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nexus and he saw me. My heart began to do that thumping thing again and I knew I had to get out of there. I ran back to the hallway to catch my breath.

After what felt like hours but was surely only a few minutes, Nexus joined me in the hall. He stared at a painting that was hung there, underneath was the scientist's name. "Mistress was one of our top researchers a few years back. If she hadn't passed away due to radiation exposure she might have taken my job."

"We've only been in the wasteland for 7 years, I always wondered what you had gotten up to." I looked at him and he glanced away.

"I made my way to the Institute at once. I needed something to occupy my thoughts and research was best for it. It was something I knew existed for the longest time, even before the Incident of Stable 14. I had a few connections left, even if they were the descendents of my old friends there."

"I didn't even know the Institute existed until very recently." I said and finally he looked at me.

"What clued you in?"

"A mare in Double Diamond City selling newspapers saying how evil the Institute is."

"She must see the corrupted synths and connect them back to us. She is very wrong on that front." Nexus had inched his way to me without me knowing and we were shoulder to shoulder.

"Nexus, I love you, you know." I said.

"You're only saying that. You must be terrified of me, and I feel bad for it."

"I deserve whatever's coming to me."

"Then you deserve this," he grabbed my maw and drew me to him, pulling me into a kiss. He whispered against my lips, "I hated you because I loved you, if that makes any sense…"

I kissed him back, lifting a hoof to his cheek and whispering, "It makes perfect sense." I closed my eyes.

"By Faust!" Capper's voice broke the two of us apart. "You couldn't wait!?"

He ran off when I looked toward him and I called, "Capper wait!"

"Go to him…I'm sorry I got you in trouble." Nexus said.

I ran as fast as my hooves could take me.